This is a nature lover’s poem with which I can relate.
Hi espero,
I am reviewing this free-style poem for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a nature blessed day!
It is clear that we are kindred spirits as far as love and concern for nature are concerned.
Nature with its aspects of hills, trees, valleys and waterfalls is irresistible. It provides us with valuable nourishment for body, mind and soul.
“….it has made me feel refreshed and renewed.”
Like Wordsworth’s “Daffodils” nature inspires us to relive her vistas of beauty and bliss.
I feel the same about destruction of the wealth of nature for greed and power. What they destroy is irreplaceable, and what they create is unbearable.
Rivalry and revenge seem to stretch on to the world of vampires.
No longer could Ira and Trochee, the vampire pair could get away from the murder of a human, now newborn.
Details-
The story is in details. You did a great job describing the two revelers, the man whom they killed and his morphing into a vampire are well dealt with.
Time to pay them back, the corpse-like body moves and gets ready to wreak revenge.
Wonder what happened next. Perhaps you could expand the flash. You got all the ingredients necessary to tell a longer story. Characters, locale and motive are present.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a great day.
The first two lines are well composed. Many can instantly relate to them.
Pain finds no voice is the idea that finds apt images in the course of next few lines.
Here's someone who could or would hide it and suffer in silence.
Finally detaching from the one that caused it forever.
"The line that was there
For ever broken"
The intensity of pain finally led to cold detachment. Not all could be that controlled.
The ill effects of baby sitting by a young girl find expression here.
Instead of looking for a mature and motherly type of a woman, here’s the mother holding her young daughter for the job and for her convenience. Utterly unfair!
The story needs to be revised and edited.
Edits-
Regarding one single paragraph with no punctuation.
You wrote a single para, which is made to carry a series of events, feelings, deeds and their reactions.
Sense gets lost in the maze of words with no stops and commas in one long sentence.
Suggestion-
Divide the paragraph into a required number of sentences.
Example-
Your sentence.
“There once was that was sixteen years old…..baby sitting”
This can easily be said in three short sentences.
There once was a girl.
She was sixteen years old.
She had no experience in baby sitting.
If punctuation is followed, this could be an appealing story.
Hi!
this poem appears to embrace several aspects that rule life leading to death that ultimately redeems.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a wonderful day.
"Walk" is used as a symbol of many things that human being is engaged with.
Like fighting a war till all the feelings disappear and life becomes an automated machine. It blazes a trail of tears and dripping of blood due to extreme violence, till happiness is wiped out for the concerned individuals.
All the great warriors and kings battled till they realized the joy of ending a war. So it is for the present day soldier whose mind turns mechanical in the process of his profession.
"Walk till you are nothing
And be happy you won’t see the war"
Edit-
"...and it woes that bind you"
(and its woes that bind you)
To me this sounds like trying to find stability in chaos. The mind is in chaos boiling with several situations and ideas. Free association writing is supposed to be therapeutic.
Hi! I am Jaya and am reviewing this very curious poem on what looks like a mind conjuring several things.
Congratulations as you enter another year of creativity at the WDC.
Have a great day.
The one in the poem suffers from some kind of illness with no help to fall back upon. Hence a loner in a desert land or a great expanse of the sea fearing death and is aftermath.
"Who will save our weakened souls?
Who will carry us away?'
Questions seem like fragments of a mind either dreaming or hallucinating. He/she appeals for
stability and strength, the core elements of a happy life.
I appreciate this free style poem on relationships.
This review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a nice day!
You brought out the positive and negative aspects of relationships in life enhancing their appeal by using sensitive imagery.
It is absolutely true that we depend on parents, friends and spouses to steer clear of tensions and also further our success and confidence. Yet, there are people who strive to find solutions all by themselves.
Relationships have a way of ending somewhere by some means like separation or death.
Relationships are like ships that pass in the night. They disappear eventually.
Your poem vividly sketches the fate of a person when his/her relationship cracks.
“…..you begin to drown in emotion.”
Ah, no. A balanced and a well processed individual has a better way to withstand the buffeting winds of emotion.
The ultimate question-
“ Can anyone help…?”
Help comes from within as anyone is bound to find out.
Imagery and emotion are in balance.
Well, I enjoyed it as it gave me some food for thought.
I can see and appreciate the way you purge your mind off the vexing thoughts, “the dead celebrities” by means of meditation. I am glad to see this solution worked for you.
Our minds are not like mountains, stately, stable and tranquil. They are more like a river, whose waters are ever in flux, never at rest. Thoughts never cease.
There are a number of examples you showed of both kinds, the beneficent and the not so beneficent.
“Now what is the freaking ….” only to strengthen your resolution.
I find it quite humorous.
House ghosts pose no problems if you know how to counter them, at which you excelled.
Writer’s block is visualised and every image helps me in understanding it.
Many writers suffer from it and yet they say they are waiting for the muse to strike them. This is a belief I don’t subscribe to.
The muse that they speak of dwells in us. It is no outsider that wields a magic wand over the writer’s pen or mind.
I like the fact that there’s no mention of some super power aiding the writer in this story.The struggle is within the writer the way it should be.
Every brain is equipped with creative ability. We, at least I don’t do enough to bring it out. I too avoid it like the writer above did by finding many diversions.
