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603 Public Reviews Given
642 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Shadow  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Normally I would start out with something about sentencing etc. But not today.

This is an excellent story that drew me in as if I was there watching.

My only thought was to leave out the height and leave it to the reader's imagination.

other than that, great read. Thnks for sharing.
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
I don't have the writing skills of a poet, but I admire their skills.

I enjoyed your treatise, very good imagery

Thank you for sharing
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Review of The Dark Room  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Good story, especially the last paragraph.

First paragraph sounds weak. This paragraph is important as this portion is what draws the reader to read the rest of the story.

Instead of just "dark room", paint a more vivid picture to make the reader feel they are in that room.

Try to change up on words that mean the same thing, rather than the same word over and over.

Excellent closing paragraph and great end

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.0)
The hardest part in writing is to develop or illicit an emotional response from the reader; that is, draw the reader into the story and make the reader feel the writer's intent.

I am not a fan of writing short, brief, sentences, which I call stilted; because short sentences make it difficult to create a smooth flow of sentences.

Short sentences tend to sound like you're reading a "how to" manual.

Readers tend to like flowing sentences; easier for the reader to fall into the story.

Not quite sure what was going on here:

.....family was as if ... you developed a spot on your face or something?
I had developed countless spots and forgotten about them.
Did they actually think a death could be forgotten so easily?

This short story seems unfinished..as a reader, I would ask, where is the hair raising adventure?

I preface this by saying I'm not sure what your intent was, so I won't make any suggestions.

I will say that you have the ability to illicit emotions from the reader and THAT is the HARDEST part of writing.

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good informative piece.

Well written.

From my own experiences; I've considered that some interactive "ghosts" simply choose to enjoy the after life in the place that gave them the most pleasant memories. As a religious person, I also think (maybe hope) that when we pass on and wait for the second coming; we spend that time waiting,with others of our family that have passed on before us. Basically, a family reunion in the after life.

Thanks for the solid information
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me preface this by saying, I am not skilled at writing verses.

Good title

Poems message understandable

When I read a poem, I always start wanting to feel the lyrical verse, so when I read one that is free verse; it's hard not to want to force it into a lyrical verse.

I would only suggest rephrasing some areas because my mind wants it read lyrically

Thanks for sharing
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Review of Food for thought  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
And that is why homicide investigations always begin with the forementioned
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent. Lest we forget
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Review of Nighttime Visitor  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well this scared me!
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Review of The laugh  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (3.0)
True, ouija boards are bad, very bad.

A few typos and grammar problems here.

Other than that, you reminded me of something that happened when I was a kid.

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Really would like to know why the chief wanted you girls out.

Thanks for sharing
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Review of The Jeep  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great telling of your experience
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Review of true ghost story  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Having experienced a few paranormal activities myself, I understand what you've been through.

A few typos (damn keyboards!)

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Pretty good take off on the old Resurrection Mary tale just set in a western background.

Sentences flow well and transition logically

Characterization are good

Dialog needs to be maintained to character.

Overall a pretty good rendition of an old ghost story

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well written and flowed rhythmicly(sp?)

I was captivated by the poem by it's content relays the feeling of futility

Closing line .... As the door to the very dark room was closed.. was the only one that wasn't balanced. Just my opinion.

Thank you for sharing
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Review of If....  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent piece

Great rhythm

Now if we could only get the world to listen

Thank you for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very good read.

Sentences flow smoothly and transition nicely.

Character is believable.

Scene done very well and brought this reader into the flow of emtions.

Makes you wonder how many vets brought home letters and other cherished items to deliver to friends, girlfriends and family.

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent flash story, reminded me of that old Ronald Reagan television show.

Writting smooth and flowed well.

Great characterization

Only one suggestions: I would change side arms to six guns, side arms a more current term.
Well maybe a second suggestion...the drink...rye, cider and a twist of lemon...hmmmm
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A fun story and enjoyed the read.

Don't know if I appreciate disrespecting the nation's national hero, but, since it was written in jest; you are forgiven. ')

Well written

Characterization perfect though, I think the Duke would of shot the gansters with his six gun.


Thanks for sharin' pilgrim
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Review of The Last Round  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Good interesting story on what goes on a soldier mind while standing post/watch.

Well written with smooth, flowing sentences and logical transitions.

Characterization good. (been there, done that)

Suggestion only:

After checking his watch again

checking his watch again

Setting out for the perimeter, Charley had only made about twenty steps when the first sniper’s bullet caught him behind the ear

Charlie headed out for the perimeter when the first sniper’s bullet caught him behind the ear

Thanks for sharing
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Review of The Wall  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this... fifty five words and you told the whole story..
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Excellent work and well told.

I found one error, I would blame it on spell check. .....my sites were set.....rather....my sights were set.

Reminded me of my last hunt before I enlisted. A California boy, we, my dad, uncles and I, hunted the Mendicino mountain range for white tail. This porved to be my last hunt too.

My first kill was with a K-bar...what I remember about that was he was quick and I was scared shitless.



Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well written and, more importantly....well said
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Review of We were eternal  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like this ....in so few words it speaks loudly...well done.

And his calmness gave me comfort too, and strength. I grabbed my rifle, and as we charged towards death we felt no fear or remorse, only courage. We were eternal.

Lines I would suggest changing.

And his calmness gave me comfort and strength.

For we were eternal

Thank you for sharing
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Review of The Haunting Hero  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Good short story and true to all veterans..

Not one veteran ever discloses that most personal of personal dream that replays over and over again...this is so true. Doesn't matter what war, this scene is the same in countless of households across this country.

I commend you for trying to put into words what veterans go through
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