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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/2104679-Daily-Musings
Rated: 18+ · Book · Gay/Lesbian · #2104679
My thoughts, rants, activities, etc.
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Thank you to the Angel Army for my membership! *Smile* Now I can blog again for a little while! *Delight*
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February 21, 2017 at 8:52pm
February 21, 2017 at 8:52pm
Why did I decide to share this, I don't know. Felt like it needed to be out of my system and rant about it. *Laugh* *RollEyes*

Kids are strange, and sense the weirdest things.

When I was little and we lived in our grandparent's house in Michigan (when I was like...I don't remember maybe 5-6 years old) and we had a basement there. It was a furnished basement, my grandpa (not the one who passed) lived down there on the couch with a tv and all that. Our play room was on the other side of the living space, where there was this small hallway to the right, that housed the furnace room and to the left, my uncle's room. I was a little scared of the furnace, but the room that housed it was also a storage room, so it wasn't too bad. Well, sometimes, when I would play by myself (but my grandpa was down there. I don't think I was ever brave enough to play literally by myself there) or when my sister and or cousin would go upstairs to get something, I always got this weird tingling sensation in my back. Yeah, I'm probably just crazy. *RollEyes* And I always got uneasy, so when I heard them coming back down, I would run and press my back up against the furnace room door in that tiny hallway until they came and found me. I wasn't scared of them, but I always got that flight response and that urge to hide, even when I knew it was just them. I was just oddly attracted to the hallway whenever that happened. It creeped me out a little, but it was also my safe place.

I always had nightmares about someone or something chasing me downstairs or at least I would run there, and of course when you try and run in dreams it's slow motion, so at the top step of the stairs, I would end up jumping and free floating/falling down the stairs and when I tried to run to the furnace room, it felt like this windy force was trying to pull me back. It would always be my sister and cousin pulling me in there, but of course they or it would always catch me.

The second thing, was my grandpa would usually watch scary movies, and I never wanted to watch them, but when my cousin was over, she wanted to (she's younger than me but older than my sister) so her and my sister (I think it was because she felt like she had to to please her, honestly I don't know, I don't think she enjoyed it) so I didn't want to be left alone in the play area with all the scary noises so what did my dumb ass do? I watched it with them. *Facepalm* I was always the follower to my cousin. I felt like if I didn't do what she wanted she wouldn't play with me anymore. So I watched several scary movies with all of them, and it fucked me up so bad. Even before all that, I had really bad problems with sleep paralysis, horrible nightmares (more often than not, people coming after me with a weapon or some fucked up creatures coming at me), and just overall trouble sleeping.

As I got older, and we moved out, I still had some nightmares about that basement, but they lessened over time. Then it went into horrifying, or sickening images, but a lot of it was like abstract art. A few nights I had dreams about giant spinning yarn type balls that I was on top of or something like that, and I would have to go out in the living room because I felt so sick. My parents never knew because I didn't know how to tell them. Also, I always had a sleepwalking problem.

Another dream that scarred me for a small while was about a chicken thing that was pecking me. It came out of a really dark room and came after me. I woke up sweating, because I had been having a nightmare before that too and I was so hot and sweaty when I was jolted out of it. I was so scared because it was dark, and our beds came off the floor, so fearing something under my bed, I kicked the sheets over it, ran to my door, looked towards the living room and started forcing my parents door open. I think because I was so scared it was hard to open. Once I got it open, all I remember was standing in their room, and when mom asked me what was wrong, I burst into tears telling them, the chicken was pecking me. My mom later told me she was trying not to laugh because I was so distressed but just the way it came out or something it was funny. I look back on it now, and laugh at my reaction, even though I was terrified. If I had a dream similar, I'd still be scared.

Now, when we moved down here, and stayed with our grandparents, we slept in the backroom, and I had some nightmares, but not as often.

