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and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
.
Your intro, rating, title and genres are all appropriate.
Each stanza and finishing line shows a touching story that leaves your reader thinking.
Each stanza in it's own way shows what is important in life.
favorite part:
The stanza on the nurse. I am a nurse and see too often where the patient is forgotten; we get caught
up in doing our procedures and paperwork and forget the patient.
Thanks for the read, it definitely left me thinking.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
favorite parts;
Your ending line and this line:
Putting on faces, pretending to smile
We all have our faces.
Your hope comes out strong in this.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
Only one suggestion and it's take out the one punctuation you have in line 5.
You have no punctuation in this except for that line...
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Love the image it is very pretty.
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
favorite lines:
I found that special moment of delight
as lips caressed in sensuality.
I like your ending rhymes they work well and are very unique!
Your poem flows good, your syllable count is perfect which all works in making this an awesome sonnet!
Overall Impression:
Great tribute to your friend.
Sorry for your loss.
Your title, rating and genres are good.
Suggestions:
For I know you’re in a better place and God make no mistake.
try:
For I know you’re in a better place and God makes no mistake.
In line 7, I would put a comma instead of a period to help with the flow.
Line 8 is a little awkward, should use be used?
In stanza 4 you drop the rhymes and shorten the lines, maybe pick up the rhymes and expand on this stanza. Also in this stanza you change tenses and have "but the loving mother you are" instead of was.
Keep writing!
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating and title are appropriate.
I enjoyed your poem, just as I enjoy a good rain!
favorite lines;
'The boom hits, shaking my window:
The essence of cracking electricity.'
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I would add another genre instead of having other. They help your item get exposure. You could use environment, personal or even experience.
Instead of having 'the title says it all' for your intro, maybe draw your readers in with a brief descriptive intro.
Thanks for entering your poem in "Invalid Item" and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating and genres are good.
Great descriptions throughout.
favorite part;
'Bursting through the morning sky, thunder is drawing ever near
Preceding in its wake clashing and bright, lightning seeks to attain a killers strike.'
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I suggest a more creative title.
suggestions from your poem;
Bereavement Drawing Near
Predator Storm
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Your rating and genres are appropriate.
Great title, when I first read the title and intro - I thought how does that even apply? But you end this well and show yourself back at square-one!
It seems like most relationships(friends, lovers, etc.) tend to be this way. There is usually one person more committed than the other. You show your relationship well.
SUGGESTIONS:
You have a few words that you could remove that would help with the flow of your poem.
Like so in line 13
And in line 7
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I enjoyed your poem on a friendship turning to love. I think being friends first helps to build a more solid relationship.
favorite lines;
'what my heart was beating.
It said it wanted you and you only'
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
At times it feels like you are telling (talking) a story, work a little on letting your lines flow as you express your thoughts and feelings.
example;
And after all of that,and more so
stupidly enough I still thought,
we were only friends and that's that and nothing at all.
try
Even after that,I still had doubts
about us being more than friends
OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
WELCOME to the site.
ENJOY yourself!
Your feelings for your crush comes through well.
favorite part;
'A fragile butterfly, falling off a branch?
Gliding under the moonlight?
'
SUGGESTIONS:
A more creative title.
Suggestions from your poem;
Love's Rushing Wind
Love's Trance
Watch your repetition - you have some repetitive thoughts throughout and watch your overuse of words.
ex;
I see you once again,
Your short greeting,
Your light smile.
This hint of doubt…
This nagging feeling…
This will haunt me forever.
try
I see you once again,
A short greeting a
secretive, light smile.
This hint of doubt…
leaving a nagging feeling…
This will haunt me forever.
Just some small changes to cut the repetition and help with the overflow of the poem. You could easily add a few more descriptive words to express yourself.
Overall Impressions:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I like that you use the color brown for your poem.
Unique comparison-log vs. life/death.
Your descriptions throughout are good and show the comparison well.
