This is an attack on the writer by the writer himself. Good piece of read, but it needs a lot of editing.
where one is has programmed oneself
murder was being typed out the screen
Start of a sentence must be by a Captial Letter. In many places, "I" is written as "i".
You have a great potential to write.
Just a little editing before posting helps great tons.
To make each and every moment in the present worth cherishing later, is the crux of the write-up.
The author places importance on the fact that live in the present, do things one would want to do and never have a chance in the future to regret for the untold sentences, unexpressed feelings and undone things.
Great read for this day !!
Quick edit pick:
I just thought to myself if there isare only 20 seconds left for me what will I do?
Hey this is awesome piece. I mean you have actually gone all the way to re-write the whole thing with some efforts to make it look good and moreover read good.
As a reader I would really appreciate the second format, as it gives proper demarcations and information with precise content. Highlights are on the important aspects and the details are apt.
You have made it very easy for everyone to understand the importance of editing.
This was a brief chunk of information which is totally value addition.
Many times writers of great experience struggle over a poem and how? To complete a stanza, it takes ages. Either the rhyme does not fix, or the structure does not fit.
Using such little fundamental information does surely help to brush-up the writing and give it a perfect glow.
All of 15 and the author shows great courage, dtermination, and perfect traits as a teenager. The guilt bursts in tears as the author feels that she has ruined her life~ because the driving teacher thought it was ok to touch her.
The author has touched the sensitive issue still prevailing in today's society. But no one dares to raise a voice in fear of being ashamed publicly.
The author teaches the readers to raise a voice before its too late.
Where the world if full of blood and war, a teenager has an ecnounter with a ferocious man who abuses her.
With all the dark things around her, no love, all hatred and killings, she has an angel like daughter.
The transition of a teenager into a responsible mother is shown very nicely. Its natural for Grace to worry about her daughter when she is such an angel in the world full of sour feelings.
I like the way the story ends with a deep thought provoking question that Grace asks herself. There is so much worry and concern in the question.
A great childhood memory crafted in words, painted in innocence.
It needs a lot of editing in terms of typos and grammar. I will point them out to you for your quick reference.
1) remeber - remember
2) grandmagot out of - grandma got out of
3) orange kittns - orange kittens
4) 2 orange kittns in they named them same and mcguffy,They were brothers. - 2 orange kittens in. They named them same and mcguffy. They were brothers.
5) The third one was black, And had golden brown spots on her - The third one was black and had golden brown spots on her.
6) Grandma said what are you naming her? - Grandma asked, " What are you naming her?"
9) I quickly responded Dusty! - I quickly responded, "Dusty!"
You have great potential to write. My only suggestion to you would be edit edit edit before you submit.
These suggestions from me are as a reader and not a critic. You can take them or discard them.
A lot of introspection leads the poet to write this "Where am I?" kind of poem. Its a great read for me as while reading I was actually asking such questions relative to myself and actually getting honest anwers from my conscience.
Life's fundamentals - a mixed bag is what actually leads everyone of us to travel the journey with all kinds of experiences.
And sitting on a peaceful day poet seeks answers to all these self evaluating questions.
A very nice read for this day !!!
Thanks for sharing !! I loved this one ...
The poet is happy that his lady is self-contented and that she finds happiness in small things and not material world.
A rose , a symbol of eternal love, is welcomed anytime and everytime it is being gifted.
Love blossoms as flowers and does not care for the world. This is brought out by the poet very nicely in this poem.
A very cute poem, full of confessions and sweet nothings all over.
The rhyme and rhythm is good.
It flows well.
Thanks for planting this beautiful flower in the WDC Garden
As a child, the poet finds it difficult getting her space invaded by a younger sibling.
A slow but a strong relationship develops and the domination transforms into love and sharing.
Over a period of time, every relatiobnship blooms to its fullest, if given proper space and love as nurture.
This is a very sweet poem from a sister to her brother. Written looking back from the present, all memories are cherished between the brother-sister relationship. Good read for today !!
A debating conversation between poet and coffee, brings to a conlcusion that not matter how much the poet tries to stay away from the temptation of having coffee, he always ends up sipping on one.
