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 |  Sing it if you understand... |
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2Am and I'm still awake writing a song If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threaten' the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud And I know that you'll use them however you want to. But you can't jump the track We're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass glued to the table, No one can find the rewind button now Sing it if you understand...and breath... ~ Anna Nalick ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This blaze was destined for you to be refined My plans for you this battle I had to require Even though, the fire is known to leave ashes behind These ashes will leave in you a God-Given Fire... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This woman prays... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ~ Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion to give unto them Beauty for Ashes the oil of joy for mourning the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness that they might be called trees of righteousness the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. |
| When I said I was checking out of WDC for a while… I honestly didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I really didn’t believe anyone would care. I was wrong. I may never be blogger of the month. I may never have the highest stats or even a lot of comments. The few that do comment on my entries are genuine people with quality feedback. Honestly, that’s the way I like it. I never have been one to be in the clique. I’m just me… some like me, some don’t. Many times it’s either you really like me or you really can’t stand me. Maybe that was more the case in my wilder days. But the fact is… you sober up a horse thief, you still got a horse thief… I’m still overly sensitive. A sensitivity that has kept me seeking the shelter I thought could be found in the bottom of a whisky glass. Where do I find shelter now? It’s not near as instant as the whisky but I find it through my Higher Power. Somedays I just hold on to my butt so it doesn’t fall off. Somedays I let others tell me what they think I’m worth. (Not good, depending on who the other is) My own fears and insecurities taint my perception. More often than not, that little voice in my head keeps throwing up at me “Ain’t nobody that gives a damn about you…” But that little voice lies… some of you reading this entry confirmed that to me today. My writing is unsophisticated. My grammar sucks. I write like I think, sometimes it’s a big mess… most times, it’s a big mess. I’m just an ol' party girl trying to change her ways. Why was I going to leave to WDC? There was really no reason… really. My membership was about to expire. I honestly got the days mixed up and I thought I would have gone little on the 30th… I was surprised to see myself still big this morning. I sure didn’t expect anyone to gift me a membership. Thanks again to Sweets   … I didn’t want to lose all my writing but the more I thought about it… the more I became willing to just let it all go and bury the dead… but I imagine I would have regretted it down the line. To me, some of these entries will be gold when I’m finally old enough in my sobriety to look back and see just exactly where I’ve been and the roads I took out of there! It’s been a hard few weeks lately. I was miserably sick with the flu… Still very exhausted. Yesterday I went to sleep at 7PM and slept till 5:30 this morning. Today I feel a sore throat and ear ache coming on. I’m freezing too… can’t seem to get warm. At work, I have befriended the new lady Juanita. I like her but it seems we do a lot of gossiping when we hang out and gossip isn’t good for me. Carla (the one I have never liked) just like assumed Juanita to be her buddy so she is talking to her about stuff… like confirming what I have always thought about Carla from the get go… she is multi-faced, dishonest and cares nothing about the food bank but only her personal gain. I knew all this already. I’m a fairly good judge of character but Juanita is confirming these things through our gossiping and I’m letting it eat me up. I am getting better at letting go and letting God… but still I shouldn’t be all up in Juanita’s office listening for what Carla confessed to her this time. It’s really out of my character to be doing so… but because of my dislike for Carla, I’m just gulping it up. It’s like confirming I’m not just hating on her but that she really is crooked. BUT still… I should stop it… it does Juanita or me NO good to harp about Carla and her ways. She will hang herself eventually. In a way, I really feel sorry for Carla, though I still don’t like her and don’t trust her. I’m pretty sure she would stab someone in the back just for the only purpose of watching them bleed… no other benefits needed. I wonder what could have happened to Carla in her lifetime to create those coping skills? Something that I should thank God didn’t happen to me. At the meetings, Greta is walking around obviously ego tripping about our mishap. I’ve talked to