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Rated: GC · Short Story · Contest · #1755468
Manny Hardin takes Shaundra out on the town.
WC 869

The Comedienne

Shaundra was excited as she finished dressing. Mr. Hardin was taking her out. Right on time there came a knock.

“Ready Sweetheart?”

“Where are we going?”

“I was thinking about going to see some stand-up comedy."

“Oh that would be fun,” she replied, clapping her hands in delight. “Where's the club located?”

“In the Polish Ghetto.”

“I love comedy ,“she answered, “I can hardly wait.”

“Glad to hear it, because you're going to be the star attraction.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you know any jokes, you better start remembering them. We’ll be there in half an hour.”

“Oh my goodness,” she sighed.

At quarter past, they pulled into the parking lot of a place called the Warsaw Pool Hall. Manny took the young girl by the arm and they went inside. It was filled with smoke and incandescent lights hung low over the billiard tables. Sounds of balls clicking together and sliding racks filled the air. A buxom waitress was holding beer bottles between her legs and popping the caps...Then she would stroke the neck before handing it to a customer. The hall resonated with animated conversation. As they entered, everything got quiet and the patrons laid aside their cues and began to clap.

“Look!” one called out, “"The Man" is here with another one of his pathetic girlfriends.”

Manny smiled broadly, took Shaundra by the waist and lifted her up onto a snooker table. Stepping onto a chair, he joined her and addressed the onlookers.

“Yes indeed! Let me introduce you to Shaundra, a young woman I’m considering for employment. One of the criteria for the job is having a sense of humor and since you gentlemen regularly provide some great feedback, I was hoping to find out if she really has one. If we find her amusing she gets to keep her clothes on and if she doesn’t…well, I'll have to caution her...and if she gets butt naked, I suppose a good fucking is in order... right here in front of everybody.”

An outcry of cheering and raucous applause followed. Shaundra collected her wits. Taking a deep breath she began.

“A black police woman walks up to a hooker and asks for some ID. ' I must have forgotten to bring it the whore answers. Do you have any other means of identifying yourself, the cop replies? The hooker smiles, takes out a compact and offers it as a bribe… The officer, looking in the mirror replies….If I knew you were a cop I wouldn't have blown your cover.“

There was total silence .

“Kick off your shoes,” said Manny.

“This Sister friend of mine took a sky diving class," The instructor said, ‘You have to prepare for landing at about 300 feet above the ground….How am I to know when that is,” she inquired…."At 300 feet you can recognize the faces below….What if I don’t know anybody down there?”

Again, silence…

“Take your blouse off…I think you’re hilarious…"

She complied, nervously.

“There was this colored professor teaching Civics. 'To be President a candidate must be 35 years old and a natural born citizen. That’s not fair,' said one of the students….'What makes a natural born more qualified than someone delivered by C-section?'”

You could have heard a pin drop.

“Time for the bra,” said Manny, unsnapping the hasp.

“Hear about the Sister who lost 95 percent of her brains in an accident? She shot her boyfriend.“

Not a peep….

“Drop trou…"

She stepped out of her slacks.

“Brother takes his girlfriend for a drive. Tells her to look out the window and see if the turn signal is working…Well he asks?…Yes, no, yes, no yes, no…”

The silence continued… Manny pulled down his zipper and pulled out his cock.

She took off her panties….

“Sorry everybody. This is one humorless cunt; time for me to get directly involved. Hop to, Sweetheart and take the bone."

She grabbed his shoulders and jumped up. Reaching down she twisted it inside and wrapped her legs around his waist.

“What do you say we give her one more chance?” he asked magnanimously. His hands held her thighs, and he turned about. As he hunched, the crowd squirmed, groaning it's approval…

“Go for it Honey,” he said, still banging her twat.

“A black stripper calls from a titty bar for a pizza pie. The guy taking the order asks, "You want it sliced six or twelve?" Six,’ she replies, ‘I could never eat twelve.’”

For the first time, there came a ripple of laughter.

“A Pollock sees a woman at the end of a bar. He walks over and starts to say something…The bartender stops him, don’t bother,'she’s a Lesbian'.The Pollock keeps walking….“What part of Lesbia do you come from, Honey?”

The crowd groaned.

“Cut the Polish crap,” Manny whispered.

“A good looking black girl was telling a Polish joke to some dumb white dudes in a pool hall.”

“Hey Bitch,” a voice called out. “Don't you know where you are?"

“Sorry, she apologized…I’ll talk slower…”

Laughter exploded, as Manny shot his wad.

“Lets get out of here,” he said nervously, “before you get us both killed.”

© Copyright 2011 percy goodfellow (trebor at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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