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Rated: 18+ · Short Story · Comedy · #2198961
For the first time ever, a tooth fairy creates an online dating profile.
         Sigh. I haven't been dating much lately. Okay, okay, the sad truth is I've never dated, not one single date for single me, ever.
         I suppose I just never made the time. My career requires much of my energy, my drive, and my focus. I flitter, I flutter, here, there, and everywhere, always alone.
         Oh, I notice the couples, holding hands, snuggling, canoodling, sharing conversation and laughter; they're always together. How did they find each other? Am I missing something, or someone?
         If I wish to meet a special person and socialize with them, I need to make an effort. I need to showcase my availability, let the world know I'm on the market.
         In these modern times, the go to place is the internet. Online shopping is convenient. With a click, I can shop for information, advice, entertainment, food, transportation, clothing, and more. To both promote myself and browse a catalogue of potential candidates, I must join a dating website.
         I must admit I'm a wee bit leery. Water sports have never been my forte. I'm not sure if I'm dipping my toes into the shallow end of the dating pool, or diving into the deeper water. Will I sink or swim? Maybe I'll slip and belly flop. I definitely will not tread water. I expect to flounder, splash, gasp, and blubber. This is all new to me; I want to keep my head above the surface.
         The first decision for my dating profile is a username. Since I believe in honest advertising this is a no-brainer, Tooth Fairy. I do identify with my profession.
         I've never had to sell myself , but I would describe me as a strong, independent, career-centred, single female. Frivolity is not my middle name. My focus is total. I see to the root of a task. I'm goal oriented. I do what needs to be done. I'm in and out without wasting time. I never seek approval, in fact, I'm so efficient I'm never noticed.
         My job can be summed up thusly, I'm a procurement agent and I work alone. My speciality is enamel. Because of the nature of my business I prefer to toil at night.
         I confess to having a sweet tooth. I like candy, but who doesn't? It keeps me in a job.
         I'm attracted to a dazzling smile and it's the first thing I notice. Poor dental hygiene is a turn-off.
         My favourite colour is pearl white. It compliments everything with its shine and brilliance.
         I suppose I would ask of anyone perusing my profile, do you seek a relationship you can sink your teeth into? Would you describe yourself as once bitten, twice shy? Have there been gaps in your dating? Please, no biting replies that will cause me to clench or grit my teeth.
         To avoid awkward brush-offs, please send replies complete with pics of your amazing smile. Chew if you will on my bio and consider it as food for thought. I'm not going to answer with I'll bite. That's not my style.
         Oh, I purposely neglected to state my age. A gal is entitled to maintain some mystery. I could write that I'm old enough to know better, but I'm not glib. To say that I've been around the block seems too cynical. I will say this though, I have all my teeth.
         I am in the process of uploading a photo. I notice that many of my images are blurry. Perhaps one of my dates will capture the essence of this Tooth Fairy.
         That's it. Once I click submit I'll be accepted into this online community. I've put myself out there. I'm not expecting waves, but a few ripples would be nice.
         Well, I know I omitted some of my unique details. The fact that I have wings and I can fly might attract the weirdos. I am no flame to a moth. What's the harm in a little surprise?
         I find myself holding my breath and crossing my fingers. Will I be judged and found lacking?
         Oh, I hear a few chimes. Already my suitors are ringing my virtual doorbell. This may not be as difficult as extracting teeth.
         Wait, perhaps I spoke too soon.
         "I'd like to take a bite out of you. I bet you know a million things to do with dental floss."
         Ewww! (723 words)
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