Dealing with the death of a loved one.
By Teresa Blakely
It has been almost 36 years ago that I lost my mom in a car accident. The pain of losing her was so intense, I thought I would never be the same again. How could this ever be? You always believe your parents will be there forever. It's hard to consider that one just stops existing and are no longer there for you.
I was just barely 22 years old with two baby son's, the accident was three days before his fifth birthday. My other son was just barely two years old. It changed my life immensely, at first I just coped with the everyday life. I kept on reminding myself that I have 2 small son's and they needed me. I was having issues with losing her, I would look at my son’s and think they will never know her, they will never hear her voice, never feel her touch or her embrace. The tears would just pour down my cheeks never seeming to cease. I spoke to my mom every week, just like clockwork, we took turns so each others phone bills wasn't so high. Now, that they ceased to exist was heartbreaking and the thought of never hearing her voice ever again.
Then all the questions come to mind, Why did God take her away from me? She was to young and beautiful, Why Lord did you take her? She had one of the generous, kind-hearted heart I knew. For the longest time my questions came unanswered. As, I watched my son’s grow into handsome men. I would feel her presence as if she was there celebrating their birthday's, graduation's, wedding's, and then the birth of her great-grandchildren. I would picture her standing there over their cribs singing to them as she had done with me. Touching their little feet and hands counting every single finger and toe, just as she had done with my son’s. Just standing there in awe, looking at her offspring. I could hear her say, “They're so beautiful baby girl, you did good!"
Looking back and remembering a day that she held me, while fixing up my owies and wiping away my tears. How it felt to have her comforting me as I sat there and choked back those tears of pain. I can imagine the sound of her voice, the scent of her Ivory soap and shampoo she'd used that day. As she scooped me up into her arms, my nose buried into her hair. She’d say, "Now that’s my big girl. You wanna help me cook dinner?" Of course I would, I would always say yes, I loved helping her.
It's the birthday’s, and holiday's that are the hardest. People used to tell me, that time would heal all wounds. Some days you wonder if that was ever going to happen? When do you begin to forget? When do you stop asking why? When do you realize the hurt has gone, or will you ever stop hurting? Everyone's different we all heal in our own time frame. I remember her telling me when her daddy passed away. That one day, it will start to hurt less and less. Then time will make you forget the hurt, then the pain, and eventually you will only have the memories.
You know, those ones that creeped out when you least expect them. When something jogs that memory loose out of your memory core. You think to yourself, where did that come from? You know like a smell, reminding you of her perfume that she let you borrow on your very first date. A movie that the two of you use to love to watch together and eat popcorn and drink cherry Kool-Aid…lol. The food that she cooked was so amazing and then you have the flashbacks of her putting the cake in the oven. Oh, how, I loved her lemon cakes!
But, what I miss most of all is her laugh, her touch, her holding me and most of all her advice. Those long conversations on the phone, 2 to 3 hours at a time. You know that mother wisdom that they have. Yes, you forget over time some of these things. I guess that’s what truly hurts the most is the forgetting. But, thank God for memories and for the things that trigger them. Knowing that I do have the reassurance that we will be together once again, when it is my time. The knowledge of this helps me understand why! I have learned through the years there is always a reason behind God's plans and that time does heal all wounds.
Merry Christmas to everyone and especially the ones who have lost and know the pain of loss. Just remember to grab those memories and hold them tight . Love those around you for tomorrow is never promised.