A brief look into my life as a teenage lesbian.
|I was a human, a pretty decent one. I was in love. But that didn't matter to anyone.
All that mattered was that I was different, physically and mentally.
My dark brown spiked hair, my earings, my black clothing, my cuffs. The fact that I was in love with a girl. That's all the saw. They saw me as a monster, something different, and shut me out.
I was happiest when I was with her. I could be holding her hand, walking in the rain, and Nothing could change how I felt. Not the staring, not the pointing. Not the hatred from people I knew and loved. But when I was alone, without her. I couldn't handle it.
I've heard a friend I once held dear say this. "We should send all the homosexuals to Iraq. Then nuke the country." I guess she didn't know she would be sending me.
I never cry. My girlfriend knows it. But that night I called her and she knew something was up. I nearly cried on the phone with her, telling her I was about to do something stupid. She convinced me not to, even though she was out with our friends.
I haven't heard from her for a few days. I worry that she regrets being with me because of all we have to go through, hiding our love and taking the pointing and staring in the gut. But I pray she will love me through all of this. Because I love her.
When my own mother accuses gays as being sexual perversions and worse then child molestors I have to bite my tongue and take it. I have to live in this world of hate...and somethings I wonder if its worth what I go through.
It has to be.