Sheree about it and she WON’T take my side! Grrrrr… She just keeps telling me to look at my part… I honestly don’t see that I did anything wrong. I expected sponsor G to be concerned about my health and sobriety. I expected a phone call. Expectations are the number one resentment makers… Should I not expect people to care about me? No… but when my expectations don’t get met I don’t have to crash and burn like I use too. So my part… is how I handle the situation now. Do I avoid going to meetings because Greta is there? Do I flash the evil eye back at her? No… I shake it off… I smile at her. I treat her like I would treat a sick friend; after all… spiritual sickness is just as bad, well… many times worse than an actual physical sickness. I’ve heard someone say: Religion is for those that are trying to stay out of hell… Spirituality is for those of us who have already been there and don’t want to go back. Sheree is suppose to go to the Fun Party over at Greta’s house on Friday… I voiced my concern about Greta talking smack about me to Sheree while at the party. Sheree assured me that she would not stick around to hear any belittling of me. Also said she would remain neutral with Greta just as she had done while talking to me. Then she asked, “Would you really want me to take your side anyway?” I thought about it… and the answer was no. As a sponsor, Sheree’s job is to help me spiritually grow so that I remain sober. She isn’t Greta’s sponsor, conscious or Higher Power. My welfare is her business, not Greta’s. How much good would it do me if someone else fought my battles? Someone other than my higher power? None… absolutely none… I’m a big girl… I don’t need someone to confront my demons for me. After all… I’m powerless over how Greta acts, but TODAY because I am sober... and doing the next right thing... I have the power to act how I should. If it’s not love, it’s not God… I have a clear conscious. I won’t have regrets, like I heard someone say… sometimes silence takes more courage. Oh hell yeah! That’s a FACT. It would be so much easier to tear into Greta’s flat butt… a lot harder to just love her anyway. Accept her as a fallible human like myself and just live and let live… |
| It finally came to a head today. I fired Greta and she acted a fool… I called her last Monday morning and told her I was sick and staying home from work. That is the last time we spoke. She hadn’t called me all week… I didn’t even think about it until Friday when I started feeling somewhat better. I got upset that she hadn’t called to see if I was OK. I expect my sponsor to care about my sobriety and my health. I didn’t expect to see Greta at the meeting today but she showed up. She sat across the room from me. She whispered across the room and asked if I was OK, I told her I had been very sick. After the meeting I was talking to a lady named Lucy. She has been sick with the flu too. We were talking about how miserable this stuff is. I didn’t plan on it… don’t even know where the thought come from but I asked Lucy if she would be interested in guiding me through the steps. Lucy said she would be glad too and so I wrote down her phone number. As I was doing so… Greta approached us. She asked, “So you been resenting on me all week huh?” I answered her question, “Yeah.” And I asked her “Why haven’t you called to check on me?” She said, “Because I am the sponsor and you are the sponsee.” She continued, “So you think I should have called you?” I told her, “I would have liked to have got a phone call from you. I was very sick. I didn’t go to work all week. I could barely get out of bed.” Then she goes irate… screaming that she is not a mind reader. Just off the wall, y’all! She just confirmed exactly what I knew she was capable of. She verbally attacked me in front of Lucy, Kenneth, Karen and Jerri Ann. She acted like a ghetto bitch, man. Went stomping towards the door, spewing out shit the whole way. Then she turns around, strikes a pose, throws her hand up in the air, wobbles her head back and forth, “So you are going to work with Lucy now huh, is that it?” I told her I would call her and we would talk about it. She mouths off steadily as she stomps out the door. She was with Karen and Jerri Ann and they were like, “Whoa! Wait… aren’t we suppose to go to eat?” She is just running her mouth all the way out the door… I could hear her voice fading off… “She thinks I should have called her… blah blah blah…” Man… I kept my cool. I acted the bigger person. She totally showed her ass. It would have been so easy for me to show my ass. I could have easily lost my cool. The fact is… I would tear that old crippled bitch up if we were to have a physical brawl. She damn near physically attacked me… But that’s not how I handle situations like this anymore. Kenneth came to me afterwards, Said I acted like I had the most sobriety. He’s right… Lucy made sure to tell me that I hadn’t done anything wrong. She also said that it’s none of Greta’s business if I work the steps with another. EVEN if she was still sponsoring me. People can have more than one sponsor! Greta’s only concern should be assisting me in staying sober. She FAILED at being a sponsor to me but she has damn sure taught me a lot. She showed me what I don’t want to be like… ever. She is OUT of my recovery… Now that everyone is gone and the heat of the moment is over, I’m beginning to get pissed. It really didn’t surprise me to see her act that way. I knew it was coming. I knew back on Christmas Day when she responded to me like she did, that I had made a mistake by asking her guidance. I’m actually relieved now that it’s over. I’m just trying to stay sober, man… I just need people in my life that care rather I missed a weeks worth of meetings enough to pick up the phone and call me. I’m not in AA to fuel that stupid bitch’s ego! And I’m going to tell her that IF she ever contacts me again. |
