%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| I'm having a wish to live in Paris. I have loved the idea of Paris. It's the City of Romance. Many couples go to Paris and have their pictures with the Eiffel Tower. I've seen movies set in Paris. I've seen pictures everywhere in my little Pinterest account. I've seen a video cam of Parisian traffic once. I would go there again and again to see how they were doing. But I forgot about it after a while and I guess that's ok because one da I will be living in Paris. I'll have a little apartment somewhere in Paris, with my cats and dogs, and my old stepfather snug in his quilt in a chair looking at his cell phone next to th window where he will always want to know what the day looks like. In Paris I'll go out and wander about, looking in at the bakeries, the pastry stores and having a cig in an outside cafe sipping wine with an imaginary gentleman whom I hope will be there with me always. |
| I’ve been looking online to find out how to move to different countries. I’m looking at Paris and Montreal. I think that in both place I need a visa, and then I have to learn French. Those two things should not be difficult to achieve. I’ve been learning French lately and purchased books on learning French. I will need to know how to figure out what my visa type will be if I were to move to Paris. I will be needing to find a job and a place to stay – a rented apartment. The places to live tend to be various and some or more are expensive. The landlords usually require a large fee or rent of several months in order to reassure that the apartment will be secured. It will have to be that I may need to have a job to live there. The problem is that I have some language deficits which the employers will note and will put me behind other applicants. If I were to live there to set up my own business as a writer/publisher there are many documents that are required. The list is long and it might take me some time to get these gathered. The embassies are not many to get the visa application completed and paid for. There should not be a problem for me because I live close to one branch of the Embassy of France. In Montreal there is an immigration visa that looks easier to do and this seems to be lacking in the French visa types. If I had a family member who was French or a husband that was French then it would not be that hard to move to Paris. I do not have family members who are French and I’m not married. I do not wish to find some weird thing that a few people do which is to get some stranger in Paris to agree to be your husband – that’s not an option. I must remind you that I am going through a great deal of harassment living in the USA. I might have to apply for asylum which I’ve sent the President of France a letter asking him to consider me as an applicant for asylum. The letter has been sent a few days ago, maybe a week ago. I hope that he will see this letter and it will be given a serious review. |
| After some blogging and looking at the videos online, I'm getting hungry. I've got some bacon and sausages on the griddle. I'm thinking it could help keep me from being hungry later on. I've read that a high fat/protein menu helps to control hunger. In my biology classes I've learned that fat slows transit time through the intestinal system which somehow doesn't signal hunger pangs. I have not weighed myself for a while because I've lost my weighing scale - the one that's a simple one. I have one that's connected to the WiFi but I bought it before we changed WiFi systems and it also connected with my now out of circulation FitBit. I used to get so into the FitBit and unfortunately it isn't great for the long run. I don't think I'd recommend it but it's probably good enough for some uses. I also invested in an Apple watch which I bought from Sams Club but that too wasn't great because it always had to get charged up and so it never measured anything if I let it charge overnight. It's somewhere in my junk pile and it's a sad thing that I got caught up into this Apple gadgetry. I resisted Apple products for a number of years even though others liked to use them. I hung on to my Blackberry and I still have it but they don't have much use now. So I can't say how much weight I've lost if any. I won't reveal my last weight it's too much to say and I'm not sure it's relevant. i do have a love for carbs and I do like breads, rice, couscous, quinoa and I've been known to shop and get lost in the bakery. I'd bring home two kinds of breads - some really rather good like artisan breads and rolls. I wish I could bake more but the oven's not working. It didn't work before last Thanksgiving. It was fortuitous we didn't plan on a turkey. We don't wish to eat turkey as it's too big a menu item for merely two of us. My stepdad doesn't like turkey much. I made turkey breast in a slow cooker one Thanksgiving. That