|The sun rays shone bright;y in the morning over the white topped mountains. It was a beautiful sight to behold, but rolling my head to the right I let out a sigh of despair, thinking about her and the memories we cherished. Before I could ponder any more, I heard the tiny footsteps in the room next to mine make its way. I rushed to the door.
"Hey daddy? Are you awake yet?" A sweet tiny gentle voice muttererd behind the closed door.
"Of course honey!" I exclaimed as I stumbled to get my house clothes on, "I'll always be up in time for you!" I said opening the door, and hugging and kissing my little Vana.
"Did you have a good nights sleep my love?"
"I did," she muttered, rubbing her eyes with her tiny hands, "I'm hungry."
"Ahhh. Well, let's go ahead and make some breakfast for you."
Grabbing the steel pan I asked, "So what's the order for today? Bacon and eggs? Or pancakes?"
"Hmmmm..." Vana was carefully thinking deeply about this. She's a very indecisive girl, so usually come up with compromises to make it easier for her.
"Or everything?" I said with a sly look.
"Yes please!" She replied with a wide smile.
"Coming right up!" I responded back with one of my own, and started cooking. I grabbed the handle grip of the steel pan and placed it atop the stove. Leaning to my left, I plucked the spatula, flipping it in the air and gently letting it down into the pan. Noticing a little crust in the bowl I was to make the pancake mix and eggs, I washed it with lukewarm water as I looked out the kitchen window. The grass outside ran down the hill and up the slopes, interminably toward the rising sun. I heard her little footsteps from behind me run up and latch on to my back with her puny arms.
"Thank you so much daddy I love you!"
"I love you too darling,"I muttered out through what was nearly tears of joy. When she finally unhooked her arms and ran off to some other room, I was able to think by myself for a bit. After a few solemn seconds, I stifled the moroseness, and thought that I should live for these moments while I still had the chance; those times where her smile would brighten my day, and those days where the sun would add to this further beauty and love. It is sad, but I began to realize this a few years ago that she is the only thing that really keeps me going these days. But, I take in as much joy as I can while I still have the opportunity with my lovely girl. I will never let this relationship go, and I will never let anything come between me and my Vana ever again.
"Daddy look! The flowers are blooming!" she said as I turned around, to see her standing on the little creeky wooden rocking chair that swung by the book shelf
"Hunny you know what I told you about standing on the rocking chair... you could get hurt..." And as soon as I yelled that, I heard a tiny tumble followed by the sound of, what seemed to be, a bunch of books falling down.
Turning off the stove with the pancake nearly done, I ran towards the cacophony. I could've nearly died from laughter because of what I just witnessed; tiny legs hanging from the chair with a pile of books blanketing the rest of her body. I felt terrible for thinking it funny, but I couldn't help it!
"Aw Vana, this is why told you not to do what daddy tells you not to do! It's always for your own good." I told as I swiped the mass of literature on top of her, and picked her up off the ground. I kneeled down, and placed both of my hands on her shoulders.
"Listen baby, i need you to follow the rules in the house, and to do as I say, okay?"
"Yes daddy"she responded , holding her bruised arm and the tears welling up. I kissed her on her forehead with all of the love I could muster up.
"But, there will come a time when you don't need or want to do as I say. And when that time comes, I need you to remember-"
"To love myself?" she said puzzled. I nodded in approval, and understood how a tiny girl will never know the power of self respect at this stage in her life.
"That's right. I know that you love the trees, the grass, the flowers, the strange people, and even my delicious pancakes," I said while tickling her tummy, which elicited her joyful laughter, "but you must love yourself, just as much or even more than you love everything else, okay!"
"Yes daddy." I gave her a kiss on her cheeks and forehead once more.
When the day had ended, and when I gave Vana a kiss goodnight, I crept into my bedroom. Standing by the threshold, which revealed the blue moonlight shine upon the large, empty bed I thought of her. A flash of the time we were children, discovering these orbs caused my breathing to become shallower and shallower, to the point where I felt like there was only a vacuum within my lungs hoarding all the air. I slumped toward the edge of the bed, and knelt upon my knees. I cried silently, and when I tried to sleep in this awkward position, all I could dream of was her.
- - -
The blue aura emitting from her. Her hair standing like a peacock's feathers, instilling fear into me. Not because of who I looked at, but because of the eerie silence that contradicted the terrifying vision I was having once more. her body levitated slowly, and unnaturally, if such a thing could describe something as uncanny as floating from the ground. The voice - her voice - in my head, whispering memories of our love into my right ear, and threatening blood curdling screams into my other ear.
I ran, without question or protest like I always have had, from this dark tomb, but knowing full well that no matter how hard I try, i can never escape. I closed my eyes, running blind for I know the true outcome. My legs flail hopelessly like a chicken who's head is about to be cleaved right off from its body. My arms search for the nonexistent walls for guidance, but it was of no use for its obsidian color blended with the darkness.
She's behind me I can feel it, and I know it. Because this was the point in the story of my dream where the worst comes. I sprinted for god knows how long. And what for? Panting, trying to regain my breath, I turn knowing that all my efforts were of no use. So I close my eyes, and shielded myself like a turtle in a corner. I open my eyes that were covered with my arms, and strangely enough, no light could be seen through it.
Maybe this time is a different story. Maybe this will be the time that I conquer my fears. This will be the last of these experiences that I will try to forget
God was I utterly wrong. She was standing directly in front of me with her blinding colors. This time, I truly gave in. The blue rays seductively embraced my limp structure. I decided to bask in this warmth for a few moments before I knew that she would turn me into ashes, and before she would whisper into my ear these words:
"When the day breaks, crumbles, and teeters into the ocean of deception you forged, all that will be left is your hope for the child. You'll know what it's like, you and I have felt it before. Whether you want to or not, we will tear the child apart"