| Today I felt better than I have in the last week. I’m still exhausted. I’m still an emotional basket case confirmed by the tears still gushing down my eyes from reading a story in the big book titled “Empty on the Inside”. BUT I’m better… I am MUCH better. It’s gonna only get better from here. Say that it’s so! I was still very tired this morning and wanted to keep sleeping but I’m so tired of sleeping and lying around! Sick and tired of being sick and tired! So I made myself get up and get dressed. I carried all the flu-infected trash out to the Dumpster. I washed all my flu infected clothing and linings. I did the dishes, fetched water, and colored my hair, put some fingernails on. I even put on a pair of BLUE JEANS! Blow-dried my hair big, wild and spunky. Decided I would go hang out in the sun and try to soak up some natural Vitamin E. so I go to the club about an hour early. I’m chillin’ in the parking lot. I got Lynyrd Skynyrd blaring from my car stereo, doors open and I’m sitting on the hood polishing my fingernails. PINK! Big John shows up just minutes after I got there. I was actually a bit excited to see him pull up. I was looking forward to real live communication and socializing. I made the mistake of asking him how his girlfriend is doing? I was subjected to verbal abuse for like almost an hour! Man that dude is out there. Full of rage! This dude talked smack about everything under the sun. Even got up in my face with his finger almost touching my nose talking about how he is going to kick her ass next time he sees her. It reminded me of how sick we that come together in that building really are. Finally I said, “Dude! You need to chill and back off of me a bit.” I knew he was angry with her but he sure acted like it was me. He popped back; “Well you’re the one that asked about her!” “Yea, but I didn’t ask for the drama.” And he chilled SOMEwhat. His nickname is Angry John. They say he use to be a hundred times worse. I can’t imagine. Greta wasn’t there but her ex husband was. She says that he is stalking her now. There is all kinds of drama going on with that too. But I haven’t talked to her since I got sick so I don’t know what’s up now. I personally think she would tend to have the more abusive personality between him and her. She claims he did all kinds of weird wicked stuff to her and he does appear to be off his rocker a bit, but I think she is meaner than he is… I’m not pleased at all with the way she has so called sponsored me. In fact, I don’t much like her after I have gotten to know her. She gossips, belittles and shows arrogance towards other members. She just isn’t what I thought when I first went to her for help… but this also confirms that Sheree is God sent to me, had Greta been my sponsor through the first year, I honestly don’t think I would have stuck around in the rooms of AA. Sheree has been huge in my recovery. I honestly don’t think I would still be going to meetings if she hadn’t called me when I didn’t call her all those times. Greta just doesn’t seem to give a damn and I need people in my life that care about me and aren’t afraid to show it. And you know… I don’t dislike Greta. I don’t even want to kick her to the curb. She can’t give away what she doesn’t have. Some people are just more loving than others are… for whatever reason. I really need to spend some time with Sheree. I’m going to soak her up any chance I get. I feel like I have taken her unconditional love and sponsorship for granted as so many do and the truth is, I don’t think I would have made it this far if it wasn’t for her. I know I wouldn’t have… no doubt about it. I really shouldn’t even be thinking about nothing right now. I’ve got to do some stocking up on my faith and hope. It was depleted through this last week… I haven’t even done my morning meditations or prayer. I couldn’t! I could do nothing but lay my head on the pillow for most of this week. One thing that came to me tonight… Greta talks about how if it wasn’t for her health problems she would still be drinking and drugging. She thanks God that she is so physically ill because it keeps her sober. I can’t relate to that… That doesn’t help me at all when I hear her say the only thing that keeps her sober is her illness. I don’t have an illness. I realized tonight that she got sober because she was afraid to die. I got sober because I knew I would live and that, to me, is far more terrifying. Not