Well Kenword, I have to admit that this entire poem left me feeling a little bit baffled. The best interpretation that I can think of is that this unlucky guy is married to an unpleasantly wild woman, hence the comparison to a storm. On that note, I think my favorite part was the second stanza in which the woman is given some description.
Starting with basics, you use the rhythm fairly well. The eight syllable structure almost never feels forced, although I wonder if that comes at the expense of writing lines which make grammatical sense. You take a few more liberties with the rhyme scheme. Rhyming "soothe" with "youth" in the second stanza is slightly off. Rhyming "both" with "youth" is way off.
The day they wed a door she closed
I think this line could have been aided by some punctuation. Put a comma after wed, so that we don't think the marriage was to a door.
But other lines are less clear: Hope seeded with sun ray rain drop
That has some nice alliteration in it, but I can't figure out what it means.
All in all, some nice use of language, but it might need more explanation.
Cool. Telling an entire story in 300 words or less is rather difficult. I enjoyed this one because it opens with a suspenseful moment that makes me want to read more. You use brief sentences to convey the narrator's frustration with the message. I did find the ending a little bit disappointing. I wanted there to be more to this message, but, again I guess that's kind of hard to pull off in 300 words or less.
This is a very pretty poem. I love the image of your wife close to you and giving you an almost spiritual rebirth at the beginning of each day.
On a more technical level, I noticed that some of your rhymes were a little strange. NoticeYou rhyme inside with tides and abides even though it doesn't have the s at the end. You do something similar with hands and expand.
Finally, I notice that your rhythm is a bit off. Most of your lines are eight syllables, but I found a few with seven and a few with 9.
Cute. I enjoyed how this poem was written in a very casual style of free verse. It used just a bit of humor to capture the feeling of waking up in the morning and not feeling completely happy with oneself. I also enjoyed how it might have almost been a poem about the supernatural, but turned out to be a just about facing oneself. You also have me curious as to what the second poem will be about.
This is an entertaining story. It sort of mixes genres a little bit being both a talking animal story and a story about aliens. I have sort of mixed feelings about that. Parts of it were not exactly compelling to me, but maybe the story would work better as an illustrated picture book where we could actually see the chaotic happenings and all of the animals.
This was an unusual story. It portrays Cupid in amuch darket light then normal. To me, Cupid is usually a little boy of mischief rather then a depressed woman. I think the mood shifted somewhat dramatically when Jade accepted the job. The darkness switched to an odd sense of humor. There´s nothing wrong with that, but I think the last line would have been a better punchline if Jade had been constantly calling Julius chief instead of just once.
Hello. Your Young Adult Novel caught my eye and I thought that I would read and review my way through it.
I liked the opening paragraph, you get the sense that something important is about to happen in Allison's life.
The opening escapade between Allison and Delaney introduces the two characters in a somewhat disturbing way. At first, I thought that they were sneaking out to a rave or something, but when the true purpose of their mission was revealed, I was somewhat shocked. Early on, Delaney shows that she doesn't have a very strong sense of boundaries. She takes the liberty of not only going through Allison's things, but Allison's mother's things.
Allison, meanwhile is kind of a doormat. About the best thing that can be said about her is that she's loyal to her friend, but then her friend is kind of bad news. You reveal that Allison lets Delaney get away with some of this because Delaney befriended her years ago, but I still wanted to know more about the relationship.
I hope that Allison has more of what are sometimes called "Save the Cat!" moments. (That's when you show a protagonis doing something nice like saving a cat to make her more likeable) or I might not really care what happens to her when she goes sneaking into schools.
I am curious about the boys who were holding fire. There is definitely something more going on here, and I hope it's involving.
Another story that is an intriguing idea. I liked the thing about meeting Poe and finding an element of truth to his stories.
On a technical note, I think you made a good effort at conveying that the narrator was from 19th century England. This can be a difficult thing to do with only printed words, though.
My favorite Poe reference in here was the "Flask of Amontillado".
