What a wonderful short story. And it's too true in my personal position about the addictiveness over The Most Beautiful Fresh Water Fish, The Betta fish that's available at a fair price. I have only two right now, a brilliant dark Red one and a Crown tail Blue one. But since the seventies I've always had a Betta or two. Once I had three living cohesively in my 30 gallon tank for over a couple years. But my husband got a bright idea to get a fourth. It was WAR.
That was different. It has an interesting way of looking at what happens when your Christmas items get destroyed in the attic by unwanted critters.
I moved in with my dad to years ago to care for him. Since mother passed away in 2003 my dad didn't want to celebrate the holidays anymore. So as I cleaned out the sheds I found all mothers decorations and most of them were ruined from the same unwanted critters. I saved what I could and threw away the rest only to find myself not wanting to celebrate now that dad has passed. It's too quiet here!
I really enjoyed reading this story about Joel's play. The flow was good and easily to keep up with. This is a good and clean story, well done. Poor Joel, too bad he's easily distracted. lol
Good Read!
This was good and scary too. I can only imagine losing your child in a big place like that. I really did not see any big mistakes on grammar or punctuation. But try spacing your sentences, break them down into paragraphs. It will do wonders for this story and make it easier to read and look better. Just a suggestion! I was given the same suggestion on a few of my writings, and it works. Happy writing!
Goood Read!
This was great Oldwarrior, I really enjoyed this Fantasy short story. A fairy twist on honey I shrunk the kids. You wrote this with such imagination and charm and it ends ironically. The description of the whole story flowed in my head as I read. Great work.+++
Good Read!
What a good idea having this as your journal plus you can share your thoughts and admirations of writing while learning the art at he same time.
What I liked about this piece is your seven brothers and the date of the writing. Why, you ask? I have only one son and his name is Nathan, born on November 18th, in 1989. What a small world we live in! Don't you think?
Good read!
This is an interesting and mostly ironic story. The concept is good, but there are several mistakes in some of the grammar, missing periods and capitalizations. Easy fixes! NO worries. I enjoyed the read. It needs a little clean up and you have it.
Keep writing. Good read!
First Drum Set, yes I heard it! Loud and clear. Let's hope he keeps at it and gets good at it to really play in a band. I liked how you wrote it that made it give off the sound. By using Rat-tat-tat, and boom-boom-boom. that set it up. Good read poem!
Nice detail of how one month can change everything around you. Mother Nature can be good or cruel sometimes. I enjoyed reading this especially since I just witnessed it looking outside my office window for the past month of November and sending Birthday wishes to my son via email. He's underwater somewhere in the Navy. So far he's popped up twice in Scottland. We should be able to see him sometime after the new year.
Good Read!
I liked your theory too. He just had to get her out of the way and fast. lol She put him down too much...! SNAP, she's gone!
Your punctuations, grammar and all looked good to me.
But I'm not an editor. I did like the character you created for this contest.
Good read!
Well, it reads easily,. I'm not an editor, but I enjoyed it. It was creepy to imagine this person's weird life. A creature of Distress, and he thrived on killing people. This was a pretty good story, considering! it's a contest story. Good read!
Very good read! I could be here all night pointing out the bests parts of this story, but I'll make it short. This was very interesting, easy to keep up with in discriptipon's. I enjoyed the whole storyline. Different and funny at times and an interesting read.
Good job!
From a child's view, no harm was done, no worries, once she was cleaned up, all is forgotten. But forever stored within her memory file. Now, It's back to having fun and playing at GGpas. Lesson learned; she knows to be more careful where she should play safely.
Nice and short.
Good read!
My first impression of your cute story was the names you give your characters. You should give them cute names that a child would remember. I hate to say, I really did not like the names, this is a good short story too. I wouldn't change anything but their names. Sorry, I'm am only being honest. I would love to read it again if you decide to change it up.! Good read!
This was written from the Heart, all of it and more. Sad because it is true. And when you finally feel freedom, you burst out. You are now you! The person that you were meant you be! Reading this, you also know what having 'Faith' can do for the soul. You wrote this very well. Good read!
Nice use of wording for this piece. I can't imagine if I lost my best friend. But you are right, they are still here among us. In our hearts, our minds and our thoughts. I liked adding the nickname. Makes it a bit more personable. Good read!
Hi Maryann, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I, have a question? Is there a way for me or anyone else to post some of our writings on Facebook, and how, if so? None of my family or friends even know what I do anymore unless it's on my friends Facebook list, which is where they all are!! Can you help me to let them know that WDC ROCKS !! And I'm part of it.
It maybe our Sanctuary, but I want to share it with the world. Starting with my friends and closest family members. Can you help me? Thank you.
That had to be the most factual meaning of Thanksgiving I've ever read. Thank you for sharing it with us. It completely makes sense.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
To start out, I liked your title. While reviewing your story it made several connections, I personally have been through. ( I call them Ex- Husbands) I myself used to build the same type of walls around my life. Until I learned to let go. (divorce was my savior) And I prayed for a real man to enter my life, to be honest, loving and true. Well, he moved in next door several years later. I did notice several mistakes in the grammar and missing punctuations. Easy fixes to make. All in all, this is a good read and hopefully a lesson to be learned by the builders of walls in our lives.
My first impression was the Title, I liked it. Then as I read your story I noticed many mistakes in the punctuations, mostly the missing ones. And there are several misspelled words too. I think with some more work on this, it will be as funny as you intended it to be. Good luck!
In my opinion, I would dismiss the owl completely. It does not appear to have any further use in your story. But, I can see this story becoming creepy (in a good way) by maybe ending it when he touches her fingers, that she pulls him into the grave. Forever and Ever.
So now he got what he wanted so badly.
Funny and sweet. I can see this being a small picture book for the very young. You kept it short and interesting. The best part for me was your choice of an elephant for a friend. Not something you read often when it comes to animal best friends. You also did a nice job on the rhyming of your story.
Good read.
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