\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11
Review Requests: OFF
3,620 Public Reviews Given
3,659 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's, comedy
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
*Bulletb* XGC, *Bulletb* Items that are written in a small font with little or no spacing, *Bulletb* I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 7 8 9 10 -11- 12 13 14 15 16 ... Next
251
251
Review of Bread  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Genipher Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletb*
Fantastic set-up in the first paragraph. Right away, the reader knows this is some sort of fantasy, merely by your choice of your character's name. (Even if I can't pronounce it.) In a few short words, we 'see' what he looks like, and what he does during the day. The meal at the end of the paragraph further established the scene.

Unexpected word choices and sentence structure variation enhanced the plot. (smooshed)? *Laugh*

You nailed the giant's pronunciation of words consistently and in tune with the theme.

In this sentence, you're demonstrating the emotion and the punctuation is ruining the perfection.
How dare you steal me golden goose?!" Tadhg howled and stomped a foot

*Bulletb*
Beware of gerunds. He can't simultaneously kick mud from his boots and tromp.
Kicking mud from his boots, he tromped...

The distance between the actions of the giant stomping his foot and the human stumbling somehow seemed too far apart. I asked myself, 'why is the human stumbling?'

Did you mean to write (Sassenach) not (Sasanach)?

*Bulletb*
Thinking of the beginning: This rollicking story deserves a better title and brief description. I understand the need for what you've written, but there should be room for a few more words to showcase the essence of the story.

Well, that was a fun read. *Thumbsup*


** Image ID #2314426 Unavailable **


"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
252
252
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Kåre เลียม Enga Author IconMail Icon Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
You penned such a lonely poem. I had to look up 'cantucci' and discovered it was what I call biscotti. And it does indeed soften. I dunk mine in coffee.

*Bookstack*
In the first verse, uncertainty lurks. Why is the child waiting? It sounds ominous. In the second verse, I guessed it was the father who was in a car wreck, as I'm sure you intended.

What a visual when her dad enters. My favorite part was the detail of rain dripping from his coat. Now I have a different fear. I know what can happen when driving on a rainy night. My daughter almost died because her boyfriend was reckless.

*Bookstack*
And then, wham. Realization smacked me in the face, despite the subtlety played out in merely a few verses. The turn-around was expertly woven into the story's fabric.

I especaily like the way you employed punctuation to suit you. The oddness of the spacing and ellipses wasn't odd at all. The formatting was essential to the flow of the prose. I admire writers who capture so much with so few words. Amazing work.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
253
253
Review of Oh My My  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Amethyst Angel 🌼 Nixie here. I'm responding with a review as per your request on the Newsfeed. It seems everywhere I turn, there you are.


*BoothB* Initial reaction
The presentation was atheistically pleasing. The enlarged font and generous whitespace encouraged me to read. It was obvious some extra love went into composing this.

*Boothb*Overall Impression
I've never even heard of IR, and I enjoyed learning a bit about the group. My musical preferences come for a different decade (not saying which).

So many successful musical artists flame and then burn out. What a tragedy. I haven't heard the phrase 'nervous breakdown' in a long time. He only needed one year to recover, which is remarkable. Some never return at all.

Most interesting was your speculation regarding hearing their music in public places. I agree with your summation, but I never would have considered that.

*Right* There was no need to write (totally unique) because (unique) stands on its own. However, as this piece was conversationally written, my observation wasn't a huge hiccup.

*Boothb*That's a wrap
I understand this is an intro to a project, and you're off to a fabulous start. Your writing voice is pleasant and the flow of words was almost rhymitic. Keep writing. *Wink*



Dr Who and his Tardis


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
254
254
Review of She'll Be Back  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi 👼intuey Nixie here. Congrats on the well-deserved win. I so happy you posted this poem on the Newsfeed.



*Baretree3*
I don't even know where to begin this review. Initially, the title and brief description, not to mention the cover art . . . that was the draw.

*Baretree3*
How did you make all those prompt words work so brilliantly?
I hated this guy from the very beginning, as you intended. The verses just kept coming, each more intensely than the last.

