Musings from my mind
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I'd kept a paper journal for years, so I thought I'd try this out and see how it works. I must say, I'm rather liking it!! Here's some background stuff. I'm in my 40's, doing the single mom thing with a 10 yo son. My son has ADHD, ODD and was also diagnosed with high functioning autism. He can be a challenge, but he can also be pure joy.
This is my safe place. I come here to vent my frustrations, celebrate my victories, share a recipe or two and make new friends. I like it here. I hope you do too.
Thanks for stopping by,
|FRIENDS VS SOUTHERN FRIENDS
FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Always bring the food.
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs..
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave..
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together..
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends who left you.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!'
FRIENDS: will visit you in jail
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: will spend the night in jail with you
FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your house then come spend the night with you in the hospital
FRIENDS: have you on speed dial
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: have your number memorized
FRIENDS: Are for a while.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Might ignore this.
SOUTHERN FRIENDS: Will forward this to all their Southern Friends
Which one are you?
Jimbo & Bubba
Two rednecks, Jimbo and Bubba, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer. Jimbo turns to Bubba and says, 'You know, I'm tired of
going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to
the Community College and sign up for some classes.'
Bubba thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, Jimbo goes down to the college and meets Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English,
History, and Logic.
'Logic? Jimbo says.. 'What's that?'
The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
would have a yard.'
'That's true, I do have a yard.'
'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard,
I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Yes, I do have a house.'
'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
'Yes, I have a family.'
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must
be a heterosexual.'
'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater.'
Excited to take the class now, Jimbo shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Bubba at the bar. He tells Bubba about his classes, how he
is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic? Bubba says, 'What's that?'
Jimbo says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
'Then you're a queer.'
|I know...it's been a while! Things have been hectic and crazy at my end for a while. Now that they've finally started calming down...ka-boom! My computer goes on the fritz. So, it's in for repairs and I'm typing this at work on my lunch break. It's real nice to have things slowing down. Of course it figures, now that I've got some down time, I can't play on the net!! That Murphy fella sure has a sense of humor!
Anywho, I've missed ya'll, and reading yer blogs. It'll take me some time to catch up, but dontcha give up on me, ya hear?
thanks for coming by,
|Well, it's Sunday morning now, and I'm getting ready to go to church. The graveside service for L's mother was yesterday. I sang Amazing Grace. First time I ever sang at a funeral, and it was not easy. I couldn't look at L, or her children because I'd choke up. So I looked above their heads, and at folks I didn't know.
This was the first funeral that Joe had attended, so I took a little time with him explaining a few things. I showed him some headstones, and explained that he was to walk behind the headstones because most people are buried facing east because Christ is coming back from the east and they can greet him face to face. I also told him that it was disrespectful to the dead to walk on their graves. He walked around a bit looking at the different headstones, just absorbing the new information.
After the service just a few of us went back to L's house. She had no time to go food shopping and had limited food on hand. She had some ham so we decided to make ham sandwiches. L's friend A and I went to the grocery store and got chips and drinks and the items to make a tater tot casserole for them to have for dinner so that Lynn wouldn't have to worry about cooking that day.
As A prepared the lunch, I made fresh squeezed lemonade and then made the casserole. We got them all fed and settled in and I left to take Joe to Cousin N's to overnight. I stopped by Walmart to pick up oil and a filter for my car. Then I came home.
I had talked to R, L's husband, and he said he'd change the oil for me. I'm 1000 miles overdue for an oil change. I remember how Daddy always grilled into us to change the oil every 3000 miles. He'd have a fit to hear I went 1000 over. It's also time to rotate the tires, and R said he'd do that too.
When I was at the store, I felt kinda stupid because I didn't know what kind of oil to buy. I'd always taken my car to the shop to get the oil changed, so I'd never bought oil for the car myself. I knew that I wanted a synthetic blend, but didn't know if I should get 10w-30, 5w-30, 10w-40, etc. So I called R and asked him. He said that 10w-40 should be fine since I'm pretty good at changing it every 3K miles.
I thought that this would be a good way to give R an opportunity to thank me for helping his family out so much. He's a man and like most men, he gets a bit uncomfortable when his family needs outside help, and since I really do need the oil changed, this was a good way to protect his pride and let him help me without him feeling like some kind of score is being kept.
