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1,036 Public Reviews Given
1,232 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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126
126
Review of Vengeance  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi Coffeebean ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Usually with a story this short, I tend to think it needs to be expanded and fleshed out more. This one is good as is. I really liked the description of the Chippewa warrior.

Suggestions:
If you're concerned about people being angry about your use of the word "crazy" about the Warrior, maybe you might want to consider using "angry" instead.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes.

*Star*The idea of the noose reappearing on its own was very creepy.

Ashley

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127
127
Review of Santa's Flyers  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi SueVN ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
You had a creative take on the prompt that was mentioned at the top of the item. I enjoyed the descriptions, especially those of the two misfit elves, Ian and Adrian.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes. Nice job!

*Star*Donner's reaction to the elves was quite funny and so was Mack's reaction to the extra orders of Radio Flyer bikes.

Ashley

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128
128
Review of 54 EXCUSES  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi DRSmith ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
This kind of reminded me of the Kentucky Derby. 20 starters and 19 excuses for not winning.

It was obvious that you know about race horses. Everything was accurate, right down to the jockey's name *Smile*

Suggestions:
I know the point was to highlight all of the excuses, but I found the bold a little distracting.

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes

*Star*I could picture this trainer making excuses before the horse even started and then it coming back to win.

Ashley

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129
129
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi Anastasia. V. Pergakis ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
A twist on "Cinderella". What would have happened if her shoe had fit one of the stepsisters?

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
"stepmother" is just one word

Noble woman." He said painfully.
woman," he

"It's not the same." She whispered.
same," she

"Let's turn in early tonight. I'm exhausted." He said sitting on the couch.
exhausted," he

"No. She killed him because he loved me." She sobbed.
me," she

*Star*The characters were well-rounded and believable, especially Penelope, the Prince, and Nicole.

Ashley

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130
130
Review of My Name Is Mud  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi Winnie Kay ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
Very funny. I could picture these little kids laughing at the nun and trying not to get caught.

Suggestions:
None.

Spelling/Grammar:
her as a RomanWarrior bent on our salvation

There should be a space between "Roman" and "Warrior"

*Star*I love the way the little girl thought her grandfather knew everything and so did he!

Ashley

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131
131
Review of Stalked  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi Mitch ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
A little girl is chased by something scary.

Suggestions:
I'd like to see a little more description of the setting. It would help build the suspense.

Spelling/Grammar:
steam left than I did nad his stamina
"nad" should be "and"

*Star*I liked the twist at the end. I was ready for the monster to catch your narrator, but was surprised *Smile*

Ashley

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132
132
Review of The Initiates  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi Helen Aussie Writer/Editor ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
A creepy tale!

Suggestions:
I know this was written for Writer's Cramp, so there was a 1,000 word limit. Now that the contest has been judged, I'd like to see more detail. I think that would help build the suspense.

Spelling/Grammar:
I also a lot of adverbs. I tend to do this too, so it's something I watch for *Smile*. Try to use a stronger verb in place of a verb and an -ly word. For example, "walked smartly" could be strode.

*Star*I really loved the "twins". A nice touch!

Ashley

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133
133
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi Just an Ordinary Boo! ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The detail was vivid. Everything can be "seen" clearly by the reader, even a reader who has never been to India. The descriptions of the people were especially striking.

Suggestions:
Just fix the little typo below.

Spelling/Grammar:
"Three hundred and sixty rupees, madam" was the nonchalant announcement.

There should be a comma after "madam"

*Star*Suma is a well-rounded character and easy to identify with.

Ashley

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134
134
Review of The Chicken  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hi emerin-liseli ! Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
The detail was vivid. I love the way the way you say the boy's "dirt-covered face wore a bemused expression". I also liked the way the chicken mimicked the boy when he cocks his head.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
No mistakes

*Star*Just goes to show, you shouldn't assume something *Laugh*.

Ashley

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135
135
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi billwilcox! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

I have read some of your dark stories before, so I thought I'd try a different genre today *Smile*

First Impressions:
This piece made me laugh out loud. It kind of reminded me of dealing with our mortgage company.

Suggestions:
None

Spelling/Grammar:
I didn't see any errors.

*Star*I think my favorite part was the way the credit card company "resolved" the issue.

Ashley
136
136
Review of Night at the Lake  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Kelticmyst ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
You used the prompt words well. They weren't forced at all.

Suggestions:
I know you only had 300 words to tell the story and you did that well. I would have liked to see more description to make build the suspense, but you couldn't with the word limit. Now that is is over, I'd love to see this expanded.

Spelling/Grammar:
No errors found. Nice job!

*Star*I like how you brought your protagonist to life even in with the word limit.

Ashley
137
137
Review of Review Tool  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi
I am reviewing this item as one of the judges for the Paper Doll Gang Challenge #3.