I knew from the beginning what happened to Angie, based solely on Ben's 'dialogue' presented by the narrator. I can see an enraged mom aware of all that's happening and what's to come.


*Baretree3*
This poem deserved a second, no, a fourth reading. It reminded me of a cop mystery, where the mom is dismissed. I've been upset all morning, and I just wanted to reach out and punch this guy in the face.

*Baretree3*
No particular verse struck me as a favorite. As soon as I chose one, I'd read another and reconsider. At this moment, I'm going with the discovery of the body, Angie's fist clutching Ben's necklace and the clarifying line that followed.

Let Ben stew in his pathetic life, hopefully in jail. Oh no, another favorite line. Angie's released into the light.

Your words, really a short story, overwhelmed my emotions. Congratulations on achieving a goal that I think most writers strive for. A connection between words written and the reader's connection. I won't forget this poem for a while. Fantastic write.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
255
255
for entry "What's Her Story #47" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi Amethyst Angel 🌼 Nixie here. I found your work posted on the Newsfeed.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The internal dialogue drew me right into the story. Somewhere I read that using weather to establish the character's mood is considered cheating. Isn't that crazy? I think weather is a precise way of setting the scene and/or mood. I'm sorry to say that poor advice is stuck in my head, and I never use the weather in my stories. Yet, it's so powerful, as demonstrated in your story.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I was worried when Kenzie left her car to enter the store. I needed one statement to establish her leaving the vehicle somewhere out of the way.

The places this story took me was shocking. Dolls scare me like demons, although they were a big part of my childhood. I've never listened to Imagine Dragon, and like Kensie, I thought they were mostly loud and too much for me.

My favorite theme is how one thing leads to another. First the doll, then the song, then the reunification of Kenzie and her mom. But you didn't stop there. The story arc was completed by one last and amazing detail. It all fit together in a tight little story.

The challenges of "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. are well known. I wonder if this story came easily for you? The reader is immersed in the story with the many senses you drew on, most specifically on the smell. Thrift shops can be dangerous places to buy from. I've bought a few pieces with such incredible negative energy, I had to give them away.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Since this is titled "What's her story #47" I pulled up the blog to see if she was an ongoing character. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the '47' related to posting "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. stories. Today has been especially emotional for me. My mom is not one to communicate, and although I've asked several times if I can visit, the answer is always no. There's always a credible-sounding reason, but I'm still puzzled and hurt.

Thanks for stirring up the commotion in my mind I avoid. That seems like a contradictory statement, but sometimes it's good to cry. Keep writing, as I know you will.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
256
256
Review of Late Night  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.

*Bulletb*
This poem painted a picture of a sweet child rebelling, just a little bit. I had to look up the definition of a Cinquain because I like to learn new things, and without looking it up, the prose didn't make much sense as far as appearances go. I wondered why everything was unevenly spaced. I learned something today.

It must be difficult to choose this form. I write mainly free form, but nothing that has rules.

*Bulletb*
I was too afraid during my childhood to do anything other than go to sleep as ordered. I adored this poignant moment, imagining what it would have been like to 'break a few rules'.

*Bulletb*
My only suggestion would be--don't capitalize the first letter of every line if it's a continuation of a sentence. While I researched, I didn't find any indication that this was a requirement. However, poetic license and author's discretion apply.

Even though I sometimes punctuate a poem, I like it best the way you've written it. No punctuation until the last sentence.

Thanks for the journey to Teddy Bear Land. No one will know, other than the ones who read this. I'm not a fan of this word, but the word (cute) definitely applies here.

~Nixie

review tag


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
257
257
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Jeff Author IconMail Icon Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
I am on my way over to the Shop of Wonders. I hope it's still open to ordinary people like me. I'm hoping to win the cloak of invisibility to use for all the times I wished for a hole to open and swallow me. (I'm not that great with people.)

*Bookstack*
Your story sounded totally accurate, and was extremely well-written. It reads exactly as it it were an advertisement for the village, maybe a scroll to be posted on a tree, provided the tree doesn't object, of course.