Indeed, the story starts to unwind before sleep, and alas! we submit to the latter.
I think the best thing is to conceive a character and take it through the meandering road of life’s journey.
this poem with an attractive quick beat of its own got me reading through at one go.
The difference regarding cutting of teeth between mortals and the devil is that the latter has several minds to do it while the former has just a few. That doesn’t relieve us of sin and guilt.
The devil started it a long time back
where man dwelt in Paradise
where minds were pure
sanity, intact.
Sanity has many ways to quit. Yet, we never see it deserting us in a quick flash of passion, desire and anger. You showed these harsh realities with sensitivity. Kudos to you.
“Well, he’s got a match
and she’s got a gun”
You got the best deal for later contemplation
“I’ve got a pen
…..”
Disreputable practices prevalent in our societies are highlighted musically.
None can miss the rhythm.
Question-
How do we conclude that,
“…and where we go ain’t where we’re from.”
Hi Plume,
your story showed that the final destination for old people is the home for the aged. That puts a sad end to their aspirations to live as they wish.
The old rocking chair cannot be moved.
You wove a fine story around the rocking chair, a living symbol of an old lady’s past that makes her present worth living for.
Her character is well drawn, sensitive to the core.
The reward for her kindness and concern is to place in a seniors’ home. What an irony!
Dying before being carried to the institution might have saved her from future misery, but that’s not the real solution.
What I think is -
If I can spend money on her upkeep in a “home”, I might as well employ a reliable companion for her and let her live comfortably for the rest of her life with her near and dear visiting her occasionally.
A well told story that mirrors the inconsiderate treatment meted out to the elderly in our societies.
A fun story exploring the traits of the present age through Jane Austen's writing. No doubt she would turn in her chilled grave.
Who'd ever imagine unnatural marriages during her time. Glad to see her still writing, her creativity wearing a new hat. She lives up to her reputation as her work continues unabated in Heaven experimenting with topics unheard of in her day and age.
It is a kind of time travel in different spheres though.
The key sentence that stands out is, " Mr. Darcy caught sextexting Mr.Bingley. They had been gay lovers for years."
Edit-
"Rumor has it that God and Lucifer meets to select the ...'
(Rumor has it that God and Lucifer meet to select the ...)
I am reading this with a pinch of salt as I cannot imagine this happening in Heaven. But that's just me. Anything is possible in writing.
You certainly know how to live it up, starrygirl.
Hats off to your cheery spirit and will power.
I am sure there are umpteen folks out there, who do not dare come out of that slough of depression, the moment the medic says “you have rheumatoid …”
The course of your journey ever since you’ve been told of the malady, hasn’t been easy.
Making changes and adjustments you have willed the circumstances to be in your favour proving the time tested saying, “where there is a will, there’s a way.”
The reward of your hard but loving labour is certainly well-deserved.
“…but oh it was worth it to write again.”
There’s a smooth flow to your sentences and transformations as you told an inspiring story in first person.
Teaching is a special skill. It needs a lot of patience and empathy.
Obviously, the father is not suited to teach his daughter how to drive. He is also nervous for the past accidents.
There is nothing wrong with the girl. It just shows that both are blighted by their own weaknesses.
This story sounds quite natural. It is quite close to reality. My own father couldn't help me with my bicycle. As it happened I often crashed it or fell off it. I husband and son taught me that skill.
The girl's desperation is visually described. I could see every single incident in the story because the author wrote it from experience.
Also, the use of present tense somehow made the story unfold as it proceeded.
Loneliness and the pain of bearing the unbearable are visually depicted.
Hi, I am Jaya and my review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on celebrating the beginning of another year at the WDC.
Have a lovely day!
The content-
Loss of a close companion, John. Poet’s regret is shown in the use of powerful images.
“Crying please
heal these scars.”
Mood and tone-
Sad and wishful. The stars are depictions of her melancholy.
Rhythm-
Amazing!
It brings out the inner darkness that could not be shed.
“i just can’t kill
this lonliness”
Well, there you’ve had your revenge, surely a sweet one if I am not mistaken.
Hello, I am Jaya. My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a wonderful day!
The blonde was undoubtedly rude. Anger or not you topped her because revenge causes more damage than you can ever imagine. Besides, she hadn’t caused physical damage.yet, you did. It all boils down to our view of people.
The narration was good with detailed description of the encroacher and your own feelings.
“I’m tempted to pull fistfuls of blonde curls.” Oh my!
I like this flash fiction because you created something extraordinary to happen quite casually.
My review is for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations on stepping into another year at the WDC!
Have a lovely day.
Your character stepped into the woods and found that things have changed. That moment, when she felt lost was described well. Feelings of the character are conveyed convincingly.
"Nothing at all was familiar to me! In fact, the trees had a strange orange glow to them.'
The hat that was left behind is a puzzle that proved that something strange took place.
Hi,
I am Jaya and I am reviewing this poem for your WDC Account Anniversary.
Congratulations!
Have a lovely day!
The rhyming couplets make me live the night and see the stars in clusters or spread out to the horizon.
The cool night and the dark sky studded with stars is truly refreshing to the mind and body. Stars are like celestial wonders and the night provides the right background for them to shine and twinkle.
"All the stars in the sky, they glitter and shine,"
Imagery is visual and rhythm makes the poem flow well.
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