Gratitude breaks the spell of Writers Block
|I didn't do a good job of achieving my goals this week, I think I set too many goals and scattered my efforts. I also think I let worry interfere, which caused me to focus on other things then the stuff I need to do. This coming week, I'm going to attempt to focus on just writing 2,000 words a day and reviewing a minimum of three items each day. Right now, I don't know where I will be on January 18, anymore then I know if I will still have an internet connection. If I move to Searchlight on Tuesday or Wednesday, I probably won't have an Internet connection. At least, not immediately and I don't know if I will have one before the end of January or at all.
This not knowing puts a crimp in everything. I don't know what plans to put into place and what to drop. I'm afraid to make any plans at all because moving to Searchlight will make everything more difficult then it already is, but I don't know where else to go. The rent in the place in Searchlight is $450.00 a month and I only make $525.00 a month, which means I can't afford the Internet connection whether it's cable or Satellite. Since I can't afford it, there is a fairly good chance that I will just give up the connection completely for a while; I may have to give it up permanently. My family has offered to help, but I can't be a burden to them the rest of my life.
I've been a burden to my family and some of my friends for over 13 months. I can't continue to be a burden, so the only option I see, at this point, is to give up the internet connection entirely. I'm afraid if I give up the Internet connection, the next thing I will give up is writing and, once I do that, then I will give up entirely. This may not be true because it may spur me to find a solution or a way to increase my income. However, it is difficult for me to stand on my feet for long hours and that makes it difficult to work. If I have an Internet connection then I can at least make some money, perhaps enough to pay for the connection and maybe the power bill. All thought, I'm not sure about that since Nevada Power is the company providing the electricity and this means another high electric bill every month.
I can't move in with my sister because her place is too small for three people and a dog. At least, my pet rocks don't take up a lot of room and don't need any special kind of food or water. I don't see how I can afford to move to Searchlight, but it appears to be my only option. I'm in tears at the thought of leaving my friends here in Las Vegas. I'm in tears at the thought of not being able to attend the nineteen-day feast on a regular basis. I'm in tears at the thought of leaving writing.com. Perhaps I'm worrying over nothing. Perhaps a miracle will occur and something will open up here in Las Vegas. I just don't know what to do anymore; I'm tired of the uncertainty.