*Bookstack*
I enjoyed reading this so much, I was sad when the story concluded. It's wonderful to imagine a place such as The Shop of Wonders. I'd most likely spend hours wandering around. (If I had a protection spell to ward off any negative energy.)

I see this was written as a challenge, which can be nerve-racking. If you had any trouble composing the story, it definitely does not show in the writing.

Your work caught me completely off guard. Today must be my lucky day. Now I will fly off on my magic carpet. Thanks for the trip through fantasyland.

Well done, my friend.

~Nix



Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
258
258
Review of Luck of the Bard  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Just Jae Nixie here. I found your story by using the 'read and review' option.

*Vignette1*
I've seen many movies and read books about traveling bards. But I never gave a thought to what their life would be like when they were in-between performances.

*Vignette2*
I found it easy to relate to the character, but I never suspected that she was a half elf. I wonder what she looks like? What her life was before she was a Bard. How was she born as a half-elf? Human and elf interactions?

The first paragraph set the scene, and I felt a little sorry for her. Her life seemed fraught with difficulties and challenges, yet maybe she takes it all in stride, as the story implied.

*Vignette3*
The prompt words flowed seamlessly with the story.

I really liked the optimistic conclusion, although I had to Google the difference between a clover and a shamrock, as I'd never heard on one flowering.

Overall, even though the story was only two paragraphs, I enjoyed the read. There's room for expansion, but since I don't know your intentions, or if this was a contest piece, I'll leave it at the writer's discretion.

In the end, I'm happy for the half-elf because such a small, simple observation changed her day. It's the little things that make a difference. I didn't understand the title choice or the brief description. Nevertheless, the point being, I didn't skip past the tiny story and entered into a world previously unknown. *Smile*

** Image ID #2314427 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
259
259
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Happy to write. Nixie here. I found your item via 'read and review'.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The overall theme is love conquering the debilitating effects of inner resentment and inability to reframe negativity? The woman's personality was well-defined, and made me feel alone. I can't fault her for the way she's experienced life, she's endured more than anyone should have to.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I'm asking myself as I read, what is the main purpose of this prose? The formatting is off, so my attention and appreciation was often disrupted. Maybe you wrote this somewhere else and copy/pasted it here? Some words have no spaces between them, and the commas are mostly incorrectly placed, or missing.

Another curiosity was the title. It's not really a title at all, more of a paraphrasing of the prose. I can see this truncated version in my mind.

"She Never Wore Green"

Another suggestion. The first line isn't needed and added to the word count. And, consider breaking up that last stanza since it's off balance with the rest of the verses, and presents as a block of text.

What was the woman's connection to the color?

*ZodiacTaurus*
I liked the surprising conclusion. So many may have turned the stranger aside, judging him only by appearance. My conclusion is that since the woman had lived a life of non-stop bitterness and hatred, she saw her inside-self portrayed in the grimy man who knocked on her door. Together, they found a reason to be happy.

I read that this is your second attempt to pull the prose together. A writer's journey is a lonely path. We all need at least one more pair of eyes to help us along. I'm encouraging you to continue the quest. Keep writing!


** Image ID #2317863 Unavailable **
Reviewed by Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
260
260
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Joey's Summer Sparkle. Nixie here. I found your item via 'read and review'.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Way to make my eyes sting, Joey. Yesterday, I listened to the song "Cats In the Cradle" by Henry Chapin. (No offense to Henry, but I like to hear the late John Denver's rendition.) The song mirrors what you've written here, but you've added a personal flair to your work that makes the difference.

*ZodiacTaurus*
You forced my brain to think. Each and every parent has a choice. They can either continue with the style of parenting they received, even if it wasn't pleasant, or they can do the opposite, so as not to inflict the damage on their child.

I chose the opposite, since my childhood was so traumatic. I have some regrets, but if a parent ever said they never made a mistake while rearing children, I'd be worried for them. And their kids.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I've heard it said that regret is the hardest emotion to carry through life. Logically, we are aware there is no return, but that doesn't stop the sick feeling in the bottom of a parent's stomach.

