My first thought was the Scene. By this I mean the world you have created needs to be explained. I see its creativity is originality. I want to learn more about this world. Is it based off of Earth, is it another reality.
For me its all there, yet not. Its like an accordion when shut. Its still the same instrument, but it needs to be opened up.
So from my perspective write like I'm an ignorant fool (which I may be). Take your time. Read and reread. Do it in some way like its a job. Even if you tired or bored keep adding. The job must be done. I can only say this because these are the things I'm working on. Its all there. Its perfect it just needs to be spread open like the "accordion". Keep at it.
First of all the Font is a good fit. It makes it personal. As close to a handwritten note you can get, but with computer text. As I was reading I thought it would be cool if you put "fall" in every stanza, but that was not necessary. "call" and "all" added to the rhythm need to accomplish the constant "fall". I hope your senses return: your heart, your feelings, and all which you lost in the "fall". Keep it up.
Its seems to be based in Australia, but that's not important. What the poem makes me feel is a warmth. I feel like its a good memory and a good place. That is the important take away I received. thank you for putting it into the world.
Wow. First it honestly got some moisture going in them eyes. I related so much the the Billy character. The wanting to make my family proud, prove yourself, also the apathy early in life with video games and seeming to go no where. The Father was relatable reminding me of my father. The mother who just wanted to love her son without condition. The end was unfortunate, and the fracture it put in the family. I would love to see how this issue is resolved. It is so human and real. I hope there can be a happy ending.
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