Moving back a few years, I believe we were going back down to Texas (as my dad was in the army) after visiting relatives, and our great grandmother gave us these...I believe they were cassette players, just small ones, and they had bible stories or something on the tapes, so one night I was listening to them to go to sleep in my headphones, and at a certain part it kinda scared me a little and I opened my eyes, and since my closet door was open (mind you I was in the same room as my sister, just saying I wasn't alone so I felt a little more safe) and I swear to god I saw something. Of course my overactive imagination got me into mental and emotional trouble. So yeah that freaked me out.

Back to when we moved down here.

At the first house we rented down here, there was one night where I slept literally, my mattress was against the window, but we had a curtain over it, and one night I had a dream about a demon like figure in the window and he had a sign written in blood. I don't remember what it said, but I'm terrified of windows. I actually screamed in my sleep as an alarmed response and in my dream I couldn't get a sound out, but I guess because I was pushing so hard in my sleep I actually screamed. So my mom came in there and saved the day and all that. She said it startled her. I had a lot of sleep paralysis issues then too.

Right now, the only other time I remember, is I believe this year, I tried to sleep in complete darkness (not counting the dim outside lights) and again, sleep paralysis. The dream is somewhat embarrassing but it scared me for some reason.
Pretty much there was this house, and it also had a bar and stuff, and I saw this girl, she was single and I really liked her apparently. So I went over and we ended up sort of kissing and other things...anyway..*Laugh* and then all of a sudden this figure comes across the window and I can no longer move until it leaves. Then I tried to escape, but no one helped me, they all just gave me these evil looks. That's really all I remember from that. I now have to sleep with a light on again. *RollEyes*

I should also note, that except those scary movies we watched at a very young age and paranormal activity (I was pressured into watching it with my cousin a few years ago, maybe at like...13-14 ish), I've never watched horror or paranormal anything. I can't stand it. It makes my anxiety go ballistic and I can't sleep well, and I'm scared to go anywhere even in the house at night alone.

I'm not sure that I totally believe in the paranormal, I'm not sure I want to. I believe in good and bad spirits, vibes, auras, and all that, but the thought of ghosts and shit scares me. What are your thoughts on all this?

*Ribbonb* Founder of Accepting Autism: Let's make a difference! *Ribbonb*

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January 26, 2017 at 2:53am
January 26, 2017 at 2:53am
So of course my stupid ass forgot to take her happy pills today, so all day I've been tired, agitated, angry, exhausted...you name it. I didn't realize that was why I was feeling this until tonight. I had gone off on my brother (long story), then I was agitated with my girlfriend, when she did nothing to me, and then I started getting these weird tingling feelings in my brain/head and body, and apparently they're all withdrawal symptoms of antidepressants. Fuck my life. Cymbalta only stays in your system for 12 hours apparently, so I was fucked as of this morning. Today has been hell to be honest. And I've only been up since about 1 pm. Tonight, my brain is about to be a living hell. Wish me luck!
January 17, 2017 at 10:47pm
January 17, 2017 at 10:47pm
DAY 1523: January 16, 2017
Prompt: Have you ever participated in a parade? If so, what type of parade was it? Did you enjoy being in the parade or would you rather have been in the audience? If you've never been in a parade what is your favorite parade to watch?

I've been in a few parades. In junior high I was in band, and we did a Christmas parade and one at the Spring Strawberry Festival (though I don't remember where that was). In high school I think we may have done one or two in band. And I believe it was...in 2015 I passed out something with the library staff. It was cool. *Smile*
January 7, 2017 at 10:31pm
January 7, 2017 at 10:31pm
PROMPT: We're often reminded to not dwell on the past, yet it can be said that there is no future without a past. Of these somewhat conflicting viewpoints, which one do you think is more applicable to you and your lifestyle, and why?

Well, it all goes back to 2014 as usual. That year was fucking horrible.
In pain on my 16th birthday (and before) so I wasn't able to celebrate properly, I had tests done that week as well, gallbladder surgery on the 21st of February, the week after my birthday, a painful recovery, the death of my grandfather in July, and then then self harm/mental hospital. Last year might have been bad, but 2014 was the absolute worst. So both do I suppose. Because of my past, I'm who I am today.
January 7, 2017 at 1:03am
January 7, 2017 at 1:03am
Title Prompt: The Black Wheelbarrow; Have fun with this and write whatever the title brings to mind.

