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An evolution in years |
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blank mind, empty thoughts, hollow ramblings "Some nights when it rains I dig out your old pictures and dance with memories sour now with age I wish I could let go and just walk out of this prison this shrine that I have build around my pain" - The Dreaming "I've always been good at helping everyone but myself." - me "God you were so beautiful, 'til I looked in your eyes" - The Dreaming |
| It's that old cliche of how you can be in a crowded room and still feel alone. I hate it. I can see all the people out there that I've alienated for one reason or another and I have to sit alone at a table in a crowded cafeteria with nothing to do for half an hour. On a different note, I think my parents are reading this journal somehow, because the next morning after that last post Alora wanted to assure me that "I was really happy that you're ok, and I didn't want to make it seem like all I cared about was the car." Too damn late. If you're reading this, Alora, that's what you get for snooping. Perhaps for greater entertainment you should read the entry "parents" if you havn't already. Time to get yet another anonymous journal so my parents can't figure out what's going on in my head. Good thing I can access it through school without them getting ahold of what I'm doing. It seems like they figure out everything, and I think it has something to do with this journal. I'm not sure. *shrugs* I hate that. If they wanted to know, why wouldn't they just ask me? All the problems that have occurred between me and my parents is the direct result of them waiting for me to say something. I don't say something unless I feel it is absolutly necessary, and they never ask. Nice situation. *grumble* "Human life is permeated with underground streams" - Berdynev "I HATE writers block!" - Me! "It'll all go back to normal if we put our nation first, But the trouble with normal is it always gets worse" - Bruce Cockburn ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=kgirlfae |
| Yesterday I crashed my brand-new car while driving to school for a volunteer event. It was a minor fender-bender, and I was the only car involved, but it was an accident. I'm fine, but not emotionally. I spent the night at my granny's house, so my parents hadn't seen me post-crash until just now. And the first thing they wanted to talk about was how expensive it would be to get it fixed. How I had to pay the deductible. Yes, my dad had asked me when I called him right after the crash if I was ok, but I figured once they saw me in person they'd want to... I don't know, double check on that assessment of mine. They didn't. Another proud day in the life of a daughter in a family who is apparently more concerned about the balance of the bank accounts than my health. *yay* ~~sarah |
| I am so sick of dealing with the childish crap that everyone around here is so proud of being able to pull out of their asses. NOTE: When you say you're going to help someone during a mutual free period, you don't walk up, hand them a paper with a few scratchy notes on it and then walk away to have lunch with your friends. I'm sorry, did I get in the way of your oh so fucking precious social life? NOTE: When you are supposed to meet someone for access, you don't show up in the last 2 minutes to work on something that would have taken the full 20. Whoops, didn't mean to deprive you of your wonderous beauty sleep (and I know you need it) NOTE: Your issues with your english teacher don't outrank the fact that I need to get a project done. Your issues with your boyfriend of the week don't have anything to do with me. Your issues with the fact that said boyfriend just broke up with you have nothing to do with me. Your problems with that guy who kinda might like you, whom you don't kinda like back HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. NOTE: If you're going to come to me for advice, at least follow it or show some acknowledgement that you were listening. No, coming to me a week later whining about how things are worse because apparently you did the opposite of what I advised doesn't count. NOTE: It is not my fault if you don't take my advice and things get worse. NOTE: You are acting like a child. ~~Sarah "Human life is permeated with underground streams" - Berdynev "I HATE writers block!" - Me! "It'll all go back to normal if we put our nation first, But the trouble with normal is it always gets worse" - Bruce Cockburn ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I had a gap there for a while. I'm not sure why. I guess, really, nothing is happening. *shrugs* |
