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You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I am having problems today concentrating. I tried to read a few blogs but if they were more than a couple paragraphs, I just lost interest. My mind just seemed to shut down....Oh not that I wasnt' thinking a million miles an hour as usual but more like I couldn't put in the effort. I am not tired or anything like that........I just think too much is going on around me that I can't block out (like I normally do) I can't wrap my mind around complicated subjects...it's splitting at the seams. I am ready for the weekend and am not working tomorrow. I am going for a ten mile trail run early tomorrow and am really looking forward to it. The projected temp is 13 - 18 degrees so I will dress for the trip. We are running on a game preserve so we do not have to worry about hunters....thank god.......it is scary to run in the woods on any day but Sunday....some crazy gun slingers out there. I think they will shoot at anything that threatens to move. Hey, I'm all for shooting your food if you need it but honestly my beef steaks are surely not that good eating...... I suspect some stupid hunter would just leave my carcass behind once he realized what he shot. I wonder what deer think when they see all these orange men (and some women) walking around with itchy fingers and blood filled eyes? I'm thinking it's a lot like the pastries when I walk past the display and trying to decide which chocolate filled delight is going to fill my mouth with ecstasy....I am sure they are all pretty scared! |
| Someone made a comment about my blog the other day........ I wasn't putting myself down so much as commenting on how great other people are. I know I have a certain style though not basking in vocabulary and not english rule literate, it does have emotion and can sometimes bring out feelings in readers. By no means is that considered great writing by the people who judge these things. I am ok with that, I know I am one of the little people rambling on in this life trying to survive and move forward. For what purpose I have still to discover. I will never be rich, never be famous and probably never write a book that is published. I am however a strait forward, fair, empathic person who will probably find a way to make a few lives a little bit better because of my unorthadox views. I will write some fairly off key things that may border on pretty good and at least cause a few people to stop and think. But that is the extent of it. Thing is, I know that and accept it. I do not need a life of fame and grandor.......I am humble enough to view and understand who I am.....just a guy writing some stuff that makes me feel good and a few others enjoy it too....I know I have touched a few people and even helped some with my writing....I think that is something to be proud of. That being said, I think I will use this entry for my blog today....... |
| 11/18/08 Tuesday (night) The feeling was a little depressing as I opened the cellar door instead of the front door. The trip down the stairs and to the tread mill not quite as exilarating as a run outdoors. I set up to do 3x 1mile repeats and to recalibrate my nano (new pod) with some 400s. Again the treadmill seemed to continue it's lazy lifestyle by refusing to run properly. it reminded me of the kids when I would ask them to do something on a day when they just didn't feel like it. The apearant non understanding of my desires were prominent. This was no different, I plugged in the treadmill and the incline just keep climbing all by itself. I hit down and it stopped climbing but then started going down and not stopping until it hit bottom. Once at the bottom it keep (trying) to go lower and not allowing the system to start up. I fought with this for at least 10 minutes and after kicking the damn thing it miraculously started working right. The track lights suddenly blinked on and it waited patiently for my to punch in my requirements. Good thing because I was about to give up and do a bike ride instead. I had this same problem a couple times last winter and actually chalked it up as a fluke. Now I think the darn thing is just plain getting old. Another problem I have with it, is sometimes when I set my speed (above 7) it decides I am not running fast enough and it creeps up in speed until it tops out between 9 and 10 .... you know by then I am hanging on for dear life! Everyone say "Sprint training" Perhaps the thing is possessed or something. Anyway to get back to my workout, I started with 3 x 1 mile repeats --negative splits and during the second one I realized there was not much to look at while running. I missed the trail and all it's variety. I do have a small 13" TV and the news was blaring (treadmill is quite loud) but I'm looking around. There is a (snap on)clock on the wall that was given to me from one of the guys at work. I had planned on putting it out by the pool but it was last christmas and I needed a clock down in the workout room so there it sits waiting for better accomadations. The cement wall raises up 4 feet and above that is exposed insulation because of a failed plan of a sheetrock covering (one on those someday things) A fridge sits in the corner full of nothing..... funny I planned on keeping some beer and water in there but I never seem to bring more than one bottle downstairs for a workout. It is plugged in though and biting at the bit to serve me and my family. I noticed there is not one chair for anyone to sit in. I guess if you are not rowing, biking, working out with weights or running then you are not allowed...apearantly no room for spectators. In the next room I can see the little orange light on the de-humidifier. I wonder how long