An interesting story and well written, though you use "had been" a lot, don't want to say your using the wrong tense because grammar ain't really my area of expertise but maybe you could look into it. Liked that joke with the leprechaun,was hilarious. The deal though,Kade being able to possess her body whenever he wants for an unspecified amount of time may lead to problems down the road. Oh and in the beginning when Kade flew out from his tree and terrorised the woman, the only descriptions we had for him were his tail and wings, you needs to add a body description(when I read it, first thing I thought was"wait is he a bat?" then I remembered the tail) and saying that he terrorised the woman I think was too vague, so yeah a body description and describing how he terrorised the woman would set a clearer scene. It was a good read nonetheless, I also have some cool stuff on my portfolio check it out and let me know what you think.
Great writing and an interesting story. there were a few typos. Also after not being allowed to bathe for a month, her opt-in to wait until morning came off a little shocking, not saying that I think you need to change it,but it just seemed wierd.well that's all I got, looking forward to seeing where the story goes. I also have some cool stuff on my portfolio check it out and let me know what you think
A well written story, but it kinda left me asking"what was the point?" The part where he started to sink into the water brought some tension but then he just died/story just ended. I also have some cool stuff on my portfolio check it out and let me know what you think.
An interesting story, the writing was good for the most part but it had some strange responses/wordings, like when winter met luke and he said I'm Luke and I'm seventeen, or like don't take that it's for my family.like introducing yourself with your age seemed wierd and yelling at an animal stealing your food that it's for your family (maybe those things might just be wierd to me but guess you'll get a clearer picture if it comes up in other reviews) There were a few typos.oh and 3000 years seems like an excessive amount of time for her age, seems like it would put her birth like way back,my history ain't so good so I don't want to say biblical times but yeah way back in the day, unless it's of some significance maybe like 500-1000 may be better? So yeah, it's been a good story so far, I'm definitely going to give the other installments a read. I also has some pretty cool stuff on my portfolio check it out and let me know what you think.
Great writing, it really grabbed my attention. In the 4th paragraph think you wanted a question mark at the end, the 6th has a typo in the form of a bracket. So yea that's all I got, I has some cool stuff on my portfolio check it out and let me know what you think?
A very well written story, the battle with the dragon was very well depicted, but the ending left me feeling unsatisfied I guess would be the word. The paragraph where the wolves appeared has a typo at the end. And as vivid as your descriptions of the scenery was, it felt like too much, like the paragraph that began with "the two knights gripped their.." didn't bring anything of substance to the story. It was a good read though, looking forward to what you come up with in the future, I also has some cool stuff on my portfolio, check it out let me know what you think.
Spartacus, bringer of rain, Slayer of the shadow of death
Dang, getting the feeling you and Daniel aren't close. It was an okay story I guess, everything just seemed to happen so fast, Daniel went from promising student to a bitter disappointment. And there wasn't much reasoning or explanation for anything,made it seem sorta just random. Well that's all I got,has some cool stuff on my portfolio, check it out, lemme know what you think.
Spartacus, bringer of rain, Slayer of the shadow of death
It was well written, a 350 year old man revealing himself to the world certainly sounds like a good set up for a great story, but it read like just a list of accomplishments, think it needed some sort of tension or a hint that this interview was going to lead them down a dangerous part.
Seems like it is going to be a very interesting story,well written. it had a few typos though like prevail instead of avail,you missed the word girl when the doctor picked her up off the ground. And think some of your sentences could be re-worded, like when you said "the doctor's smile finally fell." Could be "the doctor's smile faded" looking forward to seeing where the story goes and hope you check out my portfolio, has some pretty cool stuff.
Well written, especially the chase/pursuit that was really good, but I had no idea who he was chasing or why,seems like an over reaction to them taunting him or was it that they were racing?
It was a great story and well written, only thing is that I had trouble picturing the setting,like the position of the columns/pillars in relation to where the hole was, I guess the column had to be close to the hole they fell into but how did he get a laso over it?
It was an interesting story, well written. Didn't have much of a flare to it but maybe cause I haven't read the other chapters yet, maybe he's the criminal and that interrogation scene was a lot more tense than I realized.
The story idea seems pretty interesting but there are way too many typos, couldn't enjoy the story. I also think the more mundane scenes could of been shorter, like the paragraph that started with lunch always being served at the school cafeteria, the two sentences after that one were unnecessary.
The story itself was good and interesting but I think your writing, like the way put your sentences still need work, it got better coming to the end though,had some cool lines there.
It was awesome how when he got up to the podium, he just sort of got lost in listing future events, because he knew all these awesome things that were going to happen that his classmates couldn't even phatom. Awesome story man
Spartacus, bringer of rain, Slayer of the shadow of death
Must say its very beautifully written. It was only a few paragraphs but was a little disappointed nothing exciting happened, the first paragraphs had me wondering what kind of monsters were in the woods waiting for his fire to go out and thought the paragraph where he woke up could of been shorter. Oh and was wondering about the music he was hearing, wasn't sure if he was dreaming or music was actually playing in the distance.
Just joined today so hope I posting this right: item id 2152473-seal break Incantation, Midgard Serpent.
Just a Incantation/poem for a book I'm working on,it's only like 7 lines but just wondering what people think of it.
It was an interesting story, had me invested in what was going to happen next. There was a number of grammatical errors/typos, thought you could of described a feature of the snake-like creatures that would of given an image other than just regular earth snakes.
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