| I honestly don't get my parents at times. They bitch me out when someone calls and wakes them up, but when they get home from a concert at midnight it's perfectly ok for them to turn on the stereo, get the dog barking and start talking loudly. *hmmmm* It's not like anyone might be ASLEEP at the oh-so-early hour of MIDNIGHT. Dear Blessed Lady - it's not like it was bad enough that it took me nearly an hour and a half to get to sleep, but then they had to go and wake me up. So, I go downstairs and calmly ask if they could please stop the dog from barking because it woke me up. Alora smiled and patronizingly said "oh, did we wake you up?" *hates it when people patronize her* So I go back upstairs, alora chuckling behind me... AT me. And crawl back into bed, praying that this would be one of those miraculous nights when I wake up but still...somehow... manage to fall right back asleep. Well, no such luck, since I'm NOT one of those people who can fall asleep in 10 minutes - not to mention that they proceed to go into the room which has a paper thin wall between thier room and mine and TURN THE FUCKING T.V. ON LOUDLY. My GOD. Have they no respect?! If I were to wake up and start blaring the stereo at midnight they'd have my fucking head. Yet they can do it to me?! So the TV finally turns off, and I think "thank the goddess, I can finally sleep". Nope - that same paperthin wall happens to let EVERY noise in... and when I say every, I mean it. So I'm lying there in bed trying to force myself asleep, when I start hearing... shall I say "heated panting"? I got up (noisily - like they'd notice anyway) and came downstairs. I'm not going back up there for a while. All they've ever told me is that respect has to be earned. That if I show them respect, they'll show me respect. Well, I've been pretty damn respectful - I have come in at midnight from babysitting jobs, emptied the dishwasher (quietly) and gone to bed and never ONCE woken them up. I consider this a grave disrespect to me, and I'll be damned if I continue to show them the same respect I have been - not until they get it into their heads that it is NOT appropriate to start blasting music in a house that most likely has a person who's asleep. As if I wasn't exhausted enough as it was. ~~Sarah |
| Well, I'm pregnant, the god of water is my father, and he doesn't want to be a grandfather so I have to repent. But enough about my D&D character... I'm sick of werk, I'm sick of my head feeling like it's gonna explode, and the only fun part of my life is roleplaying and talking to Jackson. I love you Jackson. ~~Sarah (aka Rijjan, aka Faillene, aka Akhora, aka Kalyana...*thinks that's all of them*) |
| wotmania.net really amuses me for some reason - people always read way too far into some things. "Ancient and always The wheel's ever whirling Today I'm riding Tomorrow I walk Step through forever into this very moment The heart is pumping and the heart rocks" |
| "Damn you and your not making things painfully clear in your journals! " But that's what makes things fun, right? "Human life is permeated with underground streams" - Berdynev "I HATE writers block!" - Me! "It'll all go back to normal if we put our nation first, But the trouble with normal is it always gets worse" - Bruce Cockburn ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
" Why were people such hypocrites; being polite when they wanted to cuss and smiling when they wanted to die? Why was she such a fake? Why was everything around her so artificial and superficial? How could she explain detesting hypocrisy, while being a skilled practitioner of it? " "It would be so easy to hate you but I know I will love you forever. Hate makes much more sense than love!" " His was a kind heart, a true heart. His heart was the key to her own. " |
| I actually had someone totally amazed by how fast I could type when I was in the library before. I find that funny for some reason. I would have mentioned it, but I was in the middle of a ranty thing and then I got kicked out, and then I got caught up in a marketing simulation in the biz lab, and so I kinda forgot, but then I was in the school store and stuff, stocking (a great shift to work, the sooner you're done stocking, the sooner you leave) and the guy who was all freaked out at how fast I typed came in and commented on it again. People can get so caught up in the slightest things. All that my typing skills show is that I spend way too much time typing stuff (stories, AIM, blogs, rants, bitchings, and others such things). All it takes is practice. I'd actually be far more accurate on the keyboards if it weren't for the fact that the library computers are all sitcky and annoying and should be replaced (or cleaned, perhaps JSCCK could offer them a special discount if they'd let us clean them... hmmm... perhaps $1/keyboard instead of $5? I'll talk to Jess about it.) or at worst SHOT. I once again have no idea what I'm typing except that it sounds right and my brain likes it. I don't think I'll argue with my brain too much as it is what controls me and my various necessary bodily stuff (like breathing and heart rate and such). It could kill me pretty easily. So no pissing it off. Sometimes I wonder if my brain likes me, then I realized that it clearly cannot. Why else would it go out of it's way to drive me (or shall I say itself?) crazy. Crazy can be fun though, and I think it might be working it's way up to a poem if I don't force it too much. So that's a good thing. I've been focusing on Assasin's Dawning for so long now that my poetry has fallen to the side. I need to revamp some areas before I let anyone read it, but it's definetly coming along. I finally stopped fighting with the characters, so now I just need to rewrite pages 28-end and I'll be happy. *yay* random tangents. Perhaps I should stop reading WoT theory posts on wotmania while I'm writing. It certainly does seem to detract from the coherency and logic of my posts. *returns from the WoT theory* They have some good ones over there. Eventually I will have read them all to incorporate them into my campaign... *soon... soon...* I have no idea where this suddenly almost perky mood has come from. Perhaps the three dr. peppers I "borrowed" from the school store had something to do with it. *wanders off* |
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