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724 Public Reviews Given
724 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Casual, friendly. I'll point out typos when I see them and make suggestions about quality, characters and logic, besides telling you how I feel about the piece.
I'm good at...
Does it make sense? Are the characters well portrayed? What's the overall feel of the piece?
Favorite Genres
Poetry, children's, anything rated E
Least Favorite Genres
Anything higher than 18+
Favorite Item Types
Poems, flash fiction, essays, articles, biographical/personal, etc
I will not review...
NSFW
Public Reviews
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351
351
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A fun, rollicking little tale.

I think it's interesting you use a recurring character in your works; that's actually not a bad idea. A lot of my characters might as well all have the same names.

It could stand to have a little more drama, and it brings up the question as to why the story was told when the parting words are "tell no one" *Laugh*

Good work, keep writing and thanks for sharing *Smile*

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352
352
Review of Mosaic Masochism  
Review by
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, I checked this out because it was featured in the Noticing Newbies newsletter.

I figured you’d probably kill off the main character, which is always rather difficult to do logically when writing in the first person. I found his sardonic style amusing and realistic. He also displayed great courage in diving into that mess. Your scientific concepts are a bit foggy, but the narrative is gripping and horrifying.

I noticed some basic editing errors in the text, such as small font, oversized paragraphs, and not properly paragraphing dialogue. Each new quotation needs a new line, and paragraphs should be no longer than five or six sentences separated by a space. “As far as well can tell“ should be “as far as we can tell.”

Thanks for sharing, keep writing, and welcome to Writing.com*Smile*

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353
353
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I found this on the "read a newbie" sidebar.

I appreciate your helpful advice. It's very important to have good communication skills and provide a safe space for your partner to be open and vulnerable. This also definitely relates to parent child relationships.

I would suggest arranging the subject matter in a more orderly fashion, as it rambles and repeats itself a bit.

Your bullet points of character types fade out abruptly. Formatting it more neatly will help with clarity and readability. I do like how you've employed bolding and underlines.

I see you correctly assigned all three genres, which is helpful for people to locate your work.

Thanks for sharing with us, keep writing and welcome to Writing.com*Smile**HeartB**Quill*
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354
354
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope and pray you are still choosing joy each morning, through all your difficulties.

It is important for us to remember God is always there by our side to help us and listen to our prayers. I haven't been as spiritual lately as I feel I should be, but I think God is calling me to have a deeper relationship with and understanding of Him.

Take care, sending prayers for you and blessings your way *Pray* *HeartB**Cross2*

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355
355
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Oh my my*Mindblown* This is a complex saga you've summarized here. I see it's a collection of novel length books, similar to the Chronicles of Narnia or the Percy Jackson series. Sounds quite fascinating.

You have a lot of information and it would be helpful for you to break it all down into smaller chunks to be able to begin writing. You can focus on one novel and begin with an outline of events and a list of characters. I'm unable to personally offer further suggestions for novel composition, but there are lots of resources here on Writing.com to help you out.

Try clicking on my signature down below and checking out the list of Angel Army resources. I think we have a mentorship program for up and coming novelists.

I admire your world building and look forward to seeing your work published "for real" *Smile*

Take care, welcome to the community, best of luck and keep on writing!

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356
356
Review of Jeff Smiled  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)

This is hilarious. I figured it out within the first ten seconds, but I’m an incredibly fast reader to my own detriment *Laugh* The rapid fire dialogue and the main speaker’s transition from angry to contrite with the help of the flustered Jeff is a real masterpiece of humor.

Thanks for sharing this dandy flash fiction with us.
Take care and keep writing *HeartB*


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357
357
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I’ve never understood the point of those grotesque flavors either, nor am I a Harry Potter fan. So I find this little poetry snippet honest and amusing. Perhaps you could make it bigger by describing the weird splotchy colors of the candies, or wondering why Harry Potter and his ilk would engender such peculiar flavors in the first place.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*

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358
358
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Yikes, that's quite a son you have. I'm glad nothing really terrible happened to him with so much of a daredevil streak.

