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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| My characters have collectively shut up. This early into the project, this is a bad sign. I'm working to crack open their mouths, but so far, they ain't talkin'. Right now, all I can do is review what they have said before now, and see what is left to be said. There's not a lot of dialogue at the moment. We will see. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
I've written of this extensively today, but only in short snippets. I thought I would put it down here, for prostatery, or whatever it is... Picture this: 0001, November 1st, 2010. I know nothing of this novel. No title, no ideas, no characters, no nothing. All I knew was the commitment to the genre (Spiritual/Inspirational), a decidedly new and different fiction arena for me. As I am quickly learning, without being one of "The Grand Organ Mysteries", nor in fact a mystery at all, this writing is quite different for me. And, quite difficult, too. I couldn't get one single inkling of anything. Determined to write, I began writing in my "Ideas" file about the location. I actually began interviewing my location!! You might be (as I was) shocked to discover this technique actually WORKED for me. In thirty minutes, the interview was over. I had the story, the plot, the MC, the minor characters, the morality story, and much more! My hands began taking the dictation of my now seriously aggrieved muse, who was withholding every possible parsec of information (I still know not why). 2969 words later, I took a break! That is, for me, a little above average. It cleared my personal goal of 2,500 words per day. That's very cool for me. It was amazing! I asked questions, and the muse gave up the facts. The name of the city is Turner Falls, Ohio. It is in Forsythe County. The Main Character's name is Matthew Douglas, and he is an interesting sort of fella. He has some issues already developing, one of which is going to send him to his knees--soon. The activity within the story (at least in the beginning) revolves around New Hope Church. Yes, it's all fiction. Yes, there is a problem which develops, but it's not a mystery. The purpose of the problem is to highlight some bad thing about people, and clear the problem up in such a way as to provide a moral to the story. I'm thinking right now about three possibilities, but I best not put them here. They are secured safely away in the ault, along with the extra nanocoffee and other necessary supplies. Not only have I never conducted an interview with a location before, but I've never gotten such a wealth of information about a novel for my brain to play with before, either. This is gonna be FUN! So, lest you doubt, my advice for today is: If you get stuck, and don't know where to go with your story, interview your primary location! It worked for me! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| For those who may have missed it, the monthly calendar has changed--again. This is a signal day in this year for so many reasons. I'll post a few of them later. Happy November, everybody! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Yep, it's time. If you haven't signed up yet, please do. Let this opportunity bring you the thrill of chaos and mayhem as you join so many thousands of others, and create new words for your next novel. The writing season is upon us. I have some major writing efforts ongoing right now, and they are either ready to go, or set aside until after November 30th, 2010. I am focusing on this activity because it is probably going to be my last NaNo for a while. I want to do it right, and I want to do it well. There are some projects which cannot possibly be left aside, because they are study courses that will be ongoing during November and December. All others are moving to the back burner. My writing goal is for 2,500 words each and every day of November, 2010. That may come from 5,000 words one day, with a day's break. If I follow my usual pattern, I will post well over 100,000 words for this event, as I have for the previous four. As for the writing itself, I have absolutely no idea of concept, title, plot, arc, scenery, research--or anything else. Pretty risky way to begin, but then that is the way I began in 1994. "The Grand Organ Mysteries" came from that effort, so I'm not too worried. (Crossing every digit as I say that!) I know that I want this to be: A Novel A Fiction Novel A Fiction Novel in the Religious Genre. How's that for a clean screen, y'all? I have some sponsors over at the NaNoWriMists 2010 Write-A-Thon . I sure would love to have more. I'm even sponsoring a few writers who are members of the God's Way Group . I want a group of supporters with me, alongside me, and behind me on this one. I feel like this is a huge uphill climb for me. Personally, it has been a while since I "knuckled down" to the writing task. Professionally, the inventory of new words could use a refill. If I am successful, it will be a win/win. If not--well, it won't destroy me either personally or professionally. I do know that there are at least two titles that are in my port that have potential. I'm not certain if I should use either of them or not. My mind has not wrapped around this task yet. With two days to kickoff, I think I should be a bit more focused on task than I am. But then, that is just another way to begin. It is the writing of the words that truly matters. Creating words is THE purpose of NaNo. I should fit right in. Please friend me if you are NaNo-ing this season. I'd love to share the journey with you. