Overview
This lyric uses the seasons to progress through a description of an individual's search for spiritual meaning. The final stanza tells how the search is unsuccessful. The disappointment is expressed as winter. All that's true is locked away. The point being, Christian society has not allowed the search for truth to thrive.
Structure
The four-line verses have an abcb rhyming scheme. some of the rhymes are not true; end/descends. The rhythm is not a particular meter, and has varying beats per line. The first verse, for instance, has syllables 8,8,9,9. The refrain (chorus) has a 7,8,7,8 syllable count. The second verse is 9,9,10,9.
Each of the four verses mention one of the four seasons.
The second line begins with a lower case letter. Inverted commas around bad girl are unnecessary.
Language
There are a great number of abstract nouns in this piece; for example, power, something, spirit, struggle, depths of my soul, inside and of course, each of the seasons, which are sometimes used as adjectives.
There is imagery other than the progression of the seasons; such as, a spring bud to show the beginning of the subject's interest; and Is as fresh as a clear summer stream, which refers to new-found understanding.
There is some alliteration; growing and green.
Suggestions
This song lyric is not poetry, and you may feel it does not need to make use of any poetic techniques, but it would be improved if you considered trying some.
You could try making the rhythm more regular. This would definitely help in the singing of the song.
It is very important to keep abstractions to an absolute minimum, if not cut them all together.
Avoid cliché. You may want to reconsider the general metaphor of the changing seasons, as it is over-used. Phrases like depth of my soul; stir of my being and all that was good must now end are extremely clichéd.
Be direct. It is only your strapline which tells the reader this is a conflict between Cristian upbringing and an interest in Pagan religions. It would be good to make the lyric more explicit, while increasing the impact by using strong and fresh imagery.
Cut all unnecessary words. Many articles and pronouns can be cut; the, I etc.
Avoid tautology, such as spring bud a bud signifies beginnings without being described as spring.
I hope these notes help.
Best wishes
Mavis Moog
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