His innocent mind was curious as to what was in the wheelbarrow in the corner of the yard. It was surrounded by a wire fence with a lock. Their house was encircled by a wooded picket fence and it stood in one of the back corners. He remembered the many times his mother and father told him to stay away as a child. Now that he was a legal adult, he had to find out what was in that damn wheelbarrow. He looked around to make sure no one was looking, and he peered over the gate. The only thing he could see was a midnight black wheelbarrow. To his knowledge it held nothing and it must just be a keepsake from one of their deceased relatives.

A wheelbarrow though? Really?

He scoffed aloud.

Must have been an award winning wheelbarrow, from the wheelbarrow fair.

Adding an eye roll, he picked the lock without anyone noticing and stared down at it for a moment, until he felt a sudden wave of energy...a different energy coming from the darkness. He should have turned around and left while he could, but it pulled him closer...closer...closer, until he mindlessly stepped into the darkness...

I'll probably add to this later, maybe make it into a short story, but I'd like to get this entry in and I don't get a lot of computer time during the day, or at least not up on the desktop which is so much easier to type things like this up. *Laugh* Hope you enjoy!

*Ribbonb* Founder of Accepting Autism: Let's make a difference! *Ribbonb*

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January 7, 2017 at 12:16am
January 7, 2017 at 12:16am
Writing from Remembrance-What stories are in your hands? I've always been fascinated with the lines and stories in people's hands. When you look at your palms what stories do they hold? What have your hands built?

Well I don't know if you mean in an author's stance or life, so I'll explain both.

I've written so many short stories, most of them dramatic and I believe all of them fiction. I've written many of them for my 10th grade English class and I wrote an unpublished novel from one of them. And I've also written a children's book I hope to get published one day. I've also written poetry based on how I was feeling when I wrote them.

Two examples:

I lie awake,
Not sure when the next pain will take,
My body and mind.
Only a few days painless, and the rest, a struggle.
Sometimes physical, sometimes mental.
So many hospital visits,
For little things,
My anxiety has taken over.
Blood draws and IVs,
Painful injections,
All over something so minor.
Why must you take over my life?

Always about
Money, never
Rich ones are
In and poor ones get the
All for one is what it's about,
Never being shared with the ones who need it most.

Each and every mouth spews
Lies and hatred,
Eliciting anger and fear. Our
Country needs help, not hindrance,
To be the land of the free.
Ignorance and arrogance don't help.
Own up to your faults, and
Never promise your citizens something you won't do.

Many of my stories and poetry are inspired by events in my life or just the emotions I've felt. Many of them pretty dark. It's therapeutic to me. Does it mean if I write about murder or suicide that I'm contemplating them? No. It just means I've dealt with something that has triggered those feelings and the story line. Anyway, I digress.

The first poem was from the emotion and a few events from the mental hospital. Writing about it makes me feel better even now it's been...about 3 years since it happened. It's still fresh in my mind, and I feel I can use it to my advantage in writing. You can't just expect someone to just forget about something traumatic. And for me, getting it on paper whether virtual or physical is one way I can cope. That's what I got from the prompt so I hope you enjoy. *Smile*
January 4, 2017 at 10:40pm
January 4, 2017 at 10:40pm
Ok, now to catch up on recent life. Starting off the new year, it was a good, fresh start. My good friend who works at the Animal Control Center, has been driving me up there to volunteer. It's been awesome having a friend that's in my city again. She's taught me about animal health and benefits of EO on them. I now know how to tell if a cat is being underfed, and I've learned never to declaw them. She's saved animals from being killed because of aggression, and from being dumped on the street. They love her so much. *Heart* And the high up person (I don't remember what it's called) told me he'd probably have some hours in the spring/summer so I can work there part-time, and I'm allowed to go there whenever I'd like to help clean and play with the cats, as someone is there everyday. Volunteering is truly an amazing thing and even if I wasn't going to be hired, I'd still volunteer there in a heartbeat.

