WHAT WORKED----Fantastic! This is perfectly written with a great ending. This could be expanded into a much longer piece, but it is powerful as it is.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----I was totally surprised by the twist in this story. Not even the title gave me a clue. Great job. This was very well written, both technically and as to content. You had me hooked with the first line.
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WHAT WORKED----This was an interesting look into a family's history.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
for unknown amount -- insert 'an' after 'for'
OVERALL-----This story needs a few more details. The age of Mary when this event took place, for starters. Also, closer to the beginning, you need to explain exactly what this activity involved. How did one get up there? Who usually precipitated the event? How did such a thing ever begin? Why in the world did the mother allow it to continue, aside from it not causing blood or broken bones? What would cause one child to do this to another?
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WHAT WORKED----This is a very cute anecdote which is emotional and very well written.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----The memories we make when they are small are sometimes all that gets us through the way they act as teenagers. *smile* This was a sweet moment you will treasure forever.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a good beginning and shows potential.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
was to busy -- too
Please double space between paragraphs for easier reading.
OVERALL-----This is an interesting scene, but it isn't complete. Even as a beginning, it needs character development and when it continues, it needs much more explanation of what is going on.
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WHAT WORKED----This is an excellent scene, and shows immense potential.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
but She was -- no capital on 'She'
Please double space between paragraphs for easier reading.
OVERALL-----This is very good. The ending was excellent. Just when I thought the expected ending was happening, you gave it a twist and everything changed to this (possibly) being only the beginning. Great job!!!
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WHAT WORKED----There is some potential for this to become a full story.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
The use of a spell checker is always beneficial to a good writer.
OVERALL-----There is very little logic used in this story. 1mm is less than half an inch, yet this person is using a full sized knife to open a cabinet. The rest of the story is equally illogical. How did the cat get the milk from the refrigerator shelf to the table?
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WHAT WORKED----This is a cute story of unconditional love. It is very well written and maintains the point of view of the dog throughout.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
Colored fonts, especially light colors, are difficult to read against the writing.com yellow background. You might try using a darker blue, or going with a bold font.
OVERALL-----This is a wonderful story guaranteed to give people a smile and a case of the warm fuzzies.
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I chimed while -- it's kind of picky, but 'chimed' usually means two or more people saying the same thing at the same time.
Glady’s wood Elementary -- According to this, the wooden elementary school belongs to Glady. Is this correct?
to my check e-mail. -- transposed words
Please double space between paragraphs for easier reading.
OVERALL-----This was good. The only question I had about it was why you would drive them to school when it is only four blocks----unless it is across a major street with no crossing guard. Oh well, that's neither here nor there. It was a good story, painfully funny, and very realistic.
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WHAT WORKED----This is realistic and a good description of a common situation.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
need help out -- either delete 'out' or change 'help' to 'helped'
Please double space between paragraphs for easier reading.
OVERALL-----I can't see how the title fit’s the story unless you are the 35 year old child.
What was written was ok, but it just feels sort of unfinished, as if it needs more character development, more examples, something to really tie the story to the title.
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WHAT WORKED----
This is clear, orderly, and puts his present and past in relationship without confusing the reader.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----I could see his reaction going either way and was mildly surprised it went the way it did. This gives people something to think about, especially considering the current world situation.
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WHAT WORKED----Even these few lines show emotion, her love, his indifference.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There are no spelling or grammar errors in this piece, but it is always good to double space between paragraphs to make it easier for the readers to read.
OVERALL-----If this were the opening to a longer story or book, I would be hooked. I want to know why, and who did what, and what is she going to do next.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a well written account of a time when events like this led to lessons rather than lawsuits. It was well written, induced memories, and was fun to read.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----The ending was a little weak. The life's lessons bit was good, but the last line needs to be stronger, with some sort of punch, so the messages stick. As is, the very last line is very soft and forgettable.
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WHAT WORKED----There is an interesting storyline in this piece, and it shows potential to be expanded into a novel.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
I ask you too!” -- 'to' not 'too'
You have a multitude of sentence fragments throughout the story, but particularly in the fight scene.
You may find it beneficial to check out "Invalid Item" as a way to improve your use of commas.
OVERALL-----This is a good story, and with expansion and editing, it would be great. You seem to have a good storyline, with sufficient grounding in the story's history and setting to make it realistic. With character and plot development, this could be a great piece of work.
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WHAT WORKED----This is an interesting take on some old classics. You did a great job of putting them in a modern context.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----I found no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----Well, it was technically correct, and logically written, but it was not the most literary thing I've read this week. Then again, it was funny, and that counts for a lot. Good job.
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WHAT WORKED----This has serious potential for becoming a novel.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors that I could find.
Please double space between paragraphs for easier reading.
OVERALL-----This is very good. I was reading with anticipation from the first paragraph right to the end, and I still want to know what was under the bridge. At least, I think I do. I'm not sure I could sleep if I found out.
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WHAT WORKED----
This is an excellent little scene. It is emotional, compelling, and makes the reader want to know more.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
There were no spelling or grammar errors in this scene.
OVERALL-----Well, you have one scene. Now all you need are a beginning, more middle, and an end. Oh, yes, a plot, characters, mystery......Great beginning. I like it.
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WHAT WORKED----
This story was well written, with good character development, and with logical presentation of the story line.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----This is a very good story. I have no experience with the problem, but I think you handled it well as you told of their love and life. Good job.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a great analysis of your feelings at a horrible time which might be the best thing to ever happen to you. It is well written, well organized, and easy to understand.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
There were no grammar or spelling errors in this item.
OVERALL-----I've been in the place this item describes, and I know it is survivable, and can be a growth experience. This was a very clear description of the feelings many of us feel at this time.
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