Can we lose that feeling by being good grandparents? Maybe, but I think it only makes their kid wonder why they were not treated the same, if that makes sense. Not to throw shade, but my mom inflicted emotional pain that changed who I am. She's not a great grandmother, either, but it breaks my heart that she can't give to my kids. What I say to myself is - "You can't get 100 watts from a 25 watt light bulb." I'm sure she's done her best.

Thanks for jarring my brain into action. The poem read seamlessly, despite the length. Each line had its own meaning, there was no repetition, as it sometimes seen in longer works.

Keep writing!

** Image ID #2317863 Unavailable **
Reviewed by Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
261
261
Review of Honeymoon  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ned Author IconMail Icon Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
My attention was first drawn to the prompt word because, per contest rules, that's a requirement. (I'm guessing it was for a contest.) It would be great if the poem included a link to the contest in case others might be interested.

*Bookstack*
The phrase 'so good looking' sounded so bland, it was almost meaningless. That is, until I read the entire poem. As an off-side comment, I liked the overall symmetry. And I do like poems with no punctuation until the period at the end.

*Bookstack*
With the title, the poem is ironic. There's no way the honeymoon will last between these two. You chose an excellent word to rhyme with gastric. And even the brief description rhymed. Putting this all into the theme you were establishing was quite clever.

The rhythm was sing-song and fun to read.

The cover art (for me) was off-putting. I thought it was a picture of an octopus. *Laugh* On my third try, I finally saw the spaghetti.


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
262
262
Review of What Did He Say?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SandraLynn Nixie here. I found your entry here "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge" Open in new Window. to see what writers did with the weird prompts.



*Baretree3*
The story kicked off with a compelling title. The scene was established in the second paragraph. Nicely done.

Kids can be impossible to understand at Aiden's age, probably only his parents would be able to interpret the words. lol.

From the first paragraph, I wondered if Aiden had any sort of mental disability, mainly attention deficit disorder.

His repetitious behaviour gave me that impression. I decided to go with that hunch, even though it didn't play out.

*Baretree3*
I liked his character because his actions led to the patience of the grandmother. I thought, 'oh, good job grandma, distracting him.' Although the gift of the egg wasn't so very wise. The image of him wiping the goo on his shirt made me cringe.

Once again, this action set off the next one. When Aiden began to cry, I could also easily envision him with those 'big fat tears'.

*Baretree3*
Why I almost skipped over this. Readers like to see a larger font and more white space. It's much easier to read. The words are not in a tight snarl, and no squinting is required.

I liked your story enough to read, despite that personal drawback of mine.

*Baretree3*
I never, ever would have guessed what Aiden meant by 'bottle chicken'. But the grandfather had enough experience to fathom the meaning.

A cute story all around. Simple and light. You made me smile. *Smile*




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
263
263
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Jeff Author Icon Nixie here. I found your work posted on the Newsfeed this morning.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The catchy title that could mean anything drew me in. *Checkg* Yay for the larger font and generous white space.

I resisted my usual approach to reading stories and started at the beginning, rather than the end. I'm so proud of myself, and so grateful because I was awarded with the twist at the end.

I enjoyed the back and forth dialogue, all the while trying to figure out what was going on. Nothing sounded sinister, but they were there after hours.

...intermittent aerosol hissing...gave me an ah-ha moment, but I was still hesitant to draw a conclusion.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I had to laugh after reading paragraph three and how newbies were needed for special missions. The second sentence is the longest run-on that I've ever read, yet it didn't feel awkward in the least. In fact, I had to go back and read it again to ascertain it was a run-on. Great job making all those words flow smoothly.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I have to toss in a personal connection. A group of coworkers and I got permission to be in the building after hours. We spent hours decorating the office for Halloween. There was one guy who never seemed to work. We put 'cobwebs' around his in-box. *Laugh*

*ZodiacTaurus*
Nice play on the turnaround. Black-ops lost its ominous overtones to the sounds of laughter. I hope the C.E.O. is an affable guy. Our cobweb co-worker was not amused.