that has been on? It indicates that the tank is full and needs dumping. I quickly remember it was on a couple nights ago too....mental note;dump the water when I am done tonite. That particular room is completely sheetrocked and painted. It is full of all kinds of storage; bikes, old workout stuff, 4 or 5 sets of golf clubs, kids old toys, suitcases,a folding table, boots and shoes, clothing, crates full of something that seemed worth saving at the time they were packed years ago (but who knows what is in them) I find my mind wandering, and thinking why didn't I clean out that room and put the workout stuff in there? It is completely finished. If only it wasn't so full of stuff. I guess I was just to lazy at the time to clean all that "important" things and besides where would I put it. Above me is unfinished, the rafters are exposed and they make a great storage space. I have all kinds of things stuck up there. three pairs of cross country skis, hockey sticks (both real and plastic), misc golf clubs that no longer belong to a complete set, A broom, misc pieces of wood trim I was saving for some reason, a couple baseball bats, two volleyball nets, a hedge trimmer, some copper pipe left over when I was replacing the water heater...then I stopped looking, my neck was getting stiff....but there is much more stuff up there. I guess it would be easy for newcomers to see that I had kids, all their junk is still here. I should give some of this stuff away. well some stuff is mine too. I hate to get rid of it, someone might need it some day. Well I finish my 3x1 miles then run 4 400s to calibrate my new pod. I wasn't going to calibrate it but read so far off on Sunday that my mile splits were messed up. Funny, 50 minutes went by before I knew it and at the same time I refreshed my memory of why we have cellars....we need a place to put all that junk we are not using at the time! Just as I crested the top step and opened the door I realized I didn't dump the de-humidifier.....Oh well I will get it the next time! -- |
| Some people have the amazing capability to lay words on a page that is so dripping wet with emotion that it flows to another dimension. Our brains have to scramble to wipe up the beading words and wring the liquid essense out of the cloth. This happened to me today as I read an entry....actually four of them....one right after the other.....My brain could barely grasp the stories as my emotions ran amuck with reckless abandonment. I only wish that on my best day, I could write so fluent and in such an effortless manner. This is one of those times I realize that I am merely a recreational writer and there are truely gifted people out there lighting a fire under the unsuspecting reader. I am humbled by the pure essense of this writer and can easily see the bold line separating this work from the average writer. I guess wishing I was great is not enough, there is another element involved and that is on a plain far away from my capabilities. |
| I realized this morning that I have no control over my life. I thought I did....I have been thinking that all along. It dawned on me though, if life is the ocean and I am in a boat and I am piloting the boat, The boat is my life and the ocean is the world around me. If I was in control I would be pointing the bow toward the on coming wave and attack it head on. This gives me the best chance for surviving the rath of the huge wave. During the manuver I would still keep in mind my bearings as I would have a direction already calculated. In this process I would have the where withall to see the path ahead of me and be able to prepare for it. Instead I am in the boat and using evasive manuvers as damage control. I do not know what is coming next and merely brace for the inevitable crash. The waves push me around and I end up going in the direction of the power and flow of the wave instead of attacking it and getting past it while staying my course. When going up the wave I see only the crest, when going down the wave I see only the valley...I don't have time at that point to think about the next crest or valley...or what lies beyond. I appearantly have no course as I have no idea where to go and what direction to head.......I just handle the problem (wave) as it strikes me....as if my eyes were closed and I have no idea which direction it will hit next. I am surprised as I realize this....I thought I was doing a good job controlling my life but actually I am just swaying in the turf.........this is an odd thing to realize........I wish I had a bigger boat and a more capable crew....and where are the warms calm waters of the Caribean? Maybe a good radar system and map would help. |
| I wonder what we would do if we lost everything associated with electricity? One of the ideas floating around about the predidction of 2012 and the Mayans writings is that science is now monitoring a possibility of an electromagnetic wave hitting our galaxcy and the earth. In the past when I thought about Armageddon, I visioned more like the movie and felt that it would not make sense that the world would just blow up or get hit by some object and not exist. It also did not seem plausable in my mind that we would all of a sudden have valcanoes, tsunamis,plagues , that created such havoc that countries would revert to using nuclear weapons and devistate the earth. What does make a little sense is that science has now discovered aspecs on events in space that point to the possibility of a black hole growing large enough to create a wave of electromagnetic energy that spans out like a flat ribbon and sending fluctuating pulses of energy. If this happened, our world would fall apart. The difference would be the result of this wave. It's affect would be as devistating as predicted