I've also been trying to film a few videos for YouTube and taking pictures of the cats, but my camera broke, so I'm hoping to save up some money to get a decent one. I wanted to foster a puppy, but dad and our landlord said no. I understand why though. When I move I'll definitely do something like that. *Smile* I've been trying to get some small blankets for the cats in the adoption room since the ones in the back have them. I've been able to get two so far.

Business is slow as usual, but I still love my job. *Heart*

Besides that I can't think of anything else new has happened recently.
January 4, 2017 at 10:23pm
January 4, 2017 at 10:23pm
Snow falls swiftly onto the windshield as we head down I-75, nearing my home-state. Staring out the window of the car that's taking me home after several years, I watch the trees and houses pass me in a blur. There's music pouring from the radio, but all I can think about is finally meeting the love of my life, and being back home. The snow filled winter's, mild summers, windy spring's, and chilly autumn's all mine again. As we pull into my soon to be neighborhood, it hits me harder and harder, the thing I've worked so hard for is real.

That's about all I can think of right now. But it's exactly how I feel about this.
January 4, 2017 at 10:13pm
January 4, 2017 at 10:13pm
Prompt: Dostoevsky wrote his best work after facing a firing squad. Has an event in your life made you write more dramatically than before? You don’t have to talk about the event if you don’t want to, but try to put into words the feelings and the inspiration you got from such an event. If you wish, you may express that feeling in a prose-poem, poem, or story.

Yeah. A few. I already wrote about it on here, so here we go.

The tears flowed through her like a river.
The agony cut through her like a sharp knife through paper.
Hopelessness swirled in her heart like an ocean during a hurricane.
Her mind numb, but emotions raging like a fierce thunderstorm.
Thoughts so violent, her mind became a war zone.
Eager to end the pain, or rip it from her very being.
Words at the universe so bitter, it made the most bitter substance seem sweet.
Feeling insane and dead inside, while everyone else was laughing and having fun.
Anxious and hateful at her predicament.
and her heart aching to see her family again.
Her only wish...to rid herself of her mental anguish.

This was so hard to write, but to get my feelings out in a different feels good.

January 4, 2017 at 9:35pm
January 4, 2017 at 9:35pm
"We live in a copy of Eden, a copy that depends on violence."~ Carolina Ebeid

Do you agree or disagree with Ms. Ebied? What are your thoughts about our daily existence?

I have to agree. Behind every corner there's someone waiting to cause some type of violent act (in a sense). Everyone fears for their safety. No matter who you are. Black, white, gay, bi, trans, native American, police, children, the elderly, animals, anyone who drives, anyone or anything that breathes. It saddens me to think of how much violence is in this world. It comes in many different forms. Kidnapping, human trafficking, rape, robbery, bullying, torture, war, murder.....etc. I know world peace if far from happening, but why are we all fighting? What's the point? Honestly. We're all human (besides animals of course, but that's in the next paragraph) Whether you're Russian, American, Brazilian, Icelandic, Finnish, Arabian, etc. why are we fighting? Is it money? Politics? Different views? Well, yes, but why?

I digress....

Animals, children, and the elderly are powerless for the most part. Why are we attacking them? Is it because we have power and we can do what we want to them? Come on! They don't deserve this. No one does. It's absolutely ridiculous.

I should stop or I'll go on about this all night....
January 1, 2017 at 12:50am
January 1, 2017 at 12:50am
The Good

The Bad

Looking back there were a lot of good things, but overall it was a bad start to my adulthood in my opinion. 2014 was the worst year though that I remember. With all that said, I get to ring in the new year in 8 minutes!!! Here I come 2017! *Bigsmile*

*Ribbonb* Founder of Accepting Autism: Let's make a difference! *Ribbonb*

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December 29, 2016 at 1:00am
December 29, 2016 at 1:00am
Prompt: What books are on your Reading List for 2017?

