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Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Infowarrior,

I stopped by your port to see what you have been creating here.

I enjoyed reading this item with the sickening message, if that makes sense. Ha!

The title is good

The message reveals the manipulative nature of modern day educational institutions. It reminded me of the remarkable silent film Metropolis which was a glimpse into the future, written by Thea Von Harbou and produced by Fritz Lang.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0NzALRJifI

We are indeed in the dark ages of technology, the "smart meters and their corresponding appliances" being the worst devices of public espionage.

It is indeed frightening to think of the massive onslaught of controls the "THE MAN" is enforcing upon the gullible "sheeples" of this land.

What is most bothersome are the many tools of public enforcement that are secretly used against us and our supposed freedoms.

I may have another 25 years on this planet and I shudder to think of the grim possibilities before us. Our only hope is to get the word out and become catalysts for change through social networks and immediate conversations.

Nice work! :D

Oh, and thanks for your "fanship", I'm honored! Whitemorn

27
27
Review of BANG!  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Angus,

Barney and anyone dressed like him needs to be shot!*Rolling* I'm no fan of Sponge Bob either.

Since there were no high pitched, squeaky voices in your story and Barney kid may have been silenced, I liked your story.*Delight* It is a truly wonderful "bad" story.*Ha*

I assumed that Sammy was a little boy until you mentioned his age 2/3rds of the way into the item.

Thanks for the read. *Delight* PS... you get 4 stars anyway. *BigSmile*
28
28
Review of THE COOKIE LAMENT  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Well you've certainly made a sweet statement here SandraLynn. (pun intended).

I felt like I was being buried alive in cookie boxes. :O

You've made me so happy that I'm not a leader of such. :D

If I were to offer any suggestions, it would be to tighten up your syllabic count to make your lines a bit more even and improve the flow.

Thanks for the amusing writ! ;)

Warm regards, Whitemorn
29
29
Review of Autumn Playground  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have a gift of using adjectives wisely Pat. A gift that pulls in your readers and makes them join into the writ mentally.

Thank you for the experience!

Whitemorn :)
30
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Review of Absence of Time  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A splendid poem about being taken in spirit to another level of natural consciousness.

I've been there myself many times. It's hard to return from such a meditation.

I look forward to reading more from your port.

Warm regards, Whitemorn :)
31
31
Review of Haiku-Winter  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A lovely Hiaku LinnAnn, possessing the traditional 5/7/5 format which I'm sad to say is being abolished in many circles, thus ending the rule challenge.

Our societies seem to be ignoring rules these days. ;(

32
32
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello David. Welcome to WDC!

I found your item on the please review page, so I'll offer my opinions.

I thought that this short story was well written structurally. The only thing I think would improve the item would be a short paragraph describing the countryside, IE: Is this part of Tennessee wooded, or is it farmland? Does it smell like cattle country? Is it made of rolling hills, or is it flat land? Are there lots of waterways with bridges? What is the population of Springfield? I would have also liked to know the age of the biker. Those descriptions would have helped me paint a better picture in my mind, making the story more identifiable mentally, especially to folks who are inclined to imagery. Of course this is only my opinion, so like it or not. ;)

The title although true to the text body is a smidge lackluster in my opinion, since it really didn't grab at me. I probably would have named it "A Risky Lesson in Thankfulness."

My favorite line was: "I brought my tire patch kit but left my air pump at home. How poetic."

Personally, I have a different view of this story, since I believe it is we ourselves who teach the lessons in life ... in this case the (self) lesson learned was to have better lighting for evening country rides and to be fully prepared for a flat tire. :D

As far as any assistance from Heaven goes, I would have to ascribe that task to the angels.

Finally, the message is a valuable one, since gratefulness is the catalyst of more abundant blessings.

Best regards, Whitemorn. :)

33
33
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good ol Roy. My grandfather's name.

I liked your story. ;) Hopefully, your mom had a sense of humor to balance out the stoic father syndrome.

Good title. Title's should always draw in the reader by making them ask a question, which this title does. ;)

Suggestions: If I may ... (my opinions, so like or not) ;)

Third line needs comma behind Hospital.

