You before others:

It's a shame to know you abuse yourself for the sake of others.
this thought process is all you know...
thus, you continue to help "others" thinking that one day your good intentions will be noticed...
life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.
This is not strength. It's poor choices, excuses created due to the fear of the unknown.
Again, it's all you know.
Sad to say, true freedom will not be sustained. Forever locked in your cage.