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You have entered my blog. I take no responsibilty for your reaction. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** MY NEW CAR....WELL IF I HAD THE MONEY TO BUY ONE!!! Thanks Thea!!!! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| It is funny how a gentle little snow storm brings out the happiness in me. I really do love a blanket snowstorm that drops millions of little tiny snow flakes all over everything and changes the whole look outside. Like someone just layed a fluffy white blanket down. People all around me are complaining about the weather. My daughter called and tried to convince me that something was wrong with her tires....I tried to make her understand that is was the cold snow falling on the (warmer) roads and creating a thin sheet of partial ice underneath.....just drive a little slower, more cautious and look out for the other guy. I wish more of the world would stop complaining and take advantage of the real beauty that mother nature gives us.....yeah we just had an ice storm last week....yeah many people are still with out power.....but that ice on the trees the next day when the sun came out and reflected it's radiant essense .....was magnificent...a person can't begin to describe what it looks like...almost fake in a way....like everything down to the smallest detail had a layer of crystal coating shining like a diamond display case. A picture of it would not begin to do justice compared to seeing it in person. I will leave here tonite, crank up the plowtruck, crack open a beer, turn up the radio and enjoy every second it takes to plow my driveway............... |
| For a whole month before December 15th I received a reminder to re-sign my upgrade here. I again was balancing my thoughts......It is not the money but perhaps there is something uncomfortable here that causes me to question my reason for being part of this scene. This is the third or fourth time I was not sure of my intentions and waited until the last second to re-sign.....but I did it and here it is December 16th, I am writing......and I don't know why. I suspect deep down I hope I will write something very profound someday....perhaps a great story that people flock to my port to read.....maybe even a book that brings me unlimited money and great success. I know if I am not involved in a sight like this, the chances of me documenting that once in a lifetime possibility is much less....well almost nil as I did write a couple things in the past past that as I think back were probably pretty good.....but I have no copy or record of them. I suppose that if I leave my crap here that someday it will be discovered and long after my death perhaps something I wrote will be understood. On the other hand it could just be a reminder of how far from good I really am.....who knows...the point is that I guess I "need" more than want to be here. There ....I said it. |
| 11/13/08 Saturday I crawled out of bed at 3:30 Am.....Why so early one might ask? Well I knew if I didn't get a run in at that time I would probably not get one in. 3:30 Am on the treadmill is not really my idea of a fun run but you do what you gotta. I ran a good workout of 5 miles and watched something on Tv but honestly I can't seem to remember what it was. A cup of coffee and a quick shower later and my son and I are driving to the shop (my work) to get a large van truck. My daughter is moving today and I volunteered to do the hauling. The drive to Farmington was about an hour and as I was turning onto her long..windy...hilly...icey...narrow driveway/road. I lost the power steering. Actually this is not good, The powersteering is pretty darn important when driving a fairly large truck and negotiating narrow windy roads in the winter. The second problem I encountered is a small steel bridge only a slightly wider than the truck tires and a posted sign that read 5 ton limit. My daughter said a pretty big truck plows her drive so she thought the bridge would hold me. Problem is the big truck she was talking about weighed about 6 ton....this 24 foot van with a deisel engine weighs 20 ton empty. I figured if I drove fast enough, I should have the momentum to make it and not be on the bridge long enough to colapse it....I made it so I was half out of danger. The trip back I would be heavier with a full load of house stuff. The road/driveway was about a mile long and had me worried a couple times on the icy hills. I was glad to crest the last one and see the old farmhouse. I stepped out of the truck and was immediately hit with a strong cold wind that seemed at least 20-30 mph. This made the morning temps feel like 20 below. I backed up to the porch, put the hydraulic lift gate down then proceeded to remove the broken powersteering line. The right type of tools and some warmer clothing would have been a welcome asset. This place was full of tools but they were farm tools...so a lot more difficult to find something that would work. I got the line changed and we worked our butts off loading all of her furnature. Anyone that says these moving guys have an easy job appearantly has never moved a house full of furnature. By noon we were all dragging our asses and darn glad that the last piece was packed in. A two hour drive to Portland and we would have the pleasure of reversing the whole process. Finally the truck was empty and though normally this would be a great time to sit down and have a celibrationary beer, I still had to drive the truck back to Auburn and then work on the rental house. So, no fun, no rest, no beer just an uncomfortable ride up the turnpike with the sun in my face. I dropped the truck off and in the process of getting out, I hit my glasses and broke the rim that holds the lense in. I glued them the best i could to allow me the privaledge of driving home instead of calling for a ride.....only problem is that the super glue somehow got all over the lense and ruined it....lucky I have another pair at home. Once I got home, I checked out the rental house and found still no power and there was no residual warmth left inside. I had to do something or face broken water pipes. I ran a cord 180' from