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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sugaree
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205 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of It's the Journey  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your thoughts and feelings. Congratulations on the latest addition to your family. This piece has re-ignited the lost writer in me. I too have made drastic purposeful changes. The entire time that I was on the mission to move from the mid-west back home to Louisiana, I knew my goal was to get settled into peace and calmness where writing would flow like I've always dreamed of. It has only been two weeks since I made it home. I have lots of work ahead of me before that calm will fall into my mind and flow out of my fingers expressing and impressing my thoughts and wishes and deepest bright and dark secrets. I cannot wait til that day. I am so happy that you have found your way back because from what I've read thus far, the writers of this world was missing you. Keep writing!
2
2
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I think this is the start to a pretty good drama. You took the mystery out already by telling who killed who.

I may need to read this one again. I'm thinking that maybe you introduced too many characters without giving them life first. So, while reading the dialogue amongst them, who was saying what became a tedious job instead of a smooth read.

“Stop it both of you” Anne snapped. She rummaged in her handbag; glaring at me while she did so, finding a tissue she blew her nose dramatically"

How does one blow their nose dramatically? This was a bit forced and could use some editing.

Keep doing the write thing!

Sugaree


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
3
3
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is an excellent contest. Of course the instructions were clear and concise and easy to follow. So, with that said, I rated several this evening in hopes of entering and just simply forgot to paste, " My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed."

Any chance at redemption? Please.

Thanks for being a great moderator and keeping WDC alive and fun!

Sugaree
4
4
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I enjoy your relaxed style of writing already. At first I thought this was a foreword to your readers before getting to the introductory. Soon, I realized that you are, in a nice way, warming up for the real story.

You've peeked my interest enough to revisit your port to see if you've decided to contintue the saga of "A Christmas Best". Although I've never been to prison or jail, some personal issues has left me in solitaire states where I didn't want to answer my doorbell/knocks, phone, email... Not to say that your experience is lessor or greater but I do, especially now that I am no longer in my private solitare state of being, I could relate to you (your character).

I could definitely relate to loosing the thumb drive. I purchased a jumbo one since filling up two 512s and a 1gb one. Well, I lost that thing and possibly in another state! I personally think airport security took it but of course no way to prove that.

Anyhow, without more ranting and with more review here, you gave a great preview of what's to come of your writing. I like the style and shall be back.

Could you do me the favor of dropping me a line to remind me that you've entered the story? Thanks in advance.

Keep doing the write thing!

Sugaree





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
5
5
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great contest, filled with wonderful prizes and very aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

Have fun!

Sugaree
6
6
Rated: E | (4.0)
You use the past tense while speaking of present.
For instance;

"The phone rang. It is the nice lady from the residential home where my aunt resides. She explains that she needs more clothes."
The phone rang and the nice lady from the residential home where my aunt lives explained that she needed more clothes.

"An attractive blonde appears. I explain to her my need for clothes for my Aunt that lives in residential care. I tell her the size is 12." (actually, since you already introduced your aunt and where she resides and her size, you really dont have to say this again as it is redundant).
An attractive blond lady appeared; I explained I needed clothes for my Aunt in residential care – size 12. Thankfully she believed me.

"They inspect each item carefully with approving nods until they reach the knickers."

One by one each item was carefully inspected and approved until we came to the granny knickers.

Don't forget to spell check. You mispelled 'blonde'.

Thanks for sharing,

Sugaree
7
7
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yes! Perfect. Thanks for sharing. Yes, I am one of your readers that often wonder who you are. I love your style of writing is why, I guess, other than being nosey and just reading and writing my response.

I like the way your organized this. It's definitely one to add to favorites.

I've had brief encounters with you before here at WC. I'm sure that you have many many fans so I wont let my ego tell me that you recall.

I'm an empty nester that has plans on writing this great masterpiece one day. I've lead a very dark, interesting life. Many of the events that caused the darkness spills over from childhood events that my mind would not, could not let go. I have been attempting to wait and write when the emotions are not so strong. Some people believe it therapuetic to write these emotional pieces. I found that they tend to evoke the un-recalled instances that send me back to darker times. I'll wait a little longer for now. Only problem with that is that as age would have it, I find that I'm always forgetting the perfect word or catchy phrase or simply the organization of a story.

Well, thanks for asking about me.

Sugaree
8
8
Review of 52 Candles  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow, I recall attempting to bleach my eyes the colour of my grandmother's. I could certainly relate there. This poetry is dark and filled with sadness and it shows, I can hear it in the written words.