Nice job. Your layout is clear and easy to follow. You've used WritingML and emoticons well. Very nice!

Good luck!

Ashley
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138
138
Review of Turning Points  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi UniquelyMe ,
I am one of the judges of the Paper Doll Gang's first challenge.

Nice job with your In & Out! The layout is clear and pleasing. I really liked the line of emoticons to help break up the page. Nice choice of topic.

Ashley Daeschlein
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139
139
Review of Every Rose  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi 陰 !

Thank you for entering "Every Rose"  in the "Tickle My Fancy Monthly Contest". I appreciate the opportunity to read you work.

As fancie said in the contest information, we look for something that touches us. Whether it's scary, heart warming, funny, or romantic, I want to be left with emotion after I read it. However, if I'm having a difficult time choosing between entries, I will fall back on the care with which it was edited.

Here's what I check for:

*Check*Were the contest rules followed? Yes!

*Check*Was the Prompt followed? Yes!

*Check*Did it touch me? Yes! Please see my comments below.


Overall Impression:
I really liked the into and the way what the woman is doing is described. I did wonder why none of the characters were named. Why were they "the woman", "her father", "her boyfriend", etc? It would have helped build some character to at least know their names.


Favorite Part:
I liked the dialogue between the woman and her boyfriend when he finally does arrive.

Ashley Daeschlein
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140
140
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi DarkJoy !

Thank you for entering "The Creature in the Woods"  in the "Tickle My Fancy Monthly Contest". I appreciate the opportunity to read you work.

As fancie said in the contest information, we look for something that touches us. Whether it's scary, heart warming, funny, or romantic, I want to be left with emotion after I read it. However, if I'm having a difficult time choosing between entries, I will fall back on the care with which it was edited.

Here's what I check for:

*Check*Were the contest rules followed? Yes!

*Check*Was the Prompt followed? Yes!

*Check*Did it touch me? Yes! Please see my comments below.


Overall Impression:
This reminded me of "Little Red Riding Hood" quite a bit, but I love fairy tales, so that's good *Smile*

I know you were trying to keep under the word limit, but I would have liked to see a little more description, especially of the woods. The description of the way Mrs. Pinson smelled was great!

I also noticed that you were missing a few commas. The contest isn't judged based on grammar, so it won't hurt you in judging, but I wanted to note this so it can be fixed. When calling someone by name, a comma both follows the name and comes before it. So a sentence like "Sara, I want you to take this to Mrs. Pinson" should have a comma following "Sara". A sentence like "No problem, Mrs. Pinson" should have the comma before "Mrs. Pinson".

There were also a few places where the dialogue sounded a bit stiff and forced. For example, ""I am concurring with Aubrey on this one Duchess" doesn't sound like something a teenager would say.


Favorite Part:
I love that this reminded me of "Little Red Riding Hood" like I said above. I also loved the comment about "Mmmm, mothballs and peppermint" when Sara hugged Mrs. Pinson.

Ashley Daeschlein
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141
141
Review of Never to Part  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rachel Lynn !

Thank you for entering "Never to Part"  in the "Tickle My Fancy Monthly Contest". I appreciate the opportunity to read you work.

As fancie said in the contest information, we look for something that touches us. Whether it's scary, heart warming, funny, or romantic, I want to be left with emotion after I read it. However, if I'm having a difficult time choosing between entries, I will fall back on the care with which it was edited.

Here's what I check for:

*Check*Were the contest rules followed? Yes!

*Check*Was the Prompt followed? Yes!

*Check*Did it touch me? Yes! Please see my comments below.


Overall Impression:
The emotion of the narrator was very well done. I would have liked to see a little more detail describing the setting and the mother. What did she look like? Was she solid?

Favorite Part:
I really liked the message that when someone dies, they never really leave us.


Ashley Daeschlein
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142
142
Review of A life time love  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi KC !

Thank you for entering "A life time love"  in the "Tickle My Fancy Monthly Contest". I appreciate the opportunity to read you work.

As fancie said in the contest information, we look for something that touches us. Whether it's scary, heart warming, funny, or romantic, I want to be left with emotion after I read it. However, if I'm having a difficult time choosing between entries, I will fall back on the care with which it was edited.

Here's what I check for:

*Check*Were the contest rules followed? Yes!

*Check*Was the Prompt followed? Yes!

*Check*Did it touch me? Yes! Please see my comments below.


Overall Impression:
Detail was used well throughout. I could "see" everything clearly. When Esme is taken from John, it is very sad and their feelings are shown well.

I did think the last paragraph was a little unclear. First, you say she never finds her way back to him and then you say they are reunited in death. Do you mean she doesn't find her way back to him while alive?


Favorite Part:
The detail is very well done.

Ashley Daeschlein
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143
143
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Rick H !

Thank you for entering "REPELLING SOUTH DAKOTA"  in the "Tickle My Fancy Monthly Contest". I appreciate the opportunity to read you work.