Clever, clever story, where the prompt was easily slipped in.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
264
264
Review of A Boy and his Dog  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi StephBee Author Icon Nixie here. I found your item listed on the Newsfeed. You must be one popular woman!

*ZodiacTaurus*
Oh what fun to imagine a talking dog. I bet this would be a great poem for kids to read, or be read to. The first stanza set the scene, and what followed was easily visualized. I particularly liked the third stanza due to the unique wording. (hunted down his pants) and the dog (pranced).

The rhyming scheme flowed, and the read was fast as it mirrored Andy's panic.

While the title fits the poem, it's not overly exciting or enticing. The brief description was the draw. I'm sitting here wondering if this was written for a GoT challenge. That would explain quite a bit.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Here's a few places where I got perplexed.

The last line in the third stanza 'felt off' because the word (over) was used twice. Consider using one or the other.

I don't know who Suzie is, or why she's in the narrative. The indication is that of a party the night before. I figured Andy was young, so the party theme didn't quite fit.

Note to self- "Adjust your perception, Nixie, and fill in the blanks." Yup, I got it.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I'm compelled to answer the last question. In the event that Andy is not delusional, and everyone can hear the dog, Andy would make a fortune with a video.

Cute dog in the cover art. I'm guessing it's yours? Thanks for a fun morning read.

** Image ID #2317863 Unavailable **
Reviewed by Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
265
265
Review of Mr. Nits  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi SandraLynn Author IconMail Icon Nixie here. I found your work posted here. "The Dialogue 500" Open in new Window.

*BookStack*
This was a fun read, sort of the opposite of what happens to me. I need to speak to at least four people to get the correct answer. Last time, it was a question about my cell phone. That took four people to answer, and four hours of my time.

I got a big kick out of this witty dialogue, and the IRS agent who couldn't understand a thing. Now, being passed off because the person working with you is a whole new ball game. The unfortunate Canadian has to run through the whole spiel again.

I've had the experience of someone simply ending my call, on purpose, with no explanation. So weird.

*Bookstack*
For some reason, I thought the contest was for no dialogue, so I was flummoxed as to why this story was all dialogue. *Headbang*

If you add some white space here, and if you're comfortable doing so, increase the font size. It's much easier to read with those two elements included.


*Bookstack*
My favorite two lines were the exchange about pledge. Hilarious.

Your story was easily relatable and kept me entertained. I liked the Canadian's dialogue, with 'gonna' and 'wanna'. I'm not sure if that matches a Canadian accent. It sounded purely southern.


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
266
266
Review of Stuck  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Genipher Author IconMail Icon Nixie here. I'm reviewing your story for "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window.


*BookStack*

Sometimes, short is best for a title, and the brief description pulls in the reader. *Checkg*

I've been mulling over this prompt since I first saw it. I had the same idea as having a slab of meat to lure the cougar away. What wasn't explained was how the character wound up in the tree, which may have been part of the prompt. Were those three prompt phrases supposed to be answered? This story covered two of them.

*Bookstack*
From the beginning, you penned a Mary Poppin-ish tone which carried throughout. I kept thinking, oh, this is Mary Poppins, and I was right.

I got a kick out of all the things she had in her backpack and her reaction to the items as she pulled them out. The inner dialogue had me laughing. Especially the chair. Or maybe the potted plant.

My favorite phrase because of the word choice.
"Another blind plunge,"

I also liked the alliteration in the first sentence, last paragraph, (practically perfect).

*Bookstack*
And to top it all off, the Mary Poppins umbrella carried her to safety. Cute take on the prompt. This is a story that brings a smile. Thanks for the read.



Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
267
267
Review of Rock People  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Joseph Author Icon Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I must confess to reading the conclusion first, because that's the only reason I struggled through the first part. The font is so small, and the white space is non-existent, so I had to squint all the way through for the sake of the rocks.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I got the jist of the plot. Destruction and desolation. What I didn't feel was any emotion or connection. I didn't know who the narrator was, until he introduced himself and his friends. I'd start with that. I found numerous errors throughout. Too many to point out. Maybe if you increase the font and don't choose blue for a color, the errors would be easier for you to see.

I wish guys in stories would fall for the average girl, not the knockout bomb. It's a shame the Tron betrayed everyone, but the conclusion was optimistic and a joy for me to read.

*ZodiacTaurus*
So, why did the end enthrall me? As a kid, I started collecting rocks, but only those who spoke to me. Now I have over 100 rocks, from palm-sized to boulders. I take them with me whenever I move. They are a part of me, and yes, each one has a story to tell. One time, I picked up a rock on a trail, but it gave me a weird, sick sensation in my stomach. It shouldn't be mine, it seemed to say. I walked it back and found a twin on the opposite side of the trail. I returned the one I'd picked up. The relief was profound and validating.

So even though the first part of the story was barely manageable, I'm happy I muddled through it. You gave me a chance to share my rock story.

There is so much material in here, you could write a series of stories, rather than squishing it all together. I don't know the birth of this writing, maybe it came from another piece, or maybe you needed to get the first part spelled out because your brain was firing ideas that quickly.

At any rate, I do hope you'll work on this a bit more. The story is worth it.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
268
268
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Purple Catching Up Author Icon. Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option. I've never had the pleasure of reading your work before.

*ZodiacTaurus*
First, thanks for writing in a larger font and for leaving a good amount of white space. The formatting made this an easy read. The brief description was 'for Addison', so I'm guessing you wrote this for a particular child.

What a fantastic story for children. The plot held just enough excitement and danger to thrill a child, but not enough to scare them overly much. I always have to remind my grandsons that the good guy always wins to alleviate any fear.

*ZodiacTaurus*
How cool would it be to see this book printed with illustrations? I had a difficult time picturing the bridge scene, which I blame myself for. I became confused, not understanding that the knight had returned to the other side of the bridge after the girls were safe. For a while, I wasn't sure who was saving whom.

If the story was not written for kids, I'd have several questions and suggestions. But for a young person, you've penned the recipe for an enthralling tale. I can imagine any little girl loving the prince and his sword. I'm guessing they would have to be under the age of seven or so to appreciate the plot, since kids are so savvy these days. That question would be answered through learning how old Addison was at the time this was written.

but their castle (has) something
(had) in keeping with the past tense.

alright
all right.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I'd like to see a stronger conclusion, other than the princesses having a story to tell.

Thanks for the read and keep writing.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
269
269
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Than Pence Author Icon Nixie here. I found your work here."The Shameless "Plug" Page" Open in new Window.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Wow, this story has promise. The main problem is this is a telling story. With all the action-packed adventures, the reader needs to feel that fear and urgency. This is accomplished by showing the character's emotions through his actions. What does fear feel like? heart-pounding? hands shaking?

*ZodiacTaurus*
I liked how this was formatted. Well spaced and with an enlarged font. What a relief.

Suggestions:
Rather than telling us about a conversation between the worm and Chuck, use dialogue. For example:
The worm finally introduced itself as Degan and the boy said his name was Chuck.

A simplified example:
"Hi, I'm Degan." (add an action beat here)

"Hi, I'm Chuck." How did Chuck react when the worm talked? Wasn't he surprised?

Degan explained the wand wasn’t gone, just somewhere in the world.

"The wand isn't gone," Degan said, "just somewhere in the world."

Take out filter words and adverbs. Be direct.
felt/recognized/really/finally/ to mention a few. Most editing would be simple using dialogue.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The ending was gruesome, but that was my only reaction. Chuck seemed only mildly upset.

This is a story worth editing. It may take some practice (reviewing others' work helps). If you decide to take this story forward, make it stronger because you have some excellent content to work with.

Keep writing. *Smile*



Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
270
270
Review of The Cutting Edge  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi StephBee Author Icon Nixie here. I found your work here "The Shameless "Plug" Page" Open in new Window.

