Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Unique title.
Your rating and genres are appropriate.
Great last stanza.
I think you capture the confusion, the pain, the emotions of losing a loved one well.
Suggestions/Errors:
I'd suggest adding more description to this, let your readers know/learn more about your loved one. Maybe add a memory or two of your time together. I think that would add to the emotion of this and would help to personalize this a little more.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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My Overall impression:
Your title is good and should draw your readers in.
Your emotions come through strong at the end.
Suggestions/Errors:
Add some genres, they help your item get exposure.
Romance/love, drama, personal, experience or emotional would work.
You skip around a bit with this, you go from needing and loving to breaking and hating...???
Mayb set it up a bit. Was this couple ever together or?
It leaves the reader with questions.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by Tammy
Overall Impressions:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Parts of this made me think of my own childhood. I too can remember rolling down a favorite hill. And making homemade icecream.
Very good read, I enjoyed your story and the memories it evoked in me!
Very good question you ask at the end.
Makes me wonder and think even about my children and what are they going to look back and remember. We live a 1,000 miles from family. I just have to hope the family nights and times we have are enough...plus the yearly vacations we take back home!
Errors/Suggestions
Need a space between para s three and four (from the end.)
Keep writing!
Tammy
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My Overall impression:
Your title, rating and genres are appropriate.
What I like best about this poem is you never really say what could or is in there.
So I think that each reader will put their own fear and place in there!
Cool read, I like the way you repeat the one line.
Makes it dramatic and a little scary!
I like the descriptions you have, the child's painting, the blood soaked hands..the bile/puss ~ YUCK.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
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and good luck. OVERALL IMPRESSION:
Your rating, title and genres are appropriate.
I think we all look back at our past and have thoughts/feelings similar to this. I think your readers will be able to identify with these thoughts and they will probably make the reader remember! And I think it's human nature to wonder if we could have done more, or done better.
I also believe that we are mere instruments.
I enjoyed your poem.
Welcome to the site. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks for entering The Drop Box, my contest for newbies. "THE DROP-OFF BOX "
My Overall impression:
Great title.
Your rating and genres are good.
You start this off strong with your first sentence, making the reader want to know more.
Great ending line.
Suggestions/Errors:
Maybe space a little, divide it into a couple of paragraphs.
Maybe expand a little.
You have this as fiction. Is it a short story or a prologue or...?
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by
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Your title is unique and your rating and genres are good.
Sorry for your loss.
I hoped it helped a little to write this.
Writing is an awesome way to express your feelings.
my favorite part:
Am I physically raptured or is this all in my head?
Can I touch the surface of what I do not know?
Will it come alive for me and tell me where to go?
I like the ending about your soul being left adrift, I felt like this when my mom passed. I think your readers will easily be able to identify with your thoughts and feelings in this.
Keep writing!
Reviewed by Tammy
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My Overall impression:
Your rating, title and genres are good.
Wow...this is very deep and full of emotions.
Makes you wonder how many suicides
could actually be accidents..?
I like how you show the blood in the mud in stanza two~great imagery.
Suggestions/Errors:
Maybe include a prevention website at the end of this..so if anyone who is reading this has these kind of thoughts they could check it out.
Hope you enjoy yourself here. Any questions, e-mail me.
Keep writing! Reviewed by Tammy
I like the image that you start with and that you put this in red!!
I like the different sides you show to a woman.
How many of us are really like this and keep it hidden.....
You're no nightmare!!
What I see/feel~~YOU are one of the most creative people I know, not to mention kind, funny, supportive and very sweet!!
My favorite part:
Would you think me a threat, if I made a suggestion?
Thought up some idea, was able to do something you couldn't?
Would I be less of a woman if I spoke my mind?
Made you do the things I'm supposed to do?
Keep writing!
Reviewed by Tammy
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OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Your rating, title and genres are all appropriate.
Awesome tribute.
This poem applies to so many men and women today.
The unsung heroes that fight for us all.
I like how you show the soldier as being brave yet timid and unsure. And you show that they don't know all they fight for or for whom they fight for, they just do it.
Your image is a bit disturbing but fits so well.
Keep writing!
Reviewed by Tammy
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OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Hi there!
I came to look around your port, since it's been SO long since I had time to. I couldn't even get past your first folder here.
I love the image and your little poem on what your folder holds.
It's very inviting and makes the reader want to explore it all.
I like that you have your merit badges on display too. I have a folder or two that I have mine it too!
Reviewed by Tammy
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Very short, cute read. It would be just the right length to keep a child's attention!
Your story flows well.
I think any little kid starting school would enjoy having this read to them.
SUGGESTIONS:
I did not notice any typos or errors.
Have you thought about writing anymore on Brandon? Maybe focus on his firsts...first playmate, first time at recess, first...you see where I am going with it.
Keep writing!
Reviewed by Tammy
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OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
WELCOME to the site.
Your rating, title and genres are good.
I like how you start this off with a question, and of course the reader wants to know the answer!
What a tragic, sad read.
I like the ending, where you show you each as being the dream-giver.
SUGGESTIONS:
I was a little confused about how long she had the cancer, was it only for two weeks that you knew about it...? Because that really wouldn't be long to carry a 'burden.'
Keep writing!
Reviewed by Tammy
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Your title should be effective at drawing your readers in.
Very well written poem, I had to read it straight through the first time.
You capture the reader with these lines.
I love how you do the last four lines of each stanza.
Your ending executes this as you have her!
SUGGESTIONS:
You need to rate your item.
Keep writing!
Reviewed by Tammy
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OVERALL IMPRESSIONS:
Very sweet poem.
I love your ending, I have so many memories that I hope never fade.
Both my parents are gone, so this was a bittersweet read.
But I could easily identify with these growing years.
The grounding, the guidance, my rebellion!
I've enjoyed your port.
YOU rock!!
Keep writing! hugs, Tammy
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