Next: (you wrote):

"So I'm singing along to some of the songs that I know. Looking over at my dad along the way. Watching him kinda sing along, but not wanting me to witness him doing it."

(I would do this): So I'm singing along to some of the songs that I know, while looking over at my dad along the way, watching him kinda sing along, but not wanting me to witness him doing it. (It's a long sentence, but the flow stays unbroken without the periods). ;)

Next: (you wrote): "It was such an adult father, daughter bonding moment we shared."
(I would write): That was such an adult father, daughter bonding moment we shared.

Next: (you wrote):"She's a control freak. And anyone who knows her, knows the way she is. But I still love my big sister. We've been through a lot."

(I would write): She's a control freak and anyone who knows her, knows the way she is, but I still love my big sister ... we've been through a lot. (again removing the periods for better flow).

Lastly: (you wrote): "As soon as the song was over he reaches over and turns the volume down to tell me."

(I would write): As soon as the song was finished, he reaches over and turns the volume down to tell me his thoughts.

(So I've avoided using the word "over" too close together in the same line, plus, I finished the sentence with an easier to understand ending).;)

My father / son moments were playing "Battleship" together. Whenever I sank one of his ships, he would call be a "dirty rat" and we would both laugh big time! :D

Thanks for bringing those memories back D! :)



34
34
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Harry,

Dropped by your port today to find this description of life in the 50's

You did a good job remembering what life was like. I was born in 56 so life hadn't changed much. Good points about the simplicity and innocence of that age. The worst trouble kids got into was giving themselves a butchered haircut. :D Now they get pregnant and shoot people.

I was an expert at getting people's TV antennas to work better, LOL.

Thanks for the writ! :)
35
35
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Darrel's always screwing up! What a total nerd. OOPS, what am I saying, I'm 1/2 nerd myself! (Thanks Mom)!

Seriously, you really made me feel like I went to band camp! :D It was a fun experience reading the item. The "hair piece" reference was my favorite part! LOL!

(Suggestions): Not sure if you meant to capitalize some words for emphasis or not ... like "Percussion" in the first line? Some old fart will probably say something about it, Hee hee! :D

They might also point out that you have lots of unnecessary spaces between your quotation marks, like in the beginning of the 4th paragraph: " Let's begin " ("Let's begin"). Other than that the story looks nice. The structure is easy to read and your paragraphs are properly broken.

I wanna hear more about that klutz Darrel. ;)

Write on! ;)
36
36
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well you certainly have the gift of making your stories feel like real events.

From start to finish you seem to weave this item with ease. I mean it almost looks like you didn't have to think much about the content, which is a real gift.

From the title to the very last sentence, I see nothing but genuine talent.

Bravo! ;)
37
37
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, you really are a serious thread mover!;)

I'm the same way about straight lines, LOL Hatem! :D

I liked your story except for the diabetes. :O I am borderline type 2. If I don't do a little cardio each day, I feel like (well), nasty the next!

I totally get your story though cause my mom had ceramic classes and church gatherings. Dad was a preacher. :D

I remember the chatter, like a bunch of hens in the coop, clucking, bacock! LOL!

I think I spotted a couple of extra spaces, but otherwise ... perfect! ;)

Write on! :)
38
38
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Sewcrazy,

I enjoyed this little work of art. It's simple, yet powerful at the same time because it accentuates the intimacy that we all have with inanimate objects.

I know that I have pillow issues, LOL! I have to sleep with two pillows, but not just any ... MINE! :)

Short works like this are wonderful. They are like when you're in a field full of flowers but you take a moment to focus on the beauty and attributes of just one.

My only criticism is that you left me with no explanation of why you wrote this for your Mom? Are you speaking as the pillow to her? That's the only idea that comes to mind. Perhaps a little note below the poem would be appropriate.

I woke up early this morning and wiggled into this sweet little piece (yawning) It will prompt me to consider my pillows when I re-crash in an hour. (wink).

