Hi Light ! This is your review from "rambling ruwth's reviews" Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The overview of what AI is was done well. I know very little about AI and I am not a science fiction fan in the least, but I could follow everything and understand your explanation clearly.

Suggestions:
My favorite artificial intelligence (AI for short) in all of fiction, and I am probably dating myself, is the robot in the original “Lost is Space” TV series — at least the first season was in black and white.

This sentence is a bit awkward. Perhaps cut the "was" in this part of the sentence: "at least the first season was in black and white"

Spelling/Grammar:
legend of golem

I'm not sure about this because I'm not familiar with the legend, but should Golem be capitalized? That would be my inclination.

I liked the comparison between the way people felt about cars in the early days and he way people feel about AI now.

Ashley

Hi leighsrangel! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Very creepy! So much for a wrong number

Suggestions:
This story would be a lot easier to read if the paragraphs were double-spaced.

In the first paragraph, you mention "Sam". Who is Sam?

This story could also use some fleshing out. Show your narrator's physical reactions as well as her thoughts.

Spelling/Grammar:
None

Some of the narrator's thoughts had me laughing. This is done very well.

Ashley

Hi ohhiluhriexx! This is a review from "rambling ruwth's reviews" . Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Beginning and ending with a quote worked well and helped focus your essay.

Suggestions:
The paragraph about Clay Walker's song was tough to follow. I've heard the song many times, and I had a hard time figuring out the summary. Check the first sentence in that paragraph especially.

All of the great leaders in our world’s history - Mahatma Gandhi, Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., etc

I would change "All" to "Many" or "Most". I was always taught in English class not to use "all" because someone will inevitably find an exception to your sentence. I would also cut the "etc" simply to help with the flow of the essay.

It sets the stage
Something about this "it" seems unclear. I had to reread this sentence a few times.

Spelling/Grammar:
know isn’t usually the nicest act in the world

Subject-verb agreement here. The subject of this sentence is "situations" so "isn't" should be "aren't".

The closing two paragraphs are especially effective. Nice job!

Ashley

Hi fyn ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The contest prompt was used well. I think this was a tough combination to use. This kind of reminded me of a fairy tale with "The Great StoryMaster" like the White Knight.

Suggestions:
None.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes.

The animals trying to guess what WDC stood for was very cute. "Well Done, Cohorts" was my favorite.

Ashley

Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The detail is amazing, especially things like describing the sky as changing from "silk back to royal blue".

Suggestions:
Ugh, the word count is over the TLC Contest limit (1,010 words).

Spelling/Grammar:
coming,” Ariel took

This should be a question mark instead of a comma.

didn’t,” getting
didn't." Getting

winkled = wrinkled

So that's how WDC got started ! Very creative

Ashley

Hi Rev1780 ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
I really liked your take on the prompt.

Suggestions:
There is a lot of repetition. In the first paragraph alone, you use "theater" seven times and "door" four. Consider finding another way to say something.

The hook could be improved as well. It didn't really catch my attention and draw me in.

The paragraphs are really long. Most of your readers will be reading this on a computer screen, making this quite a strain.

Spelling/Grammar:
in the early 90s but was saved in the 2000 and turned into a cinema.
Cut the word "the" in front of "2000".

I really liked the ending. The way the theater was named was very nice.

Ashley

Hi H.M. Godwin ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The descriptions in this are beautiful. The whole thing flow so well, it felt almost like a poem.

Suggestions:
This seems to be missing something. Unfortunately, I can't put my finger on what it is, so I'm not much help. Sorry

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes. Nice job!

The ending is good. It seems abrupt, but that fits the rest of the story.

Ashley

Hi Bikerider ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
This is a very heartfelt piece despite its shortness. The reader can feel how important Pen and Paper are to the writer.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
{i]But I have recently found new friends, they are a couple, Pen and Paper, and have been together for a very long time.

This sentence is a bit awkward.

visualize my beloveds face
"beloveds should be "beloved's"

You used the TLC prompt very well. Nice job!

Ashley

Hi IGWOOTEN ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The detail is done very well. I especially loved how Sheila towered over Ralph.

Suggestions:
A few of your paragraphs didn't have spaces between them. You may want to go back and double-check.

Spelling/Grammar:
This was christmas eve
Christmas Eve

He nodded at each one in turn, but his focus remained on Sheila.
"What are you ladies doing here in the middle of the afternoon?"

This should be all one paragraph.

Nice twist at the end.

Ashley

Hi Than Pence ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Very creepy.

Suggestions:
cell phone as her eyes started to water.

This doesn't seem like a strong enough way to describe Lisa's fear to me. Maybe something like "her eyes filled with tears".

the ending also seemed a bit abrupt. In the beginning, there was a lot of detail, about halfway, that stopped. The last half is the most important part of the story.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes.

The detail in the first couple of paragraphs, especially in describing the yard and the man, were really vivid.

Ashley

Hi Kotaro ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Dracula invents a clever way to eat with the help of Dr. Frankenstein. At least the world won't be looking for vampires.

Suggestions:
The part where you say, "somewhere in the western hemisphere" disrupts the flow. I'd like to see it cut, or at the very least, put in italics.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes.

The descriptions are good, especially of Arthur.

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Iva Lilly Durham ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
A creepy true ghost story.

