What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
~ Solace ~ is a short story about, "After Abs is beaten, leaving her deaf, can she and Gibbs put the pieces back together?" The setting is a sailboat and the story opens with the telling of what happened to Abby from Gibbs' point of view. The scene turns love making. The second half of the story is from Abby's point of view. The story has good imagery with good word choices. I do not see any errors: Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Numb" is a short story about, "describing the scene of a car wreck." The piece opens with images of a person that at this point I am assuming is trapped in the car. I want to know so like the reader, I must read to see what is happening- you have excellent skills at pulling your readers into your stories as quickly as you can. Images of pain and rescue personal on the scene are all viewed through the victims point of view. The descriptive language is amazing. I like this part a lot- there is a sense of life passing before the victims as thought of family fill the mind- excellent! I am enjoying all the detail but way to much to comment on- the victim is being rescued at this point and concern turns away from self to the safety of a rescuer - nice touch that says a lot about the victim in few words. WOW - the story takes an unexpected turn that is both creepy and amazing. Fantastic Job!! I loved it.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"My Mirror, My Loyal Heart Doth Show", is a free verse contained by it single ten-line stanza. The descriptions says, "The verse and language inspired by Shakespeare." Poetic Risk Alert!!! The results could be tantamount to an "American Idol" contestant saying they are going to sing a Whitney Houston song, ALMOST sure disaster. The piece is a Love Poem and while Shakespeare wrote primarily in Blank Verse, this poem tackled the language of his era with a poem that employs end-rhyme. The rhyme pattern is ababcdcdee and rhyme types are perfect and uneven slant rhyme (grace, displaced). If I wrote this poem the uneven slant rhyme would be a metaphor for , "I'm doing this my way." All of the rhyme is excellent! The flow of the poem is great because word choice is good and lines and meter are tight. This is not an attempt to sing a Whitney Houston song, the poet makes the song her own. The Shakespearean language is not over-done, forced or unnatural. The piece offers flavors of the Shakespearean period in an easy to understand presentation reflecting the way poetry is written today. There are those that say this should not be done (writing in the archaic) and some think the guideline is a rule. Others say great poets come from doing what should generally not be done and doing it well. "My Mirror, My Loyal Heart Doth Show" is a masterpiece lesson in doing it well. Fantastic Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Gray Rain" is a reverse abc written to this form, P,O,N,M,L,K,J,I,H,G,F,E,D,C,B,A. The form is perfectly executed throughout its four quatrains. The poem tells the story of an alien "conquest of Earth". The gray rain brings man's "doomsday" with some very imagery created with good strong poetic words. The flow is very good, and I surprised by the ending. There are no errors that I see. Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Field of White" is contained by its four quatrains of alternating black and gray color. The poem is a spiritual piece about, "For there are times when we need. Him..." and a nice picture in provided with the poem. The poem is, in essence, a prayer that employs good poetic language. The piece has great flow and an epiphany of acknowledgement. I do not see any errors. Good job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"My Baby" is a free verse contained by its one-stanza. The piece is a love poem to, "that very special someone...". The expression of love takes on good image and the flow from line to line is great. There are some very good ending words, desire, lust and itch to name a few of them. I do not see any errors in this "Baby", Great job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"The Harlequin" is a piece contained by its one twenty-six-line stanza. The poem is in ABCeDarius Form. The form is perfectly executed. The description tells us to "Beware the harlequin who lurks in the shadows...". The poem opens in a Woods setting and introduces action and image. The poem tells a well crafted story about a man walking through the woods and encountering a fairy on a mission. It is likely that if not told that the poem is an ABCeDarius that this could be missed, the line transitions are flawless. The poem's read is very smooth and the story is well told, fun filled with great image using very good poetic words. There are no errors that I see- a gem, Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Katherine" is a dedication piece contained by its one nine-line stanza. The poem is in Acrostic Form. The acrostic is perfectly executed. The lines are written with open end-stops that use good strong words. The poem reads very smoothly as it offers its dedication to a friend. Nice poetic words are used as well as an opening simile to give us a good image in its weave of talents and traits. I do not see any errors. Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Brenda, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Aberrant Fortune Cookies" is a free verse by its two five-line stanzas. The poem is about, "two strange fortunes I've received while eating Chinese." This is a story of fortune and misfortune told by the Fortune Cookie. The flow is good and the line,"We so are happy here" is exactly as the fortune read. There are no errors that I see. Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Elaine Helton, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Sherry" is a free verse poem contained by its two stanzas a quatrain and a tercet. The poem tells the story of Sherry, a friends daughter that lived with another family instead of her mother. The poem, for me, is very sad, and I feel a great sense of loss. I hope Sherry finds her way to where she belongs. The poem has good flow, and I do not see any errors - good job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Nicole, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Never Hide", is a poem written for "Creative Writing Class." The poem is a free verse contained by its single ten-line stanza. The poem is addressed to "Complex Individuals" who are "Laced and addicted". The concept is, leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone but I will fight for my life if needed. The poem has good flow and uses some street talk that works well for tone. I so not see ant errors- good job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Paperandpen, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Alone" is a free verse contained by its one eleven-line stanza. The poem read like an Absent Love- or there is pain over some type of loss or maybe depression or all the above. The poem has good flow but end-stops could be stronger to enhance emotion.
