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603 Public Reviews Given
642 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of We Walk  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great ghost story...hands down.

imagery fantastic. brought this reader right into the story and kept me there to the end.

Characterization real and totally believable.

Sentences flowed and transitioned well

Some punctuation and typos that need to be corrected but nothing major.

Looks like a section is missing here.

...taking the destroyed pile of metal and rubber with the. .....

Other than that, this is an original take on ghost.

My hat's off to you...thanks for sharing
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Review of Bloody Wall  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Gory little tale could be trned into a legend.

This appears to be written in sections; two sections.

The second section, starting with: "As was her custom..."

The words flow smoothly and the sentences transition well

Totally opposite with the first section.

Loss of flow and transition ???

Characterizations are fine

Dialog gets lost with the King

"Then where is the lady of the house?" or "Where thoust is thy lady of the manor/castle..."

Suggestions:

Must keep dialog consistant or will lose reader.

Obviously you can write and you have a vivid imagination as shown in both sections. I'm at a loss as to what happened in the first section.

Good story though

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Again, a very well written piece; for someone who admits to having a "lack of education" (I read your bio) you certainly write well.

A very strong opening paragraph that brings the reader into the scene very well.

Beautiful characterization that makes a reader feel like their next to if not in the protagonist body.

Again a few grammar and punctuation problems but they don't affect the story at all. I merely point them out as, I'm sure, some reviewer will take issue with them.

Outstanding closing paragraph and great hook (closing sentence or sentences that make the reader want to turn the page)

Suggestion: There are numerous writer's programs out there that can ease the stress of grammar and punctuation problems. Test them out first, if you decide to use one.

NOTE: Creativity is the key to story telling, poems, etc. NOT great grammar; great grammar gets you an A in English.

You can tell a great story.
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Review of Red strings  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great piece that began with a powerful opening paragraph that quickly drew the reader into the story.

Characterizations outstanding.

Drew reader into the scenes with well worded background.

Minimal dialog but well placed and realistic.

The red string was perfect

A few grammar faux pas and missed puncutation, but nothing that damaged the telling of the story. I consider this an excellent and very well written.

Enjoyed the read. Thank you
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Such is life, destined to be in the minority
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181
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Good story

Sentences flow smoothly and transition well.

Some areas require (my opinion) a little tightening up to maintain continuity.

Difficult to bring reader into the story from this point of view, but this was well done (shows how well you can write)

Enjoyed the reading.

Thanks for sharing
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182
Review of Endless Sleep  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I am not a poet, but I like what I read.

Very emotional

Excellent work
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183
Review of Thugs on the El  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
For a minute there, I was thrown back in time, a college student sitting in my English Lit class reading Dickens.

Impressive little story.

Interesting first paragraph with vivid description of character.

Sentences flowed well with good transitions.

Good background scenes that bring reader into story.

Dialog is good, but (my opinion only) didn't match the characters. I would suppose the vernacular in the low end of the economic scale would be brightly tinged.

Combining first two paragraphs, with slight rephrasing, would make a stronger lead in paragraph (opinion).

All in all a good piece, different, but good.

Thanks for sharing

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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.0)
Excellent story, somewhat a combination of "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Here Comes Mr Jordan" among others of the genre.

Characterizations done well. Very believable.

Good dialog

Sentence flowed well and transitioned well.

I would suggest rephrasing the first three paragraphs into one and use as your opening paragraph, as, combined they, the paragraphs become a strong opening paragraph.

Some errors that I believe (because I do it all the time) are simply the mind spilling out multitudes of words and our hands are unable to keep up.
This is why writers need a flawless voice recognition program.

Again, enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing
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Review of 1, 2, 3 Your Out  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very enjoyable piece and well written

Not being skilled at poetry and admire those who can, I'd say you brought me into the image.

If I knew what I was doing, I'd say stanza five might require a little rephrasing..If I knew what I was doing, that is.

Thanks for sharing
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Review of Forty Years  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent piece.

A fitting tribute

Well done
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187
Review of A Hero’s Tale  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
NIce to see someone put it in words.

There isn't a Nam vet that doesn't know how brave medi-vac units were.

They lived and breathed by the motto, "So Others May Live"

Great telling.
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
There's an old saying that goes: Those that can't, teach."

There are many forms of poetry, such as free verse etc.

For one that is not well versed in the language; you have done quite well.

No. It's not crap, but your teacher is....full of it, that is.

Thanks for sharing
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Strong opening paragraph that led me into the story.

Good characterization

Good believable dialog

Great closing paragraphs

Negatives:

I hate cats, well not hate, maybe despise is a better word.

I hate bugs, this time , hate is good.

Other than tightening up some sentences in the middle, this is a very good piece

Thanks for sharing
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Review of Shatterproof  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Outstanding work. It opened strong and closed stronger.

The flow brought this reader into the scene quickly. Again outstanding.

Great feeling of intensity in your words

Short story with a great message

Thanks for sharing
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191
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great beginning and would make an excellent prologue.

Excellent flow of sentences and transitions.

Peaked this reader's curiosity and will others who venture to read this.

Some minor faux pas but nothing major and doesn't affect the story.

You have a fan.
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think you dd a fantastic job here; if you didn't win, it wasonly because the competion was fierce.

Impressive
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
To make it a better poll; I would suggest leaving out the parenthesis items
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Review of Natural Resources  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent short piece and extremely well written.

I was drawn into the scene rather quickly and was surprised at the end twist.

Some faux pas but nothing that harms the telling of the story.

The way the story was going, I thought you were reviewing the Battle of the Bulge.



Great little piece thank you for sharing
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Review of My Demon  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I know from whence you speak...

The demon in us all...I love it!

Good writing..
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ain't it the truth..
Well told
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Review of Revival  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)


well put and very true.

Thank you
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Interesting story ...very gory...you bring the reader right into the story with great flow and transitions.

Some grammatic errors but nothing fatal.

You might want to develop a little more detail as to why he's on his own. What happened previously etc as this would give the reader a little more insight as to what is going on.

Other than that, it's a great beginning
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Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well told and a good lesson for many.

Thank you
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Review of Today  
Review by Anderson Dana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sounds like everyones life in the United States. Though, I, for one, relieve my bladder before I let the dogs out.

Thanks for sharing
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