You have a wonderful skill of 'show and tell'.

Thank you for sharing,

Sugaree
9
9
Review of Red Tears  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I read this twice. Not that I didn't enjoy it but to attempt to understand a bit more. Did Mama die at the hands of her daughter? The one that would be forced to do "things they didn't want to do." while shoved into twisted corners with on way out?

The treachorous bunk beds and cradle? Please help me here. I know I'm missing it. Just a little boost will do.

The imagery is great here. I can see 'her' color and choose colors from an urn. Morbid, I must say, however fitting it is.

Great read!

Sugaree
10
10
Rated: E | (5.0)
Precise, concise and deliberate instructions and alerts. What more can one ask for?

Sugaree
11
11
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Nice and concise contest. You've explained your position well and listed your expectations. Good luck and have fun!

(too busy to promise and entry but I shall try)

Small Donation of 500 GPs.

Sugaree
12
12
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
See, this is great. It was simple yet pleasing to read and filled with valuable information that eludes to the surface of the writer. YOU! Thanks for sharing you before I delve off into some of your stories.

Sugaree!
13
13
Review of Abnormalities  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
As usual, Mr. Wilcox, excellent work!

Sugaree
14
14
Review of Mark Of Respect  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I recall reading another poem and learning more about the London tragedy. You keep their memory near and dear and alive when you write about them. That is really cool of you to colour your hair. I like it on you.

Your poetry is always very moving and pleasing, even when it's disturbing, emotions of many kind are evoked.

You do an excellent job.

Did I say that I like your hair? Yep. I do.

Sugaree
15
15
Review of The Last Guardian  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Now, this is a creative mind at its' best. I was filled with curiosity and humor the same. You captured my attention from the beginning to the end. You even worked my emotions a bit by giving me a peep into the mind of an insect and it's detriment.

What is scary about this story is that the insect says, “May your mist one day turn upon its maker!” I cry."

How much do we know about these mists that kill insects that have outlasted dirt? Where does it go after it kills? Who can say just where cancer is coming from? What about that couple that did everything right and still their unborn child is born to lifelong, life threatening ailments?

Good write!

Thanks,

Sugaree
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16
Review of That Day  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Since you've made it clear that you're from another country, I'd like to thank you for your insight and caring that spreads across the seas. Many people have no idea how to love up close, let alone so far away. You cleary are very emotionally intelligent.

Thank you,

Sugaree
17
17
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh, this is so touching. I see the vivid imagery you paint here due to my own knowlege of this world mess but you do an excellent job here at painted this horrid picture, yes, that our youth do know as the truth. It's even sadder when you 'suggest' that the rich have enough so that none would ever suffer from the pains of hunger again. I especially like the part where you 'dream' that a child has to ask, 'what does hunger mean?'

Keep on giving us this depth and you'll be a winner in this world of poetry in no time at all.

Sugaree
18
18
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, it must be nice to even imagine a love so kind and gentle and strong. I can only dream of it. It must be like heaven to actually feel this way. I'm very happy that you are happy enough to write such a lovely love story in such a poetic manner.

I especially love the verses where he gently shows you his love by touching your hand and stroking your hair. You painted a wonderful image about a wonderful man.

Thanks,

Sugaree
19
19
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
'Minute pass,....' vs "Minutes passes, excruciatingly long minutes for Delia." and without the coma sounds better. Another thing about this sentence, from a parent's perspective; would a mother wait in the room or follow Walker's every step knowing that he's the key to the agonizing answers about her children? I think I'd be on his heals, everytime the phone rang, crying hysterically, looking at his every facial expression, knowing when he was/is telling me before his words exited his mouth.

I know that you may not want to present her as so, but, in reality, all rational behavior is out of the mind's door when a parent faces such morbid news of not only one, but their only two children's harm and especially in the face of death.

I can recall times when my children were late coming home from school...perverts, hit and runs, kidnappers...you name it, ran across my mind. Knowing they were in a plane that fell to the ground would have taken me over some edge unknown to me, thank God.

Excellent ending on Chpt 26. You did what a good author can do. You took us down very low and smoothly brought us back to a comfortable level so that we could continue reading without too many tears blinding our way. I almost cried with them as they cried and hugged and rejoiced. Again, that's the parent in me that felt all of this.

