|I am honored to be chosen to review this poem, "A Marriage Continues".
My reviews are simply my honest opinions of a persons work, and are based on my own preferences and education of literature to this date.
First impressions: This poem tells a relationship story with a spiritual emphasis. The couple, having built a wall between each other, somehow find a way to rekindle the spark of love that saves their marriage. It is an attitude which has changed gears in our modern age, since more people are living as single wage earners these days, while keeping the idea of marriage at bay.
I will post my suggestions in parentheses, within the text of your item. Most of them will have to do with the correction of the syllabic count.
"We each were culpable in our marriage mess,
yet, blindsided, I heard him disclose and confess (comma) (It is a tradition of classic poetry to capitalize the first word of every line in a poem)
he'd found someone else and planned to leave (I would add a syllable for a better cadence here IE: "else, was planning to leave") drop "and"
my every action and word then pled for a reprieve. ("My every action then pled for reprieve") Maintaining the syllabic count as above, and cadence.
I sought aid and wise counsel, 'ere we'd perish, ("aid from wise council" because the over use of the word "and" is typically avoided).
for we had sadly forgotten each other to cherish. ("For we'd sadly forgotten..." omitting a syllable to make the quadrant flow better)
Our partnership lacked a foundation of trust, ("the instead of a" would be my choice).
and openness, too, we learned is a must. ("we both learned, is a must") Adding "both" fixes the syllabic count with the line above.
Brick by brick walls were torn down as we learned to forgive, (This line has an awkward syllabic count because it's too long) Remove "brick by brick"?
the honesty and willingness allowed our marriage to live. ("the honesty granting our marriage to live").
We lived through repentance after heart-wrenching grief, ("We lived to repent, after heart-wrenching grief,").
and, slowly, in healing, we found ("our") relief.
Though several years have passed, we do not dare ("Now several years later, we both will not dare").
now to neglect lifting each other in fervent prayer. ("To neglect each other in fervent prayer").
Into each other's eyes, full face to face, (I don't believe the apostrophe is needed in "others").
we gaze and rejoice ... in God's endless Grace." (The three dots become a silent syllable in the form of a pause smoothing out the rhythm).
With all of the suggestions, the poem would look like this:
We each were culpable in our marriage mess,
Yet, blindsided, I heard him disclose and confess,
He'd found someone else, was planning to leave,
My every action then pled for reprieve.
I sought aid from wise counsel, 'ere we'd perish,
For we'd sadly forgotten, each other to cherish.
Our partnership lacked the foundation of trust,
And openness, too, we both learned is a must.
Walls were torn down, as we learned to forgive,
The honesty and granting our marriage to live.
We lived to repent, after heart-wrenching grief,
And, slowly, in healing, we found our relief.
Now several years later, we both will not dare,
To neglect each other in fervent prayer.
Into each others eyes, full face to face,
We gaze and rejoice ... in God's endless Grace.
If you notice how the quadrants are more even with the changes, it's a clue that the syllabic count is more precise. In classical poetry, it's important to maintain that balance, even though there are words that you wish you could add in. I prefer 11 as the syllabic count, because I can adjust some lines to have 10 or 12. It's more difficult to write classical poetry with less, and they can end up sounding like a limerick.
I would have titled the poem "A Marriage Survives", just to give it a little more of a dramatic effect.
You're definitely on the right track. I'm in favor of trying to keep marriage vows in tact, so I appreciated the fact that you brought the idea to light.
Again ... no offense was intended in this review. Like or dislike my suggestions as you please.
Warm regards, Whitemorn :) Thank you for your gift!!!