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| What do you do when you just don't feel like writing? Look at the source of the feeling, for one thing. It's been a rough couple of days around Chateau de Budroe. Stress levels are up, and satisfaction levels are very low at the moment. Outside, it is sunny and 65 degrees. So, for today, I'll just enjoy the day and see what develops. Goodness knows there won't be many more like this for a while, and November IS just around the corner. So, I'll indulge my dysfunctional muse and enjoy the day outside. I highly recommend such behavior, especially when such a viable option exists. Sometimes, you just have to rest. |
| I received, as I usually do, a letter from President Obama this morning. He calls me Bud, and signs his letters to me "Barack". I tell you that there is stress in my life, and you don't believe me! Although I have not remembered, in our several conversations, to ask his permission, I will take a leap of faith and depend upon the foundations of such a "friendship" to disclose to you a few of his thoughts: "We are not just calling for change, we are grinding it out. We are doing the hard, frustrating, inch-by-inch, day-by-day, week-by-week work of bringing about change. I understand that when you're watching it, you say to yourself, this is hard. This isn't happening as fast as I would like. But I want you to understand this. You cannot let it get to you. Don't ever let anybody tell you that this fight is not worth it. Don't let them tell you that you're not making a difference. Because of what you did, there's a woman somewhere who no longer has to choose between keeping her home and treating her cancer. Because of you, there are parents who can look their children in the eye and say, "You are going to college." Because of you, there are small businesses that kept their doors open and folks who didn't lose their jobs. Because of you, communities are safer because firefighters, police officers, and paramedics were able to keep their jobs. Because of you, there are 100,000 brave men and women who are back from a war in Iraq. The journey we began together was not about putting a president in the White House. It was about building a movement for change that endures. It's about realizing that in America, anything is possible -- if we're willing to work for it, if we're willing to fight for it." This is an important election. I know that approximately 50% of my readers who reside within the confines of the United States are more Republican than Democrat. I get that. My consistent argument is not that one party has more advantages than the other. I find it interesting that the statements and counter-statements made by one candidate or the other seem to be focused on negative, purient, a**hole points that have absolutely nothing to do with the issues facing our nation today. The nature of our nation is that we can disagree about important matters. I wish we could do that. I think we should have debate on those things that do truly matter. I look forward to that happening. As some of you know, I spent some time in political life, and feel quite good about that. I went, and did my part--and went home. The rights of citizenship are passed down to each citizen in order that the experiment can continue. The freedom we enjoy comes from not merely the oratory of political aspirants, nor the ultimate sacrifice of our heroes. Our freedom comes from the discourse of a nation, and the actions that come from them. Americans are, believe it or not, the most blessed people on this planet. We are not all in the same situation, yet more of us are in trouble than since the late 1920's. Our failure to believe, understand, or even acknowledge that does the experiment no value. Refusing to realize that the financial debacle is neither over or stemmed does no citizen any good. Failure to protect the basic tenets of our very existence does no service to the philosophy our Flag stands for. So, what's the big deal, Bud? Simple. VOTE! If you believe that one guy is right, VOTE! If you believe that government is broken, VOTE! Apathy is nothing more than wiping your butt with Old Glory, folks. It's really as simple as that. We look at the benefits of citizenship, yet we ignore the one and only requirement placed upon us as citizens of the most amazing experiment in the history of the world. Exercise the franchise! Not only is it your right to vote, but it is also your responsibility and obligation to the freedom we enjoy. There is no greater honor you can give those who fight, daily, for those freedoms than to sacrifice whatever is required to get to the ballot box. It's just that important, and it's that important now. VOTE! Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| Well, I decided. For the past six years now, I have always kicked off my "Season of New Words" with the National Novel Writing Month activity. There is a lot of work involved in even preparing for such an event, and I have done none of it this year--so far. I gave myself until the 15th of October to decide if I would do NaNo this year. Carving those kind of hours out of a very busy schedule would require more than usual commitment on my part, and other projects might well have to suffer. The value of NaNo to me is that I get a real jump-start on the "Season of New Words", and has carried me safely through each of the past five seasons. Perhaps a word is due here. I suffer, terribly, from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and have for my entire life. Writing began for me in the fiction genres as a therapy to simply survive the winter months. Working hours per day on a computer meant that those hours were NOT spent in the morass of SAD. Concentration is best then. I seem to be very closely "related" to the work, the scenes, the plots, the characters, etc. during this time as well. Win/Win. Right? Not necessarily, but close enough. I'm having to be much more structured this season because there are many, other projects on my plate. Those which are directly related to writing will benefit. Those which are not, will not. Unfortunately, the more pressing schedules are the non-writing portions of my task lists. I am preparing an Advent course for WDC, and a book to be published for that series is in edit right now. I am building a business or several, one of which has a January, 2011 launch date--definitely in need of my time. Life has many requirments, many of which are new, original commitments that will also compete for my time. The good news is that this "Season of New Words" usually expands my day by several hours. The bad news is that there are simply not enough hours in a day to cover all the bases. This means that plates must be twirled upon sticks high in the air. Exhausting work, that. I am going to try it one more time. Success breeds success, they say. We shall see what we shall see. The Ten Commandments course is waiting on an additional 5 participants to begin that course here on WDC, and the Advent Course will be activated in November, for the first 25 days of December activities (FUN!). I fully realize I am not the only one having to make such decisions/choices in order to participate in NaNo. In fact, I think this is one of the primary reasons NaNo has become such a success. Participants MUST make the decision to commit the hours and words needed to succeed. On WDC, we have a very strong NaNo community chock full of opportunities and people ready and willing to help each other succeed. I will be leaning heavily on that community again this year, and feel that this could be my final NaNo year--at least for a while. Three good volumes could result from this activity season, so I want to give it my very best. I was lucky enough to be a winner in our group, and in NaNo last year. Different challenges, but I still made the goal, plus. "Salt Lake" has gone from more than 114K to just under 80k in the editing season, and is very close to production-ready. That will hopefully happen, with the book released, in November for your Christmas shopping pleasure. (Stay Tuned!!!) As I enter the 2010 "Season of New Words", I have zero idea about the NaNo book. I need to take a break from my beloved cast of Grand Organ Characters. I do not want predictability in the work, or those who inhabit the work. That leaves me alone, without water, in the midst of the writing desert. Which is, were we being honest, precisely where every NaNo participant should be right about now. Planning, character generation, plot sequencing, arc-ing and research are all legitimate (and necessary) action plans at this point in preparation for the event. But nary the first original word should be catalogued for those who truly wish to "purely" participate in NaNo. For me, that is the only way to go with this international event. Having 90k ready to verify before day 1 is not NaNo, and in my view should not be permitted. But, I will do it as I choose, and leave others to their own decisions and consequences. I am also going to be asking others to sponsor my work this year. Last year, I just wasn't certain how the write-a-thon would work for me. Now I know. If you would be willing to sponsor my work, it would mean so very much to me. X amount of GPs per word is usual. Some folks put a limit on the word count. Some sponsor for Y number of days. But, I want to get as many sponsors as possible this year. For me, it matters. And, it is also great incentive to write honest, original words during November. Will you sponsor my writing efforts this year? Or, even better, would you participate with me this year? If you would be willing to sponsor me, just click on the NaNo image above. I will appreciate, and be encouraged by it. Other will benefit in a good and important way. Win/Win/Win. (My favorite!) You can drop me a line and let me know, if you wish, that you are sponsoring me. (I give prizes, too, ya know!) It will mean a lot to me. You will have a sense of "ownership" in the finished work, too. (Like, maybe top sponsor gets a credit in the book? IDK. Something Like that. Maybe an autographed copy? Who knows, I'm being creative here!) Most importantly, stay tuned for regular updates here. After all, I AM a writer, too. Writers write, every day. It should be a lot of fun. NaNo cookies and NaNo coffee has now been ordered. The semi's will be rolling in soon. Oh, man! I gotta get storage! Gotta run. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| With the exception of this post, I am not in my office today. I had to check on my farm in Farmville, of course. (A farmer's work is NEVER done!) . Things have gotten just a bit too crazy in my world, especially in the world of internet marketing. I'm taking a day off. If the world ends today, you will know why. If not, I will have presumed correctly. Me and the cat are going to play with Sara and BudBud today. Sometimes, you just have to, ya know? |