having to live another thirty years like I have lived the last fifteen… is the reason I got sober. And the reason I want to stay sober... My favorite Skynyrd Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCOl-VjJ7Fk |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyfY98PZkSQ I'm bad about this... I get a new favorite song and I listen to it over and over and over till I can't stand it NO MORE! This morning I was home sick from work AGAIN ... fifth day in a row... and I logged into my work yahoo and was chatting with John, Eve, Betty and even Trey for a little bit. I had the radio on in the back ground and this song played... caught my attention, I google it, had no idea who Jordin Sparks is, never heard the song, just took the lyrics I could remember and googled em'... then spent hours fixing my speakers and FINALLY I get back to my favorite music spot YOUTUBE and I've been bingeing on this song all day! Over and over and over and over! Somebody STOP ME! Now I can't sleep cause I keep wanting to hear this song... I need to go to songs anonymous.. I'm am such an addict! Pssttt... I want a hat like the one she is wearing in the video. How cute! I want one! Oh damn, I feel a hat binge coming on... |
| I’m quite a bit better today though I am still darn sick. But I at least don’t wish I were dead anymore! I found out today that when I went to work on Wednesday for a few hours, I infected my boss, CARLA and Evelyn. I really hate that I got my boss and Evelyn sick… I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy really… It’s freaking mean! But it’s also going around town… I’m not the only one by any means. Justin’s son has it. I just called Justin today to see what was up and he told me Dustin is at home with this flu. So I ask does he have juices? Soup? Meds? uhhhh… a can of clam chowder and some cough syrup YUK! Dude! I’m a thirty-year-old woman and this crap had me in tears! I can’t imagine what a 12-year-old motherless boy is feeling… Dear GOD! Justin is working during the day so Dustin is all by himself with this stuff. So I drove my sick sniffly butt to the store, spent my last twenty on some juice, soup and meds… and dropped it all off with him. I was going to go to a meeting today but I didn’t have the energy. I decided not to go at the last minute. I’m still back and forth… feel ok for a minute then crash down the next. BUT I’m getting better. I’m actually OK sometimes… this is improvement. FINALLY I GOT MY EARS WORKING! My computer ears, that is… My real ears still ache some… So I go into a Yahoo Computer Chat room today and I scream out like a damsel in distress… HELP! Sure enough, a hero comes to my rescue and this dude spends three hours chatting with me, walking me through how to download a sound card on my PC. I did not have one! I didn’t even know I didn’t have one! I didn’t even know I needed one! Didn’t know what the heck a sound card was! But now I do, I got smarter, got ears and made a friend. A really computer smart friend at that…them’s good kinds to have! called Skittles and he didn’t answer…  … Maybe he has the flu… and I talked a bit to Sheree, my mother and watched my favorite weekly Show GHOST WHISPERS… and I been JAMMING! And well… I popped a Willie when Garth come on TV, And since Garth is fresh on my mind… Here’s he’s latest Tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3HX3JEBV4c This so is SOOO Emotional! I remember when I first heard it, I sat in my car after I had reached my destination just to finish listening to it, it just hit me that strong! Bye AGAIN! |
| Garth Brooks Live in LA on CBS… As we SPEAK GARTH ROCKS! He is just larger than life! A phenomenal performer! Rocking CALIFORNIA! I’m so excited and I just can’t hide it! A tribute to the firefighters in Southern California! Trisha is there too! They are so in love. She is so LUCKY! Garth is SEXXXXXXXXXYYYYY! I’d do him. I got much to say but I have no time to say it… I’m glued to the television! Did you see Garth pinch the fiddler’s butt during the song, Baton Rouge? OMG! I almost choked to death over that! And the way he looks at Trisha… Man, I’m just mush! Gotta go! Love me…  Oh heck... Hewey Lewis just walked out on stage... |
It’s day four of the flu. I’m still not in a condition to go to work. Last night, I got pretty emotionally down and out. All these days of work I am missing. I’m going to be financially hurting pretty bad next pay period. Everyday I think I am going to get better and I find that I actually feel worse. I emotionally snapped last night… It wasn’t drink that I was saying fuck it about… it was life in general. BUT just as drink is not an option for me, neither is self-termination. So I can scream FUCK this life all I want and unless God strikes me dead on the spot, then I’m still stuck here! I stomped, screamed, pouted, cried like a baby until I passed out and I woke this morning thinking I was better, but about 20 minutes after my eyes opened, I was hit even harder… and so I did some more, stomping, screaming, pouting and crying like a baby… and well here I am … still got the fucking flu… I don’t remember EVER being this sick. The thing about it, I’ve