I see some errors:
Wishinh = Wishing
mosre = more
Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Jordan, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Medal of Honor" is a free verse contained by its single twelve-line stanza. The title and the poems epiphany implies that the poem is written by an American patriot. The pieces flow is very good and the usage of end-stops is excellent. Each end-stop intensifies the poem' s impact. There are no errors- good job!!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello mcmc, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"There Once Was A Mouse Named Leon" is a Limerick Poem. The rhyme scheme is aabba. The poem has amazing flow and the rhyme is great. The Limerick is quite funny and gave me my evening laugh. I do not see any errors and can't see changing anything about this piece. Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Judith Friday, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Poet of Mine [Incomplete]" is a free verse contained by its one seven-line stanza. The poem describes, "a poet friend of mine." The piece has very good flow and uses metaphor well to paint nice pictures with good poetic words. The metaphor runs throughout the poem, drive it and is never mixed. There are no errors= Excellent Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello MDH2010, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Is she cheating?" is a poem contained by its single nine-line stanza. The poem is about, "the issues of cheating and divorce". The poem has good flow through the killers and lawyers. I can relate to the poem and enjoy the clever ending. I do see any spelling or punctuation errors- nice job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Ant Pearson, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Evolution" is contained by its one quatrain; the poem employs slant rhyme in aabb. The poem is about life finding a way to survive constant change. The flow is very nice, and I enjoy the concept and approach to this poem. The slant rhyme is a good metaphor for life finding a way to survive. There are no errors that I see- excellent job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello wimsey, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Lynn Canyon is a poem contained by it single quatrain of aaaa rhyme. The piece is about, "... finding peace in old growth canyon". The poem has nice flow and the rhyme is natural. The short poem uses some good imagery created with nice poetic words. I do not see any errors- Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Brenda, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Aberrant Fortune Cookies" is a free verse by its two five-line stanzas. The poem is about, "two strange fortunes I've received while eating Chinese." This is a story of fortune and misfortune told by the Fortune Cookie. I have some suggestion:
journalled = journaled
"We so are happy here."
Perhaps:
"We are so happy here."
The message of the last stanza gives me a little chuckle. Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello e, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
the dream is "A short story about a kid who has a dream the comes to life". The piece is posted as if it were written for IM. Upper case is not in sight and the shortcut for without, w/o is used. There are four, i's that need to be changed to I and each sentence need to begin in uppercase. The title also requires caps. The story could be expanded into a very interesting piece because the concept is good.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Elaine Helton, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Thoughts on Family" is a free verse contained by its two stanzas. The poem is about, "Stepchildren" and how even though they are not your blood, they enter your heart and get all your love. The poem as nice flow through the love and lovely sentiments. I do not see any errors- Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Wen, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Missin Something" is contained by its one nine-line stanza, The free verse is about, "This poem is about an emptiness where "spirituality" and "faith" used to be." The poem has good flow through the emptiness of the soul. There is not much imagery but then emptiness is stark. I do not see any errors - Nice Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Adarah, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Three's a crowd - Epilogue" to a short story that is not contained with this post. As far as what is posted, there are no errors that I can see. If this is part of a story providing that information in the description would be helpful as we really don't know what we are reading about.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello laura tyler, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"I ekhi" is contained by its single stanza of aabbcc rhyme. The poem is about, Ekhi who " In basque mythology ekhi was the protector of humanity and the enemy of all evil spirits." The poem has good flow through nice tight lines and the rhyme works well as Ekhi speaks to humanity.
I have suggestions:
The title and Ekhi and Basque in the discription should both be in uppercase.
Mother in mother Earth should be uppercase.
tutlery = tutelary
I would suggest since Ekhi appears to be speaking through the entire poem that is be opened and closed with quotation marks.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello smoofie, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"slowly" is contained by it one 9-line stanza; the rhyme scheme is abbccddba. The poem is about some things that smoofie feels go slowly. The poem has goos flow and the rhyme works nicely. The poem does not seem to have purpose other than the list, I am not finding allegory or metaphor and there is not an epiphany. That said the poem is cute and reads well. The only error that I see is in the title, slowly should be in uppercase.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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