Hello Parthasena, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Never Say Can't" is "A short poem based on a moral." The piece is contained by its single 6-line stanza. Three of the six lines end with the word can't. The poem is about trying before you say that you can't. I admit being a little confused by this:
Everybody does what,
You can also do that.
I am not sure if everybody tries or if everybody says they can't. The poem does flow well and I get the message. I do not see any errors- Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Thegodofwriting, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Read This First!" is a request to view work in another WDC location because the account is full. Humm! There does appear to be an error in the request:
Hey writing fans, make sure you look (and) Legodude12 and Legodude12.1 okay?
Perhaps;
Hey writing fans, make sure you look (at) Legodude12 and Legodude12.1 okay?
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Baileyr07, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"A Good Start" is listed as other but reads like a poem contained by a single stanza. The first two lines have rhyme abd a cliche that does not hurt the piece, "Rub-a-dub-dub". The piece has good flow and a cute ending. I do see an error:
Soap anf scum = Soap and scum. Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Limpet, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"The Origin of Sharktank" is an Internet link to, "Scanned paperwork found at an accident leaves clues as to some very strange occurrences." Perhaps those with an interest in this Fiji Island facility that suffered extensive fire
damage and flooding will find it interesting. The scan is hard to read.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Koyel, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Wafers (A Tyburn)" is a single stanza, six-line poem about, "This is about delicious wafers." The poem has a rhyme scheme of aaaaaa. The poem has good flow and the rhyme is cute and works for me. There are nice descriptive words. We know the wafer is crispy and crunchy but I don't know what a Tyburn is. Tyburn does appear throughout English history. I do see any errors. Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Cam, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Lucid" is a single tercet; the poem is an alliteration with an ending rhyme scheme of aaa. The piece is about, "Read a few times to see the different meanings." The poem has good flow and the end rhyme works great. The alliteration is fun and smooth. I only come up with one meaning- I think I have it right. Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello mcmc, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Haiku is a Haiku about, "Haiku Poem Nature". The 5-7-5 form is correct. The poem adheres to the Japanese tradition that Haiku be about nature. The season it was written in is mentioned, and I rarely see that effort. A very good effort at a true traditional Haiku. Well Done!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello StuntActor , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
RonaldFox.com is a posted static item that actually appears to be an advertisement for a website, "www.RonaldFox.com, www.ronaldfox.wordpress.com, Oaken Rings". I did not visit the site and WDC will decide error or gem. Inventive!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello Cool Girl, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"If I were President..." is a one line " monologue about what I would do if I were president...". To save readers time I'll provide the line. "Being president is a big responsibility" Yes it is Cool Girl- you may what to ent that thought with the a definitive, a period.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello GodSon386, I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Painted To Look Faded" is a single line draft about, "A minor flu for the soul to replenish." I can see the relationship of title to text but I am lost at the discription. The comma is a nice touch.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
How long? is a poem contained by its one line stanza. The piece is about, "life choices, and mortality" and asks the title question how long? I was by the look of the choice that, not very long is a reasonable answer. It did get me to smile howeverso good going.
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"first shot at writing a new story" is about, "a short sample of what I hope to start to turn into a novel" I would consider using uppercase in your title hopeful_dreams. The story looks like it is off to a good start. Caps and punctuation would be helpful. I think this could go somewhere- good luck. What?
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Tired Eyes is contained by its two stanzas of free verse. The poem searches for the meaning of life and has good flow. I do not see any errors.
Suggestions:
The words, haunted, angel and table could be reworked to paint a more cohesive picture.
Examle, troubled or disturbed, angle and cloud with one, room for more. table for one, room for more does not work well. table with one would be better. OR
haunted, spirit, and manson with one, room for more.
its in two places shold be it's.
Good Effort!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Colors of Life is a free verse contained by its eleven quatrains and each ends with a repeat fragment. The free verse created its own rules of form and stuck to them flawlessly. The poem is about, "I see life in colors. Do you?" The piece opens with an image of youth but without setting- the world is the stage of the young. Each quatrain introduces a new color and them fills the reader's mind with images of what the color means to the author. The poem has very good flow and used great poetic words to create image. The poem is so structured that if a meter pattern were employed it could be considered a form poem. The piece sits the page well in a pattern that I've seen EBB use- it is perfect for this poem. My compliments for not falling into the color grey trap. There are no errors- Excellent Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Need Hope is a free verse contained by its eight tercets. The poem is about "when I felt confused and hopeless at a time when I was very depressed." The poem is a series of questions posed to God.
Suggestions:
This type of poem could use proper punctuation. Open line stops are fine for fragments and clauses and even sentences but questions need a question mark.
Does god love us all the same(?)
Why am I being mentally (shackeled?)shackled
Is this a test of my faith or a way to prove my love(?)
Why am I not allowed the same sensation(?)
Is all that's negative turned towards me
Just so the scale can balance out(?)
What's the point of living if I'm just dead weight(?)
What is this happiness people speak of(?)(Even in poetry it's best not to end thoughts with a preposition)
Why is it that some are always filled with joy(?)
Is it possible that their angel gives them a sample of what heaven holds?
(This is long and hurts flow)
What would you think about:
Is it possible that their angel gives them a sample of what heaven holds?
Do their Angels give them a peek at heaven?
(the other long lines should be tightened the same way to improve flow)
So at night (a) lay awake wondering (whats) the point for my suffering. (I) (what's)
Or how about:
I lie awake wondering why I suffer.