was good. I followed the directions and it didn't require much more than water and some salt and pepper, if any. It was a Butterball turkey breast. It was the only one left in the grocery store freezer. I had been on the fence about what to cook for Thanksgiving that time. Then I gave into an impulse and went the day before Thanksgiving. I was lucky to get that frozen turkey breast. I also wasn't sure I would make anything because my stepfather had a dental problem and I worried he'd not be able to eat properly. The story behind that is rather hilarious but he'd kill me if I revealed the story here. Haha. That Thanksgiving I made a recipe from Dr Oz's magazine. It was a pasta dish with sausage. Stepdad liked it and he was able to eat everything despite his dental problem. I think if we were to have something for Thanksgiving we'd do the same sort of menu. I fixed the usual favorites like green bean casserole and then also had cranberry sauce. I don't like the cranberry salad they serve in places and in other homes. I'm very much a tinned cranberry sauce fan. Stepfather and I like to slice it into discs and have it with dinner. And we also served stuffing. I eat stuffing sometimes instead of rice or other carbs. I love stuffing. I think if I had my choice I'd eat some carbs at each meal. I hope that we can have a good Thanksgiving this year. I look forward to the Fall weather. And then winter will arrive. I'm very much a cold weather freak. I'll have a sweater on even in the summer, haha. I also like boots and that is my bad habit. One time I kept ordering, returning boots from Amazon and that other shoe website. The boots weren't quite right and so I would return and order another one. I think I went through Amazon's boot selections and that I have to say was the last time I went into a boot frenzy. I think boots are great fashion items anyway. I don't like going out in the cold with bare legs. I hardly wear hose. Unless they're tights or leggings. I actually live in leggings. I am totally not into the fashion thing unless it's something that I can lounge in. Idon't have a formal workplace so nobody sees me much. I don't like going around in jeans, sweatshirts and sneakers. I think that's rather a dull outfit. I'll have to see if there's more to talk about next time. I think some thoughts are not happy that I'm blogging about my fashion choices. It's possibly an impression. A few of the thoughts are wondering when to make me sad. I might just cross the line to get them to do it. I've already caused one of them a hissy fit. He's not a good thought. Must fly. |
| I'm still awake and it's almost midnight. I'm feeling sleepy which seems to contradict my first statement. Such is my mind. I have had a snack which was a good one. I'm trying to see in the freezer where my stepdad stored the sausages he bought from the store. I'm more inclined to eat those instead of the same old eggrolls. I wish I could have the energy to make some pancakes. We have enough flour and surprisingly my stepdad bought more flour. I suppose he was forgetting we have still some flour. We haven't got yeast which we can't have bread straight from the bread machine. I don't mind making some bread. The bread my stepdad buys is passable. I could have made some breadsticks which I liked when I made them. But the problem was that the breadsticks had to be baked in two batches to fit the toaster oven. I think it might be best to have nothing at all to do but see what might be happening in the news tonight. I saw that this president demoted the man who was his campaign manager. Then I saw that the governor from some state who attended the Tulsa OK rally of this president come down with COVID. Others from that rally also came down with it. It's quite a scary thing. I don't know what is coming to this world of ours. I guess that is why I don't go out much. I went out yesterday with my stepdad and the pups to get some cash from the bank machine and I gave some to him for the house. I haven't done much else in terms of housework. I have cleared the sink at least once in the last few days. We keep piling more dishes in it and pots and pans, but that's not a problem. I once had a thought there was a neverending chore of washing dishes and getting the laundry done. And the trash to collect and throw away. I said to myself, well, it makes sense because there are people who live here and have to use things up as they do their living. I don't wish to sleep but I wish to rest. I might take a pain med so I can be comfortable when I do relax. I think one thing I ought to remember about my writing is that I'm retired and so I don't have to have a schedule to do it. I ought to take time to relax, and enjoy the free time to do nothing. I've been working since I was in college, and some of my jobs required me to be prompt and do things quickly. It was that habit that