Honestly, not many. I don't really have the attention span for reading anymore unless the book can suck me in. Almost literally. *Laugh*

1. The Severed Tower
2. The Valley of Fires
3. The Girl on the Train
4. Endless Winter (Guardians of the Light #1)

I think that's about it, unless I find something eye-catching at the library. *Rolling* *FacePalm*
December 29, 2016 at 12:47am
December 29, 2016 at 12:47am
Night terrors/sleep paralysis and nightmares are a bitch. Just last night I was so exhausted that I decided to crash at like... 1:30-2:00 am. I don't remember much, but the only parts of my dreams I remember were something about having to feed poison to animals, running from murderers and being kidnapped (per usual). But this time I swear I was jolted awake from screaming in my sleep. Amber says she didn't hear anything, and mom nor dad came out so I guess it was either quiet or everyone was sleeping heavily. Or I was still dreaming. Either way, for the next little while I'll be sleeping with the computer screen on...again. *Headbang* I was doing so well in the dark too until that. I don't know if it was the sugar intake before bed, or just the stress from the week but either way, I'm tired of being scared to sleep.

If anyone has advice or something please let me know.
December 29, 2016 at 12:37am
December 29, 2016 at 12:37am
What are your good intentions/ resolutions for next year? How successful are you at following through your intentions/ resolutions? A week, a month, 3 months, 6 months or the whole year?

Well I don't really do resolutions anymore because every year I give up after a few days. *RollEyes*. So what I'd like to happen this year is to get a part-time/full-time job at the animal control center where I volunteer, grow my direct sales businesses, hopefully get closer to moving out, reach my goal weight of 130 lbs., be able to speak at least a few sentences of Russian confidently, start learning ASL/PSE, hopefully be able to take on one of my Russian friend's offer of being the native English speaker for his online language school, so I'll probably have that as a sort of side job as well (super excited), get a new camera and get good at photography, and maybe get to know some of my neighbors that have pets and practice taking photos of their animals, (Thank you for the idea Osirantinous ), lower my stress and anxiety and be able to sleep better without so many nightmares/night terror episodes.

I know it's a lot to strive for, but I have to have goals or I give up too easily.
December 22, 2016 at 2:14am
December 22, 2016 at 2:14am
Prompt: What new ornaments did you add to your tree? Did you add any new Christmas decorations to your display?

We made a book tree because we can't afford an artificial tree this year. So we have a string with paper snowflakes over the books, a red snowflake blanket, a silver garland, an angel bear tree topper, and our stockings in front of the tree. That's about it. But honestly, it's enough. *Smile* *Heart*
December 22, 2016 at 2:08am
December 22, 2016 at 2:08am
Prompt: Twinkly blue eyes peek from beneath a fur-trimmed hat and for a split second, it's almost as if one has just met Kris Kringle himself. What is your take on this? Write anything you want about this.

"Mama! Come quick!"

Their mom, Katrina, walked over and picked up her five-year-old daughter and looked at her.

"What is it Isa? What did you see?"

She looked around in confusion.

"But Mama, there were twinkly blue eyes under that hat..."

Katrina furrowed her brow and looked under the hat, finding a snow white kitten, with the most beautiful blue eyes you've ever seen. Isa's eyes lit up and looked up at her mom.

"Mama can we keep him? Please? Please!"

The corners of her mouth curved in to a smile.

"I think we can give this little guy a home. It's Christmas."

Isa let out a small giggle.

"I'm going to name him Kris. For Kris Kringle."

*Ribbonb* Founder of Accepting Autism: Let's make a difference! *Ribbonb*

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December 22, 2016 at 1:59am
December 22, 2016 at 1:59am
Prompt: Have you ever been bullied as a young person? Why can't we forget our childhood bullies? What do you think about bullying?

Well, yes I have. Justice (yes I'm exposing them, no I don't care. They fucked me over. I will not however, tell their race, because it doesn't matter. They're all people, and they all screwed me over. The end.) was in my....oh, I don't remember for sure but I think it was in my 4th grade class. We were supposed to be checking our partner to our left's paper, and he was it. He was refusing to give me his paper, so I got up, went over to his desk and held out my hand (yeah I had an attitude, but he was pissing me off.). And when he still refused, I just took it (I didn't touch him or anything. I was doing what I was supposed to. Should I have gotten the teacher instead? Maybe, but I didn't hurt him in any way.) and went back to my desk. He, in turn, came to my desk and said something along the lines of, "If you don't give me back my paper, I'm gonna kill you." He got a three day suspension.