Suggestions:
I'd like to see this fleshed out some. How did you feel when you heard the voice? How did it sound? Was it a whisper or a yell?

Spelling/Grammar:
None

The descriptions were very good, especially the part about describing the house, "sort of like a sorry double wide trailer with siding, walls so thin one could blow a tune through them"

Ashley

Hi Auntynae ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
A reminder to read the terms of agreement before agreeing to them.

Suggestions:
I'd like to see this fleshed out a lot more with a lot more detail. The fairy and the world could use a lot more.

Spelling/Grammar:
What a day?

Should be a period instead of a question mark.

The ending worked well.

Ashley

Hi billwilcox! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impression
I usually avoid anything with a lot of made up words in it, because I get too frustrated trying to keep it straight. In this case, the made up words added to the story (and the comedy!) without taking away from it.

The detail was good. The description of Blog, especially.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
and they love to party”

The period is missing at the end of the sentence.

I don't know what was my favorite part. The Coke and Pepsi robot or the test to see if the alien could dance the macarena.

Ashley

Hi Kenzie ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
So very true! It's almost like it's written down so it has to be true.

Suggestions:
I think the government is behind the whole thing.

Now excuse me while I finish reading this really great email.

This is a rough transition. I know it's meant to be a little bit, but maybe another sentence or two about the government.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes

I like the links to snopes and the other urban legends sites. I've never heard of some of them.

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Pepper ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The title and short description drew me in. Who wouldn't want ideas for dealing with an angry husband ?

Suggestions:
The alarm clock taunted me -- 1:00 A.M.
This sentence threw me for a minute. I had to go back and reread. At first, I thought you meant the alarm went off at 1.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes.

The varied language helps keep the story interesting (as if it wasn't funny enough on its own). I especially liked Mitch's deer in the headlights look.

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Sticktalker ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Another folktale that caught my attention.

Suggestions:
She knew how busy puppies, even a single puppy could keep a mother, even a human stepmother.

This sentence is awkward. I had to read it a couple of times to figure out what it was saying.

Spelling/Grammar:
them all that she knew, so she signed when the puppies had finished eating

"Signed" should be "Sighed"

Good, realistic detail in this. Time passed and the corn was growing tall, the red beans flowering and climbing near the top of the corn stalks, squash forming under the corn. A great way to show the passing time!

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Sticktalker ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
I love folktales, so this one jumped right out of your portfolio at me.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes

The detail and the way things are described, such as "Many years ago, ten hands of ten hands of ten hands of years ago, when the world was young" add a lot to the telling of this tale.

Ashley

Hi ! Welcome to Writing.com. I hope you enjoy your experience here and find a second home, as I have.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The detail is very good. I especially liked the "pixie-like features" of Melanie.

Suggestions:
I'm curious as to why Melanie has the vampire in her car instead of just killing him. Obviously, if she's killed him as soon as she caught him, the rest of the story couldn't have happened. Maybe just give some kind of reason.

Spelling/Grammar:
What?! Why me?!

Many editors don't like the use of double punctuation marks. Overusing them tends to make them less effective.

I liked the irony of Melanie falling for the vampire that killed her family.

Good luck in the Stake & Garlic contest

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item" .

Ashley

Hi Cylongirl ! Welcome to Writing.com! I hope your experience here is a good one and you find a second home as I have.

Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
There is a lot of detail in here, especially describing the characters. I can picture the each one clearly. Nice job!

Suggestions:
parents to know that they are still sleeping

"That" is an extra word and often overused in writing. In this sentence, you can cut the "that" and it flows just as well

“Please don’t ever do that again,”
I would cut the "please". Aleie surprised her brother and I think he would be likely to snap and forget it.

Spelling/Grammar:
give me and my brother
It should go the other way around: "my brother and me"

I lay my own quilt over my parents, there’s no point of wasting the heat.
This is a run-on. It should have a period instead of a comma.

“Why are you looking at me like that,” I say, annoyed.
When writing dialogue, you still use a question mark at the end of the question. So “Why are you looking at me like that?” I say, annoyed.

Since this is a chapter the cliffhanger entry is appropriate and made me want to read Champter 2

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Invalid Item" .

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi billwilcox! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The end was not what I was expecting at all. It really surprised me.

Suggestions:
Just a minor little detail:

move. God no, he thought, not again.
Simon hated spiders, but was loath to kill them.

There isn't a space between these two paragraphs.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes. Nice job!

The imagery is very good. I especially liked the "licking tongues of yellow light" of the fire.

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
This is very sad and unfortunately, too accurate. Very accurate. It brought tears to my eyes.

Suggestions:
None.

Spelling/Grammar:
clean these busses, I wondered?

clean the busses? I wondered.

Another story with nice detail like the water "painting the outdoor scenes in watercolor shades". That's nice imagery.

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi huntermoon! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
I absolutely loved the title and short description. They really caught my attention.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes. Nice job!

Not exactly what I'd expect from the typical Prince meets Princess story, but I already know to expect the unexpected from you .

Ashley

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi 🌕 HuntersMoon ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Very clever. My favorite is when Teddy tells Smokey, "You're a regular 'MacGibear'."

Suggestions:
None.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes.

The detail is great. I especially like when you described the "hard driving beat" of "Eye of the Tiger" and Smokey's cheeks turning "beary colored".

Ashley