I got used to doing and so it might be that I'm struggling with this sort of transition into being really retired. I'm guessing that I don't have a real career but a hobby as a writer. I'm not treating this as seriously as I used to. My pension seems to be at least stretchable to three weeks and only one week is a gap of having no cash at all. In which case I just don't spend anything. Nobody really spends much in this house. If something breaks down it's usually my stepdad who pays for it. He does sometimes ask me to help and that's when I have some cash to give him every month. I've been fortunate that there's money to keep the pets fed. Well then I guess I'd better go get some sleep. Or at least have a night's rest. I'll try to listen to the rain as it still is pouring outside, but now that I'm attending to it, there's not a great deal of rain merely the sound of a relentless dripping outside. must go now. |
| I'm working tonight. I've made a newsletter. We have submitted screenplays to film festivals in the USA. I think it's exciting. I'm sure that there's a lot of competition, but it's fun to do. I'm able to do it at least this one time because I got my pension and the entrance fees are not that high. So, we will find out sometime whether we got anything for our efforts. I think that I've gotten away from writing screenplays. I think when the Muse is inspired I could write another screenplay. I do'nt have anything in mind now. I guess I could try to free associate. Something that is a scifi thing or maybe some sort of espionage thing. I don't know. My novels are sounding all the same but I guess it's just another thing that I have to work out. My personal life is rather crazy in my mind. Haha. It's difficult to explain how some people write to expiate some problems they've not been able to work out. So they come out with a novel or some other form of fiction. I was unfair to some singers who have used their broken heart love affairs to come out with a new song or collection of songs that might get some sales in the stores or iTunes. However I do not like that some of these people go in and out of love affairs just to get a song out of them don't you agree? It's a matter of principle. I don't know whether these people do this intentionally it sounds like they might do it. I guess I'm not a popular person with these bastards. I don't have a lot of espionage experience but I've at least read a few books like James Bond or watched something on the TV. I remember all those detective shows on the tube which my stepdad and I liked to watch every week. It really kept me from doing homework. I could have been a better student had I not watched TV so much. But, I don't care. I had a decent GPA. I don't mind the crap I went through in college. It's just great that it was a cheap school, and I was able to pay off my school debts. Well, not all of it, I"ve gotten into another degree so I need to pay that off. it's rather expensive. A California school. I did not go to graduation. It was in San Diego. I would have loved to see San Diego. I saw someone's home or was it an office that was pretty. Near the beach. The thing I want to do is to get to some sort of collection of thoughts and wits so I can at least write some prose. I am somewhat distracted. I wish my brain would get with it. I've had so many negative thoughts that have rained on my mind. I feel as though that atmosphere above my home has a density of ions that are negative and they focus on my mind. I know it's rather silly to think it that way. I don't have any real way to explain better. I know that I have to move to another place - or another country. To escape this raining of negative ions on my house. I can't afford it now. I need some cash. I hope that the screenplays will win some cash. I don't know how much the prizes are. I did some research on screenplays that have made a mint. Someone's screenplay (I can't remember his name or the movie it became) fetched over a couple of million dollars. Some other blog said that an average screenplay pays about $50K and after taxes it comes down to $35K. I can live on that amount of money all year. I haven't any vices nor other habits that would suck that dry. I guess it will have to come down to whether these two screenplays will get some attention. I was also followed by a French production (film) company on Twitter. Recently. I was very flattered. I have tweeted that I want to move to Paris or Montreal. I'm learning French. I think that if things jive together I could land a job with this film company and then write screenplays (not always in French) for them. That would be so awesome. To live in Paris. And writing screenplays. I hope that they'll still make movies. This COVID is a very sad thing. I see people say online that they've resumed filming in Canada. I do not know if that's true. How on earth can anyone decently