Next Saturday evening, his oldest, Ke is graduating from high school. The plan is for me to ride with them to the commencement, so that morning he'll do the maintenance on the car.
I've got to say, that after having 4 children with me for 3 days, it was just wonderful to be the only one in the house for a while. Please don't misunderstand...I love her children as if I had borned them myself, but I really missed and needed my alone time. Some people get energized being around others, but me, I get my recharge by being alone. I washed my dishes and started on laundry.
This next week is gonna be a busy one as well. Monday, the 5th graders are going to the water park in Ocala as an end of year field trip. Joe's really looking forward to that. He loves the water! I like being by it, and if the boat is large enough, I don't mind being on the water, but I don't care much for being in the water. I don't like getting water on my face.
Tuesday at school is 5th grade graduation rehearsal, and Wednesday is the actual graduation, so I'll have to take more time off work. This 2 ½ days I've spent with L has been leave without pay because I didn't have any more time left on the books. I don't really mind, because she's my best friend and I knew she needed me.
My boss didn't mind either, because she knows how important these kind of friendships are. My boss has an elderly mother who's not in the best of health, so she could personally relate as well. I'll just have to be very careful with my expenses to deal with the short paycheck.
My arm is still hurting some, but it's tolerable with OTC pain killers. My right wrist is talking to me a little too, complaining of being overused, so I've really got to be careful and baby it for a while.
In going through this experience with L, I have learned so much. I've learned that people who haven't come to terms with their own mortality are really wiggy about death. I've found that it's fairly easy to identify those who have come to terms with it and those who haven't, just by listening to what they say.
It was also revealed once again to me the selfish nature of people. I've seen this before, but it became quite apparent again. When people found out about L's mom passing, it seemed that so many of them felt the need to tell L about someone they knew that had passed.
I guess in some way, they felt that it would be a comfort to her to know that others have felt the sting of death too, but that form of comfort rarely is successful. I wish they understood that. The truth is, L didn't really give a rat's you-know-what about who else had lost someone. This was HER grief, and HER loss, and hearing about others losses, only made her sadness worse.
She didn't want to hear about someone else dying, all she cared about was that her mother died. L would never say that, she's not that kind of person. But I am. I'll come right out and say it. All she really needed was people to be with her, hold her, comfort her and just be available to her. The stories can wait for another time and place.
I understand that they were just trying to be kind to her, and I wouldn't want to step on anyone's kindness, however, I wish that people were a bit more sensitive when talking to others who go through this.
I've experienced this with my arm issues. For some strange reason, people often felt the need to tell me about their medical issues, or a relative or a friend who also has dealt with broken bones, etc. Did I really care about that? Not at all. It didn't help me or comfort me in the least.
Just like when I was pregnant with Joe, I got so sick to hear other people's baby stories! I didn't care about other's delivery dramas, I only cared about my own! I admit that may sound selfish on my part, and I own and accept that. I also feel that sometimes it's appropriate to be a little selfish and that it's ok to be primarily focused on one's own issues on occasion and not want to hear similar stories about other's issues.
I'm also somewhat offended when a perfect stranger will come up to me in a store or wherever, and say, "How'd ya break yer arm?" Like it's any of their business?? Sometimes, I have to fight the urge to tell them, "Ever hear of 'mind yer own?' " Most of the time, I'll just say "surgery" but sometimes, when I'm feeling a bit pissy, I'll say, "I got a boo-boo." That tends to shut them up. Another response I've found that works well is to simply smile and say, "Why do you ask?" Most of the time, the point is made without having to say anything more.
A lot of this comes back to me being a fairly private person. I know that some folks don't mind telling all to anyone who will listen, and there are those that actually thrive on that. I don't. I'm not a drama queen and find it to be an invasion of my privacy. If I wanted someone to know the whole story, I'd tell them, doggonnit.
Now, I know that the argument can be made that they are asking from a place of true concern. I get that. I even struggle with that sometimes, not wanting my attitude to get in the way of allowing people to express their concern for me. I don't have any real solution of how to deal with it, so I just take it day by day and pray that God will give me the grace to handle it with class and dignity.
Time to go, more later,
|This is gonna be a long one. I want to tell you about my last two days. Here goes...