*ZodiacTaurus*
First thoughts: A movie has the same title as your story. And I don't think the brief description suits the plot. Yours is a powerful story, and I never had the impression that this was about who the better skater was. I'm thinking: "Love on the Ice" for the title. Just my mind skating along. lol

*ZodiacTaurus*
I wasn't savvy with all the technical terms, but nothing could take away the image in my mind. I felt transported just reading. Ice skating is a gorgeous sport, and wow, that video gave my heart a lift. I was almost speechless when it ended. Her precision was astounding.

On a side note, when it came time to learn my first jump, I fell and broke my arm. lol

*ZodiacTaurus*
The descriptions were tantalizing, from the outside of the building all the way to the interior and then spilling over into the characterizations of Alyssa and Yuri.

Somewhere in here, I found two oversights. 'purse' should be 'pursue' and somewhere else, I think you meant 'skates' rather than 'shoes. I hope those two comments are enough to help you spot what I saw.

Here, in the words, I've met two young people who defied the politics that always get in the way of everything. How cool would it be if they ended up as skating partners? I prefer couples skating to single.

I liked it when Alyssa said 'Udachi'. I had to look it up, which is double fun for me.

Last comment-did you choose 'romance' as a genre? Because this is definitely a romantic story, both for love of ice skating and for Yuri and Alyssa. Nicely done!

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
271
271
Review of Honouring James  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi sindbad. Nixie here. Choconut posted this note "Note: Whew-eee! It's been a busy, old week. [Lin..." and that's how I found your biographical work.


*Baretree3*
Between the chills running up and down my legs and the tears in my eyes, I'm asking myself 'how can you review this?'.

*Baretree3*
I had a feeling a few paragraphs in where this piece might be headed. Not precisely, of course, just a suspicion or intuition for the reason James stopped coming to lessons. When he was allowed to play in the recital, and he appeared disheveled, I know my instincts were right.

*Baretree3*
Why is it more important for boys to start their lessons at an early age? It reminded me of kids over the age of five. If they already have behaviour problems, there's not a thing I can do about it. And I love kids in general.


*Baretree3*
Going forward- it's easier on the reader if the font is enlarged, creating more white space. Nevertheless, I found my way through this, drawn in and curiously captivated by the plot's progression. That's some outstanding writing on your part.

What I didn't anticipate was the conclusion, a double whammy. (The performance was followed by the social worker's appearance.) Make that a triple whammy for what happened to James later in his life.

We are all both teachers and students on life's pathways. James was an exceptional teacher, and you humbly recognized this.

The final paragraph hurt my heart. Why, oh why, do some of the good people die young?

'Thanks for the read' goes to both the one who encouraged you to write this piece, and also to you for following through. It must have been exceedingly difficult to write this. *Heart*



** Image ID #2314427 Unavailable **

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
272
272
Review of Strawberry Buddy  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Don Two Author Icon Nixie here. I found your work here in the. January 10, 2024 NL Issue

*ZodiacTaurus*
I was captivated by your poem. The format was different from others I've read, and the symmetry immediately drew me in. I skipped over the title and brief description, and oh what a delight I found in the mystery. I missed what had animated the strawberry, but questioned whether it was necessary. Personifying an object means the object already held thoughts. (Especially true after the first line in the second stanza).

*ZodiacTaurus*
I'm confused and remorseful for not latching on to the meaning of the progressive stanzas. Using the word 'pulp' prompted reflection. If the strawberry is already pulped, how is it edible?

*ZodiacTaurus*
I felt awkward because I couldn't make sense of the poem. And my intention is not to insult you. It's obvious by the unique phrasing that you didn't rush through the writing. Then again, I noticed that this was never edited. Interesting.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
273
273
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Erithacus Nixie here. I landed on your poem by clicking the 'read and review' link.


*Baretree3*
Oh, happy days for me. A poem about a tree. I didn't know what a Linden tree was, so googling it was fun. I like to learn when I review.

