A childhood memory of joking now enrages Meg about the expensive things McCall is having in his life.
Still there is a state of anger and confusion for Meg as she is unable to trace the reality of the previous night. But her suspections are incrasing two-folds with the experiences she has in her brother's mansion.
The story is flowing well.. the readers are really hooked to it.
Reputation is more dear to McCall rather than his cousin's plight.
A shrewd billionaire like McCall is portrayed good here. Meg is running out of patience to take proper revenge but she is wiser now to hit the iron only when its hot.
A little ediiting in the below line:
I hated how the previous night met meant nothing to him and everything to me
Oh Oh Oh this one is getting more intense.
You have correctly kept the reader hooked to the story.
The confusion and hurt go hand in hand in this episode for Meg. John's personality is very well twisted.
It will be good to jump right to the next chapter and read what is John doing in her cousin's office??
Meg's confusion is shown heavily while meeting the person who got the invite to her and to John, whom she met for the first time in the elevator. This is probably because she is not exposed to lavish lifestyles as the one which her cousin leads.
She is not a party animal, and this is evident from her nervousness while facing a hi-profile crowd.
The story is flowing well with the rising actions well places in between expositions.
The exposition leads a reader to think that two brothers, though having different perspectives and choices in life, still have the same feelings for each other.
However, a sudden change in the behaviour of the cousin towards Meg leaves Meg thinking why has the behaviour changed. Is it because he as procured a hansom amount of wealth due to success and that he feels ashamed to hug a brother who is living his life doing journalism.
A consolidated gist of the poet's life put on paper in a lyrical rhythm.
The poet sees every possible happiness and some struggles through her life of almost sixty years, and she recalls the good ones and learns from the bad ones.
All in all, To give love is what is the measurable quantity of a quality life led.
Seeing beyond eyes and feeling beyond love means everything to the poet who is deeply in love.
The world does not matter when the two are together. The thoughts of the loved one linger even at night, scenting the surroundings and enlightening her visions and dreams.
A very good romantic tone.
It is always a pleasure to read your work Jaya.
Life is always not a bed of roses. To achieve something LUCK and DESTINY play an important role. BUT, Efforts towards achieving a desirable plays the most pivotal role in everyone's life.
The poet is indeed very lucky to get everything easily. Life is a smooth sail as he mentions that he gets everything he wishes without any difficulties. However, relaxing and waiting for things to happen will only deteriorate the life more and more. Hence the elders (THEY - as mentioned in the poem) say that Sleeping is the biggest enemy.
Sleep here is not the state of the body but a state of mind. Open mindedness, keeping and eye open to grab the opportunity should be engraved as a trait in every indiviual. Then only the luxuries in life kiss our feet.
The poet wants to convey all this, but I suggest to tighten the poem and make the thought process flow from one stanza to the other more better with elaboration.
I agree this is your attempt at writing a poetry, but a reader feels to hang around and read a poem if it is structured, organised, and rhymed.
These are only suggestions from me as a reader and not a critic. The poet is free to discard them.
The last syllable of the first and second lines rhyme. The same is the case with the third and the fourth line. However, the rhyme is not maintained in the other stanzas.
Rhythm or meter is also an important aspect of writing poetries. The number of syllables in a line are in our control and we can decide to keep the meter ticking or break it and make it different.
It is not imperative to follow the meter. Innovations are always welcomed, because each innovation is unique in itself.
Life can be summed up depending upon an individual's approach towards it. Life itself is not good or bad. It is how we make it look like.
The poet gives an insight into this quote philosopically.
Human intentions make life good or bad. Afterall the account of life never remains unsettled.
A fact known and used since ages is mentioned with dignity when the poet admits that its the truth that prevails for ages.
Roses are red, Violets are blue - this has been used since ages not known, yet they convey what they mean. Irrespective of time, place and situation, it prevails and remains.
Author wants to find ways and means to spend time. Quality time finding a loved one. Spending time with sweet nothings. Indulge in things of interest.
A desperate tone is applied wherever the author has internal thoughts.
A blessing in disguise is seen coming from a friend.
The title hence, suits well. For a flash fiction this is a good one.
After a series of events called "mistakes", the poet takes the opportunity of a dark night to see the tiny shining stars as motivations to start afresh.
The engine and crickets symbolise thoughts randomly attacking a mind which is trying to be quiet and concentrate on improvisations.
This article comes out as a result of some good introspection.
There is a rational approach to every word written here.
This was a good read, a window to peep into the author's soul.
Domestic quarrels and verbal fights, shake the very foundation of a "Happy Home". There are instances of verbal abuses, hurting ones, followed by tears and abandoning.
The poet hates to go home because of all the negativity inside, and thus this poem comes out in the form of hurt.
The rhyme in abab is good, however the rhythm needs some tightening. This is only a suggestion from me as a reader and not a critic.
Overall it is a good piece of work.
Original and lucid.
A love of long ago is admitted on a tennis court.
The author has brought out the fact that there are opportunities given by Lord and that one must grab them.
Valerie and Jeff are two people in love since childhood, but they haven't expressed. They feel everything obvious. Why they did not express over the years is not known.
The characters are placed well, independently dependent on each other.
It is a cute story.
With the invention of SMS lingo, originality of English is tearing apart.
Manipulated words donot convey the truest of feelings, yet younger generations use the SMS English extensively primarily for two reasons.
1) It has become as a style statement. A person who writes an sms with proper english is considered conservative.
2) To accomodate more words in a limited word-length scenario of sms.
Poet expresses his/her concern over this.
Technology is good if used in the correct form. Going away from the defined guideline can prove hazardous in one way or the other.
A major loss in the author's life marks the downfall of author emotionally, professionally and personally.
It is hard to accept the fact that one's mother no longer shares the sunrises and sunsets on this earth, but life has to move on.
Deliberate tries to move on compells the author to write this very touching article.
Nothing can substitute a mother.
Quick edit picks:
with the bosses wife : with the boss' wife
and when it comes time to expose what happened : and when comes the time to expose OR and when time comes to expose.
Woman's life revolves around the house-hold; whether she is a house-wife or she is working.
Cleaning forms an integral part of a woman's life, but here it becomes a subject of boredom and hatred for the poet - this is described in a funny way.
A humourous poem with great punches.
The rhyme is good. The rhythm is apt.
The poem flows well.
Wishful of being blessed by motherhood, poet wants her bosom to be filled with a toddler's presence.
A stage in the life of a woman where she paints her dreams of becoming a mother, is described well here.
Quick Edit Pick :
The second last line of the poem says " Someday I want to see him how he grown up as a man. Correction : Someday I want to see him how he has grown up to be a man.
OR
Someday I want to see him how he has grown up as a man.
Youth can be dangerous if some strict rules are not followed.
Some teenagers feel that the rules are rubbish and nonsense, but these rules are like the fence which guards the innocence. If broken, trespassers can damage the beauty.
The poem tells just the same
Be aware , or live in shame.
A state of abandonment after a break-up of a long relationship can be devastating, just like it is described here in this poem.
The poet feels lonely and left-out, but wishes that the warmth of companionship to return.
Edit Pick :
And i'm not sure if it's right And I'm not sure if it's right
Overall it was a good read. The rhyme and rhythm is lucid.
It flows well.
Keep Writing !!!
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