This is an interesting account of the roof-making done by your brother.
I am impressed and appreciate your brother’s painstaking effort.
This is not a single man’s work. Yet, he tried.
If I were to do this, I would postpone the whole plan till the weather is dry and clear.
Please don’t get me wrong. It’s just my observation.
It’s difficult to lay concrete or attempt any masonry work during rainy weather. Best is to do construction work in summer.
I completely agree with your observations at the end of this nonfiction story.
Well narrated. It would help the reader if you bring in spaces between the paragraphs.
Hi,
I like your end decision.
Getting rid of anger is not so easy. But as you would, it is worth giving it a try.
Your short poem speaks a lot about anger and the result thereof. People shudder to approach an angry person.
we commit irrevocable mistakes when the mind is beside itself with anger. Faces turn red and expression, grotesque. OMG!
" can not let it affect me.
I have to do what is best."
Kingdoms are lost and people died because of uncontrollable anger.
Your poem inspired me to stay calm and never get angry.
I have enjoyed reading your poem on love.
It’s place among virtues is special and singular. This is an emotion which is widely shared by the human world.
Love has the power to eradicate vices of any kind.All the great spiritual masters served humanity with love.
A person can become lonely and desperate without love. So it is with the poor and the destitute.
In a few simple images you have made me feel the vital significance of love.
It flows well.
Here’s wishing you a wonderful WDC Account Anniversary.
Hi Tucknits,
Thank you for this favorite poem, which is easily my favorite too.
I love the informal and philosophic tone and the leisurely pace of this observation poem.
I live by the side of the road too and undergo similar feelings when I see people racing or randomly walking to their places of destination.
Sam Walter Foss has a lot to offer not only with regard to things that we as human beings should strive to cultivate but also the impressive way his muse moves.
The tone is that of an observer of outside world and of his own self.
It's both subjective and objective.
Completely absorbing with its flow and imagery.
"That the road passes on through the long afternoon
And stretches away into night."
Lines such as above are sheer delight.
The poet's love for people is something I would like to adopt.
Thank you for a remarkable poem.
Innocence pertains to mind rather than to the body that perishes in the long run.
Yes, it’s also true that losing innocence in the way you mean is deeply hurting to the mind.
“Almost screaming for the innocence lost.”
The best remedy is to get lost in creativity that lets us conjure dreams of our liking.
Loved the word pictures you created and your ability to say plenty in a few words of depth and sincerity.
Nothing like being with nature in the early hours of the day.
Hi, I am Jaya reviewing this fantastic piece of poetry in celebration of your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a lovely day!
Biking in the morning before the world is astir is a great idea. I walk towards the green hills fragrant woods and cool breezes early in the morning on every breaking dawn.
You have put quite aptly, when you say,
“…to Mother Nature’s soliloquy.”
She speaks to those willing to listen.
Imagery is visual and word choices are appropriate.
I am impressed at the way this arranged marriage turned out. I come from a culture in which arranged marriages are still common. My marriage was of similar pattern and each day is as beautiful as the previous one.
You had shown with delightful dialogue and fine sentiments, the reasons why some marriages are successful.
All that matters is a lot of love and adequate understanding.
Economy of words in this story makes the difference. Saying plenty in a few words is truly a virtue in writing. Hope some of it will rub off with my creative endeavours.
Your poem makes me aware of the pain of heartbreak.
I can also see that you need someone like a life partner by your side.
You bring the grief you are going through in a visual way.
“A single tender
Timid tear..”
Pain-painted face
Sulking serenade
Saddened sea
Adjectival phrases such as above make the poem come alive.
Nice poem that flows spontaneously.
The pain of seeing your life partner in the ICU is narrated quite visually. It is as if I was there actually witnessing the amount of pain both of you were going through.
Doctors and the life saving machines can help only to a limited extent. After that it’s God’s will that takes place.
This is one such situation where everyone is rendered helpless. We just watch them sliding away from life.
These are the moments that mellow us so that our sympathies would go out to those, who suffer.
Let her rest in peace.
Indeed night-sky is alluring enough to become a vital force, the source of fertile imagination.
The beginning shows the radiance of innocence, the bliss of ignorance.
Yet, as morning arrives, dark secrets are exposed and so..
“the pristine beauty of my imaginings” are denied for an imperfect soul.
The darkness in the soul is so dense that even nature turns away in disgust by withdrawing the night sky.
No soul is perfect. We endeavour to achieve a fraction yet fail miserably.
Power packed poem like some of those soul searching classics.