Best regards, WM :)
39
39
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this little writ! It's so full of the innocence of youth that forces your readers to take themselves back to those early years of life.

My last memories of strawberry picking were with my wife and daughter helping out in a public field. My daughter ate as many as she picked ... perhaps more! My wife made the most delicious strawberry, raspberry freezer jam with them.

Guess what I had for lunch? A peanut butter and strawberry preserve sandwich. What would we ever do without them. ;)

I found no errors in this item, but I didn't really get the full meaning of the first line:
“Hello, my name is Sunshine.” "What is yours? " ... “I like that name...!" I supposed that the (...) inserts were meant as fillers for unwritten dialog?

What I especially enjoyed was:
(Nanny got me ready and cleaned up for bedtime. I told her that, "I had the most

wonderful tasty day ever. Can we do it again next year?" I asked.

She and Poppy tucked me into bed with hugs and kisses as always.

I said, “I can’t wait until next strawberry season.” Nanny kissed my forehead and said.

“Sweet strawberry dreams my little Sunshine.”) BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT LIFE'S ALL ABOUT! ;)

Finally, did you know that the best way to core and de-stem a strawberry is to push a drinking straw through it from the bottom up? It makes the process so very fast!

Write on! Whitemorn :)
40
40
Review of NYC  
Review by Whitemorn
Rated: E | (4.5)
I hear reflections of Mr. Armstrong's popular song in this story.

It is a splendid thing when love transforms a place of chaos into a paradise. Rather how one experiences the aspects of an effective Zen meditation.

I have been to many of the largest cities in the U.S. but I have yet to visit NYC which is about a 30 hour drive from my home near Cincinnati, so I shall need sprout wings and fly there someday. ;D

I enjoyed your tale. ;)

Welcome to WDC! I hope you have a bloody good ride! :D

41
41
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Michelle, here are my thoughts...

You have a serious item here and it's one that I am way too familiar with, unfortunately.

I once lived a twenty minute drive from the town with the most teenage suicides in the US. Hopefully that has changed. 4,600 young people between the ages of 10 and 24 end their lives (on average), and 16% of high school students seriously consider the act each year. That's a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended).

You have so splendidly delivered the feelings that a mother would have in this difficult situation. To have gone through the pain of giving birth to a child, then losing them would be a tragedy for a normal mother.

The most touching part is:

"His bed at home remained unmade. In the morning I climbed into it and pushed my face into his pillow....willing his scent to conjure him. I wrapped myself in his blankets moaning...the loss so physical, so tangible it's as if I had gouged out a piece of my soul. I was hollow without him." (That's great writing)!

The title is excellent.

I found no errors.

Some here might say that you should have inserted the names of the characters, but I would say that it was better not to, because the way this is written makes us feel that it could be any mother or son on the planet going through it. I also liked the length of the writ, because you got the point across well, yet word hoarders might say that they wanted more. (there are several of them here at WDC) :D

Final thoughts: I have yet to find anyone over 35 that has not had some form of tragedy in their lives, which oddly comforts me since I have had my own share. It's simply a part of Earthly life, and I am proud of your writing accomplishment here.

Warm regards, Whitemorn :)


42
42
Review of Caterpillar Hero  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Michelle.

I was wondering through your portfolio and I tripped over this little caterpillar ditty.

The title lunged at me like a hungry Sumo wrestler, especially since I am an avid nature lover who appreciates these wormy beasts, be it woolly or naked. ;D

I am familiar with the species you are writing about ... so named the "Woolly Bear" which turns into the "Isabella tiger moth" a splendid creature indeed!
http://www.butterfliesandmoths.org/species/Pyrrhar...

They certainly are clingy little buggers, much like my cat only far less painful. ;)

The text body describes the event of an interaction between yourself (the savior) and the fuzzy wuzzy intermediate life form. A good story for the kiddies, as I'm sure most of them will come across them at some time in their lives. It was perfect to inform the readers of the incompatibility of a bike tire and a woolly bear which I'm sad to say I learned the "HARD WAY" :( Yet, I have satisfied my carma bank by saving many a woolly as well as worms, snails and any other creature retarded enough to sunbathe in the middle of the road, path or sidewalk.