Thursday I was at work and got a phone call. One of the other moms in Joe's class was putting together an end of year party and wanted me to contribute. No biggie. Then she told me that something happened to a teacher's aide at the school. She didn't realize that teacher's aide was my best friend L.
She told me that L had to take her mother to the hospital. So, I called L, and she sounded so upset. I could tell she'd been crying. All I said was, "what can I do?" She started crying harder. I asked where she was, and she said <name of hospital> ER.
I left work immediately and drove to the hospital. Her mom had gotten up in the middle of the night to pee and fell and passed out. She is obese, and uses a scooter to get around because her legs are bad. Her step dad got up around 3:30 am to pee and found her. He called L, and by the time she got there he had already called EMS.
She was disoriented, and trying to speak but her words were all garbled. She is also a diabetic and when EMS took her blood sugar, it was over 350! Not good. By the time she was at the ER, she was not breathing and her heart had stopped.
They shocked her back, and put her on a respirator. She was also bleeding internally, and when the put a tube in her stomach, blood was there.
I got there just as they were moving her from the ER to ICU. They had given her many, many liters of fluids and 4 pints of blood, and had her on a lot of insulin and a boatload of dopamine to lower her blood pressure. Even after all those fluids, she hadn't produced any urine, indicating complete kidney failure. They were preparing to begin dialysis. Things weren't looking good at all.
L has 3 children, the youngest, Ka is in Joe's class, W is in middle school and her oldest, Ke is a senior in high school and is also highly autistic. Her husband, R is a truck driver and he stayed home with the children so she could go to the hospital.
R had a load he had to take to south Florida and L didn't want to leave her mother's side. I left the hospital, and got her 3 children and took them to my teeny tiny home.
I put Joe on the top bunk in his room, and Ka in the bottom bunk. I told W she could sleep with me in my bed, and made a pallet for Ke on the living room floor.
W was having severe sinus-allergy symptoms, and everytime she laid down, her head got all snotted up, so I put her in one of my recliners to sleep. Joe and Ka kept talking, so I moved Joe in the bed with me.
I got them all up yesterday am, took Ke to his part time job at Wendy's. When he finishes his work, he goes to the high school across the street for his classes. He does the work half a day, school the other half for his senior year.
After taking Ke to work, I took W to her middle school, and took Joe and Ka to their school. I then came home and showered and got ready for a court date I had this am. I'm taking The Donkey back to court to hopefully make some revisions in visitation, child support, and get his share of Joe's medical expenses added to child support arrearages, since he refuses to pay them voluntarily.
I got to court, requested we get sent to mediation, which the Judge agreed on. After leaving court, the plan was for me to go to the hospital and stay with L until 2pm, when I'd leave to gather the children from their respective schools and take them home with me until R came back from south Fla.
I checked my voicemail leaving court, and Lynn had called and said not to go to the hospital. I called her. Her mother had passed away. She was at her mom's house with her step dad, making phone calls.
I went there, and brought her back to my house. I got her to eat half a slice of toast, and drink some sweet tea. We decided to let the kids finish out the day at school and then we would tell them. I put on some soft relaxing music and she napped a bit in the recliner.
About 2ish, her step dad came over, and I went to get the children. It tore me up seeing those children sobbing. I was crying too. We all were. We just held on to each other and cried for the longest time.
I got them all in the house, and L's step dad, C, left to go overnight at his daughter's house in Williston. I made hamburger helper for the kids and porkchops for the adults. I also baked a cake and made frosting to go on it.
After they were all fed and calmed down, I took them all back to L's house. Today, I'm keeping Joe home from school and will care for the children again as L and C go make plans for her momma. Her mom wanted a graveside service only. L has a brother, Ro who is a complete putz.
Ro made 2 trips to the hospital Thursday, and spent a total of less than one hour with them. Oh, but while he was there, he wasted no time throwing his beer gut around, blaming L, C, the doctors, the nurses, and saying he was gonna sue, and call his lawyer. Yep, a real prize, that one is.
L is stressing about today. She knows that anything that she and C will want to do, he will oppose just because he's such a butthole. She wants me to sing Amazing Grace, but isn't sure if she can get her brother to agree to it. I told her I'd be happy to sing if she wanted me to, and if not, that it was no big deal. I'm just so sad that she has to go through all this.