do a film having to deal with the COVID problem? Money for films and then the movies and the theaters. How can anyone get any money from movies and moviemaking? And then those football and baseball games? Who's going to see these things? And that Indy 500 they say it's been postponed but I have not seen anything about it. It's very sad. Oh well. I don't know what people are going to do. What we can do. It's raining now. It's thundering too. Raindrops dripping incessantly outside. i don't mind it. I like the rain actually. I think one time I bought some galoshes from Amazon. The day after I got these, it rained buckets. It was so cool I could wear these to work. I was so happy that day. I don't think it rained that hard after that day. Oh well. I still have those galoshes but I'm afraid they're no longer pretty. i don't want to move to any other place in this country. I think all the places I'm considering are about the same like my city. Only bigger. The troubles in mine would be the same or worse in other cities. It's depressing. I wish I could be assured that other cities in the USA can be safe havens for people like me, who are dogged by bad thoughts. I can't live in this city. The bad thoughts have been so difficult to cope with. Some of these thoughts are ghosts of old people and my evil stepmother. I get a lot of disparaging thoughts from her direction. She never really liked me but she sure fooled me and everyone. But I'm thinking that she didn't fool God at all. Well, I'm going to see about taking a cig and ruminate on the rain. I hope it rains all night long. I think it might be nice company. Bye now, Mary |
| After midnight and having coffee and a cig. I'd had a few things to snack on. Listening to some pop music. Not sure what I want to do but I had a longish nap and now I'm wide awake. The knee is somewhat smarting whenever I do some unnatural move so I have it somehow immobilised so that it doesn't bother me. This pain has been around for some time. I suppose it's something I've got to live with and I take several doses of pain meds during the day and before I go to bed (so as not to make it pain and awaken me). The pups usually are in bed with me, and the smaller one likes to jump on me which is rather jarring. I never really complain, and don't tell him to stop doing so. I've tried to tell him to behave other times and he seems to have no real reaction so I'm thinking he's still too young somehow to listen. The pup likes to chew up things. I have several holes in my mattress due to his chewing habit. So the bed has gaps and I'm afraid he'll eat me out of the mattress and bed and I'll have to find another place to sleep. I don't wish to sleep in the living room couch. I've had enough of that in my last few years. The last time I tried to nap in the couch I was deluged with depressing thoughts and it drove me out of the couch and I sought refuge somewhere else. In the kitchen, more likely as not. But I can't tell the puppy no for some reason but I have tossed him back to the floor when I've felt he'd eaten enough of my mattress. Sometimes he behaves and does not do this chewing but he's rather intent on it. He's also quite intent on bending the frame of the mattress. And then, he's also got hold of my nice (and now sad looking) leather boots, my nice boots that I bought not long ago from a nice department store, and some jackets. He's eaten through the zippers of these, also a few purses, and well, he's rather a destructive yet loveable pup. When he behaves he's really good. He also has a habit of chewing at the hem of some dresses (new ones too) and so they all are looking ragged. He's a good pup and he does obey when I say No in a certain tone of voice. He's also rather fascinated with my cat and they've tussled a few times. The cat is rather a peaceful one and social with me but this pup has probably never met a cat in his short life so he's interested in him. When time comes to feed the cats, he likes to jump up and try to go after their kibble bowl and their tails (I have a second cat who hates him always - she's my older cat) so I had this idea that he wants to eat their kibble. It makes sense since the one cat likes to eat dog kibble as well (he's shared my first dog's kibble bowl in the past) so I've given some cat kibble to my dogs when the cats get theirs and it seems to at least distract the pup and leave the cats to eat. The most extreme thing I've done is to leash the dog and tie him to my chair in the kitchen so he doesn't get at the cat. I've been to pup classes with my first dog Duke and they suggested having a belt and tie the leash to it and then have both hands free to give treats as we walk. Walking the dogs has been rather a bit difficult. My older dog Max has rather a strange way of walk behavior. I mean, when I first got him and we would walk, he would refuse to walk and so I gave