Seems like it is going to be a very interesting story,well written. it had a few typos though like prevail instead of avail,you missed the word girl when the doctor picked her up off the ground. And think some of your sentences could be re-worded, like when you said "the doctor's smile finally fell." Could be "the doctor's smile faded" looking forward to seeing where the story goes and hope you check out my portfolio, has some pretty cool stuff.
It was a great story and well written, only thing is that I had trouble picturing the setting,like the position of the columns/pillars in relation to where the hole was, I guess the column had to be close to the hole they fell into but how did he get a laso over it?
It was an interesting story, well written. Didn't have much of a flare to it but maybe cause I haven't read the other chapters yet, maybe he's the criminal and that interrogation scene was a lot more tense than I realized.
The story idea seems pretty interesting but there are way too many typos, couldn't enjoy the story. I also think the more mundane scenes could of been shorter, like the paragraph that started with lunch always being served at the school cafeteria, the two sentences after that one were unnecessary.
It was awesome how when he got up to the podium, he just sort of got lost in listing future events, because he knew all these awesome things that were going to happen that his classmates couldn't even phatom. Awesome story man
Spartacus, bringer of rain, Slayer of the shadow of death
Must say its very beautifully written. It was only a few paragraphs but was a little disappointed nothing exciting happened, the first paragraphs had me wondering what kind of monsters were in the woods waiting for his fire to go out and thought the paragraph where he woke up could of been shorter. Oh and was wondering about the music he was hearing, wasn't sure if he was dreaming or music was actually playing in the distance.
Just joined today so hope I posting this right: item id 2152473-seal break Incantation, Midgard Serpent.
Just a Incantation/poem for a book I'm working on,it's only like 7 lines but just wondering what people think of it.
It was an interesting story, had me invested in what was going to happen next. There was a number of grammatical errors/typos, thought you could of described a feature of the snake-like creatures that would of given an image other than just regular earth snakes.
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