First Impression:I saw the long lines and wondered about the poetic bit. Loved the title though and so I barged in.
Form & Flow:It's free style poem. The flow is not there due to length of lines. It appears more like prose than poetry. Alliteration is sued in selfish/sorrows, I/inhale etc.
Imagery & Emotion:Emotion is the center point of this writing. The pain is deeply felt and experienced. The way someone hurt the writer feels like being stabbed, flooded and scarred. You have clearly and expressively narrated the emotions the writer is going through. Not much use for imagery in here.
What I liked the most: The emotions that you depict, the expressiveness of your words.
Suggestions & Typos:I wish you could tone down the line length a bit, keep up the flow. You would have to tweak it quite a lot for that. example- I see the disbelief in their eyes.
It stabs like daggers,
but I know it is only skin deep.
Darker wounds stand in my path to recovery
as I have tried to bandage myself again.
Soon I know it will flood me
as rushing water does.
You swim in your selfish sorrows
until currents take you under.
Suddenly I know I am not dreaming,
all my horrors are real.
Invisible bruises scar my jagged memory,
and lies keep my head above water
no longer...
Knowing at any time I could sleep and not awake,
I inhale slowly as each breath becomes more and more precious.
This is just an example of pressing "Enter" more often but you will have to work at the flow.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Great subject, content and expression. Just some tweaking on the flow bit required.
You will be provided with three in-depth poetry reviews. This is the last. Enjoy!
First Impression:Loved the pic, the font color, the contrast. It was all so beautiful, I couldn't resist and am I glad!!! My, my, my, I am hypnotized with your words, still under hypnosis!
Form & Flow:Rhyming is aabb. Some non rhymes (thereof/love, go/glows, implore/yours) are there. These are assonance rather than rhymes.
Imagery & Emotion:IMAGERY!!!! I LOVED it. Ok, sorry, I would stop acting so bedazzled if it weren't for the imagery! Because it was beautiful and entwined with the picture, ahh, blissful. Tapestries of gold..castle of stone..miles of haze..beautiful!
Emotion of love is well reflected in the hard work of sweat and blood, protecting her, being her prisoner, kneeling, adoring..ahh, what rosy pictures it brings to mind.
What I liked the most: Your expressions- tapestries of gold (I'm blinded by the image of gold), aloft in her tower, beacon of refuge, fog of doubt (wow!), shrine to my Lass (it gets better and better), miles of haze (umm..). Simply astounding, mesmerizing!
Suggestions & Typos:
If anything can be done about the non rhyme? Also, not capitalizing each starting word helps a lot in reading and flow.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Beautiful heartfelt poem, full of original, innovative expressions. Amazing! I am in love with the way you express yourself!
You will be provided with three in-depth poetry reviews. This is the second. Enjoy!
First Impression:I noticed this is a short poem and settled down to read. Well, I smiled after the first read, I too tend to jot down my thoughts but don't take the trouble to rhyme. Kudos to you for that.
Form & Flow:Rhyming is aabb. The poem flows well most of the time. Nice alliteration - live/love, loving/loved, lonely/love. Phew! Lots of 'love' there!
Imagery & Emotion:Not much imagery. The poem's base is emotion. The way each one of us tries to drive away the loneliness but is not successful too often. NO matter how many people fill our life, we will always be alone at the end of the day.
What I liked the most: The concept. It tends to make one think - about our life, our days, our aim in life.
Suggestions & Typos:
Typo- second line - WASTE. The sentences are too long and would do good to press "enter" in the midst of each line to break it into two. Also, the capitalization of each sentence start obstructs the flow. 'Enter' after every two lines would make the presentation much better.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Great poem. Food for thought. Something to think about.
You will be provided with three in-depth poetry reviews. This is the first. Enjoy!
First Impression:As I 'walked in' the item, I was taken in by the awesome photo and the contrasting color of the text. It lured me in!
Form & Flow:Rhyming is abab. The poem flows well most of the time, sometimes obstructed by near or non rhymes. But I understand the difficulty in writing a rhyming poem.
