Once in a while when you're at sea for a long time, you just 'gotta have fun'
Playing With Hot Dogs
I spent twenty years in the Navy, and that was a different life. There were many ways to relieve stress, this short story is about one of them.
In Nineteen Seventy Nine, I was stationed on the USS Sargo SSN 583. In January we put to sea on a six month ‘WestPac deployment’. Now you have to understand that crew's mess on this submarine was very small, it held maybe 16 men. Right next to it was a small berthing area, with a door that opened in to crew's mess.
While eating lunch one day, I heard a small commotion, and three or four shipmates came running out, followed by a half dressed shipmate who was yelling an expletive laced tirade about how he would get them all, he’d kill them, do all sorts of things to pay them back. Luckily I was sitting on the far side, so their shenanigans didn't affect me much at all. I asked around, and finally found out what had happened in berthing.
Apparently this man slept in a middle bunk, which was just about hip high to a man standing up. We were having ‘Alabama Red Dogs’ (hot dogs) for lunch that day. Someone saw him sleeping in the bunk, his head hanging over the side, mouth wide open. Knowing we were having hot dogs for lunch, they took one of the hot dogs, cooled it down, then rubbed it lightly over his lips. When his eyes fluttered open, the hot dog was gone, and one of the men was standing there with his zipper down, and ‘it’ hanging out, as if that was what had been rubbing his lips moments before. Of course he had no idea they had used a hot dog, and was immediately pissed off. Though he threatened all sort of dire deeds to get even, I'm not sure if he did. You see, we pulled pranks to relieve stress; I'm sure he realized that. He may have gotten even, maybe not. I never knew.
It was one of those things where you had to be there to appreciate the true humor of it.