because we would lose everything related to electricity. now this seemed very real to me. If we lost electricity and our magnetice field was disrupted, first of all we would lose our atmostphere's protective qualities. Second, everything relying on electricity would be affected.....vehicles would not run, cell phones would not work, satellites would not function, planes could not fly, the banking system would stop dead. Everything we do today depends on the balance of our electrical field including the rotation of the earth. So if this happened, we would be left alone in the dark and cold....those that had survival skills would prosper as they would have the capability to hunt for food and make fire, live off the land. The rest of us would fight each other for food and possesions. Countries would fight for survival but not like we read or vision from movies. Without electrical capabilities, we would not have to worry about weapons like nuclear because they require computors to fire and basically all our military power depends on computors. The scary thing is that the countries that are not as advanced as us would have a better chance of survival. The people that are now surviving in the remote areas....like Afganastan and many middle eastern countries that lack modern luxuries. The people living off their own skills will have the greatest chance of survival. Money will be useless as it would have no value.....the most valuable things will be food, clothing and fire............Hmmmnnnn. This is scary because it makes much more sense than other views....it seems this could easily happen. I should learn to make fire....I remember in boyscouts we did the rubbing of two sticks .... but I don't think we got to the point of spontaneous combustion through heat, I think we kinda gave up after making a little smoke. I wish I had tried harder now. |
| I read something a written yesterday by a young girl...probably college age and she was so excited as she planned on this great and wonderful change if Obama won. She was itching to wake up Wednesday morning in a new era and feel the massive change in the world.....the change promised by Obama..... I feel sad for the people that cast a vote for something so far fetched and vague. It hard to believe that so many people were snowed over with such talk. Hey, I want change as much as the next guy but in a realistic world, change will not happen overnight and it will not come easy. In this case I feel there will be change but not what people are expecting. I believe the swing toward socialism has started...I sure hope I am wrong but I doubt it as if you take a close look at the compain and what the Dems were really saying, the arm twisting they did to swing things, I think it is Dem politics as usual. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think McCain was going to bring a disney like change either, but at least he would kept the checks and balances in place.....I am afraid that if the dems get their 60 seats, it is all over for many of our freedoms.......such as talk radio, freedom of choice for healthcare, freedom to chose what happens to our retirement savings, many things will change but not the way people think they will. I predict there will be some very unhappy voters in a year or so when they find out what they traded their vote for. I suspect there will be terrorist attacking American soil soon, Oil prices will skyrocket, the price of electricity will double and our taxes will go out of site. You think that Americans making under 250,000 dollars a year won't pay a dime more in taxes? Just wait and see what the trickle down effect does to your budget. You think the wealthy and large businesses will absorb the extra cost of 34% taxes to 39% taxes? No they will hand the cost down.....us little people will pay dearly. I sure hope I am wrong and I guess time will tell.......I am thinking about taking my 401 and putting the money under my mattress.....I am very sad today...sad that people didn't do enough research to realize what they were doing .......they will read this and scoff.....but read it again next year and tell me waht you think.... |
| Ever have a feeling that something is wrong....perhaps a little uneasy way deep down in the brain stem somewhere? Is it current events? Is it something of importance that my conscious brain can not grasp right now? Or perhaps it is nothing....like a harmless break of wind that the body thought to be a gusher....a false alarm. I wonder if some people felt this way before the bombing at pearl harbor. A feeling that made them uneasy. Something they easily discounted and popped a Tums then went to bed only to be waken by screaming sirens and shaking ground from the bomb blasts.....I wonder if they remembered that feeling then or perhaps they didn't have time to think about it. Maybe it is my anticipation of the election, the realization of our falling ecomomy, the feeling that this will be a tight financial winter, a premonition of some bad things in the family, or perhaps it is just merely gas..........one blurp and feeling will be history......but then again one thing history reveals over and over again.....things can change in a milisecond and it becomes a whole different world. |
