I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS Doug Rainbow,
IMPRESSION: An imaginative, humorous tale with an ending worth waiting for.
CHARACTERS: I really liked Jack, your laid-back narrator. And I'm jealous of his yacht, for sure. You created the kind of personality that kept me interested, while he told the tale.
Your cast of characters in The Jack O' Tens Bar were aply cast, especially the Queen of Clubs.
PLOT/SETTING: The whole idea of a spiritural poker game was a clever device that worked well to pull off your magic. I also liked how you came back in the end of the story to tie in all together. Nice job!
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The plot was well planned and I didn't notice any grammatical problems.
You should check your paragraph formating.
FINAL THOUGHTS: A solid short story. As always, I would have liked to know more about your protagonist. A little more back story, maybe.
You certainly know your horses, amigo. You familiar story-telling style made this an enjoyable read, indeed. Young writers would do well to study your readable, straightforward technique. You did an excellent job keeping all the names straight during the extended dialogue--I knew what was happening the whole time. The narrator got a c-note out of it! Nice piece of work. I sure wish i could get you to put a word count on your tales.
I found this in the Newbie Newsletter. Congratulations! This was an interesting piece of work. I enjoyed following the narrator through her musings, doubts and questions. Your mechanics were perfect and the prose rang clear and true. There was also enough suspense to carry the reader to the conclusion. Nice job!
Welcome to WDC. It's nice to make your aquaintance.
I found this in the mystery Newsletter. Your short poem is packed full of emotion. I enjoyed the style. As with the words of your second stanza, the suspense builds with every line. Interesting. Compelling. I found myself trying to figure out what was happening. It leaves the reader with much to ponder.
This review is mearly my opinion and meant to be helpful and offer you some food for thought.
You have a good vocabulary, and you use of third person was impressive. This is a timely story, J. You chose an age-old problem, bullying, which has become a severe dilemma for today's kids.
Since you presented Jeffrey as a normal kid, the fact that he didn't have any friends was a stretch for me. I am a big believer in random events and circumstances, but you might have given us some hint-of-a-reason to make his actions, especially the outcome, more believable.
I thought the scene with the girl was clever and good wriing. I feel that you could make your pose more effective by deleting excessive words and tightening your sentences up some. You might consider reworking your opening line. Maybe make two sentences.
I think you have a zest for storytelling. Keep them coming. Write on!
Although horror is not my area of expertise, I will offer my appraisal.
In your usual clear, descriptive voice, the plight of Adriana, and the mystery of Nob Hill, provided the reader with a horror story that is sure to please. You built the suspense at a steady pace, and created a monster worthy of fear. You also offered plenty of surprises that kept the drama moving.
I enjoyed the dream scene the best, and thought the epilogue was essential for the success of the story. I could visualize it at the end of the movie. Nice!
My only suggestion would to add some tag lines, or directions, when Adriana's father begins telling the tale about Nob Hill. I got lost there for a minute. I thought you switched to first person. It became clear at the conclusion of the scene, of course, but better be safe than sorry.
I enjoyed your wicked tale. If I ever visit you, I want a nightlight in my bedroom.
Nice piece of work, amigo. Funny. Very funny. I needed a good laugh. Thanks. You've been funny for a long time--I checked when you originally wrote this. My favorite one was about Texas. Oh, come on, I can't help it. To the winners go the spoils.
You have captured the desperation of a mother's love for her dying child. You quietly illustrated how terrible this time must be, and what the mind must do to protect itself from giving up. And when the truth finally finds it's place, the mother only desires to end the pain. Moving and compelling!
I enjoyed both of these poems. The first one, Life, gave me a happy, playful feeling. Nice! But my favorite was the second: Imagine. The ending made your previous words more meaniful. It brought sudden impact to the work. It was clever and insightful.
I'm not an expert on poetry forms. My rating comes from how the poem makes me feel, and how it speaks to me. And these poems have alot to say. Great writing!
Congratulations on winning the Short Shot Contest! I really enjoyed your story. This gem gradually unfolded, exploded into a great action scene, and then cleverly highlighted an insightful resolution that left the reader much to ponder. Your take on the prompt was spot on. Great job!
