A chocolate craver's craven charade.
|The Candy, Man
"Okay, Joey, here's the deal. I want this chocolate bar, but the doc says I can't have too much chocolate; this would make three for today. So, I'm going to play solitaire, until I win. Once I win, I get the chocolate as a reward and it would be my last one for the day. That sounds fair, right?"
Joey looked me right in the eye for a long moment, looked down at the candy, then back up at me, but remained completely silent.
"Don't be like that, Joey," I said, a little irritated. "I know I'm just postponing the inevitable, because I am going to eat this. I could have just wolfed it down, ya know, and not even tried to exercise a little willpower. Besides, with my luck at solitaire, this little morsel's demise could be a couple of hours away."
I shuffled the deck of cards, dealt them out in the standard pattern, and began. By the time the minute hand on the mantel clock had dragged itself around the clock's face a couple of times, I was thoroughly frustrated. My luck with cards was running even worse than usual and, at this rate, the chocolate would be my breakfast. A loud AAARGH! announced my emotional state to the world at large, and was enough to get Joey to stop doing whatever it was he'd been doing and come back into the room. He immediately noticed the chocolate bar still lying on the coffee table.
"Change of plans," I declared. "We're going for a walk, and then I'm having the chocolate."
Suddenly, Joey tried to snatch the chocolate bar, but I got to it first.
"No, Joey!" I shouted. "As bad as it is for me, it'll kill you, ya greedy mutt! Let's go!"