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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| I've been going along most of the day. Woke up a bit late. Had breakfast and lunch within minute of each other. I prepared spaghetti. Had no cheese but it was still decent. I blogged, looked for jobs (freelance writing), and also looked for a rental house to see if we could get approved if they send me a reply. I've looked at several and many had only a one bath despite having two or more bedrooms. I fail to see why they'd have only one bathroom. I do not wish to share a bathroom. There was or were two houses but all it said was to apply and when I clicked on it a form came up to submit to the realtor. I think they cost about over a thousand a month. I can't remember where in Indianapolis they were. But it was enough to get me to LinkedIn where I applied for a few jobs in freelance writing. Not really sure they'll call. I've gone to my blogger and I was quite amazed that over 80 people went to see it. I suppose the blog I wrote was a lengthier piece and not about my work update. I can't say it wasn't appreciated. Somewhere in the world people were interested in what I was writing about. My wordpress hasn't had a person look at it in almost a week. I'm a bit depressed about that but it does get that way sometimes there. There hasn't been any writing but I've been getting some thoughts and I might think about these when I get to the point of taking up my 'pen'. I've had a bit less sadness but the knee is bothering me at several points in the day. The puppy attacked the cat again. Then he wanted to jump at the cat who was on the kibble table. I realized that the puppy wanted what the cat was eating so I pacified him and led him away and gave him cat kibble. He was happy enough and the cat was able to eat in peace. I've also had to leash the puppy so he wouldn't go and stray and find the cat happily sleeping somewhere in the house. I've been knitting a little bit. It's good - the pattern of the stitches look nice. I might take up another project after I'm done with this blog. I'm rather wishing there was some wine to have. I miss having wine. I guess it's best not to have wine now. It could be too much for me. The Libertarian party thing isn't going to work. It's almost the 15th and nobody's emailed and said I'm in with their idea of me running for city council. But that's just as well. I don't wish to do this now. I think the best thing is to plan on leaving this city and finding another place to live in. I gave into a whim and wrote a letter to Emmanuel Macron asking him if I could go to France under an asylum application. I saw some information about the asylum thing. One has to be in the country to ask for asylum. That alone won't be doable as it will cost money which I haven't got. I don't know how much plane fare to Paris costs. I think with this COVID thing nobody from the USA can fly to Europe or anywhere there. I suppose Macron won't even get to see my letter IF i sent it. I'm getting the terrible idea that this weekend torture on me may go on forever. I surely hope not. I want it to stop. I also heard some news that the Queen is unwell. If she is, I hope that she'll come to terms with her God that it's no use to try to go after me. I'm sure it will be a relief for everyone she's paid that have been after me in all that I'm doing. I'm sure they'll be glad to go back to their lives. |
| I was reviewing a comment about one of the books I wrote: What Jesus Said and How You Can Live It. One of the reviews mentioned that it had a lack of theological insight. I do not think that this statement is something that has merit because I do not think the source has any more theological background than I. I wrote this book because I wanted to find a way to interpret (in my own life experiences) what Jesus' words were in the Bible. If they were truly his words, even. But I believe that those quotes I cited in the book have relevance to the world as it is now, and to the lives of people who feel that they're somehow missing something or lost in a very chaotic world. I think Jesus' words in the Bible point everyone to a way of looking at things so that they will have peace, most of all, and that they will find Jesus a willing listener to their prayers. The fact that I used to be a Catholic and thus at the time of writing it, I was no longer attending Catholic activities (mass, for example) shouldn't deter anyone from reading it, unless you automatically write off anyone Catholic or having had a Catholic education from your reading list. I wish that those who received this book in the giveaways or see it online or promoted in social media would find something in this book that they can read it without the clutter of the noise that people have heard about Catholics, Jesus Christ, Jesus or any similar figure in Christianity, and just read this book as though you were thinking of what one person's insights were in dealing with life. Thank you. Mary Faderan |