Well, I like the basic idea of this story, at least to a point. The erasing of all history and treating it as mythology intrigues me although, I have to wonder exactly what the point is. Wouldn't it just make more sense to wipe out the past completely if you didn't want people to remember it?
Anyway, once I heard the premise I really wanted to see more of its results then what this story gave me, so I kind of think this could use a little more work.
Hello Calvin, I am reviewing this story in affiliation with
"Story of the Abbreviated Kind" indeed. This is pretty short, and it almost doesn't seem worth the trouble. Nevertheless, maybe that's the point. To get the message of the story across in as few words as possible. It's a story that we've all probably hear before, and so we know what's coming.
This story is nice for what it aspires to be. I like the interplay between the two main characters. I have to say that when I first read it, I thought that it was going to be a dialoge between two teenage girls, but when I realized that they were actually more mature women, I was a little surprised that grown women would be acting that way.
I was a little bit puzzled by the phrase, "Contrary to unpopular belief. . ." Is that a double negative meaning that things are exactly the way most people believe them to be?
Wearing glasses myself, I can relate to what narrator goes through when she loses them, although I did want to know more about that dog.
Honestly, I was a little bit unsure how to review this. There are parts of it that I'm not completely sure I understand. Maybe that just makes me a little bit culturally illiterate. Is "James" a popular author? The name doesn't really ring any bells.
Also, I have to say that some of your rhymes and meters don't really work for me. "Elementary" is rhymed with "plenty" which I don't really like, and in stanzas like the first and the third, the last lines have two many syllables which gives the whole thing a very awkward feeling.
I do like the oxymorons. Particularly, the "cliche original". I've always been a fan of oxymorons myself.
Okay, you've got some interesting ideas here, but I think some of them are a little impractical and some are just wrong. I really don't like your idea about not having any scenes in the Senate. Say whatever else you like about the prequels, one of the best parts was in episode III when Palpatine literally destroyed the Senate chambers. And of course, the previous Senate scenes helped set that up.
As for your idea that Darth Vader being Luke's father would still be a surprise even after the prequels, I don't think it's even possible to do that, but you could try.
Although, and this may be digressing a little bit, I always thought that if I could find someone who had never seen a Star Wars movie, it might be interesting to show them the six movies in an unusual order maybe alternating between the two trilogies.
Wow! I absolutely loved this. It was a literal tour de force.
I think that it was obviously inspired by the work of Lovecraft, but it goes places that I don't remember Lovecraft ever going. I was enthralled to read about all of the various races that inhabited these planets at various times and I wanted to know more about them, but the finale when we learn about Ithaqua's place in our world leaves us in meditation.
This was an entertaining story, but I have to admit that I had to read it twice before I completely understood what was going on. Once, I understood that this was about Ted becoming a zombie, the second reading made a little bit more sense. In fact the second paragraph was a lot more interesting when I read it the second time bcause I had a clearer idea about what it was that Ted was eating.
I did get the point about how Ted killed his mother on the first reading.
Ideally, this story would be as interesting the first time I read it as it was the second time. How can you make that happen? I'm not sure. Maybe more clues early on.
This is a very cool story. I thought about entering the contest that it was written for, but I ended up shying away from it because I thought zombies would make kind of difficult characters to get into the heads of.
You pulled that off rather well, and managed to create a story which was both disturbing and more traditionally gross. I like how the story moves between the character's human thoughts and his zombie thoughts.
I guess my only complaint is that it seemed to go on kind of long with one just one note, but it was still worth a read.
First of all, I could not help noticing quite a few technical problems here. These include misspellings of words like "guard, alternative, and experience." Further, you say things like "either parties" when you should say "either party". (Either is always singular.)
There are also places where a sentence could be made more readable: That maybe if you know it all, have all the facts you can maybe make an informed opinion rather than the barbaric uneducated rantings that have been our past experiance with you.