A question about the title. I liked the sound of 'Fifteen Rings' because it piqued my interest. But what I didn't understand was the 'Green man' that follows. Depending on your intentions, I think it takes power from the title.


*Baretree3*
My one suggestion: break this up into stanzas so the reader can appreciate all your beautiful words. As is, I'm looking at a solid block of text, and I have to squint to read the words. Normally, I would pass on this because of the reading difficulties, but, it's a tree poem, and I can never turn away from those.


*Baretree3*
I often graze my hand over the bark, wondering what these trees have seen over hundreds of years. Trees bring a sense of peace and solidity. I have a huge oak tree right outside my window. It's a home for squirrels and birds, which brings me to my last point.

The last few lines felt forlorn, so different from the verses before it. Yet, it makes perfect sense (after I read it a few times) and closes your masterpiece with reality, wonderment, and awareness of impermanence. Nicely done, keep writing. {e:smile|


{center}review tag


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
274
274
Review of Tears and Pee  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Carol St.Ann 👓 Nixie here. I found your story via read and review.



*Baretree3*
As I read, a thought kept running through my mind. Maybe I'm crazy, but I was thinking part of Jerry's spirit was in the dog. I like comforting ideas such as mine. Call me eccentric, I don't mind.

*Baretree3*
You are a lovely person, demonstrated by your care for Rosie. I felt so sad for her when she peed. The tenderness that followed her submissive behaviour nearly broke my heart, wondering who could have given her this fear.

*Baretree3*
I liked the moments you described, especially her exploring the house and then running back to you. The word (scampering) was well-chosen. As was (scurried). In fact, all your word choices showed the reader who Rosie was. I deduced that Rosie was a rescued dog, and you found each other, fated to meet.

*Baretree3*
The first paragraph hit close to home. I had to put my cat down in December, and four months later, I still can't deal with it. My mind is protecting me because I barely remember her. The house is empty without another heartbeat.

I'm guessing by now that Rosie is trained. We had a dog who waited until the carpets were professionally cleaned, before peeing in the living room.

Thanks for sharing your soulful story. I'm happy you have Rosie and she has you. *Heart*


review tag


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Open in new Window. (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
275
275
Review of Stranded together  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Beck Firing back up! Nixie here. I saw your story here. "The Writer's Cramp" Open in new Window.. When I read the prompt, I couldn't put one and two together to create a plot. I see you had no trouble.


*Baretree3*
I was a little confused at first because I didn't know who the characters were. Holly, Jaden, Ted and Sandy. Maybe if the story started with the father, it would be easier to understand who was whom. I recognize the behavior as interaction between two kids, but it took a while to sort it out. It's difficult to start a story with dialogue.

What about a paragraph break in the third line? Ted's actions are separate from Holly's scramble. That would help identify characters. As is, who is Tom swooping up? Holly or the teddy bear? I'm guessing Holly. You could replace (her) with (Holly).
Sammy is the teddy bear?

If you include the paragraph break and the name substitution, that would clear up a lot of questions.

*Baretree3*
When my kids were young, I had three children, ages 5, 19 months and a newborn, respectively. I was trying to fly home because my sister was dying. I couldn't get a flight until 5 pm, and then we had a two-hour delay, not including layovers. *Pthb*


*Baretree3*
I really felt bad for the dad, as he struggled to contain his kids. And I was so sad when he considered himself a failure. I didn't like that he felt people were staring and judging. I've experienced the same.

You included a wise comment, when he wondered how his wife handled it all. The appearance of the mysterious old woman added a touch of mystery, even though I knew what she'd say.

Now, dads are more involved. Baby showers include both men and women. That's a step toward progress.

There are a few problems with spacing here and there.

*Baretree3*
I wondered what game could involve all those children (and parents) at once. I guess it doesn't matter because the closing lines were the most important.

Overall, this is a good story with room for improvement. Only a few tweaks here and there are necessary. *Checkg*

** Image ID #2314426 Unavailable **
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
1,532 Reviews • *Magnify*
Page of 62 • 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/nixie9/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/11