I got my church prayer chain activated, and the pastor called this evening and talked with me some, then with L. It was a big help for both of us. L and her family attend a non-instrumental church, but we have most of the same beliefs. Her pastor and pastor's wife were out of town for most of the day with their own doctor appts.
It's really nice to be able to go back from being on the receiving side of ministry to the giving side again. I didn't really do all that much. I was just there for her and her children, and that was enough. That's what friends-scratch that-that's what family does. That's how we love.
The kids are on their way over. More when I can write later. Thanks for stopping by.
I've had a setback with my arm so I'm back in a cast again and dealing with lots of pain. Not much fun.
Since I haven't been using this site much lately, I'm planning on downgrading my membership to basic. I still love this site, but I just haven't had a lot of time to spend on it. I love you all and this decision isn't based on any conflicts within this site. This is just me cutting back where I can but still keeping my membership alive here.
I hope you all are doing well. Take good care,
|I know I haven't been on here as much as I used to be. I have an explanation. I've been working hard on my music skills lately. I have several song lyrics but no sheet music for them. If I had the sheet music, I could maybe play them on the piano. So, I decided I'd sharpen my trusty pencil and score out the notes myself on music staff paper. I did a few songs that way, but it took so cotton pickin' long, that I thought I'd look to see if I could find a computer program that would do it for me. There was quite a few to pick from, and I found that most programs fell into one of two categories, chord based programs and note based programs. Since I play by note, I looked further at the notation software.
I finally settled on a program called Finale Notepad. The best part is that it was a free download. Free is good! Then, there's been the learning curve thing, trying to learn the program. I've gotten a couple songs done now, and am working on a few more. This is one of those hobbies that sucks up time very fast. Many times I'ce decided that I can put just an hour into it, and when I look at the clock, THREE hours have gone by! It really sucks me into it, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I'm learning a lot of stuff....such as the lyric that is the downbead at the beginning of a measure answers the question "when", "where", "what" or "why." I still slip up now and then and put my measures in the wrong place, but that's part of the learning process.
One of the cool things about this, is that I can do the songs I want to do, and not follow some stupid lesson plan of songs that I have no interest in. I've had a few people sing songs into my walking cassette tape recorder, and then I take it home and make sheet music from that. It's good practice for me, and did I mention that I enjoy it alot?? LOL
This program also has the functionality of hooking up an electric keyboard and creating midi files, but I don't have a keyboard. I have an antique upright piano (how piano's are supposed to be) and I like the practice of manually putting the notes in where they belong.
Joe has been having the week long class at school called "Human Growth and Development." It's just a fancy term for Sex Ed. They talk about the reproductive cycles, and the changes they can be expecting in their bodies. We've had some interesting conversations about that, as you can imagine!
Amy called me last night from jail. Her court date was yesterday. Her case has been continued for one week. The judge told her that they will not release her on her own recognizance, but that she will be going directly from jail to a residential rehab program. (and the angels sang....!!!)
She has been told that there are beds available at the Good Shephard Grace Center, a rehab center for women only that is run by nuns. The one week delay is due to the fact that she needs to have an intake interview done, and the person who does the interviews is on vacation this week.
The plan is for her to be there 6 months. The first 3 months are intensive rehab and the last 3 months are continued rehab while working at a job. (and the angels sang again....!!!)
She said that her public defender told her that she isn't "hard and cold" like a lot of other addicts in the jail there, and that she has a "light and bubbly personality." I told Amy that her PD sees the potential in her, and that's a very good thing. (Hallelujah!!!)
She doesn't sound as defeated as she did before, but I know that she's still not sure if she can live drug free. But we all know that the more she does it, the more confidence she will have in herself that she can continue to do it. She was rather miffed that she has to wait another week, but I got her to laugh a little before the call ended by telling her a few goofy Joseph stories.
Please continue sending good thoughts and prayers up for Amy. She loves the letters she's received so far and promises to write back to anyone who writes a letter to her. Once again, I soooo appreciate you ALL for the love and support you have given to me through this. When I'm discouraged, or start to feel like there's no help or hope for her, one (or more of you) loan some of your faith and courage to me, until I can find my own again.
|All this week, I've been getting some excellent natural sleep, which is a wonderful thing! Last night about 1 am, I got a collect call from the county jail where my daughter is. I didn't accept the call, as I'm trying to train her to not call after 9pm. She forgets that there is a time difference between where she is and where I am. I'm tired of reminding her.