my garage, squeezed the cord through an opening that used to be quite small and now was considerably larger (due to me shoving this cord through) and I wired up the furnace. I was quite relieved to hear that furnace start up. Ok.......now I had a beer as I dropped my dying body onto the couch for a much needed rest....right now, I couldn't vision accomplishing my normal long run in the morning....I guess I will see if I can my butt out of bed at all.. 11/14/08 Sunday I woke up at 7 Am ....why is it I can't seem to sleep late? I surely could have used the rest. The temp outside was a balmy 12 degrees and I honestly didn't know if I could pull off a long run out in the cold as I still didn't feel warmed up from yesterday. I decided to hit the treadmill again and just run as long as I felt like it. I hoped for at least a 3 or 4 mile run. As usual I set the treadmill on a 5% grade but after a second thought put it down to 4%.......this would be an easier run today. Somehow after a couple miles, I began to feel pretty darn relaxed and my energy level was good. I ran 6.5 miles and then a half mile cooldown. I think I suprised myself. At this point I felt quite refreshed and a side of me wished I had run outside today. I dressed, ate breakfast and then went tree hunting. This was quite enjoyable not only because of feeling the Christmas spirit a bit but because I had a good run behind me the day was still young. Little did I know that I would be dragged to the dreaded stores and spend the rest of the day shopping......what a killer of a good mood. Oh not that I don't have some Christmas spirit.....it's just fighting with all those people.....most of them just seem to be in no hurry to do anything...merely walking around very slowly and gawking at the stores...not really buying anything. I like to buy what I came for and then leave. There was one highlite of the day when we stopped at Ruby Tuesdays and grabbed a burger and a couple beers.....for some reason the rest of the afternoon was not so bad and I made it home in time to watch the Patriots game. Funny how the weekend just flys right by? |
A month ago I ordered two loads of crushed gravel for the rental house next door. The drivway had finally sunk to a new low (literally) and the combination of standing water and clay based soil created a very new and mucky substance. For some reason the guy I ordered it from came up with multible excuses as to his failure to drop off my gravel. As time went on the weather became colder I felt my window of opourtunity was closing fast. Honestly, I kind of forgot about it until he called yesterday to inform me that both loads of gravel (28 yards) were sitting in the middle of the driveway. My visions of a wet soaked gravel not only being in the way of the vehicles parking but freezing if left overnight got the best of me and I left work early. I guess best laid plans are meant to be disrupted as my plow truck, which was the mechanism I planned on using to level this gravel was gone when I got home. My son had planned on putting new snow tires on it for plowing this winter and as Murphy's law simply states, he picked this day to do it. I slipped on a hat and raincoat, grabbed a shovel and rake then proceded to attempt leveling this huge mountain of wet material. I knew I would have help when the plow truck arrived but that would not be until 5:30 or so and it would be plenty dark by then. I couldn't take the chance that Murphy would frig things up any further so I started the task without the truck with hopes that I could get it done. I managed to level approximately 8 yards of this heavy stuff when my son pulled in. I was so happy to see that truck! We scurried down to my house and mounted the plow. I finally got the whole thing leveled and I must say, that even though I had a plow truck instead of a bulldozer, the driveway came out quite well......now the ground could freeze all it wants to. Needless to say, after working all day then shoveling 8 yards of heavy wet gravel, My energy level as I finally ate supper was pegging zero. I guess this would qualify for cross training! YOU THINK! |
| I think time is obscured right now....it seems a minute must only last half of it's alloted time. I have been working harder to get less done. I wish I could find a way to slow down time.....but I have no superpowers. Not only do I seem to be missing the little things in life but......I don't think there are little things. It is hard to explain but it's like I am sitting at a movie screen and watching an overview of what is going on the instant it is happening but not experiencing the emotional aspect of the moment. I always hated it when TV shows would do that.....kind of a re-cap of what has happened so far...like they think you either haven't been watching the show or not paying enough attention to undersatnd what is going on.....I always felt like they were assuming the viewers were not smart enough to see the flow of the series.... I hate those re-cap shows....and a lot of them do it each week now and some even while you are watching....like biggest loser...they go to comercial break and when they come back they show the same clip that you were watching before the break.......do they think we forgot already? or perhaps we missed a bit while rushing for the fridge? I think maybe they don't have quite enough to fill up the time slot so they use these clips as "fillers" OK....now you have done it! My coffee is getting cold...thanks to you making me write so much....thanks a lot! Now I have to go nuke it....lucky for you I am not going to comeback and re-cap the last paragraph and make you suffer through it.....again!......nope I wouldn't do that. |
| Everyone I know is struggling right now. It is two weeks till Christmas and I see very few happy faces. My spirit jar seems only dimly lit as I too do not have that special feeling this year. It seems that there is so much hardship perhaps this is the best time to belly up to the piano and sing some Christmas carols? I so much.... long for happy times but fear they are very far away as the world is in a bad phase.....can't you feel it? I try to overcome the feeling but it keeps coming back.... Perhaps if I get a tree this weekend and get it put up, I will feel better. I usually have the tree up by now and have a bunch of presents for the kids under it......I have not bought one present yet.....I have no idea when I will go shopping....I just want everything to be like it was ........what is wrong? |