If I were to chide you for anything, it might be that I'm not sure which tense you are in because most of the prose is [present tense] except for the front of the 5th line: "But once they were (are) on me, they don’t want to leave." That is the only correction that I could offer.

Final thoughts: You have proven that real events can be just as entertaining as fantasy or fiction. This would be a good start for a series of similar activities that children might experience, like wearing mama's hat, etc......

Good work savior Michelle. ;)
43
43
Review of "A Benny Saved"  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Harvey and welcome to WDC.

I came across your poem on the "please review" page, so I now will.

It appears we are comrades in style as this poem is concerned, for I am primarily a story poem writer.

The Title was well chosen and clever.

The rhyming scheme was very well followed and worked perfectly.

The only thing I would fault you for would be that you lost the cadence in the syllabic count a couple of times, IE:

"Teetering along a rib thin ridge," felt like I was tripping over the words.

I think this part: "A ship watch seeing the fateful plunge,
Pulled Benny up with one swift lunge." could use a comma after Benny (as a pause), to make the second line more harmonious in cadence with the first line of this part.

The only other advice I would offer is to go ahead and break the poem up into quatrains (four lines at a time with a space between each quatrain).
Why? because it's so much easier on your readers and your reviewers can say "the third quatrain ... second line" (for instance) which makes it easier for us to point you to the specific part of your poem and for you to find it, but you could also break up the poem into two line couplets which would achieve the same thing, especially since you would have one couplet at the end in this case anyway if using quatrains. You would have thirteen couplets in this case, or 6 quatrains with a couplet at the end which I think works for this because the last two lines represent the "moral of the story" to the readers.
Personally, I only use couplets when an item is about half this size because it takes more time to count them in longer poems which becomes an inconvenience to yourself and your reviewers.
This lecture need not go on any longer and is meant to be constructive for you. If you had any lesser talent, I wouldn't take the time, but you do!

Final thoughts: You chose a great theme for this poem and included all of the rules of "who, what, where, when, and why" in the item.

The theme which I mentioned is one that many of your readers can relate with ... that of rejection and heartache. An emotional theme that has, and always will, work in this world. A theme used by many of the worlds most renowned authors. ;)

I was highly pleased to read your new post.

Carry on! Whitemorn :)
44
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Review of Touch One  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Alexi.

I took a moment to read this new poem of yours, so I will offer my review.

"Touch One" is an excellent title for this poem. ;) I instantly became a cat when I read the title since my curiosity was launched! :D

The topic of this poem is so socially meaningful at this time of year and for those who are suffering, the holiday season seems to make it worse. It is wonderful to remind all of us who are better off, to give regard and assistance to the unfortunate.

I especially liked that you included the callous remark that so many people have about the homeless creating their own misery. Although that idea is probably true in most cases, there are many unfortunate people who become so through no fault of their own. An uninsured house fire can take everything from a person and if they have somehow lost employment, not much can be done for them other than some social service help.

Suggestions ..... I think if I were to change anything it would be in the first line:

" She sits all alone in a strange shelter room." I think that if you wrote "strange cardboard room", it would add a bit more spice to the pitiful life of your character. I would also suggest putting a comma at the end of the first line and a period at the end of the second line.

I would put a comma at the end of the third line.

My last suggestion would be regarding this line: "reminding us of a manger so far." You might consider adding the word (all) in the sentence to improve the flow of the syllabic count ... "reminding us all of a manger so far."

Final thoughts: Thank you for putting that reference to our Lord in the poem. It was he who taught mankind the virtues of compassion and generosity. How can we have a true Christmas without his examples of love? That compassion is what your poem expresses so very well! ;)

Merry Christmas Alexi! Whitemorn :)

45
45
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A cute story from the viewpoint of the rescued pets.*Delight*

It is a heart wrenching thing for me to visit an animal shelter. I just feel so much compassion for the animals. Almost all of my pets were rescued animals or adopted from friends who couldn't keep them. *RollEyes*

Your story might make someone want to take a trip to the pound. My own Woof and Maio would like that! *Dog2* *Cat2*

Merry Christmas! Whitemorn *XMasTree* *StockingR*
46
46
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow ... If this is a true story ... that had to be an awful period in your life.