So what's he doing these days? Did his tendency to action lead him to an interesting potential career? It would be too funny if he decided to be a writer after all that*Laugh* though writing action/adventure stories would be a good way to work out one's own tendencies, perhaps.

Thanks for sharing this with us. Take care and keep writing *HeartB*

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359
359
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good work here, Joey. I like the little touch of humor at the end and the rhymes that aren't too stiff or obvious.

Your word choice is excellent and holds our interest to the end.

Music is indeed very special - using scientific rules and formulas to create something that touches the heart forever. We must be grateful for life's modern innovations that allow us to have whatever music our souls desire at our fingertips... Or our earbuds *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile**HeartT*

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360
360
Review of Randomly Writing  
for entry "Week 3" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I find it really hard to criticize poetry. This is lovely. You've brought in some serious contemplation of life's brevity in just a few words based on a picture.
Perhaps a mention of the lighthouse standing through the changes would be a nice touch, but it's fine like this.

Congrats on getting it out here, keep up the good work *HeartB*

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361
361
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the helpful advice, sir. I observe your current username is in the passive voice *Laugh*

I usually go instinctively with things like that - I don't think I've ever sat down with a writing and asked myself whether I've used passive or active voice.

It's nice that you've included a link at the bottom to a reputable site for further research.

Keep writing *Smile*

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362
362
Review of Snow Dragon  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi, I found this with the random read and review button.

It's a charming weather poem, describing cold, snowy, windy wetness with the metaphor of a dragon to convey a sense of mythos and brevity.

I like the portmanteau word you've created and appreciate the authors note at the end, as well as the creative line breaks. The free verse flows well and is carefully arranged.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile**Heartb*

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363
363
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I chuckled at your wry musings on extraterrestrial beings.

Only one typo right at the beginning: "friends and family questioning rational, or even sanity" doesn't make grammatical sense. Consider "questioning one's rationality..."

It's clear and well written, with logical flow from one idea to another, and a progression from basic concepts to more far out theories.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing*Smile*

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364
364
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thanks for the advice! I think I've got a bit of a Mary Sue (almost literally*Laugh*) chilling at the bottom of my port...

You did a great job with the example at the beginning, it draws us in with a chuckle. I would assume, if I were reading it as a story, that Vanessa's flaw is that she's spoiled, too perfect and has an awful ego. (Maybe she's even terrified of spiders) But her appearance is definitely a little too much like a barbie or mannequin.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

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365
365
Review of Silent Witness  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I'm here for your WDC anniversary *Smile* congratulations on being in this lovely community for so many years!

This is a beautiful and striking piece, personifying the mirror which sees the multifaceted life of a young lady. I almost shed a tear myself at the end. You have captured the sad poignancy of the scenario with charming, simple language.

I also appreciate how you incorporated subtle hints of the story being set in an Asian country.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *HeartB*

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366
366
Review of The Victor Chip  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,

I react quite emotionally to things, so these are just my thoughts and feelings about your work. Feel free to ignore this if you don't find it useful *Laugh*

First, it should probably be rated 18+ for the graphic description of what happened to Christopher.

Second, it was kind of hard to follow the narrator's transformation into a bot, because I wondered how the information was being recorded and stored. Wouldn't the bot destroy any records of what it had done? I guess if it was certain that everything it did was for the good, then it wouldn't care.

Third, there's no dialogue at all, which if the narrator is a bot it kinda makes sense, but it makes it rather eerie to read. And the guy Marsden, is that the same guy as Christopher?

I guess the casual passing way the narrator mentions specific people, and the distinct lack of actual interaction, builds up the impersonal feeling and contributes to the horror of it all.

In conclusion, you've written a compelling and alarming piece which conveys what it wants to in a cold and distant fashion.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*

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367
367
Review of Pin Bear  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing this with us. It's amazing that you've been able to visit so many different places and have something small and tangible to remember them by.