There are some nice alliteration in there - longer/love's/lost, sailing/sky, love/lying, shines/sun, split/second.
Imagery & Emotion:The imagery is great and the emotions powerful. I LOVED the golden spires, fields of wheat, sky of blue, grassy sheets, euphoric blue...my, my, what imagery and what amazing expressions. The love you feel is evident in the depth of the poem, entwining nature with your feelings.
What I liked the most: Your expressions- grassy sheets, golden spires. My favorite is euphoric blue! What an expression!
Also, my favorite is the last stanza - deep and beautiful! Wow, so romantic!
Suggestions & Typos:
The repetition of the word 'city' four times in the poem doesn't sound so well when you read the poem out loud.
The obstruction of flow is another problem, majorly due to near and non rhymes. See if you can do something about that!
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Beautiful heartfelt poem, full of original, innovative expressions. Amazing! If you ever do any editing, I would love to rerate, review your poem. Let me know! Keep writing! You have great poetic skills.
First Impression:I was about to go away when I saw the poem was lengthy, but I read the first line and I was hooked. Glad to be. Never knew a poem about a kitten can teach so much about life.
Form & Flow:Free form. The flow is alright.
Imagery & Emotion:The imagery is vivid. I think I can see your house from inside - all those nooks and crannies the kitten gets into. Emotion is felt- your love for the kitten and the fact that you learn from observing it.
What I liked the most: The innovative and original concept, the way you have treated it- the content and the amazing idea behind it all. In all, the way you have spelled out BLISS in the smallest of things. Ahh!
Suggestions & Typos:The only thing that kept pestering me was the use of word 'one' so many times. I think your poem can do without it at most of the places. It would be perfect (for me) then.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:A lovely read, insightful as well as refreshing.
First Impression:"Silence isn't always golden" pulled me in. I read the poem twice to understand and get its full impact.
Form & Flow:Rhythm of 'aabb'. Flow is good except for the 6 stanza, second line- 'the cow mews but DOES refuse', the word DOES seems out of place and broke the flow for me.
Imagery & Emotion:
The imagery is very vivid- the woodsman, the goodwife, the milkmaid, the miner, the alleys... I could see everything. And more than seeing, I FELT it all. The silence- grave and profound, the silence of death. Emotion is deep and real. The poem dark.
What I liked the most: The depth your poem contains, its innovative concept and the manner in which you have produced the content.
Suggestions & Typos:None.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Made for a sad read, though it has made me think. Thank you for the thought and reality.
First Impression:Wow! This is completely breathtaking and I, for one, can hardly believe a 9 year old wrote that!!!
Form & Flow:Free form but the flow is perfect!
Imagery & Emotion: I am astounded by the imagery and emotion she has put in. Lovely. Such different adjectives and noun brought together..makes one wonder at the depth and creativity of Sidney- laughable daffodil, sad apple. ahh!
What I liked the most: The concept and depth of the poems touched me the most. Her deep thought and the beautiful way she has put it shows a lot about her. Mesmerizing!
First Impression: I liked the topic and ventured in to read when is it that one knows
Form & Flow:I did not find a particular rhyme or meter. I believe it is a free flow poem. The flow is fine.
Imagery & Emotion: Imagery is done well..the nature- sun and the moondance, climbing the window. You have used imagery in connection with the emotion...it is beautiful- wading through your absence, trace the silhouette...
What I liked the most: The way you paint pictures with your words, taking in both emotion and imagery and making a beautiful painting to look at. It is simply amazing.
Suggestions & Typos: No suggestions that I can think of. The flow is a little impeded since it is a free form poem but I love your words.
Overall Thoughts & Rating: Lovely poem, and great concept. I love the way you have answered the ever elusive question.
First Impression:The tagline held me and pushed me in even though the title was unclear to me.
Form & Flow:Free form poem with abcb rhyme. The flow is perfect!
Imagery & Emotion:The imagery is used when one talks of the highway and the path but the major part is played by the emotions in here. The love, the apprehension is talked about and even though they are not seen as emotions per se, they are tangled in the message you are getting across.