As fancie said in the contest information, we look for something that touches us. Whether it's scary, heart warming, funny, or romantic, I want to be left with emotion after I read it. However, if I'm having a difficult time choosing between entries, I will fall back on the care with which it was edited.

Here's what I check for:

*Check*Were the contest rules followed? Yes!

*Check*Was the Prompt followed? Yes!

Please see my comments below.


Overall Impression:
The universe is definitely against your poor narrator going into South Dakota. It's amazing the things that happened.

I would have liked to see a little more showing and less telling throughout. Also, in the dialogue, you used multiple exclamation points. This contest isn't judged based on grammar so it won't hurt your chances, but this happens to be a pet peeve of mine. If too much punctuation is used, it makes it ineffective.


Favorite Part:
I liked the way the narrator ended up getting to Hawaii *Smile*

Ashley Daeschlein
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144
144
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello nomlet ,
I am reviewing the item "Pride and Prejudice" 

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Please know that this review is only my opinion and is made with the intent to make a good piece even better *Smile*.

First Impression:
Haha. This shows what happens when online dating profiles are exaggerated.

Grammar/Spelling:
No mistakes that I saw.

Favorite Part:
When Deb and Martin figure everything out.

Suggestions:
I was a little confused about how Martin knew it was Deb, especially if her profile said she was a blonde and she isn't.

*Star*The ending made me laugh. Nice job!

Keep writing!

Ashley
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145
145
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Lady Rook ,
I am reviewing the item "Darla's Organic Bread and Orphanage" 

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Please know that this review is only my opinion and is made with the intent to make a good piece even better *Smile*.

First Impression:
I love the way the characters are described. The title was also really good. It caught my attention.


Grammar/Spelling:
No mistakes that I saw.

Favorite Part:
I like the little ways you build Daria's character.

Suggestions:
None.

*Star*The moral of this story is great: hard work pays off. You tell it without getting preachy. Nice job!


Keep writing!

Ashley
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146
146
Review of Zoomie Ever After  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for entering
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Did the entry follow all of the posted rules? Yes

Grammar:
No mistakes that I saw.

Suggestions:
I would have liked to see more description. It was hard to picture what anything looked like.

Overall Impression:
Even though Zoomie and The Man didn't live happily ever after, it was the perfect ending for this story. I liked that Zoomie learned she had to love herself to be happy. Nice job!

Winners will be notified in a separate e-mail. Good luck!
147
147
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for entering
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Did the entry follow all of the posted rules? Yes

Grammar:
No mistakes that I saw.

Suggestions:
None.

Overall Impression:
I loved this! Humor was used well, as was detail. My favorite was the description of "Speedo" (love the name!). I also liked that the "Princess" in your fairy tale was a cat. I'm going to have to check out the first part of this story. Nice job!

Winners will be notified in a separate e-mail. Good luck!
148
148
Review of Outback Honeymoon  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi Ladyoz ! This is a review from Showering Acts of Joy. Thank you for allowing me to read your writing. I hope my comments are helpful. However, you are always encouraged to follow your own instincts and always keep writing!

First Impressions:
What a nightmare! I think you win the "Worst Honeymoon" Award.

Suggestions:
Just the one below *Smile*

Spelling/Grammar:
Next morning, still determined to make the best of things, we drove to a local market to buy food

This sentence sounds awkward as written. Maybe The next morning?

*Star*The detail in this is amazing. I can see your little "cabin" clearly in my mind. I also love the sarcasm throughout. It fits well *Smile*


Ashley
149
149
Review of The Attic  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello spidey ,
I am reviewing the item "The Attic" 

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Please know that this review is only my opinion and is made with the intent to make a good piece even better *Smile*.

Title:
Fits the content well.

Flow:
Good.

Grammar:
No mistakes that I saw.

Favorite Line:
The sun comes in through the single window.

I like this detail.

Overall Impressions:
"The Attic" made me feel sad, especially the end. The poor little girl!

Suggestions:
If you wanted to expand this, there is plenty of room to do so. There are also a lot of places where the story is passive (like talking about seeing her brother). I'd also like to know how the little girl died.

Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star*

Keep writing!

Ashley Daeschlein
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150
150
Review of ONLY IF  
Review by Ashley
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Joy ,
I am reviewing the item "ONLY IF" 

*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Please know that this review is only my opinion and is made with the intent to make a good piece even better *Smile*.

Title:
Good. Fits the content well and caught my attention.

Flow:
Good

Grammar:
No mistakes that I saw

Favorite Line:
“I have to. If the seat isn’t there, where am I going to sit?”

“The seat will be there, sir, whether it is heated or not.”

Overall Impressions:
Poor Howard! What a difficult customer.

Suggestions for improvement:
None

Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Keep writing!

Ashley Daeschlein
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