| My morning has really been a short one as I've slept in. I'm working more on my yarnwork this day. It's nice out and I think some people will like to go for a drive or a walk. But the state is telling everyone to be careful still with this pandemic. I hope that the day will bring us good news. I've been unable to do much in the way of writing lately. I think that the knee is mending but there are some twinges throughout the day which are painful. It should be well enough soon. I saw that some people have been listening to my podcast. Some of them are from Ireland and Germany, which I think is pretty cool. I don't know what it is about my podcast they enjoy listening to but it's really giving me some encouragement. I think someday it might hit the charts, haha. At this point there are only less than a 100 people who've listened to a podcast of mine. I will be doing more blogs more than anything for the foreseeable future. I might even invest in a good electric typewriter or merely a manual typewriter. Those are so cool to have and I'm going to be like the old authors who did their writing on these types of instruments. Sometimes having an electronic or computerized way to write one's work is too easily hacked and one too many people's works have already been stolen and are now masquerading as some famous writer's work. Or more than one famous writer. I can tell you who they are because these two men have stolen my ideas and they are now very sad and feeling as though life is not worth living. |
| I've just uploaded my new novel in progress, KICK. I have been having a downward mood today. I wonder why that is. i wonder whether somehow someone is making a note about helping me with my life. If that is so, then I can endure this downward mood. I've made me a snack and I could make another snack to keep me from going into a decline. i have noticed in my life that I get up and then I get low during the day. I cannot seem to keep a stable outlook. I get slammed by negative thoughts during the day and then I have to try to keep my chin up and pretend that everything's ok. I wish that I had a better grip on my thinking and my attitude. The negativity has been so strong lately. It gets so strong that I'm feeling unhappy and physically ill. This ill feeling isn't organic. It's a blast from hell and their hounds. They are so angry with me and want to get to me and dig me into the ground. I'm so lucky that I have good people who are still around wishing me a lot of good will. I want them to know that I know they are around. I am not sure who they are, but a few of them are probably feeling sad and ill too. It's something that my friends whoever they are might run into and so it's safer for them not to know me or to even like my pages. I should not be too sad but it's hard to be alone and have nobody to talk to about my problems. Yes, I do pray but then those bastards get me to feel unable to even call on Jesus. I hate them so much for making me sad and discouraging everything I do. They're probably trying their best to blot anything that I've been doing to undo any good I do for my work and for my life. they've already made my love feel sad and unable to be with me too much. I guess that is all I can say now. That Queen is really needing to retire and go away and leave me alone. I saw a story that the Queen's correspondence about the firing of an Australian president in the 1970s is getting to see the light of day and people can finally read her participation in this firing. I wonder what she did and say then? This Queen is very bad. She probably did something to make my forebear Lord Louis Mountbatten get assassinated. I think she and Churchill were in cahoots together. The politics of the monarchy are rife with scandal. I even saw that when Trump was going to college he asked a relatives' friend to take the SATs for him. I think that sort of practice is done in the monarchy. Those two brothers Henry and William have done this I'm sure. They're both a bit thick, I'm hearing. And I don't know about Charles. I saw a story that one of his bastards in Australia sued to have him support him and Charles didn't comply. That's the lot of those who were unfortunate to be anyone to these royals. I'm one of those bastards. Prince Philip is my biological father. He went with Maggie Smith the actress. She had me somewhere in the UK, then she gave me to a family to adopt and take care of. I never had a good mother- I think that people are going to hear more about this. I'm telling everyone that I'm Ione Mountbatten. i'm trying to awaken the world to this fact. I hope that i survive this. If I don't survive this, at least heaven knows about it. And some people on earth do too. A few bastards are eager to delete my background. I'm sure they' already taken away the idea that I ever had a house in the Philippines to live in. I'm sure these are all under the direction of that Queen. I think she's manipulating history and making people sad everywhere. Oh, and then I heard that the Crown Jewels (the castrated parts of Jesus Christ who diedon the Cross) are kept in the English vaults somewhere in the Tower of London. These crown jewels aren't really of the Real Jesus. They belong to the Jesus who really was Raphael, of Archangel fame. Raphael was a bastard. He has no penis nor balls. So that means that the crown jewels that England is boasting of belong to the devil. If that is true, England is sunk into hell. Everything there is not good. I wish they would listen to those who want them be good. But the press is under the Queen's thumb, and so are everyone there who depends on the Queen's money. I also heard that Charles is getting 22.2 million pounds from his Duchy of Wales. How very obscene this is. What is he going to spend it all on? What will happen to Wales? I think Wales is not so happy and they've got problems probably worse than any of the countries in the UK. It's really nothing to me now. I'm supposed to be the Queen of England. My mother Maggie Smith is a descendant of Nicholas and Alexandra. But she preferred to go into acting. |
