The family pup orders a 21st birthday surprise...on Amazon
Amazing Amazon Birthday
One problem with being a dog is the lack of fingers. I mean, teeth are fine for gnawing bones and retrieving balls and tugging on pant legs. A big wet black nose is great for sniffing out squirrels and knowing who peed where and tracking down your ball. Paws are super for running and digging and holding bones and patting your people when you want attention. But when it comes to placing an order on Amazon, teeth and nose and paws all suck big time.
A bit of backstory. I had overheard Mommy tell Daddy that Kerry's birthday was in three weeks. Mommy is my lady and Daddy is my man and Kerry is my boy. He's a big boy. Kerry will be twenty-one. That's about three in dog years. Birthdays are fun because of cake and ice cream and balloons to chase and presents that have wrapping paper to shake and shred. Christmas is fun because of wrapping paper too, only with turkey and stuffing instead of balloons. I love turkey and stuffing and...Oh. Another problem with being a dog is that you get distracted easily.
Birthdays. Yes. I am an old dog and have helped my family celebrate many birthdays. Cake and ice cream and....No! Stop!
I am a good dog and don't pee in the house. Also I am an old dog. So I get to live inside. I get to sit in Daddy's lap while he works on the computer. Mostly I snooze. But I watch with interest when Daddy orders dog food and dog treats and dog toys on something called Amazon. Because I sit in his lap and watch with great interest, he explains to me exactly what he is doing. I like it when Daddy talks to me.
Apparently Kerry's 21st birthday is special. Big plans for this birthday. Cake and ice cream, yum. No! I am a good dog. I want to get a present for Kerry. I have heard Kerry talk about wanting a motorbike. I chased one once. They go fast. I will get Kerry a motorcycle on Amazon.
Daddy is in the back yard picking up my presents for him. I scamper into the office and hop onto the chair. I am an old dog but I can still jump. The laptop is open. I carefully put my paw on the space bar. Yes! There is the Amazon screen. I am a good dog!
I nose some buttons on the keyboard. The Enter key is big so I can nose it too. Are those motorbikes? Oh, dear. I am drooling on the keyboard so I lick the keys to clean them. They taste like Daddy. I sniff the thing Daddy calls The Mouse. It doesn't smell like a mouse. It smells like Daddy. I nose the little wheel a bit. When I sniff the buttons on the mouse, I hear some clicks. Interesting. I nose the buttons a few more times for fun. The screen changes and says my motorbike will arrive by Kerry's birthday. At least, I hope that's what it says.
I hear Daddy coming so I paw at the keyboard a few times and nose the Enter key. My gift will be a surprise! I curl up in the chair and pretend to sleep. Daddy picks me up, sets me in his lap, and looks at his laptop. "What on earth--?" he says. I pant in delight. I will surprise Kerry with a nice birthday gift. I am a good dog!
Kerry's birthday comes but my present has not arrived. My family has lunch and then we all enjoy cake and ice cream. Yum!
"Kerry, let's go out to the garage," says Daddy. "Got something for you." So we all go to the garage. Kerry is excited, and so am I, because we know what is coming.
Yes! There in the garage is the big shiny motorbike I ordered on Amazon! Kerry and I dance and jump up and down and yip with excitement.
"Thanks, Mom & Dad. But how on earth did you know that was the exact model I wanted?"
"Because you very subtly left my laptop open to that particular page on the Honda website. I took a chance and ordered it. If it's not right, we can exchange it."
"No, it's perfect! Man, I gotta go for a ride!" Daddy told him it was all ready to rip which confuses me because I get in trouble if I rip stuff but I guess it's okay to rip motorbikes because Kerry climbs on and roars off. I want to chase him but Mommy picks me up and holds me.
We go back into the house to wait for Kerry to come back. I bark to let my family know someone is at the front. The doorbell rings. Mommy and I go to answer it. There is a big package on the step. It has the big smile that means Amazon. I am confused. Isn't the motorbike my present from Amazon? Maybe Daddy has ordered something too.
Mommy opens the box and looks inside and turns to Daddy and says, "George, why in the name of God did you order THIS?"
I dance and wag my tail. I am a good dog.