There is quite a lot of potential for perfection in this sonnet. It is a diffucult form to master completely.
Technically, you have mastered the external form of the sonnet. The iambic pentameter and rhyme scheme are good. The line "Yes, winters white is followed by its ice" actually has six feet even within its ten syllables. Â
Pirouette/yet and hangs/fangs are excellent creative rhymes. Yield/field is good also, but I have a reservation about the use of yield in the context of the entire stanza.
You have a problem with possessives needing an apostrophe. You have four repetitions of "winters" where you must write "winter's" and a fifth in the static item's title. You've one wont instead of won't. Wont (accustomed to) will be not caught by a spellchecker when you mean won't nor will winters in place of winter's. You absolutely must do a certain amount of proofing yourself. You write well, but will be taken less seriously if your text is not correctly presented.
Repetition in poetry is something I always try to avoid. For me, poetry is the art of using words to their best advantage, and that means choosing them for their sound as well as to create a variety of meanings with the use of synonyms.
Concretely, you use a form of dance three times in the opening stanza and once in the closing couplet. There are also three uses of ice, though through your unnecessary abbreviation of icicles, technically there are only two. And while this abbreviation is not needed, except maybe to find a creative way to avoid using another repetition of the article "the," I would keep 'cicles for its different sound because of the proximity of your ice/price rhyme.
Finally, I count six uses of the word winter, five in the text with a noticed absence in the second stanza, and one in the title. Eliminating repetitions of a particular word in a closed form such as a sonnet is difficult: one must retain the rhythm of the original word or paraphrase around it to retain the meter. WINter might become SEAson or COLD month. FRIgid will work too. Have you ever used WDC's ideanary function? "While some cannot escape from winter's fangs" might easily become "While some cannot escape these frigid fangs." And changing "Yes, winters white is followed by its ice" into "Our season's white is followed by its ice" thus reduces the use of winter's to a single occurance in this stanza.
In the line "... Some cannot escape..." I wonder who you refer to using the word "some."
In the first stanza, queued -- as in standing in line? Â -- seems wrong. The direct subject for this verb is winds, not the snowflakes of the original line. Thus the word, even highly original in its choice, seems inappropriately employed here. Â
In the second -- and most original -- stanza, I have the impression that "yield" was chosen on purpose for the rhyme. The idea of waiting is acceptable in this context, but your following line contradicts this idea: in spite of the inclement weather, we go outdoors.
Earlier I mentioned your sonnet's external attributes. Now I arrive at my criticism that you lack the traditional Volta which should occur in the beginning of the third stanza. The Volta is the "on the other hand" part of a sonnet, and, I fully agree, difficult to manage because we poets rend to forget that at a very specific moment a sonnet should make a commentary of some sort on the situation it is describing. Your line "We understand that beauty has a price" does this exactly, only it arrives too late in the poem.
Consider the strong Volta created by the following:
We understand that beauty has its price
For some cannot escape these frigid fangs
The winter's white is followed by its ice
Like chilly glistening teeth, icicles hang
And lastly, if you were to accept this "correction" the last stanza would read better thus, for it avoids the second metaphor introduced by "like."
As snow does fall we dance to winter's song,
A song we hope won't last for very long.
Opening and closing the poem with "dance" is a great poetic device, but only if you are able to avoid the dance repetitions in the first stanza. There are ways... I won't do all the work for you!
These ideas are my own, but I hope that because I have been able to justify my criticism, it will not fall upon deaf ears.
It was a pleasure reading a poet who undersands iambic pentameter.
WRITE ON!
alfred
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