I can see why this piece was awarded. It's excellent. Knowing that the ending was coming any second, I kept wondering how you were going to get out of the situation you had created. The twist took care of everything--exactly what needs to be done in flash fiction. Nice!
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS Kotaro,
IMPRESSION: A creative and intriguing Sci-fi story that takes the reader to another place, but at the same time protrays an existence many can understand and identify with. A beneficial read that offered plenty to ponder--the mark of a good story.
CHARACTERS: The protagonist, Jimi, doesn't completely understand what is happening to him, yet he always returns to the Mama-san, hoping to get it right. You created a complex character. He's ordinary to some degree, mysterious, partially sympathic, deceptive, like many of us. The most telling part of his character is revealed when he attempts to get Naomi's tips back.
Naomi was quite interesting, refreshing realistic, and held her own in the scheme of things. Her interaction with Jimi was terrific writing.
Larry was a effective side character. Good stuff.
PLOT/SETTING: The opening did its job. Danger exists in our world at every corner. The struggle of just living is symoblized in Jimi's changing world. His attempts at dealing with his situation are connected together with suspense, and take us along with him for the ride. He dared to hope.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: You presented an excellent sense of time and place and wrote with great efficiency and description. The piece was free of any grammatical problems. The title worked to prepare us for this different world and the ending does double duty: It brought a resolution to this man's day, while making us wonder about our own beliefs.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I enjoyed this focussed and cleverly written tale. Very intriguing. Good luck in the contest.
This was a great character story. The opening grabbed me--I had to find out what happened. Good suspense. I thought the dialogue was authenic. It came across like a couple that had been married a long time. Having the other woman coming toward them was a great plot point, and also brought back the suspense and intrigue. You focussed on a single event, and short period of time, and pulled it off with pizazz. With an appropiate ending to boot! Good stuff.
I couldn't find any typos or mistakes. Good luck in the contest. It's interesting that we both made it a personal Indepedence's Day for our protagonist.
Congratulations on winning the official quotation contest! This was really different. I read it several times before its full impact struck me. The piece is deceptively clever. And that tail was creative I must admit. Write on, my friend.
Congratulations on placing in the official quotation contest! This was an interesting and unique poem. I really enjoy short poems that have much to say and leave the reader much to ponder, which this one does on both accounts. Write on!
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefit in some way.
GREETINGS Daesa Evergreen,
IMPRESSION: A compelling tale that disguised itself until the very end.
CHARACTERS: Although I had no description of your two caharacters, the protagonist's narration was revealing and carried the story.
PLOT/SETTING: The story begins with a dilemma--heartbreak and longing--and ends with an unforeseeble, dark twist.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The story was well-written and I didn't see any flaw in your planning.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I thought you showed an insightful understanding of the complexity of human relationships. I liked how your tied-in the title to your resolution. Write on!
I ran across Ol' Fat Charlie in The Love of Words Contest. I enjoyed it very much. You have mastered your personal style and all you short stories have the same flavor to them--intriguing, not "too" dark, an element of irony or dry humor, and a twist. It's probably occurred to you, but I thought you might consider the possibilty of marketing a novel of short stories to young adults.
I will be reviewing your entry in The Classic Story Contest. My opinions matter in the judging of this contest, but, beyond that, only you can decide whether they are useful or not. As in any review, feel free to disregard any comments or suggestions you don't find helpful. I appreciate your participation and hope you and your writing benefited in some way.
GREETINGS Redtowrite,
IMPRESSION: A precautionary tale about the dangers of drugs and how a regular kid, with everything to live for, can easily make the wrong decision and find themselves on a path to destruction.
CHARACTERS: Lee Anderson represents mulitudes of teenagers who experience one random moment (being offered the speed in Lee's case) that changes their lives forever. This, and the fact that Lee was described as a nice guy when he was sober, makes him somewhat of a sympathic character. You even handedly show this slice of life without prejudice. You leave it to the reader to formulate a decision.