Perhaps the words "except Alaska" should be in parentheses. I take it to mean you have visited Canada and Mexico, and they aren't states*BigSmile*

When I was growing up I had a Raggedy Andy doll that became a "pin bear" of sorts for me; it began with a US Marine Corps pin I picked up at the Chamber of Commerce, and as the years went by I would add others, mostly of the patriotic or playful sort.

Have a lovely week and keep writing*HeartB**Quill*

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368
368
Review of The solution  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings *Smile*

I greatly enjoyed reading this. The witty dialogue, sharply drawn characters and unexpected plot made me laugh out loud several times.

I also appreciate how socially aware it is and how it deals with events that could really happen in a realistic way. You included the legal details and everything. It's also fun to read something set in modern times; I don't often get around to reading current literature.

I think Becky's character is amazing and develops issues and people that don't get discussed much in literature. I'd love to read more about her someday.

Sometimes the dialogue got a little confusing, and I wasn't exactly sure who was talking or what was happening, but I read rather fast and I don't think that's an issue on your part.

Overall it's a fun, rollicking tale and I think you did a great job with it.

Congratulations on your contest entry and best of luck!

Take care and keep writing *HeartB*

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369
369
Review of Purpose  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I was trying to look at "recent reviews" and must've hit the random review button by mistake *Laugh*

This is a perfect little piece, and the image helps us understand what it's describing. A cold and bleak winter's day and a cardinal brightening things up.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile*

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370
370
Review of The Final Journal  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, I saw your forum post and thought this looked cool.

You did a great job with the characters and perspectives and overall storytelling. Eli's suspicion of his roommate is an amusing way to set up the backstory. I liked the happy ending of finding the old man alive and well on his island, and you've made a great yarn inspired by the image.

A couple minor thoughts: the dialogue paragraphs could be tidied up some, spaced off and ensured that the tags aren't preceded by a full stop.
The question of "what happened when you called granny?" needs a question mark at the end.

Again, an excellent tale and I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for sharing with us and keep writing *Smile**Heart*

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371
371
Review of My Lament  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings*Smile*

This is perfectly worded, I am reminded of the great psalms and hymns of old. You have expressed your fears and your trust in the Lord despite everything. It would be pretty to write out by hand and frame.

Thanks for sharing. Keep writing and keep the faith *Pray**HeartB* and I hope you have a lovely day *InLove2*

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Review of A Falling Star  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, and happy birthday again *Smile*

This is a haunting poem considering a painful relationship which lacks the necessary trust. I was close to tears as I came to the end. You have chosen your words well. Two minor typos:

• "No entertained the thought" the word should be "nor"
• "Oh ,foolish" the comma is spaced incorrectly.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing *Quill**HeartB*

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373
373
Review of I'm Sorry  
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, I just saw your sister's post, so I'm here to spread some love *HeartB**Smile*

This is a beautiful poem about learning to apologize for our mistakes in order to heal our relationships and bring spiritual blessings. I like the rhyme and meter, and the vocabulary and theme are accessable enough for kids.

There should be an apostrophe in the word "Love's" because it's a contraction. Other than this I see no typos or anything which could be improved.

Thanks for sharing this thoughtful poem with us, it's greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy your time here with us, and happy birthday!*Cake3* *Party*

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374
374
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I finally got around to reading your submission for the 48 hour challenge*Laugh* This is really pretty. I appreciate the artistic, lyrical quality of your poetry, and the theme is simple and sweet like a greeting card. It would make a lovely thing to write out by hand and frame.

Thanks for sharing *Smile* keep writing *Quill**HeartB*

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375
375
Review of Randomly Writing  
for entry "Summer Haze" 
Review by
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself, this is good poetry*BigSmile**HeartB*

It conveys the inaccurate feelings of low self-esteem one may have, using a striking metaphor that sticks in our minds. Especially considering the summer smoke in NYC and all that.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing, you're doing great!

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