Am I saying I'm a perfect person? Not at all, but it's just taking it too far.

Chase, a boy in my...it was in 6th grade I think...I came back from band and put my instrument down and he just pushed me. (I don't remember what happened before that, so maybe it was my fault, but I honestly don't remember instigating him or saying anything.) All I remember is I was pushed, and I fell.

Darius, (I think that's how you spell it and this was in junior high as well) would tease me relentlessly for dating my ex "boyfriend", or it was about my other male friend. I don't remember. He would flirt with me, but he was so...mean about it. I don't know. There's not a huge story here, he either just liked me too much (even though he had a girlfriend) or he hated me and just wanted me to get worked up.

Hannah, One day in the gym, I was sitting on the bleachers because I had sprained my ankle bad the day before or something like that. Anyway, I was sitting next to my friend and we were talking when Hannah came over and pulled my ponytail. I told her to stop and she did it again. So I yelled at her and sat back down. And when she did it a third time, I stood up, grabbed her arm and twisted it until she pretty much screamed. I probably could have broken her arm. And then she told on me! Her friends also started calling me names and trying to piss me off more. After gym class we all had to go to the principal's office and I won't lie, I was shaking and I'm pretty sure I cried because I was in pain and scared. They got threatened with alternative school. I had to go back to class.

Joseph, my ex "boyfriend" was nice until I found my sexuality in 2015. Long story short, he broke up with me, told me he couldn't support me, pretty much implied I was going to hell, blah, blah, blah. I don't care. I cried that day, but because of the things he said, not the fact he "broke up" with me.

I won't lie, I've threatened someone before because I don't think before I speak. I feel horrible about it and I'm so scared to talk about it. I of course didn't mean it and I didn't get in trouble, but I really really need to think before I speak. I think this is what a lot of people need to do. So I'm not trying to seem like an angel, but I don't think I've ever purposely bullied or threatened someone.

My take? If I could go back and take back what I said and did, I would in a heartbeat. I hate bullying. Bullying is a big part of suicides, self harm, eating disorders, etc. I don't know what, but we need to do something about it.

*mic drop*
December 17, 2016 at 1:29am
December 17, 2016 at 1:29am
Here's a little bit about me. I love doing these! *Delight*

Q: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
A: I sleep in the living room, but when I was sleeping in our room, I tried to close it the most I can.

Q: Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?
A: Not that I remember to be honest.

Q: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
A: I sleep on the couch. *Laugh* In my bed though I had them out.

Q: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
A: No. I'm not looking for trouble.

Q: Do you like to use post-it notes?
A: Yes!! They help me stay organized...until I lose them. *RollEyes*

Q: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
A: I don't but my mom cuts them and uses them. Not all of them.

Q: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
A: Is neither an option??

Q: Do you have freckles?
A: I have a few random ones. A few on each arm and neck I think.

Q: Do you always smile for pictures?
A: Mostly. Even though it looks awkward.

Q: Do you perfer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
A: Behind it. I love photography!

Q: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?
A: I did at one point with a step counter. Now I just walk and hope that I'm losing weight. *Facepalm*

Q: Have you ever peed in the woods?
A: No. Never had too.

Q: Do you ever dance even if there’s no music playing?
A: Psssh...nah. *Laugh* Kidding! Everyday!

Q: Do you chew your pens and pencils?
A: I used to. In public school.

Q: What size is your bed?
A: Couch size. *Laugh* My mattress is twin size.

Q: What is your song of the week?
A: Airplanes: b.o.b. & Hayley Williams

Q: Is it ok for guys to wear pink?
A: Duh! No color should be separated by gender.

Q: Do you still watch cartoons?
A: Not really.