| I’m a writer. I write and publish my own books. I’m published and my books are on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I am doing my work in my home. I had before a place where I could do some work but these places are no longer open to me. This town I live in is bad. I am getting pains and aches that attack me when I’m doing my writing or even when I’m promoting my books. This town is filled with bad people who have a way of reading my mind, and making me feel awful so I would discontinue my writing. They want me to always feel unhappy and depressed. They focus on my pains and make them worse. They’ve made me so scared of what will happen in my day that I am unable to progress with writing my books. I have a boyfriend who lives in a different country. He and I have been together for many years. These bad people in my city and in his city have teamed up make us feel we don’t love each other anymore. I think that this city where I live in vain is a bogus city. It looks like a perfect place to live and raise a family. But it’s not. Please donate to my GoFundMe and help me find another place to live. Thank You. God bless you all. gf.me/u/yfjihr The link above points to my GoFundMe page. |
| To get everyone up to speed, I’ve started a new novel, The Bridge. This is set in Paris. The main characters are French and English. Then I’ve also decided to join the Libertarian Party. I wanted to help the town I live in and run for some sort of office. I went online and saw that they had City Council posts available (at least I thought so). I didn’t want something bigger than that. A nice job to help the county folk and being dutiful, that’s what I wanted, but, I have to admit that their application form had a question that might have stopped them at their tracks: Do you have anything in your history that might be a problem for people to vote for you? Well, I answered it honestly. I did. I was admitted to a psychiatric unit when I was in my late twenties/early thirties. A rather long time ago. So I also sent them a selfie, just because they asked for it. I was given a welcoming email from them but have not heard about the application. Then I started to get a bit nervous about running for this post. I might have to out and distribute flyers and meet people and ask for their votes. Stands to reason, right? Well, I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to meet people after all. I decided to just not do anything more to pursue this application. I’m not even sure I want to be a Libertarian anymore but I’ve already spent $25 for this. It’s probably a yearly thing so I’ll be Libertarian for a year. I do not know what a Libertarian is all about. The did ask about gay marriage, and asked about guns and whether I was for owning a gun or whatever amendment that was in the Constitution. I said yes to both. I actually applied to carry a gun a while ago when all hell broke loose in San Bernardino and some places in the Lafayette area had home invasions. I did not get a gun but my stepdad did. He bought a Glock. I like Glocks and I was shown one at the store where stepdad bought his. I wasn’t quite sure about how to do anything other than use it but it would require training. I pictured myself as Mrs Peel in that old TV series with her side kick Mr Whatsisname – oh Steed – and then I was happy. But now I can’t own a gun at all due to this sad thing about having been checked into a psychiatric unit. I don’t mind actually. I rather someone else packed heat for me. I rather like the idea of having a bodyguard. That means I can be myself and not be a very serious minded and rather grouchy person because the person he/she guards is a flake. I’m not a flake but I might be flaky sometimes. It’s just sometimes I get a bit giddy when I’m a happy girl or if I’ve got something good happening to me. Like the time I discovered I got an eBay sale and I was fucking excited someone actually bought something from my eBay store. Things like that. Nothing that big. Nothing that spectacular. I’ve not done much more than the Libertarian thing or the novel The Bridge. I’ve got another novel I might want to dust off but I’m not quite sure about it. Seems as though the theme to that novel is the same as The Bridge, except that the main characters are generations apart. I might still be able to but I’m rather worried about these hackers. My life is rather like having been hacked from beginning to present. I’ve been hacked by being kidnapped from my second family (my first family weren’t together – they had me as a consequence of a one night stand) and taken away and brought to life back in The Philippines. It’s rather a complicated story and I don’t wish to really go through this thing here. If you want to check my Facebook pages that might be where you can put things together. But yes, I’m a hacked girl. Even to the point of having a bad knee where gremlins have decided to put up residence. They (these gremlins) are going to slowly replace my stuff (body) with