up walking him. He does well without a leash - keeps to me but he likes to dash away and back several times which I'm nervous about lest a car come round and get him unawares. I've gotten a leash and collar for him (the pup ate his collar and ruined it so I had to get a replacement). When we do go for a walk (which we haven't done in ages) the older pup is sedate in walking and the younger pup is raring to go, straining at the leash and producing a rather unequal pull on me. I've been half stressed by this and yet at times it does go well enough. But with this knee acting this way, I'm afraid I'll get into a pickle with walking the dogs. The last time my pup was weighed he was 15 lbs heavy and I imagine that this weight pulling at the leash would possibly cause some unsteadiness on my person so I am also rather concerned about that while walking. The pups like to play during the day and hare about the house so they do get activity that way. |
| I went online and found a few things about moving to Canada, specifically Montreal. I learned also that moving to France is too much of a hassle. I don't know that I can do all they ask for. But if it is needed and I can go to France I will do it. It all depends on whether my Family will say Yes to France. I went to the Canada blogs and they are more favorable about moving to Montreal. They say that the taxes are high. And, they also say that the infrastructure is crumbling. They also say that there's culture. There are beer stores on the corners of every street, it seems. People there speak French only, but there are some that can perhaps communicate in English. I then thought of immigration lawyers. I went to one of these places. I took an assessment. I fear that my age is a problem. I also think that they wish that I looked for a job in Canada. I explained that I was an author and have published and written different genres of literature. I also added my educational history. I'm not sure that I'll be getting the assessment soon, but they might send it in a while. I don't have much money to move. I'm trying to get a GoFundMe to move to another country. I have to explain that this country is bastard. I have to be fake to get accepted in places in this country. The bastard runs this country and he has sub-bastards who run the states and cities in each state. It's not a good atmosphere for me to live in. |
| Yesterday was worse than Sunday. Used to be Sundays were the worst for me. Yesterday, a Monday, the ghouls were out in force, making me do something that went against my will. I felt as though I was being forced to do something bad. A thought named Dench made me do it. |
| Today I received a negative thought about my Dad. I was told that he was possessed by three people, including Donald Trump, Winston Churchill and a man that I used to work with. I was upset at this. I started to believe it. I was told to ignore my Dad all day today. I felt a resistance to this idea. I hated that I couldn't speak to my Dad. I went down to breakfast and he was already getting finished. I said nothing to him. And he said nothing to me. I felt angry. I made my own breakfast, after he got finished with his. Then I ate but I felt as though I was going through such a mindbending experience. I want my Dad and I to get along. He never said anything to me to say that he had something wrong with his mind. I hated it and the hellish feeling I went through. I am the type of person who hates ignoring a family member, especially my Dad, who lives with me and is my only relative for miles and miles. I decided that I had enough of this idea and went back to my bed. I think I prayed to Jesus to help me. Then I fell asleep. Then a few minutes ago I got up and decided that I was done with this thought. I don't think this thought has any merit. I went to the kitchen and then I saw my Dad in the front sitting room. I spoke to him and told him something about my plans. He was ok and now we're ok. The atmosphere in this house sometimes is awful and it makes me think of bad things about some people, especially my Dad. I don't know but this thought had visited me several times before. I have to find a way to resist this thought. I want to be a regular human being and not get swayed by irrational thoughts. I guess in the future I'll pray to Jesus and ask Him to help me to think of my Dad in a positive way. |