Q: What is your least favorite movie?
A: Probably Arachnophobia. My cousin kind of made us watch it. *RollEyes*

Q: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?
A: I can’t tell! *Wink*

Q: What do you drink with dinner?
A: Water

Q: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
A: I don't eat them. If I do it's from Wendy's but it's very very rare. I used to use ranch from there,but now I'm lactose intolerant again, so probably ketchup.

Q: What is your favorite food?
A: Spaghetti with homemade noodles and homemade bread. *Bigsmile*

Q: What movie could you watch over and over again and still love?
A: Probably The Hunger Games.

Q: Last person you kissed/kissed you?
A: No one. I've never had my first kiss.

Q: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
A: No. I wanted to at one point, but I think after seeing what it was about I wasn't interested anymore.

Q: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
A: Hell no. I'm not comfortable with my own body, let alone in front of strangers.

Q: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?
A: I've written notes several times this year for business, but an actual letter might have been sometime last year.

Q: Can you change the oil on a car?
A: *Laugh* Nope!

Q: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
A: Nope! I haven't driven much. My permit will expire for the last time on the 25th I believe. And I don't know how to drive. *Sob*

Q: Ever ran out of gas?
A: See above.

Q: Favorite kind of sandwich?
A: Peanut butter jelly/marshmallow. *Laugh* I'm a little girl at heart when it comes to that.

Q: Best thing to eat for breakfast?
A: I usually have cereal. *Facepalm* I need to make something healthier but I'm so lazy and tired in the morning.

Q: What is your usual bedtime?
A: Hahaha....like...2-3 am....*RollEyes*

Q: Are you lazy?
A: I try not to be. I suppose sometimes I am.

Q: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
A: A lot of different things! Cinderella, Pooh Bear, Momma dog, Princess...etc.

Q: What is your Chinese astrological sign?
A: I had to look it up,but the Tiger. *BigSmile*

Q: How many languages can you speak?
A: English (obviously), a tiny bit of Spanish, very little Swedish, very little Russian, and some ASL.

Q: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
A: No.

Q: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?
A: I don't remember if I had lincoln logs so I guess legos.

Q: Are you stubborn?
A: Pretty much. Sometimes. *Laugh*

Q: Who is better… Leno or Letterman?
A: I don't know who they are. *RollEyes*

Q: Ever watch soap operas?
A: I did last year sometime. Maybe a little before that with mom. General Hospital. I lost interest. *Pthb*

Q: Are you afraid of heights?
A: Very. Even the top of bleachers in a football stadium makes me feel weak, nauseous, and like I'm dying.

Q: Do you sing in the car?
A: Sometimes.

Q: Do you sing in the shower?
A: Not really. Other people can hear me. *RollEyes*

Q: Do you dance in the car?
A: Yes, and very badly! *Laugh*

Q: Ever used a gun?
A: Like, a bb gun. And very little. I'm scared of guns. But I know eventually I may have to get one and a conceal carry permit. *Sad* You can't trust people.

Q: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
A: 11th grade picture day.

Q: Do you think musicals are cheesy?
A: I'm not sure. I just don't care for them much.

Q: Is Christmas stressful?
A: Not really. For me anyway. *Laugh*

Q: Ever eat a pierogi?
A: I don't think so.

Q: Favorite type of fruit pie?
A: Not a fan of fruit pie to be honest.

Q: Occupation you wanted to be when you were a kid?
A: Veterinarian. I can't do that though. I nearly pass out at the word blood when spoken, or seeing someone else get a shot. I wouldn't make it in the medical field.

Q: Do you believe in ghosts?
A: Sort of. Mostly spirits.

Q: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
A: Yep, such a weird feeling.

Q: Take a vitamin daily?
A: Yes. All I remember is it's a gummy multivitamin. (Don't judge. The taste/smell of the pills make me nauseous.)

Q: Wear slippers?
A: No. When my feet are cold, which isn't often, I wear fuzzy socks. *BigSmile*

Q: Wear a bathrobe?
A: Rarely.

Q: What do you wear to bed?
A: Nightgown and shorts, and sometimes those fuzzy socks.