| Entry to follow later this morning. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
| When I arrived in West Frankfort, Illinois in December, 2007, I was homeless. My health was in the dumper, and I had no money. Each of these, some might consider a plate-ful. Truth be told, each of them was a full plate. Each required a different set of tools and skills to simply survive. "Flourish" is NOT a term I would use. Over the course of years, each of those challenges was slowly crafted into a modicum of success in my life. They did not find a measure (and, honestly ONLY a measure of success) easily. Nor did any measurable success arrive by my efforts alone. Even my leaving West Frankfort has required the assistance of friends there, as well as the sacrificial giving of friends (old and new) here in Columbia, Tennessee. It is very difficult for me to really pull my West Frankfort into focus, or to put a reasonable punctuation on my life experiences there. A book was finished there. Another three books were begun there. Friendships were made, and some made were broken. That was a significant sadness to me, because I hold much of my life value in my friends. They are, to me at least, jewels in my crown. I treasure my friends. To end a friendship is a very real death to me, and each has required grief in the full process. Some friendships created in West Frankfort have transpired fully, richly, with great blessing. Some friends made there must be continued another day, in Heaven--too many, I believe. But then, mine is the Ox being gored, so I will admit to a level of bias. Two paragraphs in this Blog will not begin to express my deep admiration, respect, love and respect for the people of West Frankfort who, for no reason other than who they are, have helped me during (and beyond) my time there. There are those who, I must admit, will not be missed. Peace comes--at least to some degree--as I begin again--again to define my life, and who I am in it. I am still a person, and a patient. Trying to balance the two realities continues to be a difficulty for me. The continuity is the thread that makes my insecurities possible to endure right now. I feel as though many of the skills and abilities I once had in order to be a functioning, contributing adult in this world are forever gone. I can't seem to find them, and have no idea where I left them. I told a friend recently that I feel as though I have (as I always have had) a photographic memory, but all I can find is expired film. It is a tragedy when your body betrays you. When your brain betrays you, it is a very special kind of Hell that just never ends. Yes, there is emotion in the statement--my emotion. But it is more afterthought than current news for me. I do not accept it, nor do I relent from the battle of it. I feel as though the cost of caring about me, and for me, is just too much to ask of others. I never meant my life, at this point to be this way. I know nobody who would select this journey for the adventure. I have cost many much. I try, daily, to at least attempt to begin to repay in those ways that I can, but it more often seems as though I only get deeper in "debt" to those who care for me so much, give of themselves in such a sacrificial way each and every day. I suppose it is, at least this morning, survivor's guilt. In my most honest moments, I sometimes feel as though Dad has given me this additional time only to remind me of how difficult I have (and continually) made/make life so hard for others. They just want to care, to love. I'm not quite sure why that makes me angry, but it does. Told to get ready to "check out", it is so very hard to, having let so many friends go, believe there is reason or hope in creating new ones. I'm working very hard on that. The work is very tough, and just way too slow going for my tastes. I guess that, truth be told, I just don't know how to do that. I've never known a more exasperating time in my life, in a life that has experienced a whole ton of exasperation. I look at the victories and the successes (that I remember) and wonder how that formula has yielded this particular part of the equation. I don't mind not understanding, but I do try ferociously to understand every day! Some tell me to just "relax" and enjoy the ride. It's just not an easy ride these days. But then, I knew that a long time ago. It seems to be more tough now than before. I suppose that's just the way it is supposed to be. I pray for patience, and peace, and understanding. I want so badly to give in equal measure to that which I receive. That isn't possible. I've got a bunch of people who really care for me a lot. Here in Columbia, it is an entirely new bunch of people who I do not want to disappoint, or upset. In West Frankfort, it is a loving group of people who still love and care for me, who will keep me in their thoughts and prayers--as I do them. And so it goes. Until next we meet, I remain faithfully, In His Care. Budroe |
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