Well done! Yes, and most unfortunately, things are just the way you describe. I'm more interested in content than form. I never have gotten into the technical side of poetry.
This is a very nicely written story. As I have told others before, I am not much of a story reader - at least fiction. Your story, on the other hand had me from the start. Your ability to describe scenes is skillfully done. I love your description of the old man's lemon colored shirt. And the fact that you describe the feeling of wanting to help and not wanting to at the same time is well handled.
A well done free verse poem. I particularly like the subject matter as I have written many of a similar strain. The last stanza is my favorite. Unlike your final thought, I am somewhat obsessed with going back to those old places in hope that I will find someone.
Well, cowgirl, you're off to a good start. I personally love Brits. I look forward to reading more of your entries. Too bad you got stuck with Tommy. What is it that makes him such a pain?
Well, Jules, that was a nice story. I guess it would fall into the Hallmark movie category.
Now, there is one thing I must say about your story; it was predictable. I'm not say that being predictable is necessarily a bad thing, but stories that leave you with your mouth open at the end have more memory value. Of course, this is purely my opinion, having nothing to do with your piece.
Overall, I thought you did a good job with your characterization and story line. I, too, wanted to by Lisa those winter clothes.
Well, J.D., this was an interesting piece. I thought that your writing and thinking were good, but I hope there is an ending to this piece. Who, or what, is "she"?
In any case, I thought it was a good beginning to a larger story. I hope you finish it.
I find your writing personally satisfying because I am a lover of words.
My favorite lines were "his words burst and scattered everywhere
I collected them all and buried them in my heart."
If there is one suggestion I would give it would be that you use more punctuation.
Overall, I loved your writing.
Well, Marty, that's a heavy pack for a woman. How much did she get?
I liked your story. It's one of those that many people have fantasied about at one time or another. It's funny how many of us feel that it wouldn't be wrong to steal from criminals, since they obviously stole it in the first place.
overall, I think you have the makings of an effective short story. You might consider expanding the plot line.
You should consider checking over your grammar and punctuation, but I'm sure you will in any future rewrite phase.
Nice work, but don't buy any big ticket items until things cool off.
A perfect blending of ingredients, but how does it taste?
I thought your poem was delightful and clever. I would divulge what my favorite part might be, but I have no favorite, for the whole poem is an immediate joy.
Very well done, Silent_tears. My only question is, where can I get a bottle, as I am often in need of such magic.
This poem embodies a quality that would be fitting for all to possess. Your message was succinct and without fanfare. You said what needed to be said and didn't belabor the subject.
As far as your rhyming cadence, I do have some questions, but they are primarily of an opinionated nature, so don't concern yourself.
I liked your poem. Don't we wish all men could exhibit the beauty of grace.
Well, JD, the last thing that I would normally read is a Romance Novel, but here I am.
Let me say from the get-go that you are a very promising writer. A moniker like JD Obermeier just screams to be on the cover of a book.
I liked your style, with the cadence of the story being unrushed. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm curious to know what happens next.
On the negative side (writers just love to hear that) I would mention a few minor grammatical errors, but I assume you will correct these in the edit or rewrite phase.
Overall, you did a great job. I was happy to read your work.
I'm only guessing at this point, but I see this as a child climbing the Monkey Bars on a playground. You'll have to excuse me if I'm way off. In any case, I thought you did well working within size restraints. Well done.
That was interesting, Ally. It was certainly a different twist.
Your characterization was effective and well conceived.
I would suggest that you trim your story of any typos and grammatical errors. Clearly define your paragraphs when a new scene is started.
Overall, I liked your story and feel that it was unique. Writers often fall into the snare of worn out plot lines that have been overdone. I commend you for not making that mistake.
The question is, was Jake really a werewolf, the rip your throat out kind? I really can't say how Hitler and his predilection for blond hair and blue eyes was inserted into the narrative. For some reason it doesn't seem to tie your thoughts together. Moving from Ray having blond hair to Hitler seems to cause a break in continuity. As for the rest of the narrative, These kids are super heroes in infancy.
I thought your writing was good and you should definitely add some muscle to the overall body of the piece. You have a good start and you a capable of making this a strong story.
If you like to write anything this is the place. The great thing about Writing.com is that you are not restrained by one particular genre. You can write anything you want and branch out into areas you've never explored before. Like you, I am a avid reader, but writing is my first love. I own several manual typewriters and love to type on them. When I don't have any particular ideas stewing I grab a piece of paper and start typing anything that comes to mind. These ideas don't have to make any particular sense, but it's the action of writing that stirs the blood. I heard a writer say that you know you're a writer if you just have to write. To many of us - and you I assume - writing isn't just a pleasant pastime, it's a necessity.
Let me again welcome you to a world of writers. I look forward to reading your work.
Well, DJ, that was very interesting. I didn't know where you were going with this until the end. I was intrigued by the character who entered the room, but I would have liked to see him/her fleshed out a little more.
The story got my attention and held it to the very end. You did an excellent job with this short.
I really love this poem. The word choices and rhymes are well crafted. I like "Nestled in a deep brown lair" Actually, the entire second stanza is one of my favorites.
Overall, I think you did an excellent job with this piece. The poem creates an atmosphere to which I can totally relate. It carried me along without the slightest hesitation. Let me commend you for excellence in writing.
I have been doing more reviews of stories although I have never cared for stories in general. But I will say this, the more stories I review the more I appreciate the talented authors who compose them.
I did enjoy reading your work. It kept my interest throughout the entire piece. My only suggestion is that you rethink the scene where Rebecca is shot in the graveyard. For one thing, it seems unlikely that the shooter would risk detection in such a high profile situation. If they had concealed their identities in the first place she would pose no particular threat to them. No mention is given of the disruptive aspect of such a shot being fired in a public place. Please understand that these are my opinions on just a small portion of you piece.
Overall, I enjoyed reading the story and believe you have a certain talent. I hope you will continue to craft new stories and I will be pleased to read them.
Wow! I have never been much of a fiction reader but you may have changed my mind. What a excellent job while not being overstated. Your characters are most believable and you keep the reader reading. I assume that most people have heard of spontaneous combustion and you cover all the prevailing theories. However, nothing prepared me for your paranormal twist at the end. What a great idea! You are an excellent storyteller. Thank you so much for allowing me to read your work.
As I reading this piece I wondered whether the writer was relating an experience true to his own life. I would like to know that. I did wonder about the part when the writer was born. It seems difficult to believe that anyone would actually throw a newborn out of a three story window. Of course, if it happened, it happened. I have really have never been much of a storyteller. Your story is well written and I appreciate your vocabulary use. I really enjoyed your piece and was drawn to continue till the conclusion. Well done. I just wish I knew if you were really there.
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