| It's an early morning for me. I am still having pain in my knee. This has gone on for a while but I'm taking pain meds as needed. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. I guess it's due to the aging process. Those mechanisms to heal take more time. At least thats what I've read. I confess I don't do a lot of activity. This covid thing has definitely made me feel so imprisoned in my home. I've tried to amuse myself with looking on stuff online. I haven't fallen for the odd ad to see how to order food weekly. I did that twice. The first time I subscribed to Blue Apron. They were good. I got to follow the directions. Each week, a menu of food ingredients arrived by FEDEX and I had to put the things away. There were three entrees and then each of them had side dishes. There were chicken or beef or pork. The vegetables were the ones I had to prep and that took me some time. I confess I'm not into vegetables. Sometimes they just took too much for me to work on. I also started to feel a dread when the box arrived. It's weird but I started feeling like, Oh my God here it is again. I had gotten a bit too lazy. So I stopped the subscription. Then again I saw another ad for Martha Stewart's subscription. I can't remember the name, something funky. So I got the same sort of thing in the FEDEX boxes. I decided to ditch making the vegetable dishes. I just went to make the meat and that was good. I think if I had enough in my budget I'd try it again, but I'll see if there's an option to forget having vegetables. I hated vegetables in my early youth. I thought however that the directions they gave made me a better cook. I now rely on cookbooks to make dishes. I love to try something that's new but not hard to make. I remember one time when my professor gave me the option to go to a Cancer conference in Toronto. Wow I loved the place. I went with my stepmom because she had a pen pal there she hadn't met in person. The conference was a dim memory. All I remember were a few things. One of them was on a morning stroll out by the hotel, I remember it was chilly. The conference was in April. There was a handsome guy who was singing in an operatic voice. I was awed by his voice and the song he was singing. I thought, Wow, is he someone who's a famous opera singer? I wasn't into opera then. I merely let him pass me by and then I went on with my stroll. Then another time my stepmom's pen pal arranged to meet us and we went to their Mall. They had a buffet restaurant. I saw this dish that they called "Shepherd's Pie". I immediately glommed on the vision of this pie and asked to have a portion. All I remember from the lunch was me eating it. it was so fucking good. I said to myself, I'm going to make this dish when I get a chance. The rest of the visit with this pen pal was shopping which my stepmom loved. The pen pal was a Canadian-Chinese lady. She apparently was a shopoholic. She bought herself a new pair of shoes that day. I thought it was funny. I didn't buy anything. So with this Shepherd's Pie, I decided to make it. I didn't do a good job. Mashing the potatoes was a chore! My hand got so sore as I kept mashing the potatoes and it never got mashed enough. I gave up and decided to cook the meat and then I was so disappointed and sad about the whole thing. I never did make another recipe of it. Now I think if I had the ingredients I could try it again. I had no masher thingy to mash the potatoes. I also didn't cook them well enough. I have a cook book that I found that had a good recipe. Maybe one day I'll make it. I'm into food a lot. I mean I like to eat. There are times I could eat like a horse. I am quite sad that I do. I tried to see about losing some weight. I fluctuated in weight from high school, college, grad school and work. And so when I got a desk job I gained a few more pounds. I decided (haha) that I would join WeightWatchers. That seemed to work. All these points that I should eat (they have a point system) I wanted to make sure that I didn't go over. I also joined a gym. That gym was for retirees. yeah, it was not the place to meet men, haha. But they had an elliptical machine which I mastered. And treadmills and some other machines. So little by little I lost weight. I got to wear a few more things that were sizes 10 or so. I had gottten to be a size 12, you see. Anyway, the WW thing started to bore me. Once I made spaghetti carbonara and it was so good. It was a recipe from that Kitchen Goddess book. It had a great taste and then I made the mistake of adding up the points to this recipe. Wow, it was like 24 points, which was the amount for an entire day's eating. I decided not to make that recipe again! I don't diet anymore. I merely eat when I'm hungry. And I do take my water seriously. I also like to make smoothies. They make me feel good. I also like to make curry rice, or some sort of seasoned rice. I discovered cous cous. And also I discovered some other carb that i can't remember the name of. I bought other people's cook books. I made cookies by Ina Garten. And also some recipes by Jamie Oliver. His fish stew is good, it was so good that I made it with cod (a fish I don't care to eat by itself). I also tried to make pizza and rolls, and other things Now that I'm blogging about food, I'm getting hungry. I think I'll stop here and see what's in the fridge! |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