theirs and I’ll become someone who’ll have a different personality – same look but not the same insides. I could become plasticized. Or whatever synthetic these people who seem to go round the world look like – pretty and rather empty headed. Where my brain will go is a good question. I do not wish to part with my stuff. This is where these gremlins and I get into a big disagreement. I’m not going where they want me to go and they insist on it. These people (or gremlins) seem to go off after I’ve told them off but they keep coming back and they seem not to remember that I told them off yesterday. I think they grow these gremlins in petri dishes and then they let them fly over to my house and that’s where they live until someone’s taken out the Formula 409 to get them to Hades or whatever. Death is what they want – mine. I’m supposed to have been killed sometime ago but I’m still here. Every Sunday I get all sorts of zaps into my chest and it makes me think I’m having a bit of an a-fib but it’s not real. I have been going through this for several months perhaps over a year now. At least every day for several months. Used to it was only on Sundays. I had the idea that it was because I left the Church. Now it’s because of some other reason that I could blame – something’s keeping me from spelling it out. I don’t know why. My stepdad told me once that he thinks all the bad luck we’ve had in the last year was because I refuse to be reconciled with ‘the blessed mother’ who I construe as the Virgin Mary. Well, I don’t like her now. She’s not really good. She never answered any of my prayers. She’s just there, kind of like an accessory. My stepdad hasn’t even gone to confession in a longish time. He always told the priest that he didn’t have anything to confess. I think he’s got some sins to confess he merely tries to weasel out of it. I must say it’s a long blog post. I think I’ll end it here. |
| I blogged before that I applied for nomination to run for City Council under the Libertarian Party. I was not sure that I wanted to go Libertarian but I figured that I could go along with them, instead of going with the Democrat Party. I'm not getting responses from the Libertarian party, and the deadline to file to run is getting near (July 15th). I wanted to help somehow to support the people of West Lafayette with their problems in whatever they are going through. There are good programs here, including their Housing Association (under HUD) which helps people find help in handling their mortgage payments. They also have Area IV programs which help people with caring for their elderly parents or relatives. A few volunteer organizations are in Area IV and they consist of some church groups that are giving daily support to those who are kept in their homes or apartments due to infirmity. I once volunteered for one of these organizations called Caregiver Companions. The idea for this group is to help elderly and sick people go to their doctors (free transportation) or to take care of them and give their caregivers a break. i took care of a 103-year-old woman for a while. She was very ancient, and I remember she had a cold cut sandwich for lunch every day. She also had a wedge of a raw onion with her lunch. She once got so confused with the day and when I arrived she thought I was the health care aide who was supposed to give her her evening shower. I was so very surprised but I decided to go along with what she wanted. i gave her a bath and cleaned her dentures for her. She put on her flannel nightgown and settled into her bed. This was during the day. The woman was so very confused and i got so confused. I reported to my supervisor about it and she said that this woman had no idea about the time. (She almost always napped). It was an interesting time for me. I didn't stay with CC because I decided that I already had two elderly parents who I needed to take care of. But those who volunteered were many and they are to be commended. If you are ever invited to be a volunteer you should take that invitation. I also volunteered for the area hospital here, St Elizabeth. I worked in their gift shop and met many shoppers and some personnel. The hospital gave a free meal to the volunteers and gave them a pink coat to wear. (The gentlemen volunteers wore red.) I served as a volunteer from 2000 to 2017. I hope you all have a good day! |
| Harry and his wife Markle seem to think it's time to have uncomfortable conversations. How about how I was taken by force out of my second home in England and spirited away to another country in the Pacific, made to forget who I was and given a different life which was not meant to be mine? Are these two people who are part of the Royal Family ready to discuss the sordid past their parents and forefathers have committed in life? |