been in a good place for several months now. I have “insurance” so to speak, for times like this… I’ve invested a lot of my recent time doing good things for my mind, body and emotions. So it’s like I had money in the bank… I was stocked up with faith, strength, and hope… Thank GOD! But I’ve about hit rock bottom. My stash is about depleted. I haven’t made a meeting since last Friday. Sheree has called a few times. Greta hasn’t called once. Skittles ain’t called, for all he knows, I could be drunk and high. My friend Stephanie has called several times but honestly I can barely speak. It takes too much of my energy to speak. I need to reach out to some people. I think I may make some phone calls tonight before I fall out. I keep judging myself now by who I use to be. Thinking I should force myself to go to work, after all, you did this to yourself. Just some really strange thoughts been going through my really sick head… I feel guilty for missing so much work. I’m going to feel even worse when I get my little pocket change paycheck next Friday. It’s a good thing I turned in my mileage last week. And well, the Fun Party is out for me… I can’t afford a damn dildo! I made myself pick up all the used Kleenex up off the floor and bed. I washed all the bowls, spoons, and coffee cups that were in my sink. Sprayed my entire home down with disinfectant. It makes me feel better. I am normally a very organized person. I can’t stand it when my surroundings are chaotic and out of place. The first two days I was still one top of everything, but yesterday kicked my ass. Or was it the day before? Hell I can’t remember what day I went to work till 11? Yesterday… Yeah, yesterday kicked my ass… I’m thinking that tomorrow is gonna be it for me! When I wake up in the morning I am going to feel SO GOOD! Or at least not wish I were dead… |
| I can't take it no more Fuck it...just fuckit What's the point in any of this? my give a damn just busted |
| Remember how I said I’m going through a lot of Firsts ? First time that I’ve gone through something without… well, drowning the discomfort , without peering down the slender neck of a glass bottle believing that my answer is floating somewhere in the bottom. Yeah… this is a first for me. I’m suffering * Stomps Foot * … and I’m not doing anything to try to stop it. Well, sure I’m doing what I know to do… treat the symptoms, drink lots of fluids, get lots of rest… etc. I remember last time I was sick while in recovery. I went to the doctor and he said I had some kind of something, gave me a shot in the butt and a bottle of codeine. Did you know? Virus is the Latin word for poison Back when doc gave me liquid painkiller, I knew better. My sponsor had warmed me. I just didn’t care. IN FACT, I was secretly hoping doctor would prescribe that very thing. And I learned FOR myself that Bill knew what he was doing when he wrote the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous AND that it says will happen IF you are a REAL Alcoholic: Page 22: We are equally positive that once he takes any alcohol whatever in to his system, something happens, both in the bodily and mental sense, which makes it virtually impossible for him to stop. The experience of any alcoholic will abundantly confirm this. One sip of that codeine and I was off and running on a prescription pill binge for three weeks. This was back when Armand was still alive. He would give to me whatever I asked for. I’d have to listen to him bitch for a while but he would always give in. He had bottles on top of bottles of exactly what I thought I needed, and less than twenty feet from my front door. I wouldn’t take the whisky that he offered, OH Fuck-A NO… I’m in recovery, man! But I would pop those little pills like gumdrops. Little did I know… that ANY and ALL forms of mind-altering chemical WAS enough to create that phenomenon of craving. I cringe when I hear someone say… Oh, she can drink… she’s an addict not an alcoholic … Pure lack of knowledge, man. It’s all the same thing. I was an addict first too. I stopped doing the illegal drugs so that I could make a living. Most addicts can’t or won’t even do that but I had too… alcohol was the only other alternative. Alcohol took me places that dope never did. Alcohol beat me into a state of reasonableness. I struggled with the addict versus alcoholic when I first went into recovery but I’ve since found closure. The fact is… regardless of what your CHOICE of drug is… if you have this disease your only hope is complete abstinence. I’m also very saddened to hear someone say they are going to control their drinking from now on. Man, it takes me back to where I use to be. The fact is, If you have to make yourself promises to CONTROL it then you have most likely already lost control and stepped into a dimension of alcoholism. People have all these wild and ugly ideas of what an alcoholic is. Not all of us our low bottom drunks, we don’t all live in cardboard boxes, in fact many of us live in the country clubs. Many of us go to work everyday, raise good kids, have two cars sitting in the garage. You would pass us in the grocery store, say hello and think to yourself “What a nice lady.” We alcoholics are sensitive, caring and kind people. Many times to a fault… What does the Big Book say a REAL Alcoholic is? Page 21 He may start of as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. He does absurd, incredible, tragic things while drinking. He is a real Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is seldom mildly intoxicated. He is always more or less insanely drunk. