Very graphic word usage. I usually do not care for just short-lined poetry except occastionally for emphasis, but emphasis is needed through out this piece. The imagery is bold and powerful, leaving not just a picture in my mind, but an engraving.
A few suggestions that would help strengthen this: 1. Please use some needed punctuation such as after dawn, and nine in the first stanza and after items that make up a list. Readers are going to pause, and if you use some punctuation, the pauses will be where needed for the meaning you want. 2. Please do capitalize I in the last line.
What power you evoke with your words. The portrait you paint with words leaves a lasting impression. The purpose of poetry is to be precise, concise, and create a mental image. You managed all three.
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