| I saw a post on Pinterest about not worrying about gathering wealth or degrees or things like that. It was a quote. I felt somewhat guilty about having accumulated not only a BA but a PhD and now an MFA. I wasn't intending to go this far when I was going through school. I went to a community school, at the time it was called that - something that was cheap and yet I could get a decent degree from either Indiana or Purdue University. The school was named IUPUI (Indiana-Purdue University at Indianapolis). It was a good school, I had a decent education, and paid about $24/credit hour in the 1970s. Now it's likely quite up there in course fees. I thought of majoring on something that was going to be useful. I knew I loved writing and English lit but I wasn't sure I'd get a decent job with a degree in it. I thought it would be a life where I'd be stuck in a small apartment in NYC, writing my 'great American novel" while I went and waited on tables during the day. I don't do well as a waitress, I mean, I'd forget who wanted what and then I'd drop the tray and cause a big racket and I'd be out on my bum the next day. So I thought I'd be pragmatic, or practical, and majored in a science degree. I thought, I had no other family but my stepparents. We'd immigrated three years before from the country of The Philippines. So in the USA we were just us and there weren't a lot of other people - yes, we did have one set of relatives but they're not people we could rely on to carry us for the long haul and we didn't think of using people like that. So I went for this science degree thinking I'd have a job even during tough economic times. As a technician in a lab, for example, or some other type of technical work needed in a company. Then I went through this and thought of how a lot of kids in my parent's group of friends were kids of medical doctors and I thought What if I went and applied to medical school? So the two ideas of majoring in the sciences got me going. I didn't particularly do that well in my science degree. I found some of it a bit hard to accept, and I felt as though these formulas and all that stuff about electrons and protons were so far away from my own idea of what things could be about. I didn't like it much and at one point I felt very much like getting out of the school mostly because of a bad grade. Then I kept on by taking courses that I liked to take - you guessed it, English lit, music, art et cetera. So I survived. But I didn't get into med school because of the Bakke Decision where minorities and Blacks weren't given the right treatment who wanted to go to med school. The affirmative action that was en force at the time was reversed by the Bakke Decision. So more white students got into the med school that I wanted to apply to and attend. Then when I was looking for job after graduating, I was friends with a family whose mom worked for a laboratory and the man who was the boss was looking for a second technician in his lab. I interviewed but at the time he guessed (as I guess my friend told him) that I was hoping to get into med school. She and I had talked about this and she urged me to apply to her workplace in case the boss might be willing to help me get into med school. I went to apply, he interviewed me, asked about my background and what my parents did, and then he said he can offer me a stipend if I went on with my education to get a degree in either Biochemistry or Pharmacology. I was ok with that at the time. I picked Pharmacology because he said "Everyone was a biochemist" which gave me the impression that Biochemistry was no longer the favorite degree of the day. Midway through my education as a graduate student, I became less interested in getting into medical school. I decided that becoming a doctor was hard on a person. Those internships where the student worked 24/7 for a whole year, memorizing pages and pages of whatever book they needed to do the right diagnoses; traveling and living in a different part of the country away from family to become resident (they had a lottery of residencies at the time where your name would be picked and you'd have to get packed up to live somewhere in the middle of nowhere to work); and the more years for a specialty residence (such as plastic surgery, surgery and neurosurgery, for example). Then i thought of all that stuff that i'd have to contend with to move (I hate moving) and so I said forget it. I rationalized somehow that having a PhD I'd be able to help more people than a regular MD would (a regular MD would probably see I suppose 10 patients a day for five days at least) in a lifetime. Working on a project that would help develop medicines, for example, would be more profoundly significant than seeing people and giving them a Rx. That was how I saw my choice in continuing the PhD and not pursuing the MD. I also lost any confidence in the admissions process. It was all somehow operating on the "Who you knew" than anything else. It took decades to get my MFA. I wasn't really thinking of getting another degree. I worked in research for years, and went from one research lab to another, then I moved to Indiana, where I worked in a medical device company after getting out of the university and other small positions. The medical device company wasn't really what I might have used the PhD for but it came in handy. After all, one learns to write and do research with a PhD. Writing technical documents for submissions to the FDA was my job, and other tasks about making internal documentation for the company on different topics were also part of my work. I worked at this device company for over eleven years. I started getting less interested in the work due to political problems at work. Then I thought the best thing was to see whether I could try to develop my creativity and break out of that 'mental prison' of making or writing technical submissions. That was the beginning of how i decided to apply to take a MFA in Creative Writing. It's a unique thing to have multiple degrees and there are so many circumstances that come up in one's path of life that direct one to get a degree or add to one's education. |