What I liked the most: The concept of the poem - real and insightful. I love poems that make me think and this one did it! Though I have heard various quotes on the same, I really liked this poem as poem takes more effort than a quote and lets you in, in the story of why.
The content is done brilliantly. The words are perfect, the flow is amazing, the message is well reflected and you have used great incidents to get across your point.
Suggestions & Typos:
Not capitalizing every sentence' first word really helps the reader. It's easy on the eyes too.
Third stanza, third line- I believe it should be "fellow MEN"
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Great poem! Loved it! It made me think!
First Impression:
Short,but full of feelings and imagery
Form & Flow:
Free form, flow is good.
Imagery & Emotion:
Great imagery...mirrors, laughter, the empty room next door.
Emotions - deep, distraught, lonely.
What I liked the most:
The feelings you have depicted..that of still, silent and empty.. Very deep. I liked the use and connotation of 'mirrors', the bubbly laugher gives one an insight into the poet's mind and makes one hear the laughter. The simile of empty mind was great
Suggestions & Typos:
Punctuation could help in reading.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
In all, deep..short but meaningful
First Impression:Wow! Never heard of this form. Though I would step in!
Form & Flow:Nice form. Rhyme is well done. It flows smoothly.
Imagery & Emotion:Didn't see much of imagery but emotions are there..
What I liked the most: The concept. Very nice and relevant. I loved the line about live, act and mime. How lovely! I also loved the expression of shadows of time, so beautiful!
"Moments tick by as slippery as slime" Ahh!!
Suggestions & Typos:None
Overall Thoughts & Rating:You have got an amazing talent!!!
First Impression:Peaceful, blissful poem giving me a sense of relief and knowledge that the light is there and it will shine on me.
Form & Flow:Free form. Great flow. Rhyme is nice.
Imagery & Emotion:Imagery is good, though it is not used much- light saving from the fearful night. Emotions displayed are well reflected and real. The prayer, as it seems to me, is powerful and tells about your faith and trust in Him.
What I liked the most: The concept, the expression and the flow.
Suggestions & Typos:
None
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Great poem and prayer. Humbling experience.
Form & Flow:Free style form. The flow is fine except for the first line which I think is a little long than it should be. It obstructs in reading it out aloud.
Imagery & Emotion:Imagery is good and the emotions depicted are exceptional. I ended up imagining the sky and seeing eyes of the same color. I can visualize the stare. The feeling of dark and cold is expressed very we, bringing home the point of sadness and loneliness.
What I liked the most: The emotions you have portrayed..mesmerizing! The expression of 'frozen dreams'. Wow! Innovative and well expressed. The ending is nice.
Suggestions & Typos:
I wonder at the absence of punctuation. The first line can be broken into two- Eyes blue like the sky
on a warm summer's day
Overall Thoughts & Rating:Nice poem. Good depiction. Great emotions. Just needs a bit of work on the flow.
Wow! This was truly breathtaking! Can't believe a to-do list can be so amazing, rhyming and lovely!
This was hilarious as well as poetic. What an amazing attempt.
Just adored it.
I have a query though :- why are some lines in italics? I tried to understand, I thought some of them were what you wondered aloud. But it doesn't seem so everywhere. Can you shed some light on the mystery?
You have been graced with a Showering Acts of Joy Review!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
How sad! But you have woven words into the song, so beautifully. It all fits so well and tugs at the heart with pain and emotions.
The rhyme is great for the song.
The pain is well reflected. Your words form a visual in my mind and I can see it clearly.
A suggestion: First stanza, last line - doesn't go too well with me. I think it kind of breaks the flow and the visual, for me, personally. But please go ahead with what you deem best. You are the best judge of your work, after all.
I loved this. And all the while I was thinking who are you talking about? The mirror just took me by surprise!
Your words are so true for each of us. We make so mistakes, wrong so many people and even then at the end of the day, we are concerned about things that don't really matter or may be they do, in some minuscule way in our lives. How atrocious! You have nailed it.
Way to go, Ken! I love you.
Cheers!
Christina
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/christina/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/1
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.32 seconds at 10:46am on May 21, 2024 via server web2.