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126 Public Reviews Given
126 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I liked this story very much! I would very much like to know if he dies that night or if his revelation was just him being paranoid. Since this is so well written, I'm focusing on grammar and there were only three parts that I felt needed editing.

In the sentence " As her name rolls of my tongue, I feel a comfort only close friends share" it should be "As her name rolls off of my tongue..." In the sentence "I stagger off the rock, holding myself over my feet as nutrients reject itself from my gut." it should probably be "...as nutrients reject themselves from my gut." This sentence "Daphne watches him turn to leave, her arm reaching out to the back of his form as it fades in the distance. " seems to be in the wrong tense, but I'm not sure how to correct it. Perhaps "Daphne watched him turn to leave, ... as it faded in the distance."

All in all, I got a good sense of character in Thomas as well as Daphne and I liked the story. Your descriptive words are fantastic. Especially when describing Daphne, both in her human alive form and her dead form.

Very good! It was a pleasure to read!
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Review of My Place  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
In the second to last paragraph, "tuff" should be "tough". That was the only grammatical or spelling mistake I could find. This tells a sad story in a short amount of time, of a managerial level worker who retires onto an income much lower than he was used to, had a wife who ruined his credit then left him and is left with just his TV. I'm glad he's able to keep a good attitude about it. Is this based on a real person or is it completely made up?
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
In the sixth stanza, it would have fit better (in my opinion) for you to write "ready to drop bombs on the charades played out tonight". Throughout this poem your rhyme is true but the rhythm is a bit off in some of the stanzas. However, I really like the story you told of a hero trying to take just one night off and then giving up because his sense of justice is too strong. Very good story! Good luck today!
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Review of Prayer  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the sentence: "From the saints who s*** on statues". I loved the description in this piece and the reverence throughout. I also liked how you compared him to Jesus in the fourth paragraph and kept a theme of Godliness throughout the piece. I thought that really brought your mood home. Great job and good luck!
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Review of Wonder Woman  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
"Transformation Island" sounds like a concept we should try in our criminal system. Instead of locking up prisoners with other criminals and forcing them to do nothing all day we should work on getting them redeemed and ready for normal society. The mention of Wonder Woman's way of handling crime made me think of how different our society would be today if women ran the show. I've never liked the tagline "strike terror in the heart's of men" because it's supposed to be for a good guy! There were a few punctuational problems in the beginning that I noticed. Also, you used the word heroin instead of heroine, I believe you meant a female superhero and not the drug. But all in all this was a great read and I hope you got a great grade on the paper!
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very good work, although your description of a mosh pit almost sent me into a panic attack. I'm one of the bleacher people myself. But I'm friends with lots of people who would be moshing, so this is a good article to make them read. There were maybe two places where your punctuation was off, but other than that a perfect work! Great job and I hope you keep having fun at concerts!
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem grabs you from the start, with a sympathetic tone of "I had cuts on my legs too". It flowed really well. When you say that your eyes were green are you saying that you are "catching the crazy" from this person, and when you walk away you come back to yourself because your eyes see blue? The only part I thought didn't flow well was the very last line. I like the poem in its entirety, without the very last line. You are a great writer!
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think this could very easily be made into a poem. As an experiment, try printing out the paragraph and cutting apart the lines and rearranging them. This is a very sad and anxiety ridden piece. I was a little confused when, instead of being in her bed as she was in the beginning, she is in a room full of people and they can't see her - then she's in bed again. Perhaps make it more obvious that she's remembering the event of being in the room, if that's what it is.

Great start and welcome to writing.com! Keep writing!
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Review of Face of Courage  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I had to read this a couple times to understand what was happening. To my understanding, a woman is taken captive by pirates and has no magic left. Then her hero comes and saves her from becoming plunder at the pirate's hands, refills her magic and she gets away because of his courage. Is that correct? I like that you didn't try to make this into a rhyming poem - it reads easily as unformed poetry. It is written very well with descriptive words like "briar wrapped heart". If I got the point of the poem wrong, please correct me.

Good job, welcome to writing.com and keep writing!
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Review of Innocence Fading  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I had you up until the line "But it's past my expiration date." I liked the form of the poem, the descriptive language and the word choice. The last stanza threw me off of it a bit because its not in the same format as the rest of the poem and addresses someone in particular - you change voices. I'd like to see this poem again with some editing to the end.

Good job, welcome to writing.com and keep writing!
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Review of Love Sonnet  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I didn't find the rhyme in this poem to be distracting or forced at all, in fact I think it added to it. I like the comparison of love to both a pwerful beast and a meek being - it speaks to love's different stages. Great poem, welcome to writing.com and keep writing!
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This was a funny and random piece of short story :) I wonder what inspired you to write this? In the second sentence, "bob" should be "Bob". Other than that, I think the grammar is fine. You do dialogue pretty well, although the dialogue in this is pretty silly. I'd really like the know where this came from!
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Review of Jazz Lounge  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
The first two stanzas don't seem to go with the rest of the poem as well as the rest of the poem flows. Perhaps use more fanciful language in them, as you use in the stanza's following? I especially like the lines "and paintbrushes flitting on... cream colored canvases." It gives me a sense of the ethereal way the painters are painting the music.
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Review of Snowflake  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the image that the lines "Like I'm important for accumulation, but nothing else" portrays. Perhaps you could break up "tiny snowflake in the middle of a blizzard" up like this:

Tiny snowflake,
in the middle of a blizzard.