Q: First concert?
A: Casting Crowns I think. A few years ago we went with our grandma.

Q: Wal-Mart or Target?
A: If we had one in our city, then Target. But since we don't, Wal-Mart. *Laugh*

Q: Nike or Adidas?
A: I don't know. Wal-Mart shoes. *Rolling*

Q: Cheetos or Fritos?
A: Cheetos. But I can't eat them now.

Q: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
A: Sunflower seeds.

Q: Ever take dance lessons?
A: Nope.

Q: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
A: Not really. Whatever makes her happy. *Smile*

Q: Can you curl your tongue?
A: Yep! *Delight* *Laugh*

…this is really long….

Q: Ever won a spelling bee?
A: Was never in an "official" one. But probably not. Spelling is not my strong suit. *Pthb*

Q: Have you ever cried because you were happy?
A: Yes!

Q: Own a record album?
A: Nope

Q: Own a record player?
A: Nope

Q: Regularly burn incense?
A: No. I sometimes burn natural candles.Only for a few minutes though. Mostly during prayer.

Q: Who would you like to see in concert?
A: Probably Melanie Martinez.

Q: What is the last thing you bought?
A: Chocolate, candy, bottled coffee, Mt.Dew, fuzzy socks, and a shirt. Christmas presents on a budget. *Rolling*

Q: Hot tea or cold tea?
A: Hot.

Q: Tea or coffee?
A: Tea. I hate coffee. *RollEyes*

Q: Sugar or snickerdoodles?
A: Snickerdoodles. If I bake them well.

Q: Can you swim well?
A: Pretty well I think.

Q: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
A: Um yes....

Q: Are you patient?
A: It really depends on my mood but I try to be.

Q: DJ or band at a wedding?
A: Depends on the wedding.

Q: Ever won a contest?
A: I don't remember. Maybe one.

Q: Ever had plastic surgery?
A: Nope

…is this over yet??? *Laugh*

Q: Which are better black or green olives?
A: GROSS, neither.

Q: Can you knit or crochet?
A: Neither

Q: Best room for a fireplace?
A: Living room.

Q: Do you want to get married?
A: Yes!!!!

Q: What is your middle name?
A: Renee

Q: Who was your high school crush?
A: A boy named Joseph. He ended up being a real dick. I guess we kind of "dated" for 5 years until I found my true sexuality.

Q: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your way?
A: No, how old are we? *Laugh*

Q: Do you have kids?
A: No.

Q: Do you want kids?
A: Yes I do, someday.

Q: What is your favorite color?
A: Red, blue, yellow, black, purple, green....you get the picture? *Wink*

Q: Do you miss anyone right now?
A: Yes, yes I do. Lots!

If you stuck through this, thank you so much! Leave me a comment with any questions you have for me. *Smile*
December 16, 2016 at 11:45pm
December 16, 2016 at 11:45pm
Prompt: What is your favorite weather or meteorological phenomenon? Why is it your favorite?

1. Light Pillars. They look so cool! *Laugh* Such a great response I know.
2. Lake-effect snow. Because I love snow, duh! *Pthb*
3. And rainbows....if you know me it's self explanatory. *Wink* *Rolling*

I'm not good at explanations. *RollEyes*
December 16, 2016 at 12:18am
December 16, 2016 at 12:18am
Prompt: What is the worst thing that happened to you this year? What is the best thing that happened to you this year?

1. The worst thing that happened to me this year was when I started cutting again. I'm a little over 9 weeks clean, but I still have the urges. *Headbang*

2. The best thing that happened to me this year....*RollEyes* Oh! I met so many sweet people on interpals, and two fantastic teachers (I love all the other one's but two are really into teaching me. Even giving me homework. *Laugh*) that are helping me with Russian. I'm so amazed at how much someone will help foreigners with their language. *Delight*

*Ribbonb* Founder of Accepting Autism: Let's make a difference! *Ribbonb*

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*Ribbonb* Founder of Accepting Autism: Let's make a difference! *Ribbonb*

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