| My cousin who was only a couple years older than me died last weekend. It was a hunting accident. Last night they had a wake and there were hundreds of people there. As I waited through the slow moving line that started out in the cold driveway of the funeral home, I saw many people I knew and many I didn't. It is odd as I watch from a distance and even though everyone seems to be talking, I hear very little.....almost a silent film in a way. I saw some smiling and talking as if they had just been shopping in Walmart or something , while others were visibly upset. I recognized most of my cousins, aunts and uncles .....though there are very few aunts and uncles left....actually only one and that was the greiving mother. The only one of that side of our family left other than an aunt that lives in Florida. My Father's sister sat there with no mom, dad, sister or brother to console her and she had lost her husband many years back. She lived in an apartment in her son's house.....now he is gone...as is my father and all my cousin's fathers........it was sereal as I hugged many of my cousins....most we used to see all the time as we had many get togethers when I was younger. It saddened me as I remembered my own dad while looking at all the pictures that were posted around. My cousin was 55 years old........my dad died when he was 54....my uncle 55....one of their sisters was only around thirty when she was hit and killed by a drunk driver...with no license. My oldest brother (54 in a month), myself (53 in a month) My younger brother (50 this month) and my sister (49 in a couple months)......HHMMNNN......I hope the trend doesnt continue as the men in the family tend to have problems......My immediate brothers and sister seem pretty darn healthy compared to most of my cousins.......but this one that died, was very healthy, happy and seemed to be enjoying his life to the fullest.....so does health play that much of a roll? I miss my father. I am saddened that we didn't get a chance to spend time together as life's comitments slowed down and I would finally have time to watch a game with him or go fishing or just visit......I wish I could do that now...but he has been gone for so long.....gosh I guess close to twenty years? Can that be right 20 years? I guess it really was a long time ago....it seems like yesterday. |
| Dreaming is a "body of wind" that can venture anywhere imaginable. It is as real as we want it to be. It seems our body does not recognize the difference between "real life" and our minds own inner visions. That is why people can heal themselves as their mind can say it is so. Dreaming is soul sleep but even more it is traveling. You may fly across the water in your "body of wind" following the drumming of the waves to spend a night with your dream lover. It is as real as we want it to be. In beauty and terror, as redbirds or lovely sharks, as wildflowers or razorbacks, or honeycreepers. Gods and ancesters are talking, talking.....they show us life's hidden springs. They compose songs in us. They give night names for babies that are coming. They save our skin when we are worth saving. It is as real as we want it to be. |
| If one snow flake fell ouside your house, would you take notice? Would it have any meaning what so ever? Perhaps it might make you worry for a short second that a snow storm was gearing up to dump it's white essense on you. So you might notice but then disreguard it as nothing imparticular. That is my life I think.....I am just one snow flake and as I am floating toward the ground, people merely carry on with their normal business.....no reason to take notice, nothing to worry about....it's just one measly flake....it will land and then just melt away. Don't get me wrong. I am not feeling sorry for myself or complaining.....just stating a fact. I am not sad about it but at the same time I can't disreguard it either. Besides, I love snow. |
| You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could be only one passenger in your car? This is a moral/ethical dilemma . You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die and thus you should save her first. Perhaps you should pick your old friend as he did save your life once and this would be your chance to pay him back. However, it is nearly impossible to find a perfect mate so you shouldn't pass up this once in a lifetime oppourtunity. Some say the best answer is: Give the cars keys to your old friend and let him take the old lady to the hospital, then stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of your dreams. A more radical response: Run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect mate against the bus stop sign, then drive off with the old friend for a beer. Personally, I would think outside the box: First of all who said you could only take one passenger? Second, a quick call from the cell phone will bring more qualified people to the bus station (say parametics and an ambulance) further increasing the old lady's chance of survival. Third offer the old friend that saved your life a ride home and make plans for another day to repay his good deed. Fourth: Invite your perfect mate to come along and promise an intimate evening after dropping the old friend off. If it is a perfect mate then that person will respect the fact that you care for others and be willing to wait. Think about it.........what would you do?.........what is the right thing to do? |
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But, honestly, I take the good with the bad, even when it is really bad. Emotions are a huge, huge part of who we are and sometimes holding them back doesn't allow us to truly experience life.
I don't really know what it takes to be a writer but heck, I like to do it and it seems the more I write the more I like what I write. That, I think is the most important thing about being a writer. 