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. He is often perfectly sensible and well balanced concerning everything except liquor, but in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish. He often possesses special abilities, skills and aptitudes, and has a promising career ahead of him. He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees. Someone once told me that if you have to question rather you are alcoholic or not… then you most likely are. Page 44 If when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will conquer. A couple moved into Armand’s old apartment. On his balcony the number 12 is in big blue blocks since it’s the middle apartment in building 12. He used to stand out on his balcony right above that number 12. He couldn’t see the number from where he stood, but I could from where I stood. I park in the parking lot directly in front of his old balcony. I use to park in the front parking lot but when I went into recovery, I put my car in hiding as well. It’s been over a year and parking in that spot is just habit now. I back my car in everyday since the parking lot is so little which leaves me looking directly at his old standing ground. Every time I get in or out of my car, I look up. Still the #12 remains there, but Armand is not. He died in August 2007. 12 steps out of bondage, 12th month is my sobriety date… maybe I should write 12 things I love about being sober: 1. I know who’s in my bed with me when I wake up. 2. I don’t have blackouts or hangovers any more 3. It saves me money 4. I’m much healthier 5. I don’t have to worry about going to jail for drinking and driving 6. I don’t have to ask someone else what happened the night before 7. My self esteem is much higher 8. My standards are much higher 9. My relationships and friendships are of better quality 10. I have nothing to hide anymore 11. My thinking is much clearer 12. My communication with my Higher Power is much stronger DUDE! This list could go on forever! I shit you not… Symptoms of the flu: Fever (usually high) Headache Muscle aches Chills Extreme tiredness Dry cough I have every one of these symptoms! The flu begins abruptly, with a high fever, flushed face, body aches, and marked lack of energy, sometimes dizziness and vomiting. The fever usually lasts for a day or two. Somewhere between day 2 and day 4 of the illness, the "whole body" symptoms begin to subside, and respiratory symptoms begin to increase. The virus will then settle just anywhere in the respiratory tract, producing more cold like symptoms. It appears that mine has settled in the Sinus Cavity of my big head. Sinus cavities, are moist, hollow spaces in the bones of the skull. It feels Soooo gooood to sneeze. It’s like a little buzz. When I feel a sneeze coming on and I get all happy! I’m one of them loud sneezers, and it really scares Meow when I just let one rip. She looks up at me, stares innocently, blinks her eyes, as if she is saying: Why’d you do that? I didn’t do nuttin… I lasted at work till 11AM this morning and I’m not even going to try to go tomorrow. I’m so sick y’all… I’m just miserable. I’ve actually been writing on this entry for over six hours… I have coughed so hard that my ribs are so sore… Gawd it hurts! I can’t hang up at my place of business… they can all go to hell.  Yeah, I’m not even calling in… Damn it’s obvious I was sick today when I went in. If they can’t put two and two together than to hell with them. I’m so sick that I just don’t’ give a flip. I was looking for a job when I found that one. Carla did her little fake sniffles... Every time I coughed she coughed. Yeah, We will see how sick she plays soon cause bitch I just infected you with the flu! It takes five days before it's not contagious anymore. Now she can sniffle and cough for real. I still don't like her... Still! She can bite my butt... Honestly there ain't too many people I do like right now Night Night… |
| Have I said lately that I’m fucking sick? I’m getting mad about it. I’m making myself go to work in the morning. Though, I still feel like someone bulldozed my ass. I can’t smoke without coughing so hard that I piss myself. I can’t drink a cup of coffee, too harsh on my tummy. It’s so quiet and stale around here. I feel like I have died and gone to hell. I can’t stop sweating Glistening! Ugh! It is better than freezing. Yes. I’m watching America’s Funniest Home Videos trying to make myself laugh but some of them are really stupid. My sides are sore from coughing. I’m juice logged. My butt hurts from sitting on it for two days. I can't remember what meds I have taken. I think I’m delusional. I can’t tell yesterday from today. Life sucks! I want a new one… |
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