I called the jail today. She was arrested on 3/26 on an outstanding warrant for drug charges. Her next court date isn't until 4/18, so hopefully she'll have time to detox and maybe, just maybe, someone will cross her path and reach her about her drug usage, and she'll decide to lay that crap down forever.
It's sad to say this, but I'm kinda glad she's in jail again. She's less likely to get drugs there, and has a better chance to get off them and get the therapy and treatment she needs.
Tonight, I'm going to Sport's Authority with a friend who has a big vehicle, and I'll be getting Joe a stand alone punching bag. It will be a good way for him to take out his frustrations when he's at home without being destructive. Mommy may enjoy a little of it too!!!
We're having problems at work with our faxes. The fax machine is working fine. The problem is with the idiots who take the faxed off the machine. They look at the top page, and put the entire stack in that person's inbox, not looking to see if there is a fax to someone else in that stack. It irritates the hell out of me to have to call my clients and request they fax the information again. How can they trust me handling their accounts if they can't even be confident that I'll get a fax they send??? grrr If I EVER find out who this idiot is......I'll.....I'll.....well, I don't know, but I'll sure do something!!!!!
3 more hours and then it's the weekend. God know's I'm ready!!!
Ya'll have a good one!
|Today was a good day. I'm getting more rest now and feeling more like my own self again. It feels really great, too! I hope everyone enjoyed their day today, and I'd like to say thank you to all who encouraged, prayed for, and supported me through the past couple weeks.
Thanks for stopping by,
|After my nap yesterday, I went to a coworker A's home because she was having a Princess House home party. Coworker B in my office has just signed up to be a rep so in an effort to help her get her business and clientele built, Coworker A hosted a party.
Since I had been having such a difficult week, I decided a little fun might be in order. I stayed until 8ish, when I felt so tired I was gonna drop, so I bailed and came home and went to bed.
Princess House is another of those home party businesses like Mary Kay, Tupperware and Partylite, but they sell cookware and kitchen items. Holy crap! They are expensive! Sure they are pretty and durable and all that, but in today's struggling economy, who can afford all that shit?
Yet, the people that buy it are the same people who complain about rising gas prices and the high cost of a gallon of milk. If they were that affected by the high price of gas, they'd quit their whining and start trimming back, letting the frou frou stuff go first.
When coworker B first approached me about her starting to sell Princess House stuff, I asked to look at a catalog, thinking if I just bought something small, I would have fulfilled my "friendship duty" and that would be the end of it. A set of 4 shot glasses was almost $25 after taxes and the scam of shipping and handling!!!! Sure, they are nice shot glasses, and they were about the cheapest thing in the catalog that I would actually use, but sheesh!!!
I came home and was in bed by 9pm. I slept until 10 this am! I was so tired. I guess my body had just gotten used to not sleeping that it needed that one dose of ambien to remind it how to get to sleep. I know that sounds wierd, but I don't care, it worked! I'm just so glad to be sleeping again.
I don't feel nearly as grieved about Randy anymore, although I know that moments will come and go when I will think of him and miss him dearly. I haven't heard from my daughter, which isn't a good or a bad thing, but on the other hand, I haven't been called from the morgue yet either. So I'm back to maintaining. I can do that. I've gotten pretty good at it.
I need to plan out my day. I have to pick up Joe at 6 tonite, so between now and then, I'm going to clean house and do some laundry, and I need to practice the songs on the piano that I will play at church tomorrow. I may have to make a run to the store. They served some yummy shrimp dip last night on crackers, and it was very good. I may have to go get the fixens and make a batch myself because I want some more.
I'm not quite able to watch all the sad stuff on CNN yet, so maybe I'll just put on some good music and listen to that today. I'm in a better place emotionally today than I've have been in for the past couple weeks, so that makes me feel much better, more secure and more confident. Sure, it was a rough patch, but I'm hoping that the worst is over now and things are going to be better now.
Thanks for stopping by,