| I've revised my novel The Bridge. I made several changes to it. I sent the chapters to a few literary agencies in hopes that they'll accept it. I had a terrible problem with the pain in my left knee. It radiated from my thigh and almost into my leg I tried to take a nap and it wasn't working. Then I tried to change my position and it helped some. I slept a few hours. I asked my Dad before I went to take a nap to get me some pain meds and when I awoke he had the pain meds for me. I now have them and I think they're doing their job. I also took a half a pill of my meds for my depression so that I can get back on track. So far this is going well. I feared in the beginning when contemplating taking them again that it might resurrect that pain in my knee because the new meds that they changed me to had made this happen - the joint pain. So far it's not happened and I'm praying that the old meds will keep me from feeling unhappy. The day has been fair and the temperatures are in the 90s. I haven't been out of doors for several weeks now. Well, there was one time I went out for a short errand. It wasn't too bad out there. I do not wish to do it often. I still have a fear that I might be kidnapped. My place in the history of this world is what's keeping me from going out on my own. I am the daughter of the descendant of Alexandra of Russia and I'm also the daughter of Prince Philip of England. This places me in the singular position of being the REAL Queen of England. This is also why the current Queen and her people she employs (all over the world) are eager to make me sad and discouraged in everything that I do. It also has made me feel suicidal, these people have the means to get my mental health in jeopardy. The MI5 which is the Queen's agency has a way to make people feel 'out of it' and get into a bad end on their own, without anyone or anybody knowing about it - so they leave no evidence that anything has been done to somebody. That somebody merely gets 'ill' and those who are accomplice to them in other countries just carry the victim away to a hospital or some other cell or concentration camp. I know it sounds bizarre but that is what they have done to people. They are threatening this to me. They've already done the kidnapping of me from my childhood home in England and transported me to the Philippines. There I was programmed to "think" that I had a childhood there. They had a way to make my appearance more like an Asian person. I still can't figure out how they did that part. I think that they fed me a cocktail of bad things while I was unconscious (through intravenous feeding). Now I'm waiting for God to decide what to do with me and my life. I am not sure that I'm safe in the USA anywhere. I live in Indiana. The current administration is a friend of the Windsors (Queen Elizabeth's family). The administration is untrustworthy about me. I cannot ask them for help. I cannot ask for Asylum from England. The Queen has seemingly placed a block on my getting into the country - at least that is what I'm guessing. I do not have any means to travel out of the country. The Queen made it a point to make me lose all my savings, and have no job to have any income from. I'm retired and on a fixed income. My books are my source of money. I cannot get anyone to review it or even read the books. I am thinking that the Queen has her friends in the literary field and they do not wish to accept me as anyone who they might want to represent to a publishing company. I've tried several times in the last few years to send my manuscripts to get anyone there to read it. I did not get anything positive back. I will do more work to get more people to read my book, but that will only be a small percentage of what I could do if I had money to spend on promoting them. But I know that God is keeping me from feeling unhappy. I have confidence in Him. I know that this is a rite of passage for people who write books. I also know that being the real Queen of England is making me build my character and know how best to behave if England wants to have me as their Queen. I do not want them to reject me and make me suffer physically as the Queen wants them to do. If they feel that they cannot accept me, then I want them to tell the Queen to cease and desist making me her personal whipping girl. She's mad at her husband for committing an infidelity and she hates that somehow I survived her initial actions to deny me life. I ask you all to pray for me. Every day is a day where I could be made to be sad forever. I know that I have friends in many places who I do not recognize. I hope that one day these friends can form a union of prayer to God and push the bastards out of power. The countries who are going through hell are suffering hell because of what has been happening to me. I believe God is angry at these countries and so He is exacting His punishment. I am asking God to help those who are in harm's way so they will finally get the idea why things are the way they are, and change the course of history in their countries. Thank you. Mary (Ione Mountbatten) Faderan |
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