It seems that tragedy is a familiar companion to many of the writers here, as I have read several, similar accounts. Writing about such an event is a healthy way of dealing with the pain.

Now to the review...

"The Year Thanksgiving Came Early", is a fine title for this story. It makes the reader ask "why early"? and hooks them into reading further.

Your presentation throughout the text body is splendid. I found nothing confusing or awkward in the wordage, or flow of the story. You followed the rules of the writing game ie: the who, what, where, when, and why, needed for a smooth read delivery.

Although I am not used to reading items with so many dashes used in place of commas, I felt that they worked well as the long pauses they represent. It made parts of the story feel dreamlike, similar to when you are having an accident and time slows down during the event. That style is very effective and valuable. I use the ... as my long pause device, mostly because I'm too lazy to work my way up to the dash key, LOL! :D

I found no errors in the story.

Final thoughts:

You did an excellent job of taking the reader through every stage of the story ... sharing some of your emotional feelings, then after having gone through the loss, you bounce back at the end with a thankful attitude and strength of spirit that encourages all of your readers that they may be able to "ride the storms out" in their lives as well.

If I were going to change or add anything, it probably would be to describe your husband for the readers in the second paragraph, and to mention a few of the alternative therapies that you tried, to combat the illness in the eighth paragraph.

Wonderful work. Bravo. ;)

Warm regards, Whitemorn :)

47
47
Review of Quick-Draw Woody  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Sharon, I was stumbling through your port and this one poked me in the eye, so I had to read it. ;)

Your story is well written and held my interest throughout. Personally, I enjoy true stories about idiotic behavior and this one didn't disappoint.

I had to chuckle at the thought that the teenager Woody, shot himself in the "limb." LOL Do you get the humor? Woody / limb. :D

The title did not draw my interest ... it was your description. Perhaps if it were called "Quick Draw Woody", I would have latched on simply from the title.

I met a teen at a summer camp who had a horrible scar on his leg from a gun shot wound, so I can relate a little to this tale.

I am a gun supporter myself, but I have to draw the line at anything holding over 10 rounds and machine guns etc... Just for hunting and personal protection. I have only known two people who owned machine guns ... both had serious mental health issues. One, I know committed suicide and the other man I lost track of years ago.

Any way, thanks for the story ... Whitemorn :)
48
48
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very nice poem and tribute to your mother.

A poem with 5 quatrains possessing a uniform syllabic count, with a smooth delivery.

If I were to change anything about this poem it would be the title. Why? Because you are already telling your prospective readers what the item is about. If you want to pull in more readers, you could spike their curiosity by using the last line as the title: "Don't fret, it won't be long."

I'm not sure if it is appropriate to omit the quotation marks from the last two quatrains or not, but I would add them in. Other than that, I found nothing amiss.

My mother is 87 and will probably not last much longer. She has already survived more than 4 near death events and has a weak heart. The only thing keeping her going is her boyfriend, (across the hall), in the retirement center where she lives. LOL. :D

Carry on with more of your fine work. ;)

Warm regards, Whitemorn :)
49
49
Review of Stained Hope  
Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very moving poem Alexi.

I enjoyed the style of this work which I would define as "coffee house poetry". Why? Because the first two stanzas are somewhat symmetrical in syllabic cadence and rhyming scheme, then you changed that up and wavered from the pattern, which I think was appropriate due to the content. It's so true that in times of struggle, the organized patterns of human thought and reason "fall apart" to some extent.

The title is instantly thought provoking and fits the poem excellently.

My favorite lines are: "Life is all askew more than I could chew"
"Now life unfolds in fright and this detention"
"Poverty won"

I think if I were to make any suggestions for improvement it would be to rotate the first two words of the third line:

"Now not so new a smudge of black and blue" (to): Not now so new a smudge of black and blue. Why? because my brain stumbled on "Now not", trying to hear (Not now), because I'm brainwashed to hear it that way. Just my observation, but in your neck of the woods it may be the opposite.