In that sentence, I would remove "have all the facts", because that's redundant. I might remove the "maybe" too. And while "barbaric" and "uneducated" are both strong words, there is a general rule that two adjectives for one noun is over the top. If you removed one of them, you might get a better sentence.
The thing is, that if you do clean this up, you will have a very intriguing prologue. It makes me want to read more of the story.
I don't normally review poems, but I feel I should say that I did enjoy reading this one. It literally gave me a happy feeling when I read it. I guess the chance to stop and think about happiness in this way, is a welcome thing even if it only happens for five lines. I did wonder a little bit about the third line where happiness "tastes like a field of bright colored flowers. " How does a field of flowers taste unless you're a cow or something?
I enjoyed this, if for no other reason then for the visceral response that I got when Kelly went into the goo.
Before that, there was a bit of suspense wondering what was going on and how there could be two Nates.
Still, I have to point out that this story is something that I have seen before and I don't really see that the author gave it much of a twist or did anything really original with it.
I also wonder a little about the relationship between Kelly and Nate, and I particularly wonder about the fact that Kelly has an abusive father. That last was a little strange, because it seemed to me that not very much came of it.
Very cool! Personally, I have always been a sucker for gladiator stories so I like this one, but beyond that, I like the fact that the race responsible for this sport is called the Te'rans. When I first read that name, I wondered if it meant what I thought it did, and then when it was revealed that their homeworld was Earth, I knew that it was and that added a level of sophistication to the whole thing.
The one criticism that I would make of this is the format of alternating between a paragraph describing the actual fight and a paragraph which gave back story. That was interesting, but I wanted there to be more of a contrast. As it was, I found it a little jolting. You might even consider a technical solution to this problem such as writing the paragraphs in different fonts.
This is a fun little story with an interesting twist. I loved how you made use of cliches like, "My curiosity was going to kill someone's cat, but I had to know." Even better was the line about how the house "called to me like mystery calling to Nancy Drew and the Hardy boys."
When I got to the end, I wondered if Sarah was the narrator. If so, I was a little surprised, because I was picturing the narrator as male, but that may have just been me.
Overall, a good story that was just the right length. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
This is an interesting little story. It turns out to be a ghost story. I thought it was kind of interesting that the "ghost" dressed up in Victorian clothes, but not because it was a Victorian ghost, rather it was the ghost of someone attending a costume party.
I did not give this a better review, because it somehow seems like a story that has been done before. Also, does it really make sense that a ghost would need someone to give him a pocketwatch?
Maybe this would work better if the watch were important to the ghost for some more serious reason during his lifetime.
As it stands, the story lacks a sense of urgency. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Honestly, this leaves me feeling a little bit unimpressed. Neither Joven nor her mother strikes me as a particularly strong character at this point. We just don't know enough about either of them or what they're doing to care. There is some mystery in this story regarding what happened to make the two move away so quickly, as well as what's going on in this other dimension, but if this were the first chapter of a book, I might have to force myself to keep reading.
This is a very intriguing story. The beginning had me a little bit puzzled, because I wondered exactly what the narrator was supposed to be, but I still enjoyed reading the summary of Earth's history. The part about the old man almost seemed disturbing, because I thought that if something as old and wise as the narrator had never met Jesus or the Creator then it's unlikely that anyone has.
I was glad toward the end when you revealed exactly what the narrator was. Plus, the ending turned out to be not so disturbing after all. If a computer can find faith, maybe anyone can. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
Well, I'm sorry. I hate to criticize such a well-intentioned story, but the fact is that this story strikes me as being relatively unoriginal and not particularly helpful. The idea that aliens would come down to our planet and criticize the human race has been done to death in Science Fiction. Furthermore, rather then actually offer any really helpful criticisms, they just give a litany of problems at the end and no real idea what to do about it.
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The best interpretation that I can think of is that this unlucky guy is married to an unpleasantly wild woman, hence the comparison to a storm. On that note, I think my favorite part was the second stanza in which the woman is given some description.