You poem flows well.
I like the one line stanzas that you have, standing alone makes your points come across stronger.
Errors/Suggestions
I think this word is mispelled.
into beautious truth,
Should it be beauteous?
Keep writing!
Tammy
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Overall Impressions:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I'm not familiar with this culture but I wasn't left with any questions after reading this.
I agree we all have our own beliefs and we are the one who will have to answer.
Errors/Suggestions
I think you just need to proofread and edit this in some areas.
example:
she wouldn't on leave home on such a day with that undone."
I think the first on needs to be cut here.
but the some niggling self-doubt made me try.
I think you need to cut the in this sentence.
Also, ever since the time I was got called for a mass casualty
I would cut got in this sentence.
Keep writing!
Tammy
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Overall Impressions:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
Your image is very fitting for your poem.
Great ending that shows the day beginning.
favorite parts;
Petals, once spread, to capture the sun
now enfold each other. Their work is done.
AND
the blossom now sleeps, or so it seems,
yet deep in its heart it holds onto its dreams.
I love the thought of flowers holding their dreams.
Keep writing!
Tammy
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Overall Impressions:
Your title and genres are appropriate.
I enjoyed your story.
I like your ending and the decision to not work late again!
Errors/Suggestions
You might try for a more unique title, one that will draw your readers in - a few suggestions from your story.
Office Scare
Office Fright
Darling Bank Robbery
Keep writing!
Tammy
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Overall Impressions:
Your title is fitting.
Your rating is appropriate.
Great tribute.
My favorite lines:
'He often sat upon the steps just looking out to sea,
thinking how to pass the laws to keep his people free. '
Errors/Suggestions
Instead of having other as a genre, you could have History or Political.
and we‚ll keep his treasured memory as we live from day to day.
and we'll keep his treasured memory as we live from day to day.
Same thing with here's in line four.
In the last line you have a typo - <sum>
Keep writing!
Tammy
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Overall Impression:
I agree with you that this rating is appropriate.
Your title and genres are good.
Great image! The color of the eyes really helps to enhance the legend of Uriah.
This is not a genre that I usually would read but I really enjoyed your story. You kept my attention to the very end.
Your dialog is good and easy to follow. You keep his dialect through out.
I wasn't left with any questions.
Good luck with the contest.
Keep writing!
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #962569 by Not Available.
and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title and rating are appropriate.
I enjoyed the story that your poem tells.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS: Instead of having other as one of the genres,
you could have fantasy, drama or supernatural even. Placing your
items in genres will help it get more exposure.
A few small suggestions:
I was taken by surprise by a sound.
I stumbled over the 2 by s in this line.
try
I was surprised by a sound
I arose from my bed to find the source,
And commenced to looking around.
try
I arose from my bed to find the source,
Commencing to looking around.
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your title, genres and rating are appropriate.
Very sad/bittersweet read.
I have seen this often though as a nurse who has worked in Long Term Care facilities.
I often wonder what would be worse to lose your mentality but still be independent in your cares or to lose your ability to cae for yourself but keep your mentaity.....
It would almost be 'kind' if you lost your independence you would lose your mental abilities too.
But I have seen both men and women who care for their spouse/ family when that person has no idea who they are-it takes a lot of deication and love.
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
I did not notice any errors or typos.
Thanks for entering your poem in"Invalid Item" and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Yor rating, title and genres are good.
Very sweet and touching poem.
It made me smile, I love the lines on her cold toes!
Your love for your wife comes out strongly with each line you worte!
MY OPINIONS/SUGGESTIONS:
You could add one more genre, love and romance would work well!
My Overall impression:
Great title.
Your rating and genres are good.
Your poem flows well.
I like the ending lines the best.
Suggestions/Errors:
My only suggestion would be to add to this, show your readers why you choose your mate and life. I think if you expanded on that it would make the overall poem more emotional.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by Tammy
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