PLOT/SETTING: You had a good opening that signalled hard-core drama was soon to follow. The plot was realistic and also questioned the randomness of the universe, in that Lee was beckoned by the guitar he just happened to see in the window. What if he'd never walked passed the pawn shop? From there on the storyline was straightforward, until the twist of Lee not dying in Old Sparky. This provided a believable bit of irony. Lee was spared and he still remained a decent and likable person, only to be finally strapped in the chair a second time to receive his penalty for taking the life of an innocent human being. This he welcomed.
I thought it was interesting that his musical inclination was for the blues.
STRUCTURAL/TECHNICAL/GRAMMATICAL: The story was planned well. I thought it would have benefitted from knowing some of Lee's inner thoughts, and a bit more dialogue. I would have liked to hear his voice.
FINAL THOUGHTS: This was a thought-provking take on the mystery of life. Good luck in the contest.
This is a well written and focussed slice-of-life. It deals with an important issue for Abdul, and his village. The realism comes across through both the use of flashback, and especially the resolution. This produces literary merit to be this short. Nice job!
Welcome to WDC. It's nice to make your acquaintance,
I thought you did an thorough job of explaining your reviewing techniques. Your easygoing and humorous style worked very well, especially since it was directed towards newbies. Although any level of writer would benefit from reading it. You stated you have many years of newspaper experience, but explained we all have something to learn. Nice! You didn't lord over those who are less experienced. This worked to great effect. I thought it was the strongest point of the essay and made me want to read on.
I've seen many in the community do pieces like this and have often thought I should to. I do rate/review short stories, poems , and contest entries all a little differently. Hopefully, you've inspired me to do so. Nice job!
I enjoyed this piece. I liked the way you grouped your connecting thoughts in each stanza, especially the third stanza. The third line in the second stanza placed after two ordindary thoughts supplied a powerful image: "As need as a military gun."
The meter and rhyme worked well and you got your point across. I don't believe you need the comma after mid-morning.
Congratulations on taking first place in Short Shots! Your description of Jude planted her, and her sad situation, firmly in my mind. Thousands of girls from small towns can identify with her. This was an excellent job of characterization. The dialogue and interaction between her and Garrett came across natural and authenic. And, of course, I love a happy ending. Nice writing!
I thought your opening not only served its purpose, but was a strong piece writing with literary considerations. Right off the bat, there was much to ponder. Your excellent mixture of narration and believable dialogue flowed well and advanced your story in a natually progression.
You cleverly developed the main character, Ricky, and gave the reader a good understanding of his complex situation and personality. This set up the plot point of the magic coin and the resolution of the story. Tragedies ofter a slice of reality that is often missed otherwise. Great writng!
This was a moving story, from beginning to end, with surprizing twists along the way. I thoroughly enjoyed it. You began with drama, and then when Lara stood watching at the hospital I figured I knew how things would play out. No way.
I liked the reference to Spielburg and Saving Private Ryan.
Your transition--and timing--into the flashback was perfect. The Etheridge song was a nice touch.
My favorite line was when they were pulling away. "Okay, I'm ready now," I said as we pulled onto Old Highway 2, the golden porch lamps that peppered the undulating landscape disappearing one by one from the rearview mirror." Insightful writing, indeed! For me, this tied into your ending, which was also a surprise.
This story had it all--even the tender picnic scene, and a little magic to boot.
You provided a natual feeling in the first-person and presented a focussed slice-of-life. You also gave the reader a good understanding for the protagonist 's state of mind. For me, this was the story's stongest point. On the other hand, you hint at all sorts of backstory without telling us much about it. This piece could be expanded, or, I could see it becoming a series of short stories. That said, you ended on a happy note and tied in your title very cleverly.
“Asshole!” I thought. “It can’t be that easy!” Usually, a person's thoughts shouldn't be in quotes. The way it's written, I don't know if she says "It can't be that easy", or if she's thinking it.
Welcome to WDC. It's nice to make your acquaintance. I found your short story very interesting. Write on!
Best regards, Coolhand
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/coolhand/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 4:44am on May 06, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