Effectively told story.
We had a similar experience of getting lost on a trail while we were on a visit to Atlanta.
We felt like exactly the two people in the story reacted to being alone and directionless.
The travails of being lost in wilderness are tellingly brought to the reader.
The element of suspense and horror are impressively shown in the last part of the story.
The feelings of the lost couple are naturally depicted.
I commend your memory. You were able recall something that took place when you were a mere six year old. Each step of the incident is well shown.
I hope they administered the right remedy to cure the problem.
Your story made me realize the value of eye and eye sight. Life is a burden without the ability to see. It is the most important of all faculties which allows us to go through life with pleasure.
The boy's misery during the short time in which he couldn't see reaches out and the reader's sympathy would be for him.
You never know when a chance to brighten someone's day comes along. This experience of yours shows the value and exhilaration you feel when you make someone share and smile.
Hi jdonne,
I am Jaya and I spotted this nonfiction story in your port to which I am drawn. The fact that when you see someone without a smile, give one of yours sounds sensible and appropriate. Its value increases if it has a positive effect on the other person.
Saying Hi takes hardly a minute yet like the words Please and Thank you, it helps to lift the mood of someone.
No wonder you felt elated by making this lonely person smile and brought cheer to her on that day.
Hi,
this last goodbye to a departed dear member is well done. Those moments in the wake of death bring back memories that flood the minds of those present.
The mention of what lies ahead is also raised in an appropriate way. We do wonder what happens to the soul once the physical body is no more.
"Life that was promised to the soul eternal
Naught but a bridge to a dark beyond."
It is also heartening to know that the memories always bring the person to the mind and heart of those who loved him.
I find your poem pretty appealing because love, as you have so succinctly shown is a strange mix of the physical and spiritual fulfillment. As we advance, the latter becomes more vital to keep the flame of love burning.
The rhyming couplets flow well with appealing reasons to show what love is about.
"Can love be that unexpected thief?
Is love to share all the joys and grief?"
Is love a thief that steals a heart or a master that enslaves you to the one and only?
Hi,
I enjoyed reading this well conceived rhyming verse.
I agree that mirrors do not lie. They reflect truth. Physical changes are shown starkly.
You have brought the hidden truth about accepting it without being affected by the unsavoury details.
I realise that spirit is indefatigable. Nothing like a positive attitude.
Look for beauty in the broken, light in the dark.
This is a nature lover’s poem with which I can relate.
Hi espero,
I am reviewing this free-style poem for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a nature blessed day!
It is clear that we are kindred spirits as far as love and concern for nature are concerned.
Nature with its aspects of hills, trees, valleys and waterfalls is irresistible. It provides us with valuable nourishment for body, mind and soul.
“….it has made me feel refreshed and renewed.”
Like Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” nature inspires us to relive her vistas of beauty and bliss.
I feel the same about destruction of the wealth of nature for greed and power. What they destroy is irreplaceable, and what they create is unbearable.
Rivalry and revenge seem to stretch on to the world of vampires.
No longer could Ira and Trochee, the vampire pair could get away from the murder of a human, now newborn.
Details-
The story is in details. You did a great job describing the two revelers, the man whom they killed and his morphing into a vampire are well dealt with.
Time to pay them back, the corpse-like body moves and gets ready to wreak revenge.
Wonder what happened next. Perhaps you could expand the flash. You got all the ingredients necessary to tell a longer story. Characters, locale and motive are present.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a great day.
The first two lines are well composed. Many can instantly relate to them.
Pain finds no voice is the idea that finds apt images in the course of next few lines.
Here's someone who could or would hide it and suffer in silence.
Finally detaching from the one that caused it forever.
"The line that was there
For ever broken"
The intensity of pain finally led to cold detachment. Not all could be that controlled.
The ill effects of baby sitting by a young girl find expression here.
Instead of looking for a mature and motherly type of a woman, here’s the mother holding her young daughter for the job and for her convenience. Utterly unfair!
The story needs to be revised and edited.
Edits-
Regarding one single paragraph with no punctuation.
You wrote a single para, which is made to carry a series of events, feelings, deeds and their reactions.
Sense gets lost in the maze of words with no stops and commas in one long sentence.
Suggestion-
Divide the paragraph into a required number of sentences.
Example-
Your sentence.
“There once was that was sixteen years old…..baby sitting”
This can easily be said in three short sentences.
There once was a girl.
She was sixteen years old.
She had no experience in baby sitting.
If punctuation is followed, this could be an appealing story.
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