The conversation demarcation is wonderful with the text colours, as the poet speaks its black and white i.e. blunt to the truth and the coffee speaks in brown i.e. blood read reality.
Having seen a failed marriage at a very young age, Beth is shown a little apprehensive while dating with Brian.
A perfect romantic flavor to the story adds charm.
Beth's character has strength and conviction, while Brian is a steady guy she wants to be with. An angel is Lonnie , always ready to give a helping hand...
Rounding it up, all is well that ends well. And they Happily lived ever after...
Something was magical to read..
Left to the mercy of herself, Bootsey finds love and warmth within her new friends, a young girl, and old man and their dog.
The portrayed story is so good to read and in the form of a poem it becomes musical and rhythmic.
A world from a Cat's eyes and views is different to experience, yet very beautiful.
A human touch adds flair to this wonderful piece of read. Thanks for sharing this
A very sweet letter full of concern and love for Gretel and people back home.
Hansel is trying to accept the changes of the new world, yet a little apprehensive. He is eager to get back home and discuss his experiences of this different world.
A quick edit pick : But, I can’t let this little thing holds hold me back.
A sudden void in the frienship disturbs the poet and hence the poem.
Each word in this inquisitve poem is trying to find a reason for the changed behaviour of the friend and the cracks in the relationship.
An unbreakable trust binds the two friends and thus the poet has confidence that they will again be as they were in the past. The relationship will once again bloom to its fullest vividity.
The author brings about the irratic behaviour of his mind, wandering in thoughts and ideas seen, heard throughout the day. It is difficult for the author to have compos mentis, his ability to have a rational mind at the time when the mind needs to shut off is hard to find.
This is a real life evident of everyone as we have experienced this atleast once in lifetime.
The influence of a recent event makes the mind gallop through the jungle of thoughts.
Spiritual touch given to the poet's life by Almighty, sets the poet free from all his negatives.
There is a sense of strong hope and respect for the Supreme Reality. The poem unveils the fact that God is within us, inside our heart. No material thing outside of our physical body can make us happy or relieve us from the pains. Its the conscious understanding of the Almighty and the proximities to HIM that makes the world a better place to live in.
Peace is found in the inner self and not by running behind the world. A nice message is conveyed through this very inspirational poem.
This serves as a great read for this morning!!!
Flows well
This is a simple love poem written with intense love towards a loved one, but she never knows.
The poet's hesitation in expressing himself is underlined.
Two opposite traits are seen here. The poet is an introvert as he cannot show his love for her. To an extent that he gets to an extreme to decide to end his life of incapabilities in expressing. This kind of confused me.
A self-sacrificing lady lives her life killing her desires and wishes. She lives not for her, but for her family. They deceive her in one way or the other. She is hurt but keeps going everyday with a faith in HIM that one day will be hers.
A day comes where she is enlightened and she takes a bold step to leave everything behind, even her cheat husband, and move on. And she does that.
The concept of this story is very good, appealing for reading.
"This too shall pass" - stresses every bit of it and adds intensity.
Minute details of a divine sun-rise and moments before and after that are described religiously.
Through the animal's behaviour it is brought out by the author to live in the present. However, respect the Onmi-potent. Like, when the sun rose to a beautiful golden morning, the birds, animals , insects stopped their mundane music to be united with HIM.
Just one place I would like you to re-visit and edit:
The giant brown roots broke the surface if ofthe ground and were woven together.
Life's lessons taught well to the readers, ingrained fantastic by the writer.
The soul, over a period of time of living this life full of ups and downs, is fatigued. Fatigued of all the compromises, of all adjustments. But in the end, departs contented with all the love in its heart and nothing except that.
It flows well. Title suits fantastic.
Through this very elaborate descriptive poem about a beggar seen on street, the poet gives it an emotional touch by raising questions regarding his identity and background.
Being very young at the time of writing this poem, the innocence of the poet reflects well on this one.
there is a concern ;at the same time a maturity in determining what the beggar is all about.
It flows well.
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Good piece of read, but it needs a lot of editing. 