| I don't have much to say today as my crazy brain seems wrapped around this foolish election. I fear that the internet and cable TV being so worldly available has caused a mechanism that hurts our country's structure and base values much more than it helps. Oh, I enjoy being able to search the net and find out the truth behind all the half truths, but on the surface it goes too far. When was the last time that people's personal lives were brought to such a fore front? It is as if both parties spent all their available time digging up dirt and bashing the crap out of each other. Instead of using their rescources to show and prove to us that they are serious about solving our problems, They show us a totally different picture.When a candidate "aquires" 150 million dollars 2 weeks before the election and spends it like it is burning a hole in their pocket.....doesn't that tell us something about their view of efficiency, their idea of how important each dollar is? Don't you wonder where that money came from and who is expecting a return on that investment? When a candidate spends huge amount of someone elses money on a top of the line wardrobe and they all fly around this country burning through fuel like it is water, they eat caviar and lobster for their lunch..(And most of us eat ham sandwitches and chips). When a candidate can afford to spend 5 million dollars on a comercial that airs during prime time on three stations, when they are not made responsible for their remarks or actions,they are allowed to lie about what ever they want, I stand appaulled. I want a candidate that through their track record and current actions shows me their prudent values and treats my money like it still belongs to me. I was surprised to hear that the congress showed up for work 94 times last year and one of those meetings was to give themselves a raise! The congress alows the worst of the worst that in our lives would put us in jail. Corruption, bouncing checks, buying favors, helping payoff their friends and allies buy filling bills with pure pork. This is not a right or left issue....this is an "good ole boy" network. The few that go in thinking they can change things are fighting an uphill battle. In my state their are two candidates running for congress. They have both been in for 12 years. one has not missed a vote (in 12 years) has written bills and passed them with opposing party members, wrote and passed over 50 bills. This person's record tells me that she is serious about her job. Wether she votes my why or not doen't matter so much as that she is on the job every day....that is what we pay her to do. Her competition, has missed 157 votes, that is 157 times he did not show up for work. Perhaps there were some good excuses but not 157 of them and if he does have 157 good reasons then he doesn't have the capability to speak on our behalf...he should work on his own problems. Besides the poor attendance he has only written 3 bills and has spent 97% of his effort following party lines...what does this tell you? It tells me that is is not working for me, he is working for his party and himself. The sick thing is, that he actually stands there and tries to defend his record, he is proud of what he has done and after all that, it is a close race......how can that be? just looking at the voting and attendance records, it should be a no brainer. Why would we hire someone who is surely not earning his pay? If you were hiring a company to refurbish your house, would it be someone with a poor track record of showing up for work and showing poor quality at the same time? 12 years and 3 bills shows poor quality of work....having too many other comitments to show up for work......not a good pick....don't you think? Where are the people that should be demanding a value for our money, don't they care? How much good could a person do with over a hundred million dollars? Both of our candidates have spent much more than that and when one of them gets the job, they are not going to make good on their promises, they are going to continue spending money....because they are already used to it ......spending others money is so easy. If a candidate stood up and said they were going to donate even half of their campain money to needy causes, refuse to say bad things about their opponent and promise to continue to address the finance issue when elected. Would the action prove something to us about this person? Wouldn't we see a great president in them? Shouldn't we elect this person? Well I almost guaranty that if the opponent smeared them,lied and spent hundreds of millions to get on tv and tell us how great they are.......we would probably elect them instead....isn't that sad? Our whole political system breeds this rubbish and by the time the weeding is done, we really do not have a good choice, we are only left with the lesser of two evils! |
| There are days when I feel like I am in a cloud and with hampered vision I cannot see clearly enough to understand the happenings around me. Other days I am in sinc with nature and every bird chirp, house creak,wind noise, even the smallest of noises become appearant and immediate in my mind. I understand things and I have direction. I wake up in the morning and wait just for a second ......is this one of those days? Am I aware today? Today may just be one of those days. I do not feel bothered by impending schedules, I am very aware of the essense of the oxygen in the air. I can feel the capularies in my lungs soaking in pure excitement as I take a deep breath and hold for a second. As the air is allowed to escape I feel calm. At this exact moment I stand ready to handle what ever travels down the path wanting to push me to the side. No it is not and will not be perfect as perfection is only found when we are done with this journey .........but at the same time it is not a moment of concern or worry...........it is OK........life is happening and I will embrace it and enjoy every moment I can then as these moments pass I will have the memories of living. Yeah, life sucks sometimes but right now at this moment, things are OK. In the next minute or hour or day, things could change so I guess I will stop for a second and enjoy this feeling...... |
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 