I think that would make the flow of the rhyme go better.

Great job, welcome to writing.com and keep writing!
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Review of The Storm  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You use wonderful descriptive words in this short story piece. I think it would be interesting to see what you could do with some of these lines put into a poem! You could use a freestyle, not having to rhyme. I would suggest printing this out in a large font and cutting apart the sentences and making a poem from them a little like you'd make refridgerator magnet poetry. If you decide to make this into a poem, email me and I'll review it again!
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Review of First Time  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
"I was a scale, always tipping one way or the other" is a great way to open this poem! I'm very surprised to hear that you wrote this in seventh grade. This is a mature writer quality poem. So you should be very proud of yourself! Great poem, welcome to writing.com and keep writing!
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Review of Monotone Love  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's a feeling that many couples experience after a few years of marriage - the reality of being with someone long term and knowing that you won't have butterflies every time. I think you expressed your message well. I hope the poem went over well with your significant other! The only editing that I would do is that the rhyme seemed a little forced in sections. For instance, the second stanza. Also, the second stanza says that the chord was a high one, but the last stanza indicates that it was a low pitch. You might want to try to fix that inconsistency. All in all, though, a very nice poem! Great job, welcome to writing.com, and keep writing!
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Thank you for reviewing so many authors! Here is a power review just for you.

This was a great picture of a couple's first exchange of the big three words. Small inclusions like "berry lip gloss" help to make this scene complete. The only part that threw me off from the picture was the sentence "She was internally doing the happy dance." It seemed trite up against the rest of the wonderful description. Perhaps explaining what she was feeling in a different way would do the story more justice.

Great job, keep writing and keep reviewing!

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Review of Captor  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thanks for reviewing so many authors! Here's a power review just for you.

Overall impression:

This is a great short story that could be entered into one of the flash fiction contests on WDC. Was it written for one of those? The aliens took me by surprise, I thought it was going to be a lover binding him. Also, the words "manacles" and "fetters" are wonderful - they make the situation easy to picture.

The nitty gritty:

I believe that "allusion" should be "illusion". I could be wrong.

Final Words:

I'd like to see more of this! I'm going to become a fan and watch to see if you add more. I'd love to see what the aliens have implanted into him and what it does to the man.

Great job, keep writing and keep reviewing!

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Review of homework  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for reviewing so many authors! Now here's a power review just for you!

I love the olfactory senses that you use in this piece. It seems to tell the story of two couples and leans heavily on smells. I especially liked the second story, how the many returns home to smell his wife baking. I can almost smell the cake over my coffee! I'd love to see you expound upon the first story and let us know what happens when she makes her presence known. I'd also like to see the reaction of the wife in the second story upon her being surprised by her husband.

Great job and keep writing - and reviewing!

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Review of Who?  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: E | (3.5)
I loved your word choice in this poem "dulcet", "tantalizing", "alluring". I was a little disappointed in how it ended though, as the wearer of the veil is seen to be "sin". Is this meant to be a metaphor for the devil? I was with you throughout the entire poem up until the last line. Great job, welcome to writing.com and keep writing!
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: E | (4.0)
This could easily be published in a magazine with a little editing. You contradict yourself a little in the third to last paragraph saying that the future is not in oil and then saying in the wrap up paragraph that the internal combustion engine isn't likely to go away any time soon. Also, I think that the last paragraph could use some filling out. Perhaps a summary of what each of the previous paragraphs has addressed. Do you write for a magazine?
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think this is very well written. The only thing that I can say that would make it easier to read is to put spaces between your paragraphs. I think you should also address the innate poverty in Haiti and the differences in economic standing between Japan and Haiti. They may very well know that technology could help their position - but do they have the wealth to make those changes in their country? Is it the responsibility of other nations to step in and help them with it? l'd love to see this addressed and expounded on in your essay.
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Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love this stanza:

"As unaware you wait my awesome thrust,
my curve that curls at sandy shore, my wave
that skyward soars magnificent, my grab
that drags all to my bosom in the end."

I like how you don't end your sentences at the end of each line of the stanza, but instead carry them over to the next line. Also, I love the last bit that says "speak soft my name" and "within my watery grave". Very descriptive and moving. I wonder, though, what a tsunami survivor would think of this poem.
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Review of The Perfect Pair  
Review by Carolyn Darnton
Rated: E | (5.0)
Again! This reminds me of a Dorothy Parker type poem! I love the irony - you complete me, like some awful thing completes a dirty thing. That's just hilarious. I really like this, even though it's so short. I think I've read everything you've written now, and I'm a fan.
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