WHAT WORKED----This is another thought to live by. It is well written, to the point, and designed to make people stop, do a mental double take, and think about what they should change in their lives.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this item.
OVERALL-----Very well done.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a cute story. It is well written, and would be excellent for a children's book because of it's acceptance of those who are different.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
they block -- blocked
OVERALL-----I like this story. It's well done and easy to read. With a little work, it might be something a publisher would like for young children (7 to 9 year olds)./
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WHAT WORKED----This is an unusual treatise on a common idea, but done in a very uncommon manner. It is thought provoking.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this item except the last two words of each paragraph which are intentional and appropriate.
OVERALL-----At first read, this is a rambling, and often confusing, examination of......something. It is only on a second, or third, reading that the meaning begins to make itself known. I've read it three times. I like it. I'm not sure why, or if I understand it completely even yet, but it is interesting and gives me a lot to think about.
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TECHNICAL ERRORS----
askew -- skew is the verb (while 'askew' is the adverb or adjective form) of the word.
OVERALL-----I'm with most people, maximizing my pedestal and minimizing others. Unfortunately, most people never realize what they do even though it is human nature and almost all do it.
Well done.
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WHAT WORKED----This is most definitely interesting and different.
TECHNICAL ERRORS---I found no spelling errors, and the style and flow are consistent throughout.
OVERALL-----I thought I understood this poem up until the last two lines. Now I'm not so sure. I'll have to think about it----a lot.
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WHAT WORKED----This is an interesting story. It is well organized, and emotionally charged.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
I net Chaz -- met
Not a lot of time left -- this sentence needs a verb somewhere.
Thru -- Through (and these sentences need verbs)
3 tapes -- numbers smaller than eleven are usually written out.
company work shirt, and he gave me his -- What does this mean?
not met to be. -- 'meant' not 'met'
smile. to live -- change the period to a comma
OVERALL-----Except for the technical errors, I can't really make any suggestions for improvement. You gave all the details necessary to make the story understandable, and you wrapped it up very nicely.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a perfect analysis of the modern art world and its (so called) experts.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----I found no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----Being of the 'I'm no expert but I know what I like' school of art appreciation, I found this hilarious and very well written. I find Janice intelligent and to have an excellent sense of humor.
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WHAT WORKED----
There is a storyline here, and it has potential.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----You switch from past to present tense. Most of this is written in past tense, but it would be better (be more horrifying) if you switched it all to present tense. This would add suspence rather than us knowing the main character must have come out OK or they couldn't be telling the story.
OVERALL-----Not bad. There could be a little more character development, and it would be good if we knew why she was going where she was going.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a well written, interesting scene, with serious potential.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----This seeems like the middle of a good story. Some introductory character development and setting the scene, and a few paragraphs to wrap it all up nice and tidy, and you have the beginning and end to sandwich this scene perfectly.
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WHAT WORKED----This is a great storyline, well written, and very interesting.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this story.
OVERALL-----This story was a pure 5 right up to the letter from Kathy. Beginning there, it was as if you were in a maraton to get finished as fast as possible. You really had a great story going, but shutting it down so fast destroyed the whole story. There are a lot of ways this story could end, and I hope you consider one of the others which would be a lot more interesting and fun for both the readers and Bill.
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WHAT WORKED----This is funny, has a good storyline, and shows a lot of potential.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
Please double space between paragraphs for easier reading.
The use of a spell checker is always beneficial to a good writer.
OVERALL-----OK, you know me, no punches pulled----the idea is good. The intro ruminations tell us where this is going, and it is catchy. The 'Had Enough' interlude is unnecessary and confusing----just toss it, it won't hurt the story.
The character needs a little development----name, age, position in life, all the little things that make us want to care about him.
The setting needs a lot of development----if you are going to do this in the bathroom, TAKE US TO THE BATHROOM. Make us see it, every inch, every crack, every nuance of his writing environment.
And do all this interspersed with his actual writing and thinking so we don't get bored with a bunch of narrative. *smile*
This really is going to be a funny story. Let me know when you get it a bit further along and I'll take another look. It was fun to read.
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TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors in this piece.
OVERALL-----While this is a good single scene, I wouldn't call it a story because it doesn't really go anywhere. It seems like part of something, but is totally out of context. He thinks about the assault, but we don't know what led to it or why this had such a profound affect on him. The fog needs to be explained and put in the context of his life and the story.
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WHAT WORKED----There is some potential in this character sketch.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----
The use of a spell checker and proper capitalization is always beneficial to a good writer.
OVERALL-----As a character sketch, it is minimal and needs many more details. As a story idea, it is also minimal, but shows potential. Overall, it needs considerable work, but could be expanded along the storyline hinted at.
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TECHNICAL ERRORS----There are no spelling errors in this item. The grammar is unique to your writing style.
OVERALL-----This is not really a story. It is a small sketch of a possible story, but there is no real storyline in this piece. It is also contradictory in it's own statement, first saying running is the choice, then making life or death the choice, but not explaining why either is necessary.
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TECHNICAL ERRORS----There are no spelling errors, but there are incomplete sentences.
OVERALL-----This story needs more development of the setting, the location. There just isn't much for the reader to either understand or be interested in. Only the last line caused a twinge of interest.
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WHAT WORKED----This is totally realistic and excellently written.
TECHNICAL ERRORS----There were no spelling or grammar errors that I could find.
OVERALL-----Ahhhhh, the solitude of the shower, the peace of turning on water to drown out the 'can you's' while letting it inspire your imagination. Those are the times which can refresh the soul of a writer, especially a writer who is a mother.
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