Final thoughts: It seems that life on this planet is all about getting into sticky situations that we have to come up with solutions for. This poem is a great example of that truth. ;)

Thanks for the item Alexi ... Write on! :) Whitemorn

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Review by Whitemorn
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I am honored to be chosen to review this poem, "A Marriage Continues".

My reviews are simply my honest opinions of a persons work, and are based on my own preferences and education of literature to this date.

First impressions: This poem tells a relationship story with a spiritual emphasis. The couple, having built a wall between each other, somehow find a way to rekindle the spark of love that saves their marriage. It is an attitude which has changed gears in our modern age, since more people are living as single wage earners these days, while keeping the idea of marriage at bay.

I will post my suggestions in parentheses, within the text of your item. Most of them will have to do with the correction of the syllabic count.

"We each were culpable in our marriage mess,
yet, blindsided, I heard him disclose and confess (comma) (It is a tradition of classic poetry to capitalize the first word of every line in a poem)
he'd found someone else and planned to leave (I would add a syllable for a better cadence here IE: "else, was planning to leave") drop "and"
my every action and word then pled for a reprieve. ("My every action then pled for reprieve") Maintaining the syllabic count as above, and cadence.

I sought aid and wise counsel, 'ere we'd perish, ("aid from wise council" because the over use of the word "and" is typically avoided).
for we had sadly forgotten each other to cherish. ("For we'd sadly forgotten..." omitting a syllable to make the quadrant flow better)
Our partnership lacked a foundation of trust, ("the instead of a" would be my choice).
and openness, too, we learned is a must. ("we both learned, is a must") Adding "both" fixes the syllabic count with the line above.

Brick by brick walls were torn down as we learned to forgive, (This line has an awkward syllabic count because it's too long) Remove "brick by brick"?
the honesty and willingness allowed our marriage to live. ("the honesty granting our marriage to live").
We lived through repentance after heart-wrenching grief, ("We lived to repent, after heart-wrenching grief,").
and, slowly, in healing, we found ("our") relief.

Though several years have passed, we do not dare ("Now several years later, we both will not dare").
now to neglect lifting each other in fervent prayer. ("To neglect each other in fervent prayer").
Into each other's eyes, full face to face, (I don't believe the apostrophe is needed in "others").
we gaze and rejoice ... in God's endless Grace." (The three dots become a silent syllable in the form of a pause smoothing out the rhythm).

With all of the suggestions, the poem would look like this:

We each were culpable in our marriage mess,
Yet, blindsided, I heard him disclose and confess,
He'd found someone else, was planning to leave,
My every action then pled for reprieve.

I sought aid from wise counsel, 'ere we'd perish,
For we'd sadly forgotten, each other to cherish.
Our partnership lacked the foundation of trust,
And openness, too, we both learned is a must.

Walls were torn down, as we learned to forgive,
The honesty and granting our marriage to live.
We lived to repent, after heart-wrenching grief,
And, slowly, in healing, we found our relief.

Now several years later, we both will not dare,
To neglect each other in fervent prayer.
Into each others eyes, full face to face,
We gaze and rejoice ... in God's endless Grace.

If you notice how the quadrants are more even with the changes, it's a clue that the syllabic count is more precise. In classical poetry, it's important to maintain that balance, even though there are words that you wish you could add in. I prefer 11 as the syllabic count, because I can adjust some lines to have 10 or 12. It's more difficult to write classical poetry with less, and they can end up sounding like a limerick.

I would have titled the poem "A Marriage Survives", just to give it a little more of a dramatic effect.

You're definitely on the right track. I'm in favor of trying to keep marriage vows in tact, so I appreciated the fact that you brought the idea to light.

Again ... no offense was intended in this review. Like or dislike my suggestions as you please.

Warm regards, Whitemorn :) Thank you for your gift!!!

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