Im and im in sever places - all should be I'm.
The poem needs some works but with some fixes but with a little image and poetic language face lift it will be very good. Nice Effort!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Hello , I'm jimmyfin and I'm here to review your work. What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
Haircut is a free verse poem about a 16 yr old (I believe boy) that wants to wear his hair long to his father's objections. The poems 4 stanza flow well through the " I'm cutting your hair", "no you're not" is a series of actions and thoughts and flashbacks. The piece ends with a very good "Father Knows Best" epiphany. I do not see any errors except maybe a missing period after Robbie Jr(.) but I feel that is optional in poetry. The poem does not create an image of location but the home is assumed. There are no images of the hair, color, length, curly or straight, that is left for the reader to imagine. Good job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"This Is Me" is a free verse contained by its three quatrains, it is a depression poem about the title and this, "Take me or leave me....". The poem has good flow and no errors. The poem handles the darkness of depression well with a good image, "Darkness will no longer be my god." I find an epiphany that I agree with and employ myself, you will find it in the last three lines of the poem. Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Read the Real Me" is a free verse contained by it five quintains. The poem is about "If you want to know me, read what I write.....". The poem opens by telling us that all is not as we see it- there's a person hidden for view. The poem offers an invitation to look deeper to get the know the real person. We are then given some insight to what that person partially looks like. The poems epiphany contains the road map to who this person is. The poem has great flow and is presented in a logical order. There are no errors- Good Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"After All This Time" is a free verse contained by its five quatrains, one with a note, and is about "Will we have the courage to try again?". The note on the bottom explains that the poem "is a poem dedicated to my son, a victim of severe neglect and abuse, causing him to have Attachment Disorder." The essence of the poem is finding the strength to make another try at finding help for this disorder. The poem has good flow and oozes with doubts covered in hope. There are no errors- Good Job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Forever Changed" is a free verse contained by its one stanza and is about, "When you lose someone your life is forever changed.....". The poem is about the lose of a family member and the setting is the soul where the loss and pain live. The flow is very good and there is good poetic imagery. The poem is heartbreaking. There are no errors. Good job!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Desert Land" is a free verse contained by its six quatrains and is about, "Struggling in the desert land of life. . .". The title sets location and the first verse begins to paint the scene and the thirst. The poem flows nicely over the dry sand where the enemy is the sun. In a very nice turn- the dark clouds, that us dark poets are so fond of, become the light and the poems resolutions. There are no errors- Nicely Done!!! Will my dark clouds ever be the same?
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"HELLO SUNSHINE" is an Acrostic Form poem obviously contained by two stanzas, the first a quintain and the second an octave; the poem does not have end rhyme. The quintain does a great job- it sets location and paints very good poetic imagery all with very good flow- there is no break in form in the quintain. The octave is the poems reason, the sun lighting the light of a mother's life, her child. The lines are much longer in the octave but flow remains good and the great images continue. There is metaphor in shape in the way the poem sits the page- light comes in narrow and spreads out- like the poem. We get up in the morning and face the day as we feel the morning chill, but then we look at our child and the warmth spreads. With the title and the signature, the poem takes a bell shape- this piece rings mine- great job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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Rising Star Member to Member reviews are in the spirit of helping you. What I see may not be your intent. Do not change what your vision and heart say should remain. The images we write, for our various reasons, entertain and help others think. I thank you for the gift you give and the opportunity to open my mind.
Sweat Lodge is a free verse contained by its five octaves and is about, "Experiencing a sweat lodge ceremony-and trying to keep the memories alive." The piece opens in a setting of a walk toward the sweat lodge- the opening is very descriptive and uses great poetic language and simile. The next stanza introduces songs associated with the sweat lodge ceremony- I don't recall seeing this in movies- goes to show how much richer truth is than fiction. The next stanza speaks of the memories that the songs provoke using very nice imagery. This stanza puts us in the lodge with this: "I entered the womb of wood, leather, fabric, a dome...", as a sample of the poems great images. In the fourth octave, we find the prayer part which concludes the ceremony and we slowly exit the lodge so as not to faint from lightheadedness. The last stanza contains memory triggers, with more great imagery, that takes the mind back to the times of a sweat lodge ceremony.
The poem is very interesting and educational, the flow is good and there are no errors that I see. Great Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that is our art. Continue to let us sneak a peek at all the images you paint.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Flooded" free verse contained its quintains, tow couplets and single line. The poem open is a home location- the study. The poem has great flow and image with very nice poetic wording- (aloof, unmoved):floodgates threaten to open, emotions at his doorstep- all great imagery. The husband is waiting for the shoe to drop as his wife approaches his study. The author is the wife but the narrative cleverly comes form the husband's point of view. There is excellent tension that builds as you read- it pulls you to one of the best epiphanies I have seen. There are no errors- a highly entertaining write with a great ending!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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What I see may differ from your intent, don't ever change what your vision says should remain.
"Relief" is a short one stanza free verse about "A woman realizing she is finally free from domestic violence". The flow is smooth and the poem sits the page well. It is awe-inspiring that you manage good image and packed all this emotion into such a small space. No errors- WOW! I am impressed - Fantastic Job!!
Please continue to write from you heart, that's our art. Thank you for letting me sneak a peek at the words you've put in ink. If a piece is modified, and I am notified, I make every effort to do a new review and adjust my rate accordingly. jimmyfin.
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