His Heart, No Longer Mine

The mindset of one who made the mistake of being unfaithful, and not for the first time.

Here I am, again.
New person.
Old mistakes.

My love.
My future husband.
His heart, in my hands.

The anger, hatred,
From all who know
Him. Love him.

It is nothing,
Absolutely and utterly
Nothing. Compared to the mirror.

Not just for him
But others. All
The others.

What is wrong
With me. That
Made me so wrong.

They see who
I want, dream
To be.

Where is that
Gentle, and harmless
Person. Reflected in their eyes.

I want to, deserve
To be punished.
By him, then. Myself.

I deserve to
Feel that cold and
Merciless metal on my skin.

To be punished
With bloodshed.
At my own hands.

I deserve to
Punish myself for
The lesson I never learn.

What is wrong
With me, my soul,
My heart.

Should I be
Over for their
Sake?
For his.