Being Old is for Me

Me during a difficult time

Being old for me is finding myself constantly reviewing all of my life's past moments and memories
I see how quickly they have slipped away, and I wonder, how could I have not noticed?
I envision them as grains of sand slipping through the bottom of a cracked hour glass
And that the hour glass is my life, and I wonder, why is my hour glass cracked?

While I'm watching this crack in my hour glass, I notice it is slowly widening, and the amount of sand leaving has increased
I wonder, the older I get, does the crack always widen, and the faster the sand will leave?
It saddens me because I know I cannot mend my old broken hour glass
I cannot stop or slow down the sand from leaving
This sadness has become a pain touching my very heart and soul

All of that sand, gone forever, and I'm wanting so badly to replace it all
I want to replace every single one of the bad moments from my past, which are many, to good
No, there is no redo, or retake, no second thoughts
Once each grain of sand has passed through that crack, it is no longer mine

Being old for me is feeling my body retaliate for all of what it has had to endure
It remembers all the abuse, the neglect, of being over worked, of never resting, of Its hard life
Since It will not forget or forgive, It pays with the only thing It knows, pain
Pain I feel with every movement, every action, every thought, every feeling, endless pain

Many days I am tired of this life,and I wonder, or sometimes I hope, will this be the day my broken hour glass will finally empty
Will I have no more pain, and no more sad thoughts
Sometimes I want it to be so, and for the sand to leave quicker, but then I think, maybe not
Maybe, I think, just maybe, being old is just finding better ways to live with my pain, my sadness, with my life as it is now
Maybe I can find ways to forgive myself, and remind myself that I always tried to do the best I could
Maybe if I take better care of my body now, it might show me less pain
Maybe it is time to appreciate what I have, and be thankful, because I know in my heart it could be so much worse
Maybe it is time to stop watching the sand leaving my old broken hour glass, and cherish what is still left within