Chpt 27:
"Walker even offered Marie Shepherd a job as one of the pilots of his private plane, which she gratefully accepted."
*Wait a second here. Marie should be congratulated for landing safely but some dialogue on investigation should be explored here, I think. Who would offer a pilot that 'just' downed a plane a job so quickly?

Did you mean, 'To those withOUT a good imagination...." instead of 'with' here?
"To those with a good imagination, it was difficult to see where the building started and the trees ended."

The following paragraph is filled with so much about the backstory of this story that it's amazing to think that you did this on purpose, however, I know that you must have:

"Meanwhile, the four children brought here by their temporary foster parents stared around them in awe. They remembered living at the old orphanage, a place that was disgusting and dangerous but better by far than their original homes. Eventually the adults who helped run this orphanage would learn about the pasts of the four children. For now, though, the youngsters stood mute, afraid to believe this was their new home."

As the survivor of such a home where 'any other place' seemed like a paradise, you offer what 'our' fantasies consist of here at Hanah's Home. Thanks for letting me escape for a while as you gently took me aback and then back to reality. Excellent job here.

Sugaree
20
20
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Chp 22, 3rd para, 3rd line is a mispelled word: "Mither Walker, we were juth playing with Zorro,” the little girl said with a big smile."

I love how you've distracted your audience of Sam and Walker's tension with mistery and sprinkles of compassion for children from Walker as he enjoys seeing them happy. (was that a mouth full?)

The tension is tempered just right. When I made it to 24 & 25, I was on the edge of my seat wanting and waiting with all of your characters to hear the good news but knowing that bad news would soon darken an already pensive state.

I have a bone to pick with you! How dare you leave me hanging?! Please let me know when you submit more chapters. Please.

Again, thanks for being such a wonderful writer. All of your characters are vibrant and alive as well as the setting and plots and themes...Yes. You're a real author.

Sugeree
21
21
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Chapter 18
"Seeing Walker unable to find the words, Jack finally said, “Samantha, you [look vs. looked] charming tonight.” He glanced at Walker, who could only nod his head in agreement."

Real nice touch here. I could feel the passion and certainly love how you delivered it with perfectly arranged words.

“Don’t worry, Sam.” Walker ignored everyone around them to cup Samantha’s face in his two hands. “I would never do anything to spoil it. Your fairies are safe.” They stood like that, blue eyes giving a promise to hazel ones. A cough for attention from Joshua ended this silent moment.

Oh, you have done a wonderful job at pulling Samantha and Walker together. I could feel the anticipation of my eyes as they searched from word to word on what was to happen next.

Your descriptive writing skills are just the bomb! I can see Samantha and even feel her elegance and her happiness. I could taste Walker's lips for her. I could even feel his breath as his lips approach Sam.

Can't wait to get to the next segment. Thanks for being such a thorough writer and letting me escape my own void of romance life.

Sugaree
22
22
Review of In Momma's Mind  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Oh wow, how heart breaking these times must be for you. My heart goes out to you but especially my prayers.

Well, face it, from my perspective, the sort of motherly love you had is totally unknown to me (from my biological mother anyhow). So, although she is not the same mother you knew, she gave you what a mother is supposed to give.

Ok, on the story structure note, you have a few errors throughout the story that could use some revising.

As an example, you randomly capitalize words that should not be capped. Nouns are people, places and things. Unless you are saying the person's name, like Doctor Lewis, there is no need to cap doctor or nurse or hospital. If you were naming the hospital, like St. Joseph's Hospital, then hospital would be capped.

More dialogue versus telling this story would have made it even more attractive to your reader's eye.

God bless,

Sugaree
23
23
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your poetic skills never seize to amaze me. It seems as though you can use any given prompt to create a poetic message and deliver it with such grace and style.

I love the tone and rhythm of your poetry, as well as the new perspective you seem never to miss a beat in lending your reader.

Good luck and keep up the good work,

Sugaree
24
24
Rated: E | (4.5)
You are really good. I love how you capture the moment and drive your reader's eyes down the page with hunger for more and more.

You paint vivid images of the subject's distress and climax with serious charm topped with sweet vengance and drama.

Sugaree
25
25
Review of Big Eddie  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice and fitting descriptive image here:
"He hoped this would add to his mystique, however the resulting coughing fit ruined the effect." Especially as an introduction to the character you plan to offer in this storyline.

Wonderful introduction. Full of